My husband and I are really struggling with how to handle the Baptism of our new baby son. Luckily we agree on the importance of getting our son baptized; however, he's Lutheran and I'm Catholic. Both are Christian-based religions, but we do need to decide between them to start our son's path of faith in one direction as this will impact future decisions regarding school, other sacraments, etc... Any ideas on how to approach this and make the right decision?
Can you do both? My husband is Episcopalian and I'm Jewish and we did both the Jewish naming ceremony and had our son baptised. That way he's covered on both ends! I'm not sure if it would be different with two Christian religions, like if there are rules on only being baptised once or not.
My husband is Catholic and we had both kids baptized Catholic because he wanted it and because it's much easier to get the sacrament when you're born than go through Catholic education later. (Not sure that's a terribly good reason, but there you have it.)
My husband and i were from different faiths and we had our daughter baptized at a non-denom church in palos park called the Wayside Chapel. We were both really happy w/ the ceremony and it was nice and personal.
Hi Melanie, let me start by asking, do you guy's attend church regularly. If yes which church do you attend and how often?
I am Catholic and my husband is Lutheran. We were married in the Catholic church. We decided to raise our children Catholic. Our older son was baptized in the Catholic church and our youngest will be baptized next month.
I think that you and your husband need to talk about what you each want for your son. The right decision is the decision that you make together.
Good luck.
I was also going to ask what church you go to regularly? and which church married you? If you do not attend either church, i would postpone baptism until you two can decide which faith you will commit to.
Me personally... I was raised roman catholic. I have many issues with the religion, and most religions (I see all these people claiming to be christians, yet living their lives in a less than christian way...very hypocritical to me - seriously, my ex SIL said to me once... 'I think Jesus wants me and your brother to get divorced...' are you SERIOUS? last time i checked, jesus was not advocating divorce... but who am i?).
I have chosen NOT to do any baptism. I believe in God, I raise my children to believe in God and I am trying very hard to raise them to be honest, respectful people who appreciate the sacrifices made for their life. I have had many arguements with my Italian family on this..... I refuse to stand up in church and vow to raise my child as a catholic, knowing full well I do not attend church of any denomination. I think it would be disrespectful and hypocritical to do so.
So while I can appreciate the desire to cleanse the soul of our sin... unless you can give it 100% of who you both are, don't stand up there and lie to God, for the sake of going thru the motions. Decide what side of the fence you will be on, and don't rush it. you can baptize your baby when she's older and you've made your religion part of your life.
I don't mean to be harsh...honestly, I just feel very passionately about this particular subject :)
I wish you the very best of luck. God Bless
Hi Melanie,
Hope this information helps- In tradition most children are baptized into the religion of their mother. My understanding is that the mother ultimately will raise the child in "faith".
My husband and I are of different religous back grounds. Our children were baptized in my religion.
One question I would discuss with your husband is "out of the two of you- which one of you is more committed to his/her faith?"
Which church were you married in? Luthern or Catholic? That may be another way to decide. Do you have any plans in the future to enroll your child in a parochial school? That may make a difference too. If you think you will enroll your child in a Luthern or Catholic school, you may want to baptise in that religion.
I hope your decision will be made soon and that there is not much tension in deciding.
Hope that helps!
MV
Same situation here. We went with my religion just because I am more into it than my husband is into his.
This is what happen to us. We chose to baptize our son at Grace Lutheran Church because my husband was Lutheran. We decided to send him to Woodstock Christian School for his education. When he was in 2nd grade he asked us if we would consider trying out Woodstock Assembly for a new church home. He did not care for the Sunday School at Grace and really liked his school which was located at Woodstock Assembly.
We Agree to try it out. When our son was in 4th grade he asked if he could be baptized again in a full water baptism and if we would consider joining him and be baptized again.
We agreed and later became member of this church. Our son is now 17 and a senior and planning to study evangelism and discipleship.
I believe you should get him baptized and I believe that the Bible teaches us to follow our husbands lead as long as he is living Gods Word. If your husband is not practicing and living his faith and you are then baptize in your faith. Other wise baptize in your husbands.
Because as I just told you, you can baptize your son in the Catholic or Lutheran church and choose later to want a life in a Pentecostal Church.
Best of Luck
Melanie, our family is Jewish and my daughter-in-law and her family is Catholic. They were lucky to find a place where families raise their children in both religions.
The children are now 5, 8, and 10. They are not confused. They embraced both religions but the older one has announced that he wants to be Jewish and the middle one told everyone that he wants to be Catholic.
The middle one was just Babtized and is going to have his 1st communion in a week. The older one is going to Hebrew School And the middle child wants to go to Hebrew School also. And they are all happy.
Where is it written that your child cannot be raised in a home with two religions, raised in 2 religions and given the freedom to make a choice if they choose to?
As long as your home is filled with love and respect for each other's beliefs, anything is possible. You just have to ignore all outside family pressures.
Good luck Madeline
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I know a lot of people that have struggled with this decision- do either of you practice your religion or attend mass regularly or belong to a church? I think the child should be Bastized with the parent that has the strongest belief go to eachothers church.
My best friend was in the same type of household growing up. Her mom was Lutheran and her dad was Catholic. Her parents decided early on that the kids would attend the local Catholic school, so that helped them in their decision. If that isn't in your plans, perhaps you should consider which parent attends church more regularly and will most likely take your son with them.
Good luck and try to remember that in the end, raising a child with good Christian morals is what is most important.
Angie
You've gotten good advice from everyone. Lisa G wondered about being able to be baptized more than once. I know the Catholic Church believes in only one baptism. I'm not sure about Lutherans.
My best advice is to seriously look at who is more committed to their faith, and where you go to church most frequently.
There are some fundamental differences in beliefs between the two faiths, but ultimately, they are very similar. The differences are not anything that your child would even be introduced to until he is much older (like secondary or junior high grades). With Catholicism, the sacraments are given during specific ages. If your son would choose to be confirmed in the Catholic Faith, and he had been raised predominantly Lutheran, then (depending on his age) he would either go through the RCIA (Right of Christian Initiatn for Adults) process as an adult, or through chatechism/religious education if he's still young or in his early teens. I'm not as familiar with the process if he were raised Catholic and decided to live his life as a Lutheran.
Most parochial schools I am familiar with do not have a problem with children of another faith attending... in fact, many parochial schools will have students who are not Christians enrolled. Some ask all students to attend services, some allow the non-Christian children to sit out on church or prayer services. The biggest factor is, if you are of the same faith as the school you are sending your child to, many times there is some break for parishoners of that school's church.
Good luck! What's most important is that you are interested in raising you child with a faith and belief system!
My husband and I are of two different faiths. I am Catholic, he attended several different churches growing up. (Presbyterian, Lutheran, Methodist...) My husband has a lot of trouble embracing the Catholic church. I respect his feelings about it, and we accept our differing opinions. But we both wanted our son to grow up within a church community, even if it wasn't the exact same type we grew up in. We agreed to try different churches in the area, until we could find one we both felt comfortable with, that we both could agree upon. I wanted us to be able to join a community of faith as a family. While I did not intend to give up being Catholic, I did want to have my son grow up with some kind of spiritual foundation, and ideally it would be some kind of foundation that we could all embrace. If we could find someplace that we agreed on, I would commit to bringing our son up in this other faith, though I did not intend on abandoning my own Catholic faith for myself. We went to just about every church in town, and finally settled on one we both really liked. I was allowed to join this church without having to convert from Catholicism! I explained right up front to the pastor that I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, and I can't just stop BEING Catholic. He was perfectly fine with that and had no problem with it whatsoever. He explained how I could join the church, without converting, and could be a full member of the church community. My husband completely converted, giving up all ties to any other faiths. It was a perfect solution for us. We've all been very happy with the choice.
I would encourage you to use this time to explore these faiths with your husband, and decide together about what you two can embrace together.
(I read a book called A Severe Mercy, by Sheldan VanAuken -- and it was such a beautiful story about a couple learning their faith together, and how it transformed their love that they thought could never get stronger than it already was.)
Our priest has explained to us that marriage (and raising your family) is a path to salvation. It's a life-long journey of growing more faithful, more patient, more kind, more generous... A church will give you tools to accomplish those goals (teachers, sacraments, disciplines, volunteer opportunities, etc). Deciding where to baptize your child isn't just a cultural "thing to do" -- this is the first step in his path toward heaven.
Do your homework - treat this at least as seriously as you did choosing a pediatrician, a sleep method, vaccines, etc. What a beautiful opportunity to become of one mind with your husband about the most important area of your life.
God bless your journey!
Toni
ps I personally am Orthodox Christian, a faith I highly recommend. Similar to Catholic, but with a stronger emphasis (I would say) on developing both discipline and love, and a more 'traditional' way of worship (most of the services date back more than a thousand years!). Anyhow, I am happy to share resources about Orthodoxy, if you're interested.
We had the same issue - my husband would have rather had our children dedicated, where I wanted a baptism. We ended up going to a First Congressional Church where we found a nice blend of how we were raised and it help us get a church together & our twins were baptized there. Another thing I can tell you, is my husband's parents went to a Catholic baptism and they told me that it is verbally just like a dedication - Best of luck!
There have been some good points made. If one of you goes to church regularly, to me that shows which way would make the most sense.
If you really don't go to church much and want to, I'd encourage a little church "shopping." Perhaps start with what you know--attend a couple of Catholic churches and a couple of Lutheran churches. Don't be afraid to ask for and obtain info from them about their beliefs and practices, whether written material, online info, or talking to the pastor in a Bible information class (most churches I know have some sort of thing) or informally in a meeting or on the phone with him. If neither the Catholic or the Lutheran church is a "fit" for you and your family, continue looking. You're going to want to find a place where you're comfortable, somewhere where you will attend on a regular basis and be active in the church family. What good is it to your son if you baptize him and then don't take him to church? It won't give his faith (or yours, either) a chance to grow. Baptism isn't a magic potion; it's the start of a new life--faith--in his heart, and just like denying his body of food and water would kill him, denying his faith of the food found in God's Word will kill it.
My family is Lutheran. If you have any questions, I'd love to share more with you. I pray that whatever you decide, God will be with you and your family and bless you in abundance!
This can be very tough. My husband and I also practice different religions. He is methodist and I am catholic, two very different views on things. We have 4 beautiful kids and when it came down to it after much discussion all our children our baptised catholic. My husband does not attend church much and I said if he wanted to bring the children up in his faith he would have to put effort into going to church and instilling his beliefs and values of his religion. He decided he was not going to do that so we decided (and he was fine with it) that they would be raised catholic and attend church with me. That doesn't mean his view's and beliefs won't be part of their lives!!! Hope that helps.
I haven't read if others responded. But one thing is to look at who might be more involved with their religion. Or even meet with the priest and pastor from each church and go over what each believes, etc. There are some differences between the two.
But in the end I think it's best to find one that everyone feels comfortable with so that you can raise him together in that faith.
GOOD LUCK!