The reason is very simple and you know what it is- pregnancies are not "stable" until after the first trimester. Having said that, the more pragmatic reason for keeping it to yourself is that sharing joyful news is fantastic, but should something happen you need to share the sorrowful news.
Even in very close families, not everyone wants to be burdened with sadness (themselves and yours) when it's really not the end of the world to wait until closer to 10 or 12 weeks. People are VERY quick to share excitement, but the odds are pretty good that you aren't going to send out a mass email or pass around a card should something bad happen. What does that mean? Well, it means that someone (probably your parents and inlaws) will need to reach out to people.
It's your decision entirely. Personally, we told our IMMEDIATE family very early (parents and siblings) and waited to tell everyone else until closer to 10 weeks. My sister got married when I was 10 weeks pregnant, so we knew folks would figure it out when there was no champagne and sushi for me! My sister WANTED to share the news, so we actually let her announce it at her rehearsal dinner. If she had not asked about it (she asked if they could share the news), we would have told people the day after the wedding. Same thing with my son. We found out the first week in August that we were pregnant, told the immediate family at Labor Day and the rest of the extended family in late October.
Your choice. You know your family and yourself. I know that when I am grieving, I prefer to be alone and not reach out to others. For us, telling people too early would have meant less privacy to grieve if we had needed to do so.
My aunt and I are very close- she's only a few years older than I and there are very few things we don't discuss. I was the first non-parent phone call she made when they were pregnant with my cousin. I was the first phone call with her next three pregnancies... none of which she carried beyond 8 weeks. It was devastating to her and to me (we were trying to get pregnant as well). It wasn't until very recently that she shared with me that she had 5 more miscarriages, but stopped telling people because our sadness made hers even worse.
Well, my husband and BFF always knew right away, but I chose to wait to tell the rest of the family (and my older kids) until I was 12 weeks along. Even though I don't have a history of miscarriage, I feel the pregnancy's not REALLY established until then, you know? Too many things can go wrong between the time of the little blue line and the time when the fetus really takes hold and starts growing. If there was going to be a feeling of sadness or loss, I'd rather it be contained to my inner circle, that's MY comfort level.
We waited because of the risk of miscarriage, having to deal with announcing a miscarriage, not being attention seekers, being private people, etc. Quite honestly for me I waited until I was comfortable announcing what amounted to 'hey, I had sex with my hubby and we are having a baby'. For me there was only two of us at conception so I wanted us to share the intimacy of our pregnancies as long as possible in private. To each their own I say.
It is a life changing moment for people, not everyone is ready to jump off that bridge the second they find out.
I waited because my bf and I were not married, lived in a house with 4 other room mates and were deciding if we wanted to ask everyone to leave since he was the main person on the lease or if we were going to move out just us. In addition I had miscarried before and it was a very real risk for me again. I also was not ready to answer everyone's questions about the situation. Sometimes it's nice to have some time to yourself and enjoy the moment with out the stress of others involved.
Of course I would tell my husband, but I understand waiting for everyone else. People talk, so you tell your aunt, and next thing you know your third cousin twice removed is telling her hair dresser. Then, if you miscarry you end up with months or running into people and having them ask, bringing back the pain. I have seen it happen to others which is why I waited.
I am with you ~ we told family and friends as soon as it was confirmed with a pregnancy test :) The way I saw it was that I would need their support if I did miscarry.
Congrats!
In my situation, it's not about the worry of miscarriage because I don't speak that on my unborn, although it has happened to me. I don't like announcing my pregnancies too soon because of my own personal reasons like, nervousness or I want to actually feel my joy & excitement and not have it taken from under my feet. I just went to the hospital about a week ago and was told I was pregnant and i've yet to tell anyone except the father of my child.
Hey we have 9 months, patience (:
I guess it depends on the person. With all 3 of my pregnancies, pretty much the entire family (including those on the other side of the world) knew within minutes of me knowing. Just can't keep good news all to myself!
Because in those "older days" before pregnancy tests and ultra sounds a prospective parent didn't really know they were pregnant until the 2nd or 3rd month. Then they told a few people.
But think about it. If everyone is talking about the pregnancy every day month after month after month pretty soon people are going to think "OMG WHEN ARE THEY FINALLY GOING TO HAVE THAT BABY"!!!!!
It gets really old to those of us not pregnant or immediate family. So that's why most people don't tell the world they are expecting then go on and on and on about it.
i told everyone after i saw the heartbeat the first time when the dr said the chances were so low to miscarry and then lost it at 12 weeks and i do not like attention at all!!!!
people feel obligated to call, visit, mention it, when all i wanted to do was cry alone and act like it didnt happen to others. now i am ok with speaking about it because i made peace with it but i hated that everyone knew then.
i waited until 12 weeks with my daughter for that reason
It is a personal choice as to when to tell people.
Keep in mind, that even if you tell only family.... people do talk. People have a hard time, keeping things like this "secret." And, it may be that your pregnancy news, even if told only to your family and/or close friends... will be told to others. Unbeknownst to you. People can and do, gossip or tell others. Even if you tell them not to. And they... may put it on Facebook etc.
I had a miscarriage once, at 6 weeks.
By then, I had told family.
I did not do that with the next pregnancy I had.
I've miscarried, and lost twin girls at 7.5 months, I wish no one, close friends and family, had known either time. Dealing with others grief as you try to deal with your own, assuring them you're OK, I don't wish that on anyone. I understand why anyone would wait.
I held out the news as long as I could. We had just lost a son 8 months before and it was still a really open wound. (God had his reasons for miscarrying). I would wait until half way to tell anyone if I could. I would wait until half way to even know myself if I could, unfortunately even if I have a symptom they want to know because of my high risk pregnancy status.
As of date I have one living, one deceased, and one miscarriage... wow at 23 that is a lot to take in. I say wait! its not just the 1rst trimester that is deadly. I found out my second had a fatal condition at 18 weeks.
As for the telling the hubby thing. Well I guess you have to eventually. I am more of a person to let me deal with it on my own though. ( the saying I am pregnant not crippled comes to mind!)
I have always waited to tell others until , we'll into the 2nd trimester. I like to wait to keep it between my husband for awhile. Also, for me the pregnancy doesn't seem as long, when we wait to tell people & spread the news out. I had a baby 3 weeks ago & some of our aquantances we don't see often , didn't know until a couple weeks before I was due.
I haven't read the answers Victoria Rae, but I'll tell you something which happened to me.
With my last miscarriage, I had announced my pregnancy to friends and family early on, way before the 12 week mark. One family member took the time to tell me (finally!) how sorry she had been for me, all those years when I'd had other miscarriages and then not having a baby for so long.... how hard it was for her. That's right-- HER. Not me. Her. To me, I felt like I'd just been dumped on, and when I had to then tell that person I wasn't pregnant-- it was difficult, because she'd already smeared her expectations and her past disappointments all over it.
My husband, on the other hand, got off the airplane at his folks house the morning before and told his family in FL while he was visiting them. I had to call him the next morning to tell him I was losing the baby. His parents were extremely gracious and sent flowers and he came home a couple days later.
It was good that I'd said something to a couple close friends, who looked in on me, brought me groceries, etc. But the other people-- I really couldn't deal with handling their emotions on top of my own. That was why we waited until that magic 12th week when we had our son. Because some close family CAN be so stinking inappropriate.
You can't understand why people wait?? I can't understand people who tell everyone right away. I like to keep things private until I am completely sure.
I miscarried at 6 weeks and I was so pissed that my husband had told his family about the pregnancy that early. I had to deal with them not know how to deal with the miscarriage and it was very stressful for me. I didn't even tell my own family. I wanted no one to know so I didn't have to hear the constant "are u doing okay?" So for the next preg, I didn't tell hubby until 8 weeks because he had such loose lips the first time. I didn't tell anyone else until 12 weeks when the test said everything was a go. You can say that you would want everyone to know until it happened to you. Then you might wish you had waited. And as for telling so early, my SIL would tell at 5 weeks, and they were the longest pregnancies ever.
We told both our families right away the first time I was pregnant. Then, miscarriage. It was very stressful and emotional to have to take the time to tell everyone and go over the details over and over again. You're lucky you have never had that experience. But, close family or not, I can tell you, that it's no fun to keep recounting and have to deal with their sadness while trying to deal with your own.