Oh, dear. OK, sounds like the albums are just the tip of the iceberg. I agree with everyone else, let him keep the albums, they are his history. But it sounds like you guys are tussling about your contact with your family? It is hard to tell from your response but sounds like he wants you to reduce your contact with your family? Just based on what I have seen and experienced along the way in life, probably 1 of 3 things happening here: 1. He is trying to isolate you from your family, which is a sign of an abuser - not good. Or 2. He feels like your family takes precedence over him - and probably a talk with a good friend outside the family who will be honest with you and tell you if that is so. Or 3. Maybe you are complaining about your family a lot and he feels if you put some emotional distance from them it would be good for you? You have to really figure out where he is coming from and take it from there. Take care.
Ok the ex wife with daughter I understand. Him being sentimental over one of his kids is understandable (heck, if my kids grew up and hated me I would still love them and have pictures of them in the house) but the ex girlfriends? Not so much. I would let him keep it but it would have to be in his "man room/space" For my husband that would be the garage... and knowing him in a box...
Personally I would ask him why he kept them. Tell him you don't want an answer today, you will ask agian 7 days from now so he can get his thoughts and emotions sorted out and have a real answer for you. Men ususally are not good at understanding why they want to do something until they are made to think it through. Email might work as well. My husband is much better at communication via email than anything else... it is how we discuss everything including parenting, money issues, and resolve fights and the like (of course it can't be something that needs to be fixed NOW, more long term things). It allows us both to articulate things before we respond and prevents the first mean thing that comes to mind being said causing hurt feelings.
Armine, I have read your request as well, response...and did not read anyone else's comments. But my thoughts are, you can make him get rid of them, but it won't change things. He is holding on to something and only he can let go...you can't make him. If you lower yourself to him and "do it because he did it", then you dismiss your own family. Hold on to your family and remind him he for whatever reason has chosen to hold on to some memories and you are entitled as well.
Not that I don't understand. When I met my husband, there was a framed photo in the spare room of his X-wife. When he told me he loved me, I asked if he loved me, then why is he still holding on to the photo of his X-wife. He ripped it up and flushed it. It took about 1.5 years before he finally quit bringing her name up in conversation. Thirteen years later, I can't remember the last time I heard her name.
Relaxe he love you and his children but hi still regreat what happer befpre uou came into his life whem he can let go he will ad no hills
Hi Armine,
It seems to me that you are not qualified to judge which photos of his are worth saving. His previous life is what led him to you, and may I suggest that you focus on rejoicing that he is there with you? It sounds like they are important to him to have them in albums, etc. I would also suggest to you that he may have reasons for cherishing them that are super important and clear to him, while being meaningless to you. And perhaps you will never understand his reasons, even if he can articulate them perfectly to you. No matter; his reasons are valid. Maybe it's worth trying a compassionate approach. Maybe it's worth suggesting a compromise? Let's not get rid of them, but perhaps store them in another part of the house that isn't so uncomfortable for you? And maybe ask yourself why you put so much energy into it?
All the best to you in your navigation of this issue!
you know i think as long as they are in photo albums and not all over the house it really should not be that big of a deal. i have photo albums from my "past", they have lots of pictures of friends past and yes a old boyfriend or two. my husband has old pictures as well. we are confident in our relationship. maybe a good suggestion would be to box them up so they dont bother you.
Who cares, honestly! :) He has a past, doesn't everyone. I still have photo albumns with numerous ex's as does my husband. I'd never think of asking him to get rid of his memories nor would I get rid of mine.
I think that your husband has a right to keep the pictures from his past. Why should you feel threatened by a picture? Memories remind us what we have done wrong in the past and what we can do to make the present and future better. As long as he doesn't keep them out in frames (except his daughter)what does it matter? Especially when it comes to his daughter, please never ask him to get rid of her photos. She is his daughter even if she never talks to him. From reading your update I see what he is asking you to do things that he himself is not. When he says these things to you, ask him in return why he doesn't pratice what he preaches?? Just because he is older doesn't make him wiser. We all makes mistakes and bad choices and long as we learn from them we will be stronger and smarter. When it comes to family we all forgive in our own time. Do what is right for you.
I think you're being more than a little self-centered. Whether you like it or not....he had a life before you came along...you can't ask him to give up his past...it's not like he's flaunting them at you....they're in photo albums....my husband chose to put his albums in the closet-out of my site, which I thought was a little funny...they don't bug me...it's his past......I am his future.....rethink it...good luck
I know you have a family with him, but if you and his family now is not enough for him to let go of the past then it's time to move on. You do have the right to feel the way you do, you've been way to patience with him and waiting for him to change or take that first step and sometimes being nice just don't cut it..tell him what's on your mind and what your feeling or your just going to kicking yourself in the....
My husband and I were together a few years before we got married and now married for 6yrs now. He had photo's of his ex's and what I did was I cut off all their heads off of the pic and left the rest of his friends, and what I couldn't cut off I just toss it in the trash. He didn't care, because I'm his wife and we have a family. Though your situation, your husband had a family, mine didn't. I have a friend who's similar to yours. He had a wife with 2 girls and now that she had taken everything from him. He had nothing, his girls are all grown and wants nothing to do with him, but he just tries to do and be there for them and I feel really bad for him. They put no effort as his kids, but now that he had remarried and she had a son. He took them in and made a family. He took his new family to see his daughter's wedding and spend money he didn't have and was so disappointed that his family had disrespected his wife and he had told me it was the biggest mistake ever.
Well like anything else, we're just HUMAN...good luck
you are over-reacting.How insecure are you? You can't ask someone to throw out their past,their memories,just becauseyou feel threatened. Get a grip.
I am truly shocked at all the angry women out there that are attacking you. This site should be a place to get advice not to be attacked. Now here's my 2 cents: His daughter may not want pictures now but she may when she gets older. Save a couple of albums of when she was a child & store them in the attic for her for later. As far as ex-girlfriends, it depends on how long ago they dated. I think a few pictures from high school is kind of cool to look back on, however I don't think keeping pictures of random girls he went out with for a few months are worth keeping. Maybe the two of you could go through them together & you could pick out the ones with his friends & other family members. I didn't read all the messages on here but I did like the idea one woman had about cutting the exes out of the picture if it had other people that he may be close to in it. Don't feel bad about wanting him to do something about it, it is time for him to move on.
Good Luck & God Bless!
Dang, people sure are mean and judgmental. In any case... I do not think you are overreacting at all. Let's call it Spring Cleaning. Take all photos of said daughter out of the old albums and go buy a little album to put them in, something perhaps small enough for a desk drawer. Take the remainder of the photos/albums and pack them away in a tub. Label the tub so that if your husband or anybody on his side of the family would like to see them, they can access them easily. I'm assuming these albums are seldom if ever looked at, in which case you can consider them clutter. There is no need to throw his memories away, people need to do that on their own, but there is also no need for you to have those pictures in your house either. Daughter photos, yes! Exes go in the garage!!! Good luck!
You are better than I. Those albums would be thrown out and I would not mention them any more. If he goes looking for them then he'd have some answering to do.
The daughter's pictures would be tho only ones to remain. Hopefully her mom still has pics of the former family...
well thank you everybody. i got my lesson. i knew when i mentioned daughter i did it wrong as i have nothing against it but just opposite her pictures are in fact displayed next to everybody elses around the house…i had been respectful to his life and memories for 4 years. but since he started givig me lectures of forgetting my family: parents, sisters that live overseas stay away from all relatives saying that "when you start a new life, new family you should…) then it makes my blood boil. if those are his expectations and in some cases demands if he feels he has a right to even mention it how about him? family is family mine or yours.
if things came this far and me his beloved wife out of some reasons asks to get rid of the pictures many times and he promises but still doesn’t deliver. don’t you think i should be hurt at all?