That is a tricky one. As someone else asked, were you married in a Catholic church? If you were, you "agreed" to Baptism and raising your children Catholic. It might be a decision you already made years ago and didn't realize.
FYI-I am Catholic, married in a Catholic church & Baptized 2 Catholic kids.
Can you have him baptised in both religiions. This would give you time to decide which one you want to be prominant in. Way down the path when he is much older he can have his choice and feel comfort that he is baptised in both.
As long as the baby is baptised it shouldn't make a difference. The priest of course will want it to be Catholic of course but will be satisfied as long as the child is raised Catholic. Did you get married in the Cacholic church or Luthern??? That's a good start.
I would pick one for now. My sister is catholic and her husband is Lutheran. They have decided to baptism there girls all lutheran and then every other weekend they go to each others churchs. Therefore the kids are seeing both sides. Then later when they start classes they will decide what to do. It is just important to get them baptised/. I wish you the best of luck in deciding what to do.
You've gotten some great advice and comments from people. The only one that I disagree with is to baptize a child in 2 different faiths. You only need to be bapitized once to receive God's blessing. I don't think a church would baptize a child if they new it was baptized already. Last Sunday at our church we did a special blessing for a baby and it was the first one I'd seen. It was beautiful. We did just a blessing because the family (mom/dad) were having baby baptized at their church the following Sunday in a different state. But the grandparents attend my church and wanted to offer a special blessing to their new grandbaby while they were in town for a visit.
My husband was raised Catholic and I was raised Presbyterian. We use to go back and forth between churches until we had our son. Then we decided it was important to have a united front when raising him in the church. We found a Presbyterian church (just happened that way) that my husband was very comfortable at and he joined as a member. We actually have a lot of mixed faith and/or Catholic families that have joined our church.
The Catholic church recognizes any Christian baptism as "valid," as long as you do it in a Christian church, and have a baptismal certificate. So, as far as baptism goes, you don't necessarily have to commit to either church immediately. I know this to be true because I converted to Catholicism as an adult, and was baptized as a child in a protestant christian church. I still had the certificate, and the church recognized this as valid, so I did not have to be baptized a second time. You can verify this w/ your priest, but I'm sure I'm correct.
In the end, I recommend choosing one church to raise your kid(s) in for the sake of consistency and unity; as far as deciding which one, I would pray about it, and maybe consider if either you or your spouse is more passionate and serious about your specific church. Good luck and God Bless!
Hi Melanie -
I know you've gotten a lot of responses already, but I felt it important to respond myself because we're going through the same decision-making process right now too. My husband was raised and is a practicing Catholic. His religious tradition is important to him and he is active because of what it does for him, not because of any outside expectations. He also volunteers as an assistant with the church's high school youth group. We recently moved and are now starting to establish new church homes near our new house, but he's finishing out the year with the youth group at the old church (we're not that far away that it's impossible, but too far to do this forever). At one point, he considered the priesthood. I was raised United Methodist and am practicing my religious tradition as well. I have always been active in the church in some way, was most recently a member of the choir, and am also trying to establish myself in the church community in our new area. At one point, I considered the ministry as well... So you see that we're both highly involved and dedicated in our respective traditions. We have been married for two-and-a-half years and just had our first baby (a boy) in January.
Of course from the time we were dating, we knew that the religious tradition of our child(ren) would be an issue we would have to deal with. In fact, it brought me to tears just thinking about it even back then because I grew up with parents who grew apart in their religious traditions about the time that we were in jr. high and their ensuing arguements about it really hurt. However, I was drawn to my husband because of who he is and part of that is his dedication to his tradition. I am GLAD he has a strong faith life. My husband and I respect each other and each other's traditions, but have no intention of changing ourselves. When it was just us, we were fine and attended our churches individually and went with each other about once a month to have some shared experiences. My husband places a high level of importance on attending his church every week, so on the weeks that he comes to my church, he is attending two services. While I attend my church all of the other weeks, when I go with him, I skip my service.
To us, one of the most important things is to establish our own traditions within our home. We plan to share our meals together with the baby in the highchair from the beginning, praying before each meal. We will be doing bedtime prayers and talking about God in our home.
We have also clarified for ourselves some additional related things. The thought that baptism was necessary to "save" the child's soul existed in a previous portion of the Catholic church and is not current doctrine, so there is not a need to rush into this decision before we are ready; we see baptism as a promise to God that we raise our son as a Christian. A second topis is that only the Catholic partner going through a Catholic-sanctioned wedding promises to try "to the best of their ability" to raise the children Catholic. We were married in the UM Church, but went through the Catholic pre-marriage experience, which is where we learned this. At the time, my husband's reaction was, "What if my wife's faith asks the same kind of promise of her?" Finally, both Catholicism and the United Methodist Church believe in ONE baptism, so either church recognizes baptism within the other church.
Our thinking at this point is to decide which tradition we intend to raise him in and baptize that way. (There is not a parochial school in our future, so that is not a decision-maker.) Yes, he'll be a Christian either way, but there are some things that will end up excluding one of the parents at some point. The prime example is Communion. If we raise him in the Catholic Church, our son and my husband will share communion there, and will not partake with me at my church. If we raise him UM, he will share with me in the UM church and my husband will not. (Even though UM communion is "open," the Catholic view is that it is not the same as Catholic Communion and Catholics are not supposed to partake, and non-Catholics are not supposed to partake at Catholic churches.) I know this feeling of exclusion for one parent might seem a bit selfish, but having been raised in a segmented religious family, I had been hoping to have a more inclusive experience for my own family and neither of us wants that exclusion for the other. No matter what, we do intend to attend both churches as a family on some sort of regular basis. The most important thing to us as well, is the faith life within our home.
I did like the response that drew attention to the fact that no matter what we do, our children as adults will be making their own faith decisions. Maybe what we should look at is the path that would set them up the best to make that decision, but I don't really know which way that would take us either. So far, I've had no "strikes of lightening" to help with this decision; I'm only sharing this long diatribe (!) so that maybe someting in our thought process might help you. If others have ideas for us to think about as well, I'd welcome them.
Thanks for bringing up the topic, best wishes, and please let me know if you'd like to "talk" further.
Kristin.
Melanie - I have a ton of experience with your situation. I grew up in a family of split religion and am also raising my children in that way. My dad was Catholic, my mom Lutheran. My parents were married in a Catholic church, but when I was born (the first born) since I was a girl, my mom chose the faith I would be baptized in. It was an agreement they made in advnce. Had I been a boy, dad would have chosen. Now, although I was raised Lutheran, I attended services of both faiths (they really aren't much different in the long run, Catholisism is just a bit stricter) and never knew anything was "diferent". When I met my husband, it was ironic he was Catholic. We were married in my church and I have baptized both my children Lutheran. Our decisions were made mostly out of the fact that my husband is not as devout in his faith as I am. We also decided that we would let the children find their own direction of faith once they were older. They see both sides of the fence, as I did when I was younger.
I know this is a difficult decision, especially if you are both strong in your faith, but trust yourself that you will make the right decision. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Good luck to you!
a few things maybe to consider-
when you got married, which church were you married in? and why did you make that decision at the time? could those same reasons translate into your baptismal decision?
do you both actively practice your religion? if so, disregard this suggestion. if not- if one of you was maybe born baptized into the faith, but don't actively practice, then that could help with your decision. because your child would probably get more out of being a part of the denomination that he watches his parent actively participate in.
Maybe talk through your concerns to your priest and preacher, and see what their feedback is.
no matter what you decide, remember that even if your son is baptized in one denomination over another, he can still attend services for both if you so choose. and you can always teach him both faith backgrounds at home, so that he has an understanding for both. i know it's a difficult decision, but remember that there is no "wrong" decision. the important thing is that you're having him baptized, (regardless of the denomination you choose) which shows your commitment as a parent provide your son with a faith-based foundation and family which will help guide him throughout his lifetime. what a gift!
Melanie,
My Uncle and Aunt had the same exact issue. What they did was have the baby baptized "Non Do nominal". This is where your son will be baptized just not under one religon. You aren't picking any religon just having him baptized. So when you decide later which religon to go with you don't have to change his religon.
Good luck on your decision! This this not weird did you ever think having your baby batized would become such a big decision you have to make.........welcome to parenthood. LOL
Best of luck
Roseann
We are currently going through the same situation. My fiance is Catholic and I myself was never baptized but grew up going to a Christian reformed church of which I loved and coincided with my own beliefs. However, currently neither of us regularly attend church, so we too have decided to get the baby dedicated at a non-denominational church so that our little girl is not committed growing up as a Catholic and once she is of age, she can make her own decision on what faith best suits her beliefs.
My husband is Catholic, and I am Lutheran so we faced the same decision. Luckily the two religions are similar, so whichever decision you make should work out for your family. We decided to choose to raise our children Catholic because my husband's family is more religious than mine, and that influence would add to their appreciation of their religion. I also just wanted to make sure my children had a Christian background and some sort of religious education growing up, so I didn't mind that we chose Catholic over Lutheran. All three are baptized in the Catholic church. Also, my two oldest children went to a Lutheran preschool (my youngest will start there in the fall), and then they started their religious education in first grade at the Catholic church. So they are exposed to both religions. We do attend Catholic services when we go to mass. Good luck with your decision!
I would have to ask first if you both go to the same church? It does affect the children, my parents did that for a year or year and a half. Seek guidance there.
My husband was baptised catholic but hasn't been a practicing catholic. Where di you get married? In the Lutheran Church or the catholic church? We got married in the catholic church. Actually our daughter was baptised today!! She was so cute! Her Godfather is Jewish and Her Godmother Catholic. She's an incredibly lucky little girl. Can you do ne catholic and one lutheran at your church for the Godparents? Our church allowed for the Jewish Godfather as long as the Godmother was a confirmed catholic. I wouldn't look to much into it. I really respect Lutherans because the faith is so much similar to catholicism. I am a strng Catholic and I have gone to Lutheran masses and enjoyed them. My only reasn for not converting would be the dedication catholics have to Mother Mary. I just like the traditions for her.
I am Lutherana dn my husband is catholic and the only reason why we decied to raise the kids catholic is because our pastro at my church suggersted something. he siad that if we raise the kids catholic and tey want to become lutheran or any other religion later it is very easy to do so, just pretty much join the church and they have a ceremony for you. If you become Lutheran and want to become Catholic later you have to take tons of classes and jump though hoops etc to become catholic. i was still against it since you know I will end up taking the kids to church even thouh my husband says he will. But it is me involved in the bible studies and takes to religion class etc not him and I am stuck doing all this in the catholic faith. I just know that I have made it easier for them to choose when the time comes what they want to do. hope this helps??
good luck
jenny
Melanie: First of all do you attend church now? Whose church do you go to? You need to pick the church that you feel most "at home" with. My kids father is Methodist and I am Catholic. We decided to raise the children Methodist, with the idea that since it was his childhood religion , he would take the lead in the religious upbringing of the children. Well that never happened, 20 years later we're divorced, the kids don't attend church and I went back to the Catholic church which they don't feel comfortable with. Whatever decision you make think long and hard, but when you make it both of you need to commit to it. Don't worry about both sides of your family, Its a private decision.Just when you make it stick to it.
Wow! You've received a lot of responses. I started to read through them to see if anyone had the same advice as me, but they became too many to read. I saw a few that were kind of similar. We just baptized our daughter on March 2nd. My husband was raised Catholic, and I was raised Lutheran (I can't believe how common that mix is :-)). He initially argued with me that he would rather her be baptized catholic. My response to him was "If you want to attend church every Sunday and see her through every step of the way every week, than no problem." He has never attended church other than the few times he's been with me for special occasions, not that I go a lot right now either. But I am completely dedicatd to being there every Sunday when she is old enough to go to Sunday School and service. My mom and the rest of my family also go to our Lutheran church and are involved.
So, my answer is based on who is willing to commit more of their time to giving their child a strong faith base. In our case, that is me and thus she will be raised Lutheran. What she chooses to become at a later time in her life will be up to her.
We were in the same situation 8 years ago. I'm was raised Catholic and my husband was raised Lutheran. We both felt very strongly about our own religions but decided to baptize and raise our children Catholic. We came to this decision based on who would be the lead person in the spiritual education of our children. Since our children attend public school, I have been responsible in enrolling our children in Sunday school and having the family attend church on a regular basis. Fortunately, my husband has embraced my religion and has been curious about the differences in our religions. For us, it was more important to expose our children to a religion. Lastly, it is important for both parents to be spiritual models.
Ig you are questioning this, then you must not be a strong Cathloic, and I do not mean any disrespect by that. I was methodist when my husband and I got together. I too stuggled with that decision, because he was Lutheran. My advice to you is to pray on it. Whatever choice you make will then bring you closer with God and help you and you family to discover what you all are together. I am now a proud Lutheran. Good luck to you finding your faith is a wonderful feeling.
Hi, Melanie. If it's important to you guys that he grow up Christian, then you can certainly take him to a non-denominational Christian church to be baptized. However, my daughter's father and I are also 2 different Christian faiths (I'm Catholic and he's Baptist). When I was pregnant, we decided we would let her decide what faith she wants to practice, even if it means she wants to practice Hindu. I think this is a great approach even if you practice the same faiths. I think religion is extremely personal and should be made by the individual. As the child gets older, it's a great way to teach tolerance if you have them research the different religions and their teachings. That was my original plan, but my daughter chose earlier than I expected that she wants to be baptized. I did, however, read to her about different religions. She absolutely loves it! She still asks me to read out of this book, which I got for a college course I had to take! She understands it, though, and what she doesn't get she asks questions about.
Now my daughter is 6, and she was just baptized Catholic the weekend after Thanksgiving. That was HER decision. No arguing between us (by the way, her father and I split 3 years ago and things really aren't all that great between us). We both stood by our agreement to let her decide. Since this is my only child and I don't want to have any more, I'm glad that if it was his faith or mine, I get to share my faith with her. He plans on having more kids with his current wife, so he has more kids to share his faith with. Which brings me to your other option: If you plan on having an even number if kids in the end, then you can have one baptized Catholic and one Baptized Lutheran. One more thought: My mom's Catholic and my dad is Lutheran. They were married in the Catholic church. When married in the Catholic church, the non-Catholic has to sign an agreement saying any children resulting from the union have to be baptized and raised Catholic. My dad can't stand Catholics (although he married 2 of them), but all 3 of us were baptized Catholic, since that was the agreement he signed. If you were also married in the Catholic church, and you guys are going to make the decision to baptize your son while a baby, then I guess your best bet is to follow that agreement. Good luck!
Michelle