My daughter is two and a half. All she does is whine about everything. She can't talk to you without it being in a whiny tone. She also doesn't listen whatsoever. When you tell her to do something she just starts crying and whines even more. Any suggestions?
My gal just turned 3, and let me tell you, it is just the age but isn't it the pits?!?!?
There are many whines, here are some of the ways I deal with them! When DD is generally talking in a whiny tone, I just ignore it, because I think it's more so a sign of her being overtired, in a bad mood, etc. However, when she makes a specific comment in a whiny tone such as, "I don't like that music, change it" or "I can't open it," I just tell her for the former "It's Mommy's turn for music now, then Sonja can have a turn for picking music" or for the latter, "Is there something you want to ask Momma? Yes, you can't open it, and so what do you want..." (The goal being her to ask politely "Please help me Momma.) This has seemed to help, even though DD still is whiny and much more so when she's tired, etc. Another thing is when she simply makes a whining sound but doesn't say a word... we just tell her to use her words and refuse to do anything for her even if it's clear what her whine is supposed to be telling us.
Hope this was somewhat clear and helpful, and hang in there! :-)
My son is goning to be 3 in October. he's doing the same thing. I've been told it's the terrible 3's not the terrible 2's...so I'm preparing myself.
unfortunatley, I think it's the age.
I usually respond to my son with, "I can't understand you when you're whining. I'll talk to you when you can talk nice." If it continues and continues, he has to sit in time-out until he's able to talk like a "big boy." When it does go so far as a time-out, he usually lasts about 2 minutes before announcing, "I'm ready to talk nice now." Sometimes he'll continue to follow me around and whine but, I just put him back in time-out... He is slowly getting better and better. And, he now knows the correct way to ask for something he wants even if it takes a bit of prompting.
Good luck... The terrible twos started really early for us and still going at times... I know where you're at! :)
Staci
You need to speak to her only in a matter of fact tone. Keep your voice pleasant and tell her that you are not going to continue talking to her until she can change her tone. It will take some time and you must be consistent, but when my 3 year old gets his whiny tone, I simply tell him that until he can talk to me nicely, I will not listen to what he is saying. Then, until his tone changes, he doesn't get whatever it is he is asking for. I still have to remind him several times a week, but his tone is changing.
My son does the same thing. We just tell him we can't understand him when he's whining and when he can talk to us in a normal voice we will help him. We also do the "Ask Nicely" when he starts whining and surprisingly that works too.
Oh Stacy, I have SO been there and it continues and mine is 3.5 yrs!
I did try to whine back at her as I was told sometimes they don't know they are what we call whining as it just sounds norm to them. She sure didn't like that and I explained to her that is how she sounded and no one wants to hear that. Also, it's not too early to begin sending her to her room for behaviors you don't like. It may cause a huge out cry, but continue to follow through and she'll get the idea. I find my daught whines more when she is tired or hungry.
Good luck!
I would recommend you speak to your daughter what you want her to say in the tone you want her to say it. If she whines, "I want a popsicle!" then I would tell her "We say 'May I have a popsicle please?'" and she doesn't get what she wants until she speaks nicely. You will do this about 5 thousand times :) Hopefully she'll get the point. Good luck!
I can't think of a stage that is harder to live through than the whining stage Stacy. It happens because it has been effective thus far (babies communicate through whining, tears and screams) so the child is just banking on the fact that it will continue working. She has no idea how annoying it sounds, she is just trying to get her needs met (or wants met).
It will take a while to get through this but what you have to do is refuse to give her things unless she asks without whining. What I said to my girls was, "Hmmmm... I didn't hear what you said... all I heard was whining. Can you ask me without whining?"
After a while, they started to hear what I was talking about. I came to the conclusion that they really DON'T hear it when they whine.
So pointing it out and not responding to it over and over is the road to making it stop. Later on, when you are starting to have more fun with it you can say things like, "Did someone just ask me a question? I heard some whining coming from somewhere..."
Anyway, have fun with it Stacy. It does drive moms crazy, but it really is so natural. Making a federal case out of it or punishing for it just hurts the child's self-esteem, which is never a good thing.
If you can help her to move out of whining now she won't become a whiny teen (or wife!).
Supper-Nanny says to tell the child that you will not respond to them unless they stop whining. After that ignore them until they get the point and every once in a while say "you're whining, I'll help you when you stop"
Ahhhhh! My daughter is doing the same thing! What we are doing, and it seems to be helping, is that when she does this, if we can't get her to stop by ignorning it or asking her to use her big girl voice, we put her in sort of a time out. She just has to sit until she can calm down enough to dicuss her feelings. This in the beginning made it worse, but after she got used to it has made it so that when she whines and I ask if she needs to sit down to calm down, she IMMEDIATELY stops and realizes what she is doing.
My five year old was that way when she was younger as well. She still falls into the "whiny tone" when she is tired. I just continued to point it out to her every time, without imitating her, or making fun...I just said "I can't get what you want unless you talk in a nice voice". I had to say it over and over and over and sometimes it gets tiring but they do figure it out sooner than later.
try and ignore the behavior as we are with our 4 year old. He is such a dramadic person that we have to do this or certain problems that he complains of would drag out TOO long.
Tell her you'll respond only when she uses her nice voice. Ignore her when she whines and praise her for using a nice voice.
I would say your daughter is very jealous of the other child. I used to whine back at my daughter and also do that to my grandchildren. Then ask them if they like me to do that and when they answer "no", tell them you can't understand them when they whine and you don't like to hear it, as they are not babies anymore and need to grow up. It's worked for me.
I haven't had time to read the other responses, so I'm sorry if this is repetitive!
My almost 2yr old is the same way. I find that even at his age giving choices helps a lot! And I do it BEFORE the whining starts. Instead of giving him a breakfast bar and having him whine about not wanting it, I let him choose whether he wants a breakfast bar or Cheerios.
Also, with both of my boys I don't talk to them when they are whiny/throwing a fit. With my 4yr old he knows that he can only whine in his room. If he starts, I ask him "Where do you go to whine?" and he definitely knows. He will either go to his room until he's ready to talk to me normally, or stops right away. Even with my youngest, when he gets really whiny or is having a tantrum, I sit him in his room and tell him to "Come find Mommy when you are ready." I'm shocked, but at his young age it does work! And it's NOT a time-out for either of them. They can come out whenever they are ready--whether it's 30sec or 5min.
I hope this helps!!
When my kids whine, I tell them to use their happy/nice voice. If they continue to whine, I say I can't hear them when they are whining and to use their happy/nice voice and then ignore them. If they continue, they must stay in their room with the door shut until they are done pouting.
They change up their tone very quickly. I do this when they are crying for no good reason, too.
It works wonders once they catch on, but may require consistent training for a couple weeks until she understands that Mom's not giving in.
I dont have the time right now to read the responses, but I do have a suggestion for the listening thing - which has worked for my daughter (now 4 1/2).
When I want her to listen to me I get down on my knees (to her eye level) have her hold my hands and this gets her to look at me... I've found that when she looks at me when I'm telling her something she is more likely to listen. This is also how I help her calm down. When she gets upset and can't calm down from crying, I'll get down to her level grab her hands and tell her to take deep breaths... which helps her stop crying. When she is done crying, we sit (usually she sits on my lap) and we talk about what is bothering her. Just me and her, no one else is around. This makes her feel like a "grown up", and allows for little to no distractions.
Good luck!
Our 4-yr-old has been acting similarly since the birth of our 2 mo. old. We started a 'jingle bell jar.' Every time she follows instructions or does something nice without being asked, we put a bell in the jar, but if she refuses to follow instructions, we take a bell out. When the jar is full, she gets a toy. It has become a very valuable tool in keeping her in line. Now she does things just to get a bell! Hope this helps.
Sheri
hi stacy,
my nearly 3 year old went through a whiny phase. and that's just what it was, a phase. it lasted a couple months (started when his younger brother was about 5 months). during his whiny phase the only thing i did differently was ignore him - occasionally! yes, i caved to the whining b/c of extreme circumstances that we have been through w/ him since he was born (health stuff - all better now) i was not able to ignore him or tell him to be a big boy or do incentives since i was not willing to take things away from him. my point? it'll most likely pass, as she gets used to having a little baby around. all the best.