I have been with my husband living for 5 years, and I am the mother of his 2 children, now he wants to throw me out on the street, since we are not legaly married, own nothing from all the wealth he built the last 3 years on our behalf, making us live at times on welfare and low income housing while he is collecting thousands and thousands, in a matter of 2 years he was able to buy 300k home in cash. I have little saved money account for my older children years before his marriage in case something happens to their dad but because their money is all under my NAME and their names, this husband wants me to spend it on his children when he makes like 14k A MONTH for the past 3 years.
I have just been looking into a "529" maybe this could help? I wish I had more.
I would suggest putting their money in to a trust with their name. I think you should also contact a lawyer asap to figure out what your rights are. DO NOT tell your partner/husband. If he is abusing you then you also have the option of going to CASA (St Petersburg)or The Spring (Tampa) for temporary safe housing, where you will be surrounded by other woman in your same situation. You should contact them immediately as well, they may be able to provide you with some advice on what to do.
Good luck!!
April you need a good Family attorney - I would recommend Darnelle Toth 407-688-1301 ~ She is great!
I believe you can put the money in a Living Trust. But it's important that you also need to join a support group. It doesn't make sense that you have to live in these conditions.
I have lived with abuse before and kept my mouth shut. I refused to that again. My children were a bit older when we divorced - but they were still young. It was easy - but they survived.
I can only say that I will be praying for you. Consider your options - you deserve more, your kids (all of them) deserve better.
If you need anything - even a listening ear. I am here.
Alison
What are you asking? You need an attorney and a shelter. Why stay in a situation where there is abuse? Why are you putting your children through this when you know that you need to leave? ALL of your kids need a mom not just the two by this man you have 4 more to think about. Get out, get an attorney.
Edited advice:
It looks like you changed your question a bit from the original one so that would make my advice different now. If you aren't legally married then you aren't entitled to anything but child support. And he is not entitled to anything in your name.
Original advice:
First of all you do have rights. If the account for your older children was part of an agreement from your first divorce then I would think that he wouldn't be able to touch it legally. There's nothing wrong with mediation as long as he doesn't know the mediator personally. Start making copies of last years income tax reports & his pay stubs without him knowing it & any other savings, 401K or money market accounts that you might have. You have a right to half of what the two of you have saved over the past 5 years. Some attorneys do consultations for a low price. You don't neccessarily have to go with them but you could go & ask questions to get ready for the mediation. It sounds like he is a bully & trying to make you think that you won't get anything. If it were me I wouldn't let him know that I know of my rights until the actual mediation. It will keep things a little more peaceful in the meantime. Do you have access to any of your accounts? You might want to try to set up a bank account for yourself & start putting a little money away. Also maybe your own credit card. Stay strong, this isn't an easy time. I have been in your shoes & it is not fun but it will get better. Do you have a support system, friends, church, etc...? If you don't then now is the time to get you & your children to places where you can be a family & feel support.
God Bless & good luck!
April -What are your priorities here? Why are you with a man that is abusive? Do you stay because of (his) money? The other Moms gave some good advive but I am not going to sugar coat it honey - get the heck out! He wants to control every aspect of your finances so that you CANNOT leave. Do you want to end up in the ER or worse? Think about your children - what kind of example are you setting for them? Now to be fair I have always been a strong willed person but when my husband left me and our 3 children - no abandoned us in a split second - I had to become stronger than ever before - for them. It took me over a year to get the heck out of that place (CA) and back to GA. Now I have never had an abusive partner/husband becuase I would not allow that. Seriously, I feel like driving down there and getting you all out because you don't have the strength to do it. I will pray for God to give you that strength and protect you and your children from this evil control freak.
Mandy
Immmediately contact a lawyer for advice. Move on with yuor life.it seems like your husband owns your life or so he thinks.consider the options.may gods hand be on you and many blessings.
I am going to meet with a mediator this morning, but I am in a different, but similar, situation... I have been with my husband 6.5 years. We have 2 children together, but never legally got married. He has a trust account for himself and the two children. I am leaving him for several reasons, mainly because of the mental abuse. If I learn anything that might help you.. I'll post later. If you have any suggestions for me... as to financially supporting my children while I work, get my teacher certification and raise 2 children alone, please help. He is away for a month in a mental treatment center.. possibly 2 months and we are struggling.
thanks! and good luck...
Call Legal Aide and get on it NOW! Stand firm with this guy. You and your children come first.
God Bless You...
1-800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7
Quick Escape
Please call the above number, here are so many people out there that can help, do not feel alone.
you can also try a local women's shelter.
April-
Get to a women's shelter NOW with ALL your children. Just pack your clothes and GET OUT! The shelter will help you with getting legal help, etc. Don't wait for anything!
There are a lot of people here thinking about you. You can always come to MamaSource for strength of other moms when you need it. But right now you need to get out of your situation and get some help WITHOUT your husband/partner dictating the terms. The shelter will help. That is what they are there for!!!
I agree with the others. Get out now. Don't wait for anything. Just DO IT NOW. I know you may think some of us are over reacting, but it is better to over react than to under react. Get an attorney asap or ask a local womens shelter if they have access to attorneys who have experience with this type of situation.
Best of luck to you.
Jen M.
Dear April,
Run don't walk to the nearest Law Enforcement officer! You and your children's lives may be in danger! This guy is obsessed with money, yours! Tell them what you have told us, and try to get in to the Spring. (This is a haven for abused spouses and children)in Hillsborough County. Then you can file a restraining order against him, and start a new life with a solid support group! Love doesn't have to hurt like you all have! I shudder to think of where this is going! Move your money to a new bank or brokerage firm and NOW! Don't tell him about it! Good Luck! you are going to need it!
You need to stop being a victim, pick yourself up and get an attorney..He knows that you are a doormat and he is going to ride that all the way until you have nothing..If that happens, that is on you...Get some backbone and get an attorney!!!!! He has no rights to anything and cannot come after it if he has no legal right to it...Come on now!!
I would suggest that you speak with someone at legal aid about your problem.
you have rights, and you need an attorney to help you fight for them. if the abuse happens again, make the cahrges stick. even if you have to move into a shelter or something, it will be rock bottom, but at least you will be on your way up from there. the longer you wait the more it will affect your children. good luck
My heart goes out to you April. Personally I can't imagine anyone with little ones in such a situation. First off I want to tell you that you are a STRONG woman and at this time more than ever you need to tap into that strength. Show him that you are not dependent on him for your survival. It will be difficult at first, I wont lie to you but there are places and people that can help you. DONT LET HIM TOUCH YOUR KID'S MONEY. He has no right to it he cant force you to give him any of it. If he makes 10k a month why does he want it anyway? He can take care of his kids quite well with that. Do you work? If not I think that you should try to get a job. Whats important is that you learn to survive without him or help from anyone for tha matter. The best revenge you can have is that you get independent then rub it in his face that you dont need him to take care of you or your children. Its time for the abuse to stop (it should never have started in the first place and you should not have put up with it this long but i am not judging you, im sure you had your reasons). All of this might sound cliche to you maybe, but trust me....it can be done, I am living proof.
Once you are seperated go to court and you have the right to ask for spousal support for yourself and child support for the children. This should be granted almost automatically and it will be a great help for you to start over. Also, be sure to save all of you police reports about the abuse, even though you never pressed charges, the fact that you called the police at times he hurt you will still carry some weight. I wish you the best April and I will be praying for you and your children.
April, sweetie, please talk to a lawyer. These issues are way too complex to just seek help from other mothers who are not lawyers. Please, please please talk to a lawyer. You can get a free consultation and lay out the issues, and see if this lawyer has answers for you. Then you will know how best to make decisions and proceed with what is the best thing for you and your kids.
Peace,
Syl
First off lawyer can't keep the money if he didn't do his job. There are good lawyers out there and some willing to make him give you the money back. You just have to find one. Try a lawyer a small town. They are more honest and willing to work with you. You should have pressed charges. If he does anything out of line again press charges and have them take you to a safe house. The safe houses for Mom's are nice. They will help you get a home, help you get work if you qualify or set up on government assistance. As far as the money goes as long as it's in your account no one is going to help you. Take the money and open up Cd's in the childrens names or put it in a trust fund for them. You have to do this if you want any type of help at all to get out of that house. I wish you well. Pray, God will lead you to the right things to do.