Hi everyone. My question is rather simple. I am expecting my 4th baby in 7 weeks. My mom threw me a baby shower for each of my babies...the first, cause he was my first; the second, because it was six years later; the third because she was a girl! Well, when we had our daughter I was blessed tremendously. She didn't wear the same dress to church for a whole year. Well, we had two boys and our princess, so my husband and I seriously thought we were done. I sold all of my baby girl's clothes at a consignment sale and the rest I donated. Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant I gave away all my baby furniture, and the last of my maternity clothes. I have absolutely nothing. I do have a crib, a carseat and a stroller. But other than that I don't even have a burp cloth. I've had a lot of friends lend me maternity clothes so I haven't needed any clothes, Thank God. Well my question is this...My mom informed me about 3 weeks ago that she is not giving me a baby shower. Her reason is that she can't pay the deposit at church to use the fellowship hall...the same location where she gave me my other showers...and that of my sister's and my sister in laws. She even made a remark "well you didn't plan very well, I don't think I need to plan anything for you either." She's happy about the pregnancy and she understands that I don't have anything, I don't know why she's being this way.
I'm not very concerned about providing for my new baby...I know that ultimately God will provide for this baby...He wanted her to be part of our family. I've had a lot of friends at church ask me if I'm having a shower...and I tell them no. Then, I have people ask me if I've registered anywhere. Yesterday I even had someone suggest a hand-me-down shower...I've never heard of this, but it sounds like a fabulous idea to me!
What am I supposed to do? Should I register for the things I need...onesies, burp cloths, blankets, etc?? Maybe I am just being sensitive. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me, I just don't know how to respond... If my mom can't do it thats fine...honestly it kinda hurts my feelings, but I don't know if its even worth telling her at this point. And I only have 7 weeks to go... I'm gonna have to start shopping soon!
I would definitely register somewhere. People are going to want to buy stuff for the baby, and you might as well have a registry where they can see what you want. Your mother probably thought about throwing you another shower but then sat down with pen and paper and figured out how much she has spent over the years throwing all those showers and "had a cow"--nothing personal towards you. I would have been hurt by what she said, too, but I doubt she meant it to be hurtful.
If people ask if you are having a shower, I'd say, "I haven't heard that anyone's throwing one for me." This is truthful, and (somewhat) subtly leaves the door open for someone to do so if they choose.
Congratulations to you and your family!!!
Congratulations. I agree there is nothing wrong with having a registry. When it comes to babies people love to shop and want to get things you can use.
if someone offers to do something then great, that's why there's registries. but otherwise you might want to buy some basics just in case. i hated the shower i had with my first, so i'm glad i got to skip that with my second, even if i had to buy most of the stuff myself.
I would see if someone would throw you a hand-me-down shower. That would be a great idea and it gets around the question of the appropriateness having a shower for the 4th baby. You could put on the invitations that you need everything for a baby girl except the crib, carseat and stroller. If I got an invitation like that, I would clean out my daughter's closet LOL! Best of luck to you!
I am pregnant with my 3rd and since I have a boy and a girl thought it might be tacky of me to have another one. I just figured if anyone wanted to get the baby something great and if not no pressure. I got rid of all of my stuff just like you except the crib so I am anxious to read your responses because I'm not sure what we are going to do either. I'm sorry you found out so late that you weren't getting any help. I am still pretty early so was just going to buy a little here and there. The hand me down shower sounds pretty cool though.
I'm going to have to disagree with all previous responses. Baby showers are only for the first baby. If you decide to get rid of your baby "stuff" without making absolutely certain there won't be another baby, then you'll have to buy everything again. Registering or expecting gifts would be very bad manners. Bringing someone a small gift or friends having a little diaper shower for other pregnancies is ok, but not big showers or registering. A person should never hint at or ask for a shower to be given to them. That is just rude. I'm sure your family will be of help by loaning or giving you things they no longer need for the baby or even splurging on some new items. Good luck and congratulations!!
Congratulations on your new baby. I do think that the 4th baby shower would be a little much. Your mother may be embarrassed to invite people who have been to #1, #2, #3 and to those she held for your sisters and SIL's. I think it would be ok to register for some things you need because if people ask about a shower or what you need you could refer them to your wish list. I would also send out info through family and friends that you would sincerely appreciate any "hand me downs" if they know of someone that would like to pass them on to you. You better go shopping and plan to have some of the basics on hand. After the baby is born, close friends might want to stop by with a gift for the new baby, but I don't think you should count on family or friends to stock your baby supplies.
Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but immediate family members should never give you a shower.
In your situation now---why don't you ask some of your friends with older babies, if they have things you can borrow or have clothing items to hand-me-down. As you said many babies have more clothes that they can possibly wear out.
Also, garage sale are a great place to pick up baby items. And lets face it--just how much does a baby really need anyhow?
God bless and congratulations on the new baby.
I would absolutely go register. I am having my 2nd girl 9 years apart. I actually still had a lot of clothes left from my daughter packed away that I never got around to getting rid of. But all the other stuff I needed was gone. We are not expecting much to be purchased off of it, but it was a great organizational tool for me to remember what I needed. They gave check lists! Also, Babies R Us gives a discount to the expecting parents on the items not purchased within a week of the delivery date. That alone is reason enough to register for me. Both of our parents live in Europe and we will be buying the big items ourselves, any discount is welcome! I would tell anyone on here who tells me that I should not have another baby shower to bite me. We are all individuals with separate circumstances, different friends etc. My friends were more than happy to come to my baby shower even though it wasn't my first. Some "etiquette rules" are for the uptight and miserable in my opinion. I prefer to live and let live. You can also throw a diaper party for yourself and invite your close friends who you know won't get caught up in etiquette, and will want to celebrate a new life. Blessings from God trump etiquette every single time!
Typically, showers are given by friends, not family. It isn't your mother's responsibility to give you a shower....so please don't be offended that she isn't able to do it this time. I would register somewhere so that if people ask, they will have a selection of the things you want/need. God will provide....and I'm sure your friends and family will welcome the new baby with a gift.....so a shower won't even be necessary. Congratulations!!!!!
It is lovely for friends and family to get together in support of a new mom. But I think the whole point of a shower is to support new moms.
Please don't have your feelings hurt about not having a fourth baby shower. I don't know any person who has had more than one. Then it is our turn, as experienced moms, to "shower" our friends who are first time moms with love and support.
And, if your mom is freed from the obligation of hosting a party, she might be more able to help you out financially when you do start shopping for necessities. As for your friends, your very close friends will get you a little something anyway or fix a dinner after you get home from the hospital.
Good luck and have a wonderful birth!
You have had 3 baby showers, where really only one is necessary. You should feel lucky that you were given that many. The purpose of a shower is typically to get all the stuff for NEW mothers. If it is a matter of finances, as you know since you have had 3 children, you don't NEED as much as the stores and books tell you you need. The basics are all you need. If someone offers to get you a gift, that's fine, but you shouldn't be pouting because of this.
When a close friend asks if you are having a shower, tell her no but you would love it if one of your friends threw one for you. HINT, HINT. Your friends are assuming your mom will do it, so they haven't thought of doing it for you. Give them a chance to come through.
Debbie Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys
I think you should invite her. Let her be the judge if she comes to the shower or not. The last thing you want to do is hurt her feelings regardless if she hurt yours or not. Take the higher road and tell her she is more than welcome to come if she would like.
You have to understand on some level though why she is upset. She has thrown you 3 showers and asked friends and family to buy you things that you gave away. Regardless if you meant to or anything like that. I think if you try to understand it also from her side you will have a better understanding at her frustration.
Honestly, I think you have been quite blessed to have had 3 showers already. A lot of people have showers for the first baby only...I've heard of second showers for the other baby but it was a long gap in between (10 years). So I think you should keep that in mind.
If your sole purpose in having the shower is about getting things for your baby, then I think you should just put the word out that you are willing to accept hand me downs from those willing to give. I believe the baby shower should be a celebration of the baby. Yes, gifts are great and help out a lot but that shouldn't be the motivation. So maybe just a small gathering, letting people bring their hand me downs and not focusing on what you are getting is what you should do. But this is all my opinion--i do hope it helps though.
Since people are being kind enough to ask about a shower for this new baby, perhaps you could get the word out that hand-me-downs would be very welcome! Everyone has a high chair or bouncy seat or gently-used crib sheets just taking up space, and I bet they'd love to find a good new home for their perfectly good baby things. People can get the things to you without having a party, which makes it easier on everyone's schedule.
As for the etiquette, I agree with others--only one baby shower (unless you are having twins or there's been a long gap between babies) and never should they be hosted by a close family member.
Hey -
I totally understand your feelings. And, I totally understand your mom's feelings. So, I think you just need to prepare for your baby on your own. When I had my 2nd baby, I was not expecting a baby shower at all because she was my 2nd baby. However, I had gotten rid of all my baby stuff as well and so I needed almost everything. I went to a consignment sell here in Tyler and bought almost everything I needed at a fraction of the cost. The next consignment sell is April 9,10,11. You seriously would not believe the bargains at this sell. Maybe you could plan a shopping trip WITH your mom to come to this sell?
The sell is best on Thursday. By Saturday, most of the "good" stuff is gone. But, they sell everything - furniture, clothes, toys. They accept cash and credit cards. www.cccsale.com
Good luck!
Leigh
Damaris, I really don't think that you can expect your mom to give you another shower. I agree that God has blessed you again, children are a precious gift that God has put into our lives. The hand me down shower sounds great. Things that you want to start out with new, would probably be fairly inexpensive. And a lot of used things can be sterialized and used. In these tough economic times, this is a good way for your friends to bless you. I think that a diaper shower would be nice. How about a money tree in addition to a hand me down shower. Trust your friends to step in, I know that my church friends are awesome. Remember that God has promised to take care of the birds of the air and he will take care of you, even more so.
God Bless,
Jeanne W.
congrats on your pregnancy! that is wonderful! regardless of if anyone decides to throw you a shower, i think registering would be a great idea. for me, it helped me remember what i needed to get. plus, at babies r us, after your baby is born, they will send you a 10% off coupon for everything that is left on your registry. and then you will be in their system and start getting their coupon packs in the mail, which is nice.
have you thought about a sip and see? a party after the baby is born to let everyone see your new addition? a lot of my friends who have 2nd, 3rd, or 4th babies have sip and sees instead of traditional showers. just an idea.
lastly, ask your friends if they have any of the big stuff you can borrow (bouncy seats, swings, exersaucers, etc). for me, that stuff isn't worth buying new because you only use it for a few months. even though you might feel like you can't function without it those months :) if you are going to have to buy anything new, i'd suggest a new carseat since it's a necessity and a safety precaution. it's no big if the swing your baby uses is a little dated, but the carseat should be as safe as possible (just my 2 cents).
good luck with your last few weeks!
~tara