Being harassed by CPS because my 10 year old has a normal hygiene problem

As a parent of a ten year old boy, I've done my research over the last few years as my son has gotten closer to puberty; Both through the web and through family members in many job facets and their experiences that have consistantly told me his behavior is normal. Psychologists, teachers, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles; They all tell me that for a boy of his age, not caring about his hygiene is normal. Given my own experiences with myself and my brother, I can truthfully say that it's not just boys, it's all children. Psychologist's blogs, parental help web pages, and even published books site that it is normal for a child to go through this phase for an undetermined length of time, usually through the begining of their teenage years; However, this can start as early as 9 years old.

My family tries their best to make sure that he gets clean. He takes a bath every other day, if not every day on those days that my nose says he needs it. I do his laundry and make sure that he has clean clothes to wear. Given the chance to make the decision himself, my son would wear the same clothes day in and day out if I didn't catch him. As much as I would love to hover over my son every second of the day, I'm trying to teach him independance and good decision making skills. There are times (and more often the older he gets) where I give him the chance to choose what he wants and take the concequences. He realizes that some of his problems at school are due to his hygiene and while I point this out to him, it just seems to frustrait him all the more when 'mom is right.'

On top of this, his biological father's mother (Grandma) just died of ALS and he's started acting out. He visits his dad every summer back east and it was really hard on him to see her wasting away. So right now everything is so much more dramatic and hard to deal with.

Twice now, through what I believe to be ignorance on the part of the school and CPS, I have had a worker come to my home and tell me that she/he is there because my son is not wearing clean clothes to school and that they are too small. That afternoon my son comes home and just like every other afternoon, he usually has a few stains on clothing due to lunch or from recess, or even from some art project that the class is working on. The only piece of clothing that is too small is his favorite flannel shirt that used to belong to my fiancée. He is a boy! Grass, food, and paint stains happen. As I stated, there are times when he does where the same pants or shirt to school; And as stated before, I have been told by numerous sources that this is normal child behavior.

I had been in contact with the school since the begining of the year letting them know what was going on with his grandmother and that I know there is a hygiene problem. I asked for them to help me work with him. Instead of doing this, however, the messages never got to the proper people; In fact, the school counciler never even knew that there was a family illness nor was she informed when his grandmother died. I didn't even know there was a school councilor available because no one ever told me. However, they are the ones who called CPS. I can't even say for sure who in the school it was and of course CPS won't tell me.

To add to this, when my son was questioned at school by the worker, he told her that my fiance smokes a pipe and I am trying to quit. The workers first response to this was to ask to see the pipe and to ask if we were doing drugs. I was astonished. Not only is the pipe an obvious tabacco pipe, but the worker automatically assumed drugs where involved when a pipe is mentioned Who is the one with the problem here? The one that assumes illegal drugs are involved when 'smoking' and a 'pipe' are mentioned? Or a ten year old by who has a normal child's hygiene problem? And ridiculously enough, the worker told us to keep the pipe tobacco out of Tony's reach so he wouldn't eat it!

To add even more to this problem, my house is cluttered. We have a lot of stuff and not a lot of storage space for it, so obviously we have to put it somehwere, and that somewhere usually ends up being out in the open until we can find some new technique of packing extra things into zero space. Unfortunatly, physics has not advaced to a state where we can feasably divide by zero. On top of this, we have 3 outdoor cats. Any pet owner knows that with pets usually come smells and apparently my cats offend this worker's nose. She complained quite a bit about the smell, which is quite odd considering our friends that visit every now and again never say anything. And when asked for honesty, all they say is that it smells like we have pets. Nothing more. You could claim that they are lying to save us the heartbreak, but at this point, they know my son's residance is on the line and they wouldn't do that to us.

So my question to you all, after that long winded explanation, is what can I do? Short of giving half of my posessions to Goodwill due to lack of storage space and giving away my family's beloved animals, I'm at a loss. What had started out as my son having a normal hygiene issue has become a family/friend wide rampage through my house on a cleaning spree because the state demands it.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think you might be in denial about your living conditions.

•If you have 3 "outdoor" cats, what is the pet smell from? Do they use inside litter boxes? Are they cleaned daily? If so, they don't smell. I cat sit for a couple with two inside cats and their house doesn't smell like cat poop or cat pee.
•This is a 10 year old that needs a bath every day. Most kids do. Is his bedding cleaned regularly? If not, even daily baths won't stand up to that.
If he is clean, his clothes are clean, deodorant is used, hair is clean, teeth are brushed, I don't see what the hygiene problem is--you don't state what it IS exactly.
•I'm sorry he's having such a hard time about his grandmother. Have you gotten him some grief counseling? It might really help him. Did he get to say goodbye to her? If not, maybe he could write down his thoughts, memories and goodbye to her.
•I know you want to encourage independence but obviously, that's not working at this point in time. When a child's hygiene is so bad it is causing him issue at school, I think it's your JOB to step in and make sure that he is clean. And I mean scrupulously clean.
•As for the clutter you describe in your home, it sounds like its to the point of overwhelming, so maybe you DO need to give away half of your stuff to Goodwill. Most people have too much stuff anyway. As for the cats--again--if they are outside cats and you are keeping their boxes clean, I don't see what they have to do with this. Showing your son how to keep a clean and organized living space might go a long way toward his hygiene issue.
I doubt CPS would really get involved because a kid has some body odor, so I wonder what's really going on here.

Maybe your perception of the issue is quite different than the perception coming from another source and that's why they're worried?

You have to understand that teachers, counselors and such do not take calling CPS lightly. If they felt strongly enough to call CPS chances are he was getting talked about/made fun of at school. Boy or no, it's ultimately your responsibility to make sure he gets a bath every night, washes his hair, etc. It's warm in CA like it's warm in Florida and if my kids don't get a bath every night they smell like goats. You even said in your post that you contacted the school about his hygiene problems. As the parent you have to be the one to buckle down on him and make sure he does what he's supposed to do. And it's your responsibility to make sure you look at him before he leaves the house to ensure he's dressed clean and appropriately. My son comes home looking like a disaster most days but he leaves looking clean and neat.

As far as the house-get some bins with lids. Pack them with the stuff you aren't using every day and label them. That looks a heck of a lot neater and more organized than clutter sitting around.

Pet smells are very distinct and if even your friends are telling you it smells like you have a pet then you have a problem. I have pets, I have friends that have 3 indoor cats and you would never know they have animals. That is the way it should be.

Unfortunately in this day, the case worker has to ask about drugs. It's a sad fact of life for too many kids. If she didn't ask she wouldn't be doing her job and it could cost a child a lot.

Rather than feeling defensive use this as an opportunity to improve things for your son and around your house.

Oh my gosh! I'm sorry your dealing with this (unnecessary) situation !!! Seems very 'innocent' and it seems to me that there has to be someone who must have it "out" for your family (not sure why). I used to go to school w/ a kid whos parents had to PAY him every two weeks to shower ( middle school through HS) so he showered twice every 14 days... NOTHING was ever said or done about his lack of hygiene. i remember sooo many kids 'smelling' or wearing clothes that didnt fit, stained etc. I just find it very strange that your situation is being made into a larger issue than it is. I hope that everything works out for you and your family. I'm sorry I have no advice to give (maybe you should look into getting a layer) I just have seen much more Severe cases (that desperately needed to be check into) and Nothing was ever done or 'looked into' about those. GL I really hope that things get better Fast for you all !!!!!!!

This isn't what you want to hear:

It really sounds like you're in denial - your child isn't presenting as clean, your house is presenting as unsafely cluttered and smelly. As a teacher, it would take a lot of days of a kid seeming dirty and smelly for me to call CPS, but I would if I felt that the child was beyond normal dirty for an extended period of time. CPS does not have the manpower or money to investigate claims where there really is nothing there. They were right to ask about the pipe - better that they found out for sure that it was tobacco than simply assume it was drugs!

My best advice is, rather than turn to us looking for ways to fight this, is to ask CPS what they would like to see happen. They want your kid bathed every day? Give him a shower every day. They want some of the clutter gone? Get rid of it. I know it seems rediculous to you, but it probably isn't.

Good luck.

Oh man, I was looking at the laundry thinking how grateful I am no CPS worker was here to see it!!! I am sorry that you are going through this it is tough once they get involved because life isn't always just perfect and it seems like they expect it to be. I would say just do your best to get your son in a bath every day and document that you are doing so. Try and make it fun like get bubbles he likes, or if he is into showering just get him soap he pics and maybe accessories like a robe and slippers or whatever or maybe a reward like dinner at CiCis on the Friday or a dipped cone at Dairy Queen if he bathes/showers all week long, nothing expensive just a little incentive. As far as the cats go, I grew up with cats all my life and the best thing you can do I think is just sprinkle some baking soda on the carpet before you vacuum and give your furniture a spritz down with febreeze fabric spray a couple times a week, that should take care of it and not be too taxing for you. As far as the clutter goes, just dust some and straighten. A ten minute straighten up in the evening wouldn't hurt and if clutter is sort of neatly stacked, it doesn't look too bad. One thing I did to improve the cluttered look of my house was to put a small trash can right in the living room. After my son has a capri sun, right to the trash it goes, when we check the mail, junk mail goes immediately in the trash and not on a table or piece of furniture. We come in with take out and eat in the living room, after eating everything is immediately in the trash, cannot tell you how much that helped!!! I also have a laundry basket in every room, even the living room. If my son comes in from playing outside and is wet or dirty he pulls his clothes off right by the door. This prevents him from getting dirt/mud/water all over and there are no clothes stroon about, we may have backed up laundry but it is all in a basket. The last thing I have done to help with clutter is I stick to my guns that no more laundry gets done until I put away any clean laundry. If it is in a basket, it's dirty. I have a good sized house, but very little storage and I have kids and we are somewhat of clutter bugs so these are few things that have helped me. I think if you alter your habits a little CPS will get off your back and you will be glad of that!!! I don't think any of it sounds problematic myself but now that they are involved I say change what you need to to get them out of your life!!! Take care a wish you all the best!

I would think that the first step would be to require him to take a nightly bath/shower. Sure, every single night might not happen. But you should make it part of his evening routine (unless after school activities don't allow the 10 minutes before bed to get it done). The next thing you need to do, regardless of whether or not he likes it, is to take 5 minutes before he goes to bed and have him choose his clothes for school the next day. Then, YOU look at them and either deem them acceptable or require him to make another selection.

It really seems that simple, to me. (I don't know about the house cleaning stuff, not that CPS is involved... but as far as the school calling CPS in the future, if the reasons were hygiene related, this should solve it).

I realize that you are trying to get your son to learn to make good choices, and you are okay with allowing him to hang onto favorite items that may be outgrown. I have a 12 yr old son, so I understand completely. BUT, you still have to remain the authority about it, and have the final say. He doesn't want to toss his favorite flannel shirt. I get that. So let him keep it. But he is only allowed to wear it around the house. My son has TONS of clothes that fit that very description.. or they have holes or whatever... yes, he will come out of his room ready to go somewhere with them on.... But that is where I, as his mom, have to say "uh-uh. nope. Go change. You cannot wear that to the store/school/church," etc. Once you set some of those boundaries,THAT is how he'll learn to choose more wisely. He will learn what is and is not acceptable for public consumption, so to speak. It's okay if he doesn't want to donate it or toss it out... don't make him. But you have to draw a line about what he wears to school. At this point, you really have no choice. And it's the same with getting himself clean. My son, just this year, has actually gotten where he prefers to get up and take a shower in the mornings before school. I'm fine with that. Although, sometimes if he has gotten really sweaty at karate class or playing outside I'll make him take it before bed. Then, in the morning, it is his option if he wants to take another or not. Five-ten minutes before he leaves for school in the morning, ask the questions they don't like: Did you brush your teeth? Did you wash your hands after breakfast? Did you comb your hair (if you can't tell by looking)? My son was TERRIBLE about not combing his hair.. now, he wants a hairbrush in the car so he can brush it several times before we get to school, lol. So, yeah.... all that stuff does kick in during the 'tween years. But right now, you cannot afford to wait until he just gets it on his own. You have to ENSURE that it gets done daily.

Good luck. And hang in there... your son might hate it now, but in a short time, you won't have to do this anymore. And he will be annoying YOU asking for his own blowdryer, cologne, deodorant, scented shower gels, etc.

I have to agree with some others that seem to think that the problem is not with CPS, it is with you. It definitely seems liek there is some type of denial going on. You offer a lot of reasons why your son is the way he is, but it does not seem that you are seeking any solutions to it. If school personnel are concerned enough to call, and CPS does not immediately dismiss it, it is really time to admit that you need to make some changes in your household and behaviour.

Have him start showering every day, and if your nose can smell him when he comes home from school, have him shower again that night. Hormonal changes can be what's causing the extra smell, and he could benefit physically and emotionally from 2 showers a day if necessary. Go through his clothing, donate things that are too small or permanently stained. Make sure all the clothes he is keeping are clean (sometimes kids will shove dirty things into the drawers with clean!).
Organize your belongings, and get rid of things that you don't need. Put the things you are keeping into containers that can be stacked in closets or under beds.
Outdoor cats shouldn't make your house smell like pets. Have them groomed, make sure they are using only the litter boxes for a potty, and have your carpets steam cleaned if you can. Your house should not smell that strong like cats. Maybe they are peeing places they shouldn't??
Most importantly, talk to your son about how crucial it is to keep clean. You are right, stains are not a big deal. They DO happen. However, for CPS to get involved and stay involved, there must've been more to it that a few stains. Make sure your son understands that good hygiene is VERY important, and if he is at an age where he doesn't care, then he needs you to guide him until he can do for himself. If he is neglecting his hygiene, he may be neglecting other things also. He needs to talk to a counselor, and if the information isn't "getting to the right people", go to the school and talk to them in person. Get him an appointment with the school counselor. Stay in constant contact with his teachers and counselor. Stay on top of him about hygiene. Show him how much soap he needs to use, how much shampoo. I know this seems simple, but what if this is as simple as he is not using enough soap or shampoo in the shower?! Make sure he is using deodorant. Remind him to brush, shower, put dirty clothes in hamper, etc.
Good luck with it and I wish you the best! :)

If it is to the point of CPS getting involved several times, obviously it is a problem. You keep saying it is normal for a boy this age to not care about hygiene, but your situation sounds extreme. His clothes should be clean on a daily basis. He is old enough to shower on a daily basis and wear deoderant. Go through his clothes to make sure they fit. Designate a box or drawer for play clothes--ripped, stained, too small to wear in public. Let him know that these clothes are not for school. He needs to be taught to take some pride in his appearance. It may be "normal" for him to not WANT to shower daily, but it is not "normal" for you to let him get away with it.

Well, I think CPS probably came to your house because of the mention of a pipe. Honestly, if they have time to make visits because a 10 year old boy appears dirty on occasion, then you must live in a fabulous area where all the families are happy and no children are being abused or neglected! The CPS worker does sound rather dim.

However, he is 10 and YOU are his mother. I'm all for teaching our kids independence and giving them appropriate choices. For example, my 4 year old routinely has fits about wearing socks, putting on a jacket, etc. It's quite chilly here today and was about 40 this morning, and he refused to put on socks or his jacket. As I always do in this situation, I put his jacket and some socks in his backpack, and his dad said he had the socks on and was asking about the jacket before they got to school. ONE thing that is non-negotiable and always will be in my home is bathing. You need to bathe him every day. My children are also not allowed and will never be allowed to wear the same, dirty clothes to school two days in a row. Even if he doesn't like it -that needs to be a rule. Basically, every day he needs to bathe, wash his hair, brush his teeth and put on clean underwear, socks and clothing. Some of those can be argued with, but in this case it needs to be on a daily basis until it's routine. At his age, there's a good chance he also needs deoderant -is this part of the issue? You need to make him wear it, even if it means you watch him put it on every morning. Again -he's 10, not 16. He's still a kid. As far as you "catching him" wearing the same clothes -why don't you help him pick out something to wear the night before school every evening? Make sure his dirty clothes are in the laundry hamper. Tell him there's now a house rule about his clothing and he's not allowed to wear certain things to school and he certainly cannot wear the same thing two days in a row. It's perfectly normal for him to come home dirty, but not to leave that way.

As far as your clutter -why are you keeping all of this "stuff" that's packed up and not being used but is taking up space that you don't have? Either get a storage unit or get rid of it.

Cats -I love cats, and I'm wondering why, if yours are outdoors, there would be any odor? Are they unneutered toms? If so, they need to be fixed immediately before they continue to breed more strays since they're outdoors and that will also help with the spraying. Do they stay inside at night or something and have a litter box in your house? With 3 cats, you need to be sure to use multi-cat litter and change it out every other day. You may want to get one of those "self-cleaning" litter boxes, but regardless -with 3 of them -you need to change it constantly or it will stink.

So -I do think you need to take some steps to get the house and the cats in order and make sure your son is clean every morning and bathing daily. He's still a child, and children do go through these stages, but that doesn't mean you need to go along with it.

I would make sure he's cleaning EVERYTHING with actual soap. if it takes you watching him shower then do it something isn't getting washed and do it every day and I'd introduce him to deodorant.
about the clutter , I don't have an answer my own house is cluttered.

I understand trying to teach independence, but I think it's too early for your son. Ultimately, if he won't take the reigns...he's not ready...and you should make him! In my opinion, the FIRST time cps was called, he should have been forced. If he is showering every other day, I really can't imagine how he smells so badly. We have animals and I've never had a comment, or strange look about smells. My parents now have dogs, a rabbit, cats, chickens, a donkey, and goats on their small piece of land and in their home...and they never smell like animals. I know a woman who says their house, is cluttered. I didn't think cluttered when I walked in. I thought out of control and unsafe. I would NEVER say anything, because I wouldn't know what to say. Your friends might be the same way.

Perhaps, because you're IN the situation...you can't really see it. Kind of like trying to look, at your nose. You're too close to it. The fact is, multiple people have complained about your son. You have been complained about. The common denominator here, is your family and home. People are so hesitant to complain about certain things, because they fear of harming a family. Most things, go un-reported, becuase people are logical and can see another side of things. I've never met a person, that wants to report, or cause trouble. If CPS is being called, I have to think it's bad enough, for genuine concern. Take a step back, look at your situation, see it through a stranger's eyes. You are explaining away hygiene issues, that don't have to be here. Home issues, that don't have to be there. And I'm sorry, that this is so harsh, but... Basically...you're making excuses, for a situation, that can and should be fixed. One more call to CPS and you could be in real trouble. Why not just make him shower, put out his clothes, get rid of things you don't need, clean the litter box more often? Why do these things have to stay the same? Is it worth getting your family taken apart, or trouble with the family court system? Time to stop complaining and clean things up in your family and home.

I have a 10 year old...she may not be that into whether she is clean or not, but I can promise you I am right there at her elbow saying you need to wash...with soap, you need to brush your teeth, you cannot wear that...call me a nag but my kid is presentable at school...if she wants to wear play clothes on the weekend...no big deal.
You cannot clean clutter, get rid of what you do not need...things do not bring happiness.
I have 3 indoor only cats, I LOVE my cats, my house does not smell, I clean the litter box daily. If cats have a bladder infection or other UTI they will urinate on piles of laundry or on "stuff" cat urine smell is one of the strongest most offensive hard to get rid of odors, if you live there you are most likely immune to the smell.
I am not saying that maybe they are not over reacting, but sometimes when we are too close to the situation and do not see the seriousness of it, I watch Hoarders on A&E and most of the time people are arguing that Everything is fine and they are living in the equivilant of a trash heap, that is not fair to a child or to animals.
I suggest you ask for assistance, I suggest when suggestions are made by people who weild a power to remove your child from your home instead of being defensive you make changes instead of excuses.

I just have a quick response unlike the other "books" that have been written for you. CPS does not just come out for any reason. When someone calls, it must be an issue of abuse/neglect with reasonable evidence that the person calling must give. CPS will then determine if they need to investigate. It is the schools responsibility as well as anyone who works with kids or in social services, to report any type of abuse/neglect, even if it is just an assumption. Wouldn't you rather someone be looking out for your child and be taking the time to make sure there isn't abuse going on, instead of everyone turning a blind eye? What if something was wrong, drugs involved, abuse, etc? Please take that into consideration when you condemn someone for doing their job. I work in social services and it is very hard to determine the appropriate time or situation to call CPS sometimes, so it is better to be safe than sorry. We all understand the issue with teenagers, but again look at the other people's perspective regarding your son and you might not be so quick to judge their motives.

Its true that everyone has a different 'clutter/clean' meter. My husband and I are set differently, and he's CONSTANTLY on me about spaces that I consider mine. Be that as it may, you are now on radar, because someone thought that your son's appearance one day didn't meet THEIR 'clean' meter so now your house is under attack of CPS's 'clutter' meter. The best way to get CPS out of the situation is to work with them. Keep a notebook of their comments, and make a noted attempt to deal with their comments.

For the house being cluttered - CPS is all about documenting and SEEING improvements.
- setup a chore chart that is displayed in the kitchen. At 10 your son should be able to keep his room picked up, clean clothes in one area, dirty clothes in his hamper, etc.
- pick a long weekend. pick a room and try to declutter. My husband just did this last weekend, when I wasn't paying attention. He decluttered all 4 bedroom closets and has his sights on the kids toy pile in the living room for this weekend!

- use the 3 month rule. and the 1 touch rule. pick something up. if you haven't used it or played with it in the last 3m, then get rid of it. For me I have a hard time tossing stuffed animals and Christmas decor.

For the cats - its possible that one or more of them has sprayed on the stuff that is 'housed' in the open and that you've become accustomed to the smell. When friends respond with 'it smells like we have pets' it usually means that there is a smell, but they to are just dealing with it or are used to it. Decluttering and some Febreeze should help.

For your son - I have a 9y. I completely understand the 'bathing issue'. He too has some clothes that have seen better days. I have asked him to stop wearing the stained holey jeans to school because the school may complain. The send home a monthly newletter and there is usually a comment about the dress code and not wearing stained / holey clothes. The exception was a field trip where they were told to wear clothes that were old and could get dirty. One thing you could try, that's worked for me, is to have him keep a pair of 'ok' jeans in his bookbag so that if the school complains he can change.

Good luck.
Megan

I'm a neat freak so don't understand clutter. Why do some people have so MUCH STUFF? But I know everyone is different. I have to wonder if having a cluttered home though and it sounds like a smell isn't really motivating your son to be clean and neat himself. Kids do follow the example their parents set and while you likely are personally clean in your dress etc, I think a neat and presentable home provides an example to kids and a sense of pride. Also, I remember starting to shower everyday when I was 10 so likely he does need it daily... You sound like a bright and reasonable person but maybe like someone said, you're too close to see that there is a problem. Take a weekend and clean house. Likely you don't need half of the stuff cluttering your home. I bet you like your home better with less useless stuff.

It's a cause for concern when children are unkempt and dirty. Those in authoritative positions look for warning signs and don't call CPS lightly and so there it is. I don't know if maybe they have suspisions due to his behavior as well... is he withdrawn, shy, picked on, awkward socially? Is his manner of dress not only unclean, but sloppy, pants too short, shirts wrongly buttoned, long, bedhead messy dirty hair? Things that build up can look like neglect and/or poverty, so it's only right for people to probe to see if there is a potential problem in the child's best interest.

What you really need to do is get your child to bathe, brush his teeth, comb his hair every day, and probably introduce him to deodorant. Yes, kids can be stubborn, but it's the parents job to teach them healthy oral and body hygiene and to be examples of cleanliness and order, and to enforce them at this young age. He will become a better person for it, his social life is already suffering, do all you can to give him a better and happier life. I wonder if his self-esteem, study habits and other areas of his emotional state are distressed as well?

I would say clean your house... if you have tons of stuff, then get rid of a lot of it. I would bet that most of it is clutter that could be thrown out or donated. You will feel a lot less stress and have less problems if you started there. I don't know if your home is just cluttered with laundry and mail to sort through and such, or if it also is dirty with trash and food waste all over, and just stuff everywhere like a hoarder problem. I mean, it happens and it's heartbreaking and it's neglect, and if so, then it would be very helpful if you sought some counseling yourself to help you work through it. If you need family and friends rampaging through your home to clean it, then you have a problem.

About the pipe, it could be innocent like you say, or it could be a drug pipe, both exist, and CPS workers see it every single day, so it's not far fetched in their eyes. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back so that CPS would come to your home.

I don't know why outdoor cats would cause a problem, unless they are also inside making a smell. If your friends say they smell pet smell, then you need to do something about that. They may be marking your home and outside of your home, and sometimes as home owners who smell it every day, we don't sense it anymore, but the CPS worker will get a strong wiff of it when he/she comes by.

Basically, do all that you can to get things right. Enforcing cleanliness isn't taking away your child's independence... it's giving him tool he needs so he has greater independence and a greater chance. We have rules to help us thrive.

It is pretty normal for the mention of smoking a pipe to lead to the assumption of drugs, pipe tobacco is not very popular or common these days. That more than likely is the main reason cps was called in the first place. For the cats (I too have several pets, so I understand the smell issue), make sure you are cleaning the cat box every day, and get a litter deodorizer, the arm and hammer one is very good. Also, if it is not too cold, keep the box close to a window you can keep cracked. For the clutter, I am not sure, my house it just as bad! I keep some of it under control with under the bed boxes and by boxing stuff and putting it under the house and/or in the attic, but I am not sure if these are options for your home.
As for the child, I remember my cousin being just like this! My Aunt would make him take a bath and brush his teeth, but he would do so without soap or toothpaste! Until everything gets under control with cps, I would take away his freedom of choice on this one. Have dad (or you if dad is not able) watch him shower once or twice to make sure he is using soap and shampoo, or smell him when he gets out and make him go right back in if he does not smell like soap and cleanness! Clean his room for him to be sure you get all his dirty cloths, and make him bring you his dirty cloths from the day as soon as he takes them off to get into pjs. Watch him brush his teeth to be sure he is doing it well and watch while he puts on deodorant. For now, take away the flannel that is too small and store it in a safe place since he seems to love it so.

I am so sorry you are going through all this, and it will take some time, work, and dedication on your part to get out of it now that cps is involved. It does not sound like they should have been involved, but now that they are all you can do is work with them. Best of luck.

Blessed be.