Hello Mama's, Recently parents have started a new trend of putting on the Wedding invitation card for their kids, No Box gifts please. Of cource we automatically assume that they would like cash instead. I would like your opinion about this Newest Trend of collecting money instead. Is it ok to consider it inappropriate and Rude or it's their choice....please advice
it is ok to consider it rude but it is their choice. I believe that most people would rather buy a gift because they feel they can give something without spending more than they wanted.... or without letting the person know how much they spent. Where as when you give cash or gift cards people know exactly what amount it was so you tend to spend more... is this your concern?
I personally love it when my kids get gift cards or cash for birthday,christmas etc. because I don't want a bunch of stuff. I would rather let them save up to get something they really wanted. Now the exemption to this is if a parent whos child is attending a party asks me what they're child should get or if this is a kid who really knows what my child likes. Luckily this year both of my girls had great presents where they got things they would really want and use not just stuff so that a present was brought.
As for weddings... couples may not have time to make a gift registry and/or feel weird doing it because ofcourse they really want the more expensive coffee maker but if they were buying it themselves would probably go for the cheaper one. When my husband and I got married we lived 800 miles away so a registry was out... I moved 3 days before the wedding and many people who attended our wedding didn't know me (my husband was active duty military) so they felt they needed to bring a gift and we got a bunch of stuff we didn't need, already had, etc. It would have been easier to recieve cash or a gift card. The house me were moving into didn't have a fridge, stove, etc. so instead of having 4 sets of dishes (because we each already had our own and got 2 more) we would have liked to have that amount to put toward the purchase of appliances. So I totally understand why people would ask for no box gifts, but I also know why some would not like that.
Personally, I think it's rude. Not that I never give cash as a wedding gift, but I really hate the "assesment" being stuck in my face.
When I get an invitation like that, I generally send a congratulations card expressing my regrets. They can keep shaking that envelope all they want, because there's no check in it. Even Emily Post will tell you that there's no obligation to send a gift if you do not attend the wedding.
I think it is rude to ask for money, it should be up to the gift giver to decide what they would like to give.
They may have asked for no box gifts because they couple maybe leaving straight from the reception for their honeymoon. Then arrangements must be made to transport the gifts at the ceremony to the home of the bridge/groom. When I got married we had many people just send the gifts to our home. We did not special request this or anything somehow it just worked out that way, especially with our china (Dillards).
Of course, it could certainly mean that they would prefer money and I personally do not think that it is rude. Many couples already live together (not saying that it is the right thing to do) so they already have acquired everything that they need, so maybe they want the money to accumulate for large ticket items. Also people are getting married older these days and have already acquired most of the things that they need. Just because they ask for money does not necessarily mean that you have to do that, you can always get them a thoughtful gift instead just send it to their home.
I almost feel like it depends on how close you are with the couple, you just have to make a decision on a case by case basis.
It is obviously their choice, but I think it is rude. That is why you set up a regisitry and that way people can pick something you want and buy you that. It is a win win. A compromise would be to register for gifts cards at places you like.
Oh, I don't know. There are a lot of different customs and cultures out there. I found out a few years ago there is a distant branch of my family where the tradition is at the wedding reception, anyone (other than the groom) who dances with the bride gives her some paper money in exchange for the honor. The money is then put on a money tree and is closely guarded by the mother, mother in law and/or maid/matron of honor. It struck me as odd and somewhat tacky, but I guess they've been doing this for several generations.
If I received an invite stating No Box gifts, I might interpret this as they don't want any gifts, so I'd send them a nice card and that would be it. When some older couples get married, they already have everything they need for setting up house keeping, so they might not need anything other than their friends and family to celebrate with them on their special day.
I think people get caught up in fund raisers a lot of the time and forget their manners when it comes to formal occasions. In general I think asking for money is just bad taste, and someone who does this should expect that sometimes the response will be 'No'.
I have been to several wedding that requested cash and I don't see anything wrong with that. If you are an older couple or you have been marry before you already have everything. Or if you are a younger couple maybe you want to use this money on your honeymood. This could also be there custom or culture. Either way it should not be looked at as being inappropriate or rude.
In my opinion it is never appropriate to ask for money.
I do not think this is rude, but I may be biased due to the fact that I was one of those people, lol! As long as it was a good reason, I don't see the problem. My wedding location was changed after my invitations were printed, so we had to do an insert w/the new location. We used that space to write our request for money in lieu of gifts. This was because we lived 6 hours away from the wedding location (easier for us to go back home than having our family come to us). We were leaving for our honeymoon right after the reception and we only had a 2 door convertible! We barely made the drive in with all of our luggage and my wedding dress. We had absolutely no space to take anything back. I briefly explained that on the insert. My mom thought it was a little tacky, but she understood. A couple of friends still got us smaller items, so it wasn't too bad. A good number of people got together and just put the money in a card and they all signed it. That way, you didn't know how much was coming from whom. I guess it just depends on the family, ours seemed to understand.
We kinda did the same thing for the baby shower. We live even further way from my family now and we did registries so they could have the items shipped to us. They ended up just giving my mother money and gift cards to bring, and some small items that could fit in my mother's luggage. My coworkers always throw expecting mom's a baby shower and there is always someone collecting money for those who don't want to give a gift.
I don't know if I would do that on a invite for a birthday party, though that would honestly be my preference for reasons the others have stated. I usually give gift cards or money as a gift. That way, I know I am not duplicating a gift and am giving them what they need and can use! But if I am a little strapped, I do go for the gift sometimes!
I know this may be a little different, but what is the difference between a family asking for money or donations in lieu of flowers for a funeral? To me, if people are taking the time to ask for money instead of gifts, they are doing it for a reason...
Any mention of gifts or money on any invitation is in very bad taste.
If you ask for cash or register for certain gifts, I honestly don't see any difference because you are "asking" for both. I would rather give something the new couple actually needed and that would help them in some way, rather than something that they don't need. I just think that whatever someone gets for a gift should be greatly appreciated and not questioned. JMO.
I think requesting money is rude.
We've had bday parties and I simply say "no gifts please".
As for a funeral, most of the time the "in leiu of flowers...means to donate to a specific charity such as cancer, SPCA, etc, not asking for donations for the family.
IMO, asking for money is just plain rude. If someone can't afford the wedding...go to a judge.
I think it's tacky to ask or expect gifts of any kind -- cash or "box" (whatever that means lol). Gifts for a wedding or birthday are always optional and at the givers discretion. I think it's one thing to say where the couple is registered when throwing a shower, but on the actual invitation is a bit out of place imo. Maybe I'm old fashioned. ;)
A gift is certainly nice and welcome, but I think it's rude and tacky to expect or even demand them in any way and it seems like it's gotten really crazy. I can understand asking the grandparents or close relatives, if you have that sort of relationship, and saying, "hey, so and so really likes X or he's saving up his money for Y if you're interested in contributing. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. etc." But to put these things on an invitation....
Many years ago when I got married all knew I was moving to another state so they gave me the money in lieu of gifts because of space in car/trailer. When I got to when I was, I made sure I sent a thank you with what I purchased back to them. There was nothing on the inviation about money instead of a gift.
Times have changed and I think it rude to say that. But to each his own.
The other Suzanne
It is never permissible to ask for cash or to stipulate what sort of gift is expected. In fact, it is not permissible to assume a gift will be given at all.
This new trend of begging for money is rude and very low-class.
I am compelled to respond to the person who used the "antiquated gift giving etiquette" phrase. Etiquette is not now, nor has it ever been, antiquated. It is just that many have decided that rude behavior better meets their selfishness.
It's rude to expect a gift. Getting boxes and arranging the transport of them to your home is part of being a responsible adult. Now then, if you get married in Hawaii but live in New York your invite list would probably be smaller and then it would be reasonable to request no gifts at the wedding. Demanding what type of gift you receive is low class, if you don't want boxes then say no gifts at wedding please.
It's incredibly rude. I can't imagine someone actually putting that on a wedding invitation. All the etiquette books say that you shouldn't do that. I would ignore it. Or simply not go to the wedding.
I will say this again.... It is rude to ask for any monetary contributions unless they are being given to a charity. Example: I n Lieu of gifts the couple has requested you make a donation to XYZ Charity in their name."
Money and Gift Cards say "Hey, I didn't care enough about you to put any REAL thought into your gift."
I'm not Emily Post but YES I think it is rude. People who are generous enough to bring a gift should not be told what gift to give. A gift is just that - something given with no strings attached.