My husband and I get into a lot of stuff like this. We're in counseling right now and it has helped a lot. Just learning how to communicate effectively makes a huge difference. You are both two different people. You have different priorities and needs than he does. So inevitably some conflicts are going to happen.
As for sleeping and not getting things done there are a lot of things that can explain it. Depression (which only gets worse when there is marital conflict), health problems like hypothyroidism, ADD, anxiety, stress, chemical imbalance. Even if you have none of these things you aren't a bad person. You just have different priorities.
Marriage is work, that is true, but there are many ways to make it easier and to improve it. Getting counseling for myself even when my husband wouldn't go has been a huge help. I feel better. I got the thing about interpersonal communication below from my counselor. It's also being used with people who have asperger syndrome (high functioning autism) to help them navigate the social world. It doesn't cost anything for you to try it.
Here is one of the most helpful things I've found. It's called DEAR MAN. That's just letters to help you remember what to do.
D - Describe the current situation if necessary (a diaper was put in a box that wasn't for trash)
E - Express your emotions (That makes me feel angry, frustrated, sad etc. whatever it makes you feel)
A - Assert yourself by asking for what you want, "Next time I want you to put the diapers in the waste basket."
R - Reinforce by explaining ahead of time the consequences "When the diapers end up in the box and I feel frustrated about it I'll want to talk about it I might feel angry. The clothing in the box will get dirty and that will waste my time when I could be cleaning up other stuff."
M- Mindful - keep focused on your objectives (don't let him distract you, be a broken record saying exactly the same thing over and over. "I want the diapers to go in the waste basket." Ignore personal attacks, threats, attempts to change the subject, comments. Don't respond at all to attacks. Just keep making your point. Keep going back to describing, expressing,asserting without making threats, bringing up past stuff or attacking.
A - Appear confident (once you get the hang of the DEAR part of this you'll just automatically feel more confident. That's how I feel anyway.
N - Negotiate - be willing to give to get. "I can move the box somewhere else and put the waste basket in a more convenient spot so you can use it more easily" or pretty much find out something that he wants.
Sometimes I coach my husband through this. When I USE it, it works GREAT. I can only change my own behavior not his. If you change your behavior, however, you are changing the contingencies in the relationship. That means the stuff he used to use to get to you, to try to defend himself or fight a battle, won't work any more. You won't be reacting to any mean things he says. You also won't be giving him fuel. If you use this you will always be appropriate and in control of yourself. If he remains out of control then really you have an advantage in the conversation. He won't stay that way for long. I just used this stuff this morning to great effect! What could have been a huge fight turned into a very productive conversation.
Here's another example from what you said in your letter. If you want him to play with your daughter more say, "When Madison sits in front of the TV so much I worry about her. I feel sad that she isn't getting to know her daddy very well." If he isn't sure how to play with her maybe you can give him some ideas. He can include her in on this he likes to do. Or he can take her for a walk. Just sitting on the floor with her while she plays with toys is a great thing. Turn off the TV and surround her with toys she likes and just sit there and respond to what she's doing. Maybe you can come up with ways that he can interact with her that he enjoys. Figure out how to use the "dear man" stuff for lots of conversations. Practice it when you're in a non-stressful situation. The more you practice it the easier it becomes.
I'd like to hear if you use this and if it works out.
Miriam