Totally rude and in poor taste!
Yes it's rude. My son got married recently and got nice actual gifts and some not so useful things but you send a thank you note and be grateful. If I send a gift I put a gift receipt in it so it can be exchanged. But wording it "no box gifts" your going to receive gift cards or nothing at all. Just my opinion, but you asked.
I think, put that way, it is rude. We did ask for no gifts for our daughter's 2nd birthday- instead asking for donations for the local animal shelter (but not money, things like towels, treats, dog toys, newspaper...). To simply state no box gifts sends a rude statement I think.
I interpret this to mean "don't bring gifts to the wedding because we don't want to deal with it afterwards". Send the gift directly to the couple before the wedding. People will always do what they want when it comes to gifts. I don't think it's rude to ask for cash, but it certaintly reduces the spirit of giving to something cold and heartless.
I do not think it is appropriate to request it in writing on the invitation card. If the couple or the parents of the couple is asked verbally what the couple is wanting/needing, then it could be mentioned at that time.
I don't know if this is a new trend or not, but I was appalled at a recent wedding reception my family attended. They had the thing where you stood in line and paid cash to dance with the bride/groom. Okay, my kids enjoyed that - no big deal. They raised over $200! Then they announced some sort of dance off with the guys and then again with the girls. You placed your vote with cash on the best dancer. This raised another couple hundred bucks for the couple. Then, they announced that the bride had been kidnapped and the groom had to raise $500 to free her! And it wasn't like you could bow out of it - you would look like a schmuck if you didn't participate. We had already given the couple a very nice gift, but added another $100 in cash by the end of the reception. Unbelievable!
I had to chime in and put in my opinion. I think asking for cash is no different than putting where a couple is registered... at least where weddings are concerned. Either way, its as if you are asking for a gift. BUT, most people will give a gift and would like a suggestion for a gift item.
My kids are older (15 and 17) so they don't get invitations to parties anymore. But, cash is always the gift of choice because you never know what to get a kid that age.
It's tough these days. I think its tough to figure out what get get anyone for a gift. There are so many options. I don't think that it is inappropriate to ask for "non boxed" gifts. To me this is a way of saying, gift cards are preferred. Maybe the couple, child or whoever is wanting something larger and doesn't want guests to feel obligated to purchase an expensive gift. I have seen Gift Registries where people have selected items that are several hundred dollars.
SO, no, I do not think its in appropriate.
Rude, I say.
They don't necessarily want cash. I think that TIME is a wonderful gift that is not boxed. For example, taking your child or your family to the zoo or aquarium or any child appropriate activity, is a FABULOUS gift! However, if you only want cash, I certainly do consider that very inappropriate. The only exception being, requesting a deposit to your child's college savings fund or making a donation to a charity in your child's name.
Anyway, that is my personal opinion.
I think it is very rude. I was invited to an adult birthday dinner and told to contribute the cost of my dinner. Also rude....I did not attend.
In my experience, whether or not this is rude or the norm varies greatly depending upon geographical location. My dad's family is all from New Jersey, where it is considered standard to give money, strange to give a physical gift. My mom's is from upstate New York, where gifts are expected, cash considered rude. When I lived in Michigan, I was told it was standard to bring a gift to a wedding shower, cash to a wedding. My husband used to live in Romania, where it is expected that the wedding guest--collectively--pay to furnish the newly wedded couple's apartment. The DJ or MC will actually go from table to table collecting money, announcing the total each time, and it's seen as a competition for who will "win" by making the most generous cash gift. This sounds INSANE to me, but is totally normal and expected there. So in the end, I've decided just not to pass judgment, and figure everyone does things differently....
If I may...
1) It does not scream "I don't care about you enough to get you a gift" if you give a gift card or money instead of a gift for an occassion. I for one give those things in case there's something they WANT and can't get it, and now they are closer to the goal. It's not rude or thoughtless. It IS however rude to say...please send cash.
2) I DO NOT think a wedding is a fundraising event. That being said, putting NO BOXED GIFTS on an invitation will get them a card. Not a gift card...but a card that says I bought you this really nice place setting but I couldn't get it to the wedding at your parents request.
3) I will give a gift card for a wedding if it is on their registry, if I am not familiar with the couple to know their tastes or if it is an inproptu invite and I am a guest of a guest (I never go to someone's house without bringing SOMETHING)
I get that times are tough but if you can't afford your wedding, please get married at the JP and call it a day...or better yet, wait til YOU can save the money and get married then.
If I were you, I'd give the money I WOULD have spent on them...to charity (as was suggested).
Then I bet that toaster with the auto shut you WERE going to get them will be be lookin PRETTY DARNED GOOD after all was said and done...
Smiles to you...and to the happy couple.
I don't like it. It takes the joy out of giving gifts and forces the guest to put a price out to the host. I could see how it helps the bride or birthday girl have less clutter and better chances of getting exactly what she wants, but as a guest it's not as nice.
I think it is not nessasarily rude to disagree with what someone else does and wants with a wedding or birthday or whatever it is. The only thing is that you have to remember is that it is their perogative to do as they please with their decision and they don't need someone "voicing" their opinion to what they are doing. If you don't like it, it really doesn't matter. If you perfer not to go along with it then don't, but don't give them a box gift even if you feel you should. If you chose to go along with it then all the better for being a part of the wedding and being happy for them. No one needs a stick in the mud for their happy time.
The showers I've been invited to that designated gift cards or cash were couples who were in the military, were moving a long distance and couldn't afford to haul stuff, or were in some other quasi-situation that necessitated traveling light. I am going to one like this on Sat., in fact.
When I got married, we registered for our honeymoon and people just bought "donations" and the place where they purchased our honeymoon sent us American Express travelers checks that we just deposited in them into our checking account. It was really nice because we both already had lived on our own for a long time and didn't really NEED anything but money to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.
I think it's absolutely hands down the rudest and tackiest thing you can possibly put on a wedding invitation and I intentionally ignore the request every time I see it simply because I find the habit so disgusting. Truly - that is how I feel about it. I'm not opposed to givng money as a gift - only opposed to giving money as a gift when directly asked for it!
Best Wishes.
yes that is tacky, what you can do, which is also kind of tacky, but better than asking for money, is like if you want to use the money for something specific like a new car, is to set it up with the dealorship and send that through word of mouth not on the invites, otherwise you can register for a store and only put a few things on there that you really need and maybe people will get the idea
I mean no disrespect to the other commenters who seem to be of the mind that asking for cash directly or indirectly is rude, but I believe it is perfectly appropriate to discourage box gifts or even outright request cash gifts under certain circumstances. In the case of a wedding where a couple has been together for a long time before tying the knot, they probably don't need the traditional registry items, and may just want to pool gift contributions for a more meaningful gift (a bedroom set, for example) that doesn't lend itself to individual giving. Same can be true of birthday kids, especially more mature ones, who are saving money for an athletic camp, a musical instrument, or other big ticket item. If the purpose of gift giving is to try to give someone what they really need and will use, why would you consider it rude to be receiving some polite direction as to how to give in the most meaningful way? Would you rather be the person who buys a crock pot for someone who'll never use it, or let go of antiquated gift giving etiquette?
I think any direct focus on the gifts cheapens the wedding... After all, they're not getting married to get the presents, right?
Not sure why it is, but I've been invited to so many bridal showers, then weddings, which ask for cash donations or have pages and pages in their gift registries. So tacky. It's seems like they're saying "We're getting married; time to get some loot!" (Gross.)
I also think it is inconsiderate to make any specific monetary or gift requests during a bad economy. Should a guest decline the invitation because they can't afford the gift? What about the cost which out-of-town guests have to spend just to attend a wedding (wouldn't it be tacky for the guest to give the hotel and airline receipts as a gift, to show how much was already spent just to attend the wedding...?) Does bride really want to get contacted by a guest who was made uncomfortable by her wedding invitation, because they would like to come and celebrate the wedding but can't afford an expensive gift...
Its just rude.
I have never, ever heard the phrase "no box gifts" before. Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions, but I think it is very rude to specify the TYPE of gift you want.
If I really worked myself up about it, I could be tempted to attend the wedding and give them a CARD! YEs, a $3 card.
If this is really what that means, (they want cash), I think it's rude!