Shame on that Mother's group! Don't let anyone make you feel bad. I breastfed my first for 27 months and am breastfeeding my second, now 5 months.
My first son was super healthy until he got pneumonia and was put on antibiotics at 2 1/2. He's got a cold right now in fact...
My 5 month old has a cold too. When he was 3 months old I had to give him breathing treastments. So that's 2 colds in 5 months!
Don't get me wrong, I love beastfeeding, but it doesn't mean that your child will have some sort of bionic health. Most kids get sick. I've never known much difference between breast and bottle except ear infections from cows milk formula.
Look at www.onestepahead.com for a breast bottle if you're looking for something more personal than a normal bottle. You can strap it on and have your hands free. I think that one of the major differences between breast and bottle is the amount of time that breastfeeding takes and how often. So, if you hold your little one alot and don't 'prop' up bottles in place of holding them, it's just as bonding. Go to www.askdrsears.com for great bottle feeding and nutritional info. He also has a great book, Christian Parenting.
Hello Ruth, I am a SAHM of 2 (daughter 24 mts & son 14 mts).
My milk supply never came in with my daughter, it was very frustrating and depressing. The hospital I had her in made me feel unworthy because I had planned & did not want to breastfeed (I had planned on returning to work). So I tried to breastfeed and then I felt inadequate because my milk wasn't coming in. After we went home from the hospital I pumped for days with no luck so I left her on bottle feeding and she was happy (& I was happy).
To say the least when I was pregnant with my son, I made the decision not to breastfeed, regardless of the hospital's opinions. I had my son at a different hospital and they were very supportive of my desicion. I once again didn't get my milk supply, which was a good thing since my son has severe acid reflux and wouldn't be able to use my breastmilk anyways.
All in all both my children are bright & happy children. They have never been sick a day in their life, aside from your normal sniffle. My children do not have any major allergies or any less smarter than a breastfeed children.
Good luck to you Ruth and may everything be ok.
Naomi
You're doing a great job! You're the mom and only you (and Daddy) will know exactly the right thing to do. The most important thing is for Logan to be getting nourishment and if your milk hasn't come in I'm not sure what other choice you have. You could call someone from La Leche League (in the phone book)...their whole purpose is to help people breast feed. It sounds like you have an unusual circumstance and the things they may suggest could be more extreme, like the tubes that cross the breast and baby nurses, but is actually getting formula through the tubes. I think stick with what's working and ignore your judgmental, unsympathetic friends. They're not you, they have no place to have an opinion. Keep your sanity, care for Logan, he'll be fine. Lots of people never breastfeed, even some that wanted to. Pray that God will cover Logan and protect him, He will! And God give you and your husband peace to know what to do.
Oh, Ruth. Other breast-feeding mom's can be so cruel and superior. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. My first baby is almost 2 now. I tried to nurse. I spend all day every day when we first brought him home doing nothing but nursing and pumping. Same thing happened to my son. He lost weight, the nurses said they were surprised he wasn't jaundiced and started feeding him formula. My milk supply never came in fully, either. My husband's ex-wife basically called me a failure as a mother for not being able to breastfeed successfully.
Not to worry. There are PLENTY of good formulas out there now, and the most important antibodies for your son were in your colostrum, which he recieved by nursing immediately after birth. I only breastfed my son for 3 weeks (while supplementing with formula) and he is very healthy. Cold and flu season goes by with barely a sniffle. Of course it was very sad for me and I cried, but I got over it and enjoyed the fact that others were able to help me out by giving him a bottle now and then.
You may want to continue pumping and feeding him whatever you pump and supplement him with formula if you have the time. And the good news? I had my 2nd son a year and a half later and breastfeeding was successful.
Good luck, and don't be too hard on yourself. Not all of us were meant to be milkin' machines! LOL
I am a Doula that believes whole heartedly in breastfeeding if you want to. I have helped adoptive mothers breastfeed so I know it is not too late to build up your milk supply if you want to. Contact the Le Leche League website and call the local corrdinator I am sure they will have some wonderful ideas. I know you can go to the health food store and ask them what herbs stimulate your milk glands. http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/pumpwork.html
here is the website and good luck!
Shannon
Hi Ruth,
Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing yes this is true, however your baby eating is obviously the end result that should concern you. If you are stressed, which if you're getting treated that way by a group meant to support you and of course worrying about your child you are, it can hamper your milk supply as well. I had trouble feeding my first child from my breast & about 8 weeks in she was bottle fed with formula. I felt guilty etc. but now after having two more which I successfully have & am breastfeeding I think I partly worried too much and made the whole experience miserable for myself & my baby. Definitely change mom groups. As a person who started my own mother's group here where I live I can't ever imagine kicking someone out especially when they need you the most. In the end if you can't breastfeed it's not the end of the world!! I know it feels like it at the time, but it's not. Enjoy your little one. They grow sooo fast and this time is supposed to be precious. God bless to you and your family. Please e-mail me if ya just need to talk. [email protected]
Jessica
If you have no breast milk, you cannot breastfeed your son. Period. There is no shame in that. Thank the Lord that science and technology has created formulas to be similar to breastmilk and have many of the same antibodies and disease fighting agents found in human milk. It sounds like you do not have a choice. Stop beating yourself up and accept it. Be thankful that your son is eating and healthy and gaining weight on formula. The women that are unaccepting of someone who is different than they are are not worth your time. They are not your friends, nor are they people you want to associate with! Pray for strength and accept the situation. Don't try to manipulate it. God knows what he's doing!
Good luck!
I also had a similar situation happen to me. My son is now 13 months and he latched on right away and my milk started producing right away but he was alway hungry. I started supplementing 1/2 breast milk and formula. I pumped all the time and it seemed like there was no end to the milk supply. About three weeks went buy and my milk dried up there was nothing left to give so he had to be on formula all the time. don't feel bad about giving your baby formula. Some women just don't have it to give. My mother and grandmother both had milk fever and did not get the chance to breast feed so the fact that my milk stopped was not a surprise to me. check your family past that may help you as well. Misty
Hi Ruth,
I also had problems with breastfeeding and went through the same feelings of guilt that you are dealing with. I wanted so much to give my son breastmilk for as long as possible, but my body didn't want to seem to cooperate. The stress was making things worse (not to mention the hormones). After talking to some family and friends, I was surprised to find out how many people had formula fed their babies (not to mention that my mom formula fed me from day one - I had NO CLUE!!!). And all of the mothers that formula fed had perfectly happy, healthy babies (and I was not sickly, nor do I have any allergies). I hope other mothers on this website have given you lots of support. Being a new mom is hard enough, you don't need any negativity making you feel badly for doing what's best for your baby. If he is happy and healthy on formula - then keep it up! My son has been eating formula and is now a very healthy 6 week old.
I hope this helps!
-Dawn
Ruth, honey, bless your heart! You are doing everything right. As a first-time mom, I had such trouble breastfeeding and coping with PPD. My son was a chomper with no teeth, and the whole experience was excruciatingly painful for me and frustrating as all get out for him. We'd both end up crying - I think I cried harder and longer than he did (and for reasons other than pain, like guilt) - and I started having actual panic attacks at every feeding. I had two appointments with a lactation consultant during which Michael and I did just fine...until we left the office. Then back to square one. Two weeks of that was quite enough. I put him on formula and never looked back. I was determined to breastfeed through the pain with my second child, and now my third (5 weeks old and doing great!). I prefer the convenience and cost-efficiency of breastfeeding, and you're right about the health benefits. Although...my firstborn - the formula baby -is the healthiest of my three kids. God knows what He's doing, Ruth. Don't worry about others' opinions, sweetie. You're doing just fine. :)
I say that as long as your baby is healthy and thriving on formula that you are doing a great job as a mom. Don't let guilt take away from this fun and special time with your new little one! My sister was never able to breastfeed and my niece and nephew have both graduated from high school and are very healthy and never had health issues. I think all moms feel guilty from time to time and we need to remember that all that is important is if are children are healthy and happy. I felt guilty myself for having to have 2 c-sect and it has taken me a while not to feel inferior to people who have had natural childbirth. As for the moms group, I would find another one because one of the purposes of belonging to a moms group is for support. They sound as if they are too selfish to think about your needs above their own.
Hang in there and enjoy every minute of being a mom, it goes by fast!!
Sharon
(mom to 4 and 2 year old boys)
My friend had twins and her milk never came in and neither did her mother's. It just happens sometimes and I'd say after all your efforts, yours probably won't either - and that is ok! Your child will thrive on formula. The stress the decision (and nonsupportive group) is causing you is probably more harmful to your relationship with your child than not having breast milk. As for the other mothers who have ostracized you because you can't breastfeed, shame on them. They should be supportive, not judgmental. I think it is time you find a new group to hang out with!
WOW! you have recieved a lot of support here, haven't you? My son wouldn't latch I pumped for 6 months I had more than enough, 16oz every 3 hours. My son just turned 3 and I still have milk. My mom got on me cause he wouldn't latch. I could only do what I could do. Same for you if you don't have it what do those women expect you to do????? As long as you and you son are healthy thats all that matters!!!! Good luck and cherish every minute it really does go by fast!
Hi Ruth,
First off, don't let anyone make you feel guilty about formula feeding! Your first responsibility is to ensure your child is being nourished. I was in the same situation. My milk took over 10 days to come in with my son (now 3 years old). I pumped religiously every two hours with a hospital pump. My son also had jaundice and after losing weight, they suggested I start formula. Once he got the bottle he wanted nothing to do with the breast, too much work, lol. I pumped for 9 months but my supply was super low. With my daughter I think I tried everything, I used Fenugreek, blessed thistle, lots of water, rest and nursing on demand, skin to skin contact, saw a lactation consultant, I even used the prescription Domperidone to help boost my supply. I am happy to say she gets about 2/3 of her nutrition from breastmilk but man, that took some work!! The breastfeeding supply stores also have a tincture called More Milk Plus which is a combo of Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle and Goat's Rue. There is also a tea called Mother's Milk at Henry's with Fenugreek and some other stuff but it usually takes A LOT of the tea to help. If you are in to trying natural/homeopathic remedies that is an option. You can also buy bottles of Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle capsules from Henry and it is not that expensive. I have tons of resources on the internet, email me directly if you would like me to send you some. I drove myself nuts about this issue with my son and when I look back now, it was not worth the stress I put on myself. I was in tears and so was he and that is not the way you should spend your first few months with your new baby. I have been much more successful breastfeeding this time around with my daughter (now 7 1/2 months old) but I had learned a lot with my son too (and the lactation consultant said it gets better with each baby, your body learns more each time). I was a little more proactive and knew I wanted to try some homeopathic stuff but if it didn't work out I was not going to stress about it. She still gets some formula because I still do not produce enough. I don't take any of the supplements anymore either. If you want to pursue it, there are some options like I stated above, but the bottom line is do what you can and as long as Logan is healthy, that is what's most important. Shame on those other moms for making you feel bad. I know I felt bad enough about it myself, I didn't need anyone else making me feel guilty. You should be supported in your decision because sometimes we don't have a whole lot of options. Some people take for granted a good milk supply, my mom couldn't breastfeed either, it DOES happen, regardless of what some fanatics will tell you. Good luck and let me know if you want to chat about this off the board.
Terri
HI RUTH,
If you want to give breastfeeding one last ditch try, i would contact your local La Leche League chapter and talk to their leaders about how to re-lactate, and how to get your son to latch on. THey are seriously the experts, their advice is free (you can join if you want, but it's optional) and most of them are so kind and understanding and gentle- they have seen it all and know not to judge or blame mothers for nursing problems. Your little guy is only 3 weeks old so you probably have a good chance at getting him to breastfeed sometime this year! We had nursing problems with my daughter from the get-go because she was a c-section and couldn't get to the breast until about 45 mins after she was born- and she's still not a great nurser, but we persisted, and supplement with formula, and i do think she's healthier for it. Even a little bit of breastmilk is better than none. So give the LLL gals a try, follow their advice, adn if your milk still doesn't come in you can formula-feed without guilt. I think it's wonderful that you're trying so hard to do the best thing- most people would give up after a few days.
If you really want to breast feed it sounds like you need medical assistance to get your milk to come in. But breastfeeding doesn't work for a lot of people for various reasons and you shouldn't feel bad if you choose to use formula instead. It might not contain the live components of breast milk but it is a complete and good source of nutrition.
Your mother's group sounds rude and obnoxious. You already feel distressed enough without their criticisms. Back when I was born women were told to give their babies formula instead of breastmilk and we all turned out fine and the formula was probably of much poorer quality back then so don't stress!
HI Ruth, I have three kiddos & my first two would not nurse, I was not producing enough for them & they were always hungry, so I gave them a bottle with formula & they have only been sick MAYBE two times (2yrs & 5yrs old)& my youngest was a smaller baby & I am producing enough for her, and she is three months old & already sick, so I honeslty dont know if there is any difference between BM & Formula, That is just my opion & about your group, that just seems a lil rude of them, I agree with what you said your baby needed to eat so you gave him formula, Dont feel like a bad mother, you did what was best for him ;)
I have nursed three kids - two of them twins so I know it is not easy. First - just relax a bit. There are plenty of happy healthy kids out their who were bottle fed. On the other hand breast feeding is good for Logan and good for your bonding. With my twins I did not have enough milk to nurse both exclusively so I would nurse them both then top them off with a bottle.
This is how I would do it if I were you. Every two hours nurse Logan for 10 minutes on each breast and then give him a bottle. It can take some time to get a child on the breast so don't give up if he refuses it at first. My little guy used to take 10 minutes to get latched on right at first but his twin sister popped it right in her mouth every time. Make sure he latches on right or you will have sore breasts and he will have little milk. You need the whole nipple in his mouth. The easiest way to do this is to use the football hold.
Sit in a recliner and use pillows to prop him up so that his head is right at your breast and his feet are under your arm at the back of the chair. With your right arm hold your breast. With your left arm hold his head. Wait till he's giving a nice big cry them move his mouth to your nipple not the other way round. Then reverse this for the left side. Express a little milk or even put a little formula on the breast so he gets the taste of milk as he puts it in his mouth. This will help him realize he has to suck.
I always had trouble getting breast milk out when I pumped but it came out fine when I nursed so I would definately get nursing as soon as you can.
I am sorry about the other mothers. We all dream about having the perfect pregnancy and childbirth. But then some of us end up with miscarriages, c sections, drugs when we wanted natural childbirth, children who have to stay at the hospital or who are colicky. Life is not perfect. We have to stay calm and enjoy what we have. Don't miss out on the joy of your new little boy because you are trying to be the perfect mom. - O and let your husband give the 2:00 a.m. bottle so you can get some sleep!
Clare
You have already received lots of great advice on your breast vs formula feeding question. I like to invite you to the AZ Birth Network birth circle. This is a non-judgemental group that meets several times per month at different locations around the valley. I'm pregnant with my first and have been attending meetings for a few months. We talk about all kinds of topics and everyone takes a different approach. I think you would feel more comfortable there, than with the group you were with. check out www.azbirthnetwork.com
I had a similar experience to you in that my milk would not come it. My daughter was losing weight really fast and they insisted that I give her formula. I had done a lot of research and totally had my heart set on breast feeding. I was really upset when the problems started to arise. I also pumped all the time trying to get it to kick in and kept trying with the baby as well. I tried everything I could think of to get suggestions. The hospital you went to should have lactation nurses and even when you have left you can call them. I happened to be out of town right after she was born and the local hospital had a nurse come to my house to help me and she didn't even charge me!! There are a lot of people that really want to help you be successful. She told me an herbal root to try. Other friends told me that yeast can help with milk production and some even suggest drinking a beer a day. I am an alcoholic so I didn't try that one. Also I hear there are some medications that a doctor can prescribe to you. The nurse gave me a shield and tube that hooked to me so that the baby was still breastfeeding but getting formula. I called the la leche league to get information as well. As you can see I tried a lot and woke up every 2 hours to pump as well. Finally after 3 weeks with all the stress of trying to breast feed and post partum depression on top of it I was not in the best place. I was totally stressed out and not enjoying my new baby at all. Plus with the formula she was gaining a ton of weight and doing great. I talked to my family and everyone was support of me formula feeding her. I know a lot of really healthy people that were formula feed. Thankfully all the people in my life have been very supportive of me. What it comes down to is I know in my heart that I tried my hardest to breast feed her and for whatever reason it didn't happen. She is almost one and very healthy and happy. If the people in your life are judgemental then they are probably not the kind of people you need in your life. My aunt had the same problem and with her next two she had tons of milk. If I have another kid I hope to be able to breastfeed. Sorry I went on forever! Good luck!