I am looking for other moms with similar problems. I have a 3 week old boy (Logan), we started out breast feeding exclusivly but Logan had to be readmitted into the hospital on day 4 because he need to be treated for jaundice. He was pretty dehydrated and had lost 1 pound at the time so they had us feed him formula in the hospital while I pumped my milk, which at this point had not come in. When we got home I went back to breast feeding but my milk still had not come in and so he wasn't getting any nurishment and started loosing weight again so we had to go back to formula, after 3 1/2 weeks my milk still has not come in despite pumping every 2 hours to stimilate my milk supply. Now Logan won't even take my breast as he has become so accustomed to bottles and formula. I know breastmilk is the best for him but after 3 weeks I don't think it will ever come in and even if it does how do I get Logan to go back to breast. My husband and I have done a pros and cons list for both breast feeding and formula feeding and we are still unsure of what to do. He is doing well on the formula, he is healthy and gaining weight but I worry about all the illnesses and allergies he will be prone to that breast milk is supposed to guard against. Has this ever happened to anyone? What did/would you do? To top it all off I was/am part of a mothers group that pretty much has banned me from the group because I am not breast feeding, they made me feel like a horrible mother for feeding him formula even though the other option was to possible starve him. Any help or advice would be so grately appreciated.
Thanks I am very open to helpful advice and support from experianced mothers who have been through this before.
Ruth N.
Ruth ~ Hi my name is Kara. My son is 1 1/2yrs. I tried breast feeding as well and my milk never really came in. I produced a little bit but not enough for his demand. So we ended up having to supplement with formula. It got to the point where he would spit up the breast milk and keep the formula down. So needless to say we fed him formula. I know Presbyterian has lactose coach who can help with breast feeding. The have all kinds of support groups and people to help you. You can look at their website www.phs.org, talk to your physican or peditrician. I'm sorry I don't know the number for you. If you can't find any help there there are many state organizations that support breast feeding.
Best of Luck ~
kara
Have you tried contacting La Leche League? Their website is: http://www.lalecheleague.org or to find a local chapter it's http://www.lllusa.org/COWY/CO.html .
I only breastfed for 3 months since my breasts stopped producing. My son has a couple of allergies, and I don't know whether to blame it on that or not. There are so many things to be aware of such as environmental toxins, genetically modified food, rgbh in milk that all have links to allergies.
The main thing I wanted to tell you is that nobody, and I mean NOBODY has a right to tell a mother what to do when it comes to breastfeeding. I would have no respect for a group that treats you like that.
Hello ~
If you are serious about trying to re-initate breastfeeding contact a lactation consultant. There are many available. I found a referral thru the hospital I delivered my son at. You can also contact La Leche League. I am sure there are many lactation nurses in your area. They will need to evaluate you & your son. Your Ob-Gyn can also prescribe a drug which helps recover a lost milk supply. There are options.
I had a similar experience and decided that breastfeeding was the best option for me and my son. I saw the lactation nurse and it cost me close to $200. It was worth every penny. I thought of it this way -- if I do get my supply back I will nurse him until he is 1 year old... if not longer. I'd pay much more than that in formula over that time period.
Yes breast is best but there is nothing wrong with formula either.
Tiffany
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a similar thing happen, although a bit later on, with my dd.
Basically, when I went back to work, my supply tanked. I had bf my older son for 2 years and didn't even entertain the thought that I wouldn't be able to with my daughter. When we went for her 4 month checkup she had only gained 8 oz from her weigh in two months earlier. Not good. So I went nuts. I had multiple appointments with the midwife, the lactation consultant, I tried herbs. I literally lived on my pump. I would pump 3x at work (I was at work for six hours) and then pump after every feeding, before I went to bed and first thing in the morning. Looking back on it, I was crazy. She started taking more and more bottles until she much preferred the bottle over the breast. So I let it go, and I think we all are happier for it. So my advice to you is this. If you absolutely feel like you MUST continue bf'ing - if you haven't already, speak to a lactation consultant. Check out www.kellymom.com - they have LC's that moderate the message boards there who are wonderful. Try herbs - blessed thistle, goat's rue, fenugreek are all galactogogues (or however you spell it). Wishgarden herbs makes a "Mother's Milk" tincture. And keep at the pump. Do you cosleep? That can help too, as can as much skin to skin contact as possible. Have a nurse in where you spend the weekend in bed drinking water and nursing and not doing much else.
If your son is happy and gaining weight it is much more important for him to have a happy mommy. Babies pick up on your stresses and mood and in my un-scientific opinion, it could do more harm to him if you kill yourself trying to re-establish bf'ing. I know it's not an easy choice, and it flat out sucks that those women kicked you out of their moms group (WHAT are they THINKING?!), but you need to do what's best for your family and if that's formula feeding, so be it. It's really nobody elses business. I know in my case, I really needed someone to tell me what I already kind of new - that it was okay if I fed my daughter formula. So I'll tell you. Don't feel guilty. You're just doing what's best for your son.
Hugs to you and your sweet baby. I hope you can find a solution that you're happy with.
I did not breast feed either of my children, due to the fact that my body never produced milk when I was pregnant with my son or after I had him, and then again with my daughter. My kids are very healthy and happy children. If he will only take a bottle, then if your milk does come in, then you can always pump and give him that milk in the bottle. I am also responding in hopes you could send me some information on hosting a Stampin Up party, I have heard about it, and it seems like a lot of fun, I am always thinking of new things to do with my kids scrapbooks.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. I have two healthy children ages three and six and neither of them would breast feed. My son was premature and couldn't figure out how to suck. And believe me, I tried and so did several lactation specialists, who made me feel like a bad mother. My dtr was so hungry that I never had enough milk for her and had to suppliment with bottles, soon I didn't have the milk, even though I was continuously pumping. In the end, you said it best, you have a Healthy boy who is Gaining weight. And that is all that you need to have. It's about him, not if you breast feed. As for the Mom's group, tell them it's not their decision and it's not up for discussion. Hope the best for you.
Please do not beat yourself up for feeding your baby formula. I also stopped for similar reasons at around 3 weeks, and also felt terrible about it for a while. Sometimes breastfeeding just DOES NOT work. The women who are shunning you from your mother's group should be ashamed! By the way, my baby is now 19 months old, and has always been very healthy.
Have you spoken to your OB/GYN about this? Mine were always very helpful with tips on nursing. However, my youngest cut me off at 4 months. I wasn't providing him with enough milk, and he was a hungry boy. He was fine, more than fine. He is a much hardier child than my other 2. He doesn't become sicker than they do, not even during the nursing months. I am sure there is something to your children getting some immunity boost from nursing, but my children who I nursed became quite ill while I was nursing them. I honestly didn't notice a grand difference with their immune systems.
I know it's hard, but don't be upset by not breast feeding. The important thing is that your son is healthy and getting the nutrients he needs. With regards to the mother's group that is cutting them off, forget them. Moms tend to be a holier than thou group. That is, of course, until they have to experience it themselves. There is no need to have any negativity in your life, especially when things started off so difficulty. Stick in there, and do what's best for you and your son, not what other people think is best.
I had a simalar experience with my first child. He also had to be re-admitted to the hospital and was given formula while there. Like you I faithfully pumped every 2 hours trying to get my milk to come in and I continued to offer him the breast. He would either refuse the breast or take it and then continue crying because he was still hungry after trying to nurse. At this point you are probably exhausted trying to keep up with taking care of his needs and trying to pump to encourage your milk supply, and he probably has some nipple confussion after taking a bottle. I was told that sucking from a bottle is much easier than from the breast and of course your baby is going to want the easiest means of nourishment avaliable to him. Do not beat yourself up over this. While breast is best, you need to go with whatever is necessary for your health and your child's. I eventually gave up trying to breast feed and gave my son the bottle. I find it shocking that your mother's group has basically shunned you. They of all people should be supportive no matter what! You have given breast feeding your best shot and due to circumstances beyond your control, it isn't going to work. I don't think you should feel bad in the least. I also wanted to let you know that the experience with my second child was completely different and he was a happy healthy successfully breast fed baby. Just beacuse it doesn't work this time doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful breast feeding experience next time. Hang in there, it will get better.
Hello Ruth,
I was sent home with my son and was breast feeding and formula feeding. he did not take to breast so night time we supplemented. At his 5 day check up we were rushed to the hospital because he too was jaundice. So I pumped and breast fed-mostly pumped. It screwed up our learning process but I just kept trying and eventually we got the hang of it! Daddy helped alot! It was also very trying! If you want to formula feed that is fine you are not horrible!!! But breastfeeding is really exhausting and difficult till you guys get the hang of it. I wanted to quit like everyday because I had no clue how hard breast feeding was. But once we learned it was easy!!!
Now my daughter was also jaundice only they kept us in the hospital an the extra dasys instead of sending us home only to have to readmit her. She refused the bottle so they said breast feed her and I did. She was easy.
I feel bad about your mommy group experience but this topic is a big debate against mothers. I am neutral myself but of course breast is best. My son was breast fed for 10 mos and my daughter for 20 mos. Good Luck.
I find it really disgusting that anyone would make you feel badly about this. I have an extremely healthy 3-year old who was not breast fed. There are several people out there who will tell you that horrible things will happen if your baby is formula fed. Trust me, they're not true. I hope you don't waste more time than necessary trying to force this issue. Your baby is healthy and eating- enjoy it!
Hi Ruth. I've got 3 kids, breast-fed the first--my milk took about 2 weeks to come in and I fed her formula in the meantime. She went from bottle to breast and back again no problems. Children 2 and 3 were twins. Again, my milk didn't come in for a couple of weeks (c-section) and I pumped with them to 6 weeks. In the end I stopped because 2 infants and a 3-year-old were just too much on top of the breastfeeding. Something had to give in my house and it was that. Long story short, I've got a child that was breastfed and then twins (born a month early) who essentially weren't. Their health when catching any illness appears no different from the breast-fed child. I had difficulties (thrush) with the first. I looked to breastfeeding organizations for help. I continued and got the knack of it. But it's not easy. Whichever route you decide, keep in mind it's your body and your decision and don't let anyone let you think otherwise. Motherhood is difficult enough without being judged by outsiders. The breastfeeding advocates will tell you feeding your child formula is tantamount to giving him rat poison. It's really not true. The formulas are always improving and I did read an article that said it's actually a very small percentage that a breast-fed child has better immunity, is smarter, and everything else the people who tout breastfeeding to be. It is a wonderful bond, but so is the bond of motherhood. You won't be doing anything wrong if you choose to go the formula route. Do what's best for you. Good luck to you.
Let me start by saying that you have been handling this very well. I realize that breast milk is better but not breast feeding doesn't mean that your children aren't going to be perfectly healthy and happy. I tried with my 2 girls to breastfeed my first was eating more than I was supplying so I finally after about 4 mos. switched her totally over to formula. My 2nd child was a premie and spent time in the hospital. My milk never really came in so she also was bottle fed. They are both perfectly healthy and happy as a matter of fact their imune system is stronger than all the other childrens that they play with. So either way don't worry about just go with what happens.
I personally thing that you should tell your mom's group to get stuffed. They are supposed to be there to support each other not make you feel bad about it. I also belong to my local mom's group and we are filled with women who have done both breast and formula and for some of them they have had to do it differently for each child.
You're doing great just let your son and mother nature tell you what to do. In the mean time discuss with your pediatrician about which formula he recommends they have come a long way on making formula closer to breast milk. Enjoy the fact that you can share the feedings with your husband. This allows him to experience this quiet bonding time as well.
Good luck,
Amy
Hi,Ruth,
How sad that a support group should make you feel that way. Good riddance, I say. Anyway, I breastfed my first child until he was 6 mos with no formula or anything else. He was underweight for most of his first year and is allergic to so many things I won't even list them here for you...so much for the theory that breast milk prevents allergies! With my second and third children, I both breastfed and supplemented with formula from the very beginning, switching to only formula within a few months. They are totally healthy and allergic to NOTHING! I think that you are doing exactly what any good mother would do - what's best for YOUR baby. For some, it is breastfeeding, for others it is a combination. For you, it is using formula to prevent your baby from weight loss and possible nutrient deficiency. You're doing a great job, keep it up. Your instincts and your pediatrician's support are the best things for your child. Don't listen to your mothers' group - they're just wrong!
Hi Ruth--
My story isn't EXACTLY like yours, but I faced a similar struggle with breast/formula feeding with my son, who is now almost 1 year old. Like you, I started out exclusively breastfeeding and it went fine for about the first month. I started pumping so that my husband could also feed the baby, but when I started doing that I realized that I wasn't producing as much milk as I thought I was; if I pumped, I would barely have enough to feed my son even a few hours later. And since he was getting older and his appetite was growing, it was like he was ALWAYS hungry and I would finish a feeding and pretty much have to start right on the next one. So since I could see that I wasn't giving him much to eat, we started supplementing with formula. It didn't take long for him to start balking at the breast and preferring the formula for whatever reason; ease, taste,the filling qualities, whatever. I continued to force the breast feeding with him because I felt so guilty about having him entirely on formula at such a young age, but finally at 4 months I was sick and tired of fighting with him and having a horribly unhappy baby after each breastfeeding session, so I switched him entirely to formula. I think it was the best thing I could have done. He was satisfied after every meal and generally happier. He has not had any illnesses (except for the common cold) and he doesn't seem to have any allergies except for seasonal, which he showed symptoms of pretty much since the day he was born. I was assured by my dr. that formula is very nutritious and will provide him with all that he needs to grow; my son has always been on the small side so that's another reason I'm glad he's had some heftier food this past year. So drawing upon my experience, I would say that if your son is happy with the bottle feeding, is healthy and is gaining weight well now, don't feel guilty about feeding him that way (like you said, the only other option is starving him which certainly isn't any better!!) There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. Of course we're all well aware of how much better breast feeding is for a baby, but sometimes it just doesn't work out for whatever reason and that's why they make formula. So don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty or like a horrible mother; I felt like that plenty before I realized that there's too much else to worry about!:) You are trying to do what seems to be the best for your son and that makes you a GOOD mother! I hope this has helped a little; good luck with it all! Sorry for my kind of long story, but I figured my advice wouldn't make much sense unless you had some background first!
Jenny D.
I think that is terrible that a group to support new moms would not be supportive for you and your issues with your new baby. Forget about them. I am a first time mom as well, and also pretty new to this site, but I have seen great advice on here so far.
I had the same problem when my son was born. He had to stay longer in the hospital due to jaundice, and was used to the formula and the bottles by the time I brought him home. I heard all of the same things about breast milk being better for their immune system, etc, but I ended up staying with the formula anyway, it was just the best thing for me at the time. My son is 2 1/2 years old now, and has only had a couple of small, short-lived colds, and isn't allergic to anything. My doctor had me put my son on Nestles (Carnation) Good Start Supreme formula...the one that says it is most like breat milk. Try going to the website www.verybestbaby.com and it will tell you everything about this formula and how good it is for your baby. That site will also give you coupons for the formula if you sign up on there. This is probably the most expensive brand of formula you can buy, but I found that it was the best for my baby. Don't worry about the fact that you haven't been able to breastfeed your baby, you tried, and it just wasn't meant to be this time. Good luck to you and your new baby, and if you have any other questions feel free to contact me! :)
Michelle
Hey Ruth!
I am sorry that you had such a terrible experience with the mommy group. Some people are passionate about things like breastfeeding and others are just nutty about it. Not breast feeding in no way makes you a bad mom. If anything it will make you a better mom because you are thinking of your son and his needs over what others are telling you.
A point to think about, there are thousands of infants adopted each year and about 1% of the adoptive mothers can breastfeed. Most of the time there is not enough notice to start the whole process (yes believe it or not you don’t have to give birth to produce milk) and once the adoptive mom’s milk comes in it usually isn’t enough to support the baby, so there are special tools to use that have a small tube that you attach so the baby gets formula and your breast at the same time. But most of us adoptive parents choose to formula feed. From all the people I have spoken to none of us have had children with allergies or illness that some people like to scare into you! Our son is now 14 months old and in those 14 months he has had one minor ear infection. Meanwhile the children down the street who were breast fed past the first year are sick more then I would care to mention! Our pediatrician recommended Enfamil with the iron and we stuck with that for 11 months and started to slowly introduce cows milk. Formulas now are so close to the breast its not worth it to beat yourself up. I think most have the same quality of vitamins and such the pediatrician will recommend one for you, likely one they get promo’s for.
If you want to feel close to your son when its feeding time, take your shirt off and hold him close with a bottle. He knows who loves him and that is all that matters!
Good Luck!
Amy
Hi there,
When my son was born (he's 10 now) I tried breastfeeding - but he got jaundice also. So as not to give him a bottle I was made to breastfeed with a tiny tube of formula taped to my breast because I was told the more he ate, the quicker it would clear up. Anyway, my milk hadn't come in and by day 4 he was miserable and so was I. Just imagine, a first time mom getting up for feedings every two hours, taping on a formula tube to your breast while your son has a light pack under his pajamas for the jaundice and a husband working twelve hour shifts with no time off...Thankfully e went to formula and bottles, the jaundice cleared - he was fine and still is. I also have a daughter who is 18 months old and it never crossed my mind to breastfeed her after the previous trouble we had. Formula fed babies are just as healthy in my mind! My two kids were/are rarely sick, compared to breastfed babies I know who have constant colds, thrush and other illnesses. Maybe I'm just lucky or maybe the makers of baby formula are able to make a healthy and beneficial product - either way - don't feel guilty about not breastfeeding if it isn't working for your son. I understand that is what you had planned, but things with babies are always changing and lots of times they dictate what is best for them!! Best of luck!
Wow. I am sorry to hear that you had that situation with the group you were a part of.
My milk would NOT come in with solely the pump. They just didn't work for me at all. My 2nd daughter was in ICU for the first week or so after she was born and they supplemented her with formula as well. I pumped but got nothing. I would just keep trying to get her to nurse and would still give her the formula if I knew she wasn't getting anything. It was just the attempts to get her to nurse that eventually got my milk flowing in. I think it's just the way the babies nurse that stimulate the milk glands. I am no med pro, but I know our bodies will respond to their needs.
If in the end nothing happens, don't fret. My 2nd child got more formula than breast milk and is the one that gets sick the least. My other 2 kids that were solely nursed have frequent seasonal allergies, and my oldest gets strep like every 3 weeks. :(
So I would say that you just have to play the hand you're dealt and as long as your baby is happy and healthy, than be at peace and accept it for what it is. You did your best and that is what's best for your child. Don't worry about the other moms.
A little thing I found out: there are no perfect moms and no perfect children. They may be quick to point out how good they can do this and this and that. And how you should be doing the same.
Every family is unique. And every family has a different flow to life. Just find the "rhythm" that fits you and your baby and flow with it. You're a great mom!!! If you weren't you wouldn't care and wouldn't be asking for help.
I wish you all the best and many wonderful blessings! You Rock Mom!! :)