When my husband and I decided to have baby #3 we had nothing left from our other two children because there is such an age gap. But I learned to be frugal because babies grow out of things so quickly so it really is silly to buy new everything! We bought one of those cribs that converts first to a toddler bed then to a twin bed . . . this way we would get our money's worth. We bought a portable bassinet which was really inexpensive vs. regular bassinet because how silly to spend so much money when the baby would be out of it after 3 months. The bulk of her new clothing I got at Walmart because you just can't beat their prices!
BTW . . . we also had a little girl (now 2) and I wish I had stuff to give you but I've been giving it away as she outgrows it because she is definitely our last.
Craig's List is a great place to buy used stuff (www.craigslist.org). You can also try freecycle.org which is a site where local people can give and get free stuff from others who no longer need it vs. filling our landfills.
To be honest, I have always thought of showers being a one time thing, a "welcome to motherhood" celebration of sorts. I think it's great that your mom was able to throw more for you and that you have people around you who were up for it. I personally have never been to a shower for a second or third (or beyond) child. I have, however, sent small gifts along to friends for their additional children.
That said, I certainly sympathize with your situation of having passed along all of your baby things. Do you have a good friend or someone at church that can put the word out that you are accepting hand-me-downs?
It sounds as if you are just ion need of supplies- perhaps forgoing a formal shower is appropriate.
You can't throw a shower for yourself, and if your mom doesn't want to throw you one, then you are out of luck. If one of those friends who asks if you are having a shower offers to have one for you, then I'd say OK...if not, then you are just out. Like you said, friends that know you gave everything away and know that you will be in need will give you things...
In the community I am raised in, a shower is only giving for the first baby, an never by the mother, or a sister. just our tradition. Having said that, have you tried going to a second hand store, good will etc. Sometimes you find excellent baby furniture there cheep, because it isn't wore out, maybe was only used a few months by one baby. you can disenfect it easy . Also baby clothes sometimes in those places still have the tags on them or are like new, because there again, maybe haven't been wore over once or twice. I know it is great to have all new things, but if you have friends asking if you have registered anywhere I'd do it, and then the ones that want to buy you something will know what you need most, and the hand me down shower sounds great, if someone wants to give you one.
Hi Damaris, I think every baby deserves a baby shower! Can you have the shower at your house, moms house, or a friends house? If not, is there another location that is cheaper? Don't let money stand in the way of celebrating your new baby. You will want pictures and memories for this child just like all your other kids have.
I do love the idea of a hand me down shower, I've also been to a diaper shower that was loads of fun. Everyone brought a pack of diapers as a gift and all the games played had to do with diapers such as guessing what smell is in several diapers, putting a diaper on a baby doll while blindfolded, etc. Whatever you decide to do, have fun and enjoy the ride!
Congratulations on your new little one! I'm sorry to hear about the comment from your mom about not planning. I know that had to sting just a little, even if she is happy about it.
Here is my thought. Register somewhere. If someone asks where you are registered, they have an interest in giving a gift to you and the new baby. So at least you'll have a list of the things you need-which looks like everything lol.
The hand-me-down shower is a great idea too if you're open to that. I just donated a lot of my daughters things that looked practically new! I just didn't know anyone who needed them. If I had, I would be more than happy to give it.
I would just put the word out to family and friends that you got rid of everything and I think you're spot-on when you say the Lord will provide. People who hear and know will most likely be willing to give or donate what they have.
Good Luck!
Damaris,
Just an idea...my sister-in-law felt it was bad luck to celebrate the birth of her baby BEFORE the fact, so they had a party after the baby was born - for everyone to come meet him. I wouldn't put anything on the invitations about "Registered at...", but when people RSVP, some (if not all) will ask you where you're registered or what you need and you can tell them then.
Congratulations! Each child is a blessing. I have six. I think they are each marvelous, wonderful little people. My church family, my friends and my family have been very generous with each new addition. I had an official "shower" with the firt and the last. But more about that later.
First, let's address your hurt feelings over the words and actions of your mother. As if you need a reminder: "well you didn't plan very well, I don't think I need to plan anything for you either." Granted I'm hearing this out of context, but that probably wasn't the best thing to say. As the poet said, the best laid plans of mice and men, oft go astray. There are countless children who come into our lives, despite what our 'plans' are. If you are hurt by your mother's actions and/or words, it's OK to acknowledge that. If you felt the need, you could even say,"Hey, Mom, I don't expect you to do anything, but that hurt a little bit." Or if it is not worth it just let it go. That's OK, too.
OK. Showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc babies. I have a friend that believes that every baby deserves a celebration. It has been my experience that people want to celebrate and want to give. My last baby we had a shower about a month after he was born. I really appreciated that, especially since a mouse family had moved into the box of baby clothes while it was in storage. The guests liked it because, they got to see and hold and coo over the baby. It was a nice way to celebrate his birth. I have another friend that had a shower that was a diaper and wipes shower. Don't feel obligated to register anywhere. If people ask what you need, just tell them. You may find that you get everything that is necessary and then some without the formality of a shower.
Count your blessings, for pete's sake! Sounds like run away hormores to me! In a day and age when people are loseing jobs and struggling to make ends meet, when people are far away from loving family, when families would love to have babies but can't, this is all you have to fret over?
Yes, sign up for a registry, let anyone have a shower, hand me down or not in their own way, but mostly GET OVER BEING MAD AT YOUR MOM! You sould like a petty, spoiled brat at an age that makes it none too pretty. This is your chance to be really resourceful. You are not a real mom till you can make do on nothing and still do it with class, then you earn your real mom badge. Get your creativity flowing and go with it girl, you are more powerful than you know!
I truly don't know what to tell you. I hate showers. I especially hate them for myself. Didn't have wedding showers for my 2 weddings. Didn't have a baby shower for the first baby - I was 20 and it was an unplanned baby. I tried to NOT have a shower for the second baby 20 years later but some girlfriends surprised me even though I told them not to. just about 6 girls. I guess I always think if someone buys something for me or the baby that is great but I have a problem registering which is basically to me telling someone what to buy me. I KNOW I AM WEIRD all my friends tell me that. They actually like showers. I just felt it is my baby and up to me to get everything the baby needs. And if someone wants to bring something they can and I would be delighted but to plan a day for everyone to bring gifts I just can't bring myself to do it.
A hand me down shower is definitely a great idea though. If I had thought of that maybe I would have let my friends do it. Because I do know how much I hate getting rid of my daughters things and if I have someone to give them to it makes me feel better about getting rid of it and it helps someone else. I get to clean out drawers and closets and someone else benefits. So that being said - go for it on the hand me down shower. Sounds fun and helpful for everyone.
I hope that what I say I will not hurt your feelings but I think that you should in no way expect your mother (nor be hurt that she does not want) to throw you another shower. It is customary (and everyone I know has followed this) to get one shower (the first baby) and MAYBE a second or additional(s) if the sex is different or the baby is a late addition. And it sounds, and is very likely with the bad economy, that your mom may be money strapped or would at least rather spend that "shower" money somehow else on your child instead of another (and possibly considered extravagant and un-needed in her mind) party.
You said you weren't too concerned about providing for the baby. And a shower, from whomever and however, is a gift. Gifts should never be expected nor should they be asked for. My suggestions: go ahead and register for necessities. I don't see that as an out of the ordinary thing (I know others that registered for babies beyond the first or second or even third and that were not expecting a shower) and you are not asking for those things; you need them and if not provided to you, you will have to buy them yourself. If someone wants to buy you something, they can, and the registry will give them a guide. If they ask, you can tell them where you are registered but I would not advertise the registry. I would not register for anything outside of needs (if the item is a bit of a cost but needed, that is ok but don't go over-board and register for the most expensive of the necessity selection) as that may be seen to some as tacky. If someone wants to get you something extravagant, they can choose it on their own.
As for someone giving you a shower, well if someone really wants to, LET THEM. BUT that said, I would in no way expect it or ask for it and If thrown, I would let it up to the host to decide what type of shower and how extravagant (or simple) it should be and what type of gifts to expect. In my opinion, the hand-me-down shower sounds the best in your situation but I would not ask someone to throw it for you and sure as heck would not suggest you throwing it for yourself. And, if someone volunteers to throw you a shower, you could suggest the hand-me-down shower but I would not expect them to have to follow that idea if the host does not want to either, as the host is giving you a gift and what that gift entails should be the host's choice, possibly guided by you if she asks. I've also seen diaper showers for showers of subsequent children.
If you end up having to buy things, well you sold your previous at re-sale shops so I would take that money you received from your re-sale sales of your other children's items and re-invest in back into what you need for your next child at re-sale shops therefore hopefully not loosing much money. That way, you are taking what you made from your kids items and re-investing it for your next kid's items in the same type of business scene (re-sale shop) for the same type of quality and getting more for your buck than if you would buy new.
Like I said, these are just my suggestions and I hope not to offend.
Best of luck with your new addition. And yes, God will provide! Only the first two years or so do you go through supplies, toys, and clothes like mad. After that, your new one will fit right in with the general expenses as the other 3, not much more for one addition.
So glad to see your update/response. Reading some of the advice made me sad, people can be so tacky. Anywho, if you find the right time, I would let your mom know that her outlook or attitude about the whole thing hurts a little and that yes, you don't expect anything from her shower wise, but you do expect her love and support (take what you will from that, seeing that I don't know your mom at all :) But from a friend's point of view, I wouldn't think anything of a shower for your baby, I would be excited. So if someone offers, go for it. Those that have a problem won't come. But otherwise, people important to you and your family would probably love to support you. Even if it is a diaper party or hand me down party, maybe that takes big expectations away, but you KNOW people will be buying you girly stuff, it is what we women love to do! Congrats on your new addition! What a blessing. May God bless you and your family. HE WILL PROVIDE!
I personally don't think it's appropriate to have a shower that many times. Etiquette says it should only be for the first one but I understand on the others because of the time and the different sex. That is a lot to ask of your family and friends. You know they will give you gifts when you have the baby or come see you in the hospital, but it should not be something that is forced upon them by a shower. Giving is of the heart and those who want to give you something in congratulations will do so.
I didn't scroll down to read all 32 responses, so if somebody else has said this, please disregard. My church has a clothes closet and the items are free. It will be open this Saturday from 9-5. I am donating alot of baby girl clothes (0-6 months). It is at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX. www.cbcfamily.org
Hi Damaris,
First of all, with all due respect, your mother sounds verbally abusive. For her to say, "Looks like you didn't plan too well" is verbal abuse. I shoud know. My mother verbally abused me for many, many years. When I got engaged and when there was talk about a wedding for me, she replied, "What makes you think you deserve a wedding???" Nice, huh. Your mother reminds me of my mother, and I am very sorry. A verally abusive mother who does nothing but criticize you and put you down is a horrible problem to have. Thankfully my mother lives far away (however, she is finally nice to me now for the first time in my life b/c I have her grandkids). Anyway, since your mother isn't happy about having another grandchild, tell her she doesn't have to be a part of this baby's life.
Regarding a 4th baby shower, I say YES! You need a lot of stuff. If anyone offers to throw you a shower, gratefully accept. A hand-me-down shower is a great idea! For my third pregnancy, my friends threw me a "diapers & wipes" shower. It was awesome. I didn't have to buy diapers for 3 months! Whomever throws you a shower, maybe they can do it at their house, so they don't have to pay a deposit somewhere to rent a room. Best of luck, and I am so sorry your mother is being a verbally abusive sourpuss regarding such a wonderful time in your life. Please don't let her bring you down. You can do it without her. Try to surround yourself with happy, positive people. Best of luck! michelle
I have many clients who have "sprinkles" for there 3/4 babies or if you need the stuff then have a shower. each baby should be showered with love and gifts just like the first.
a cute way to word the invitation is
Pins, Diapers, Bottles Galore
Jack and Jill are having one more!
Big siblings have plenty to share
This is only a "sprinkle" to show that we care.
If you need invitations, thank yous, annoucements or party favors give me a call.
APril J
www.celebritypartyfavors.com
Dear Damaris,
Your mom sounds related to mine. YES, I'd be hurt by her words "you didn't plan very well" but at the same time, like you, I wouldn't expect something of her she couldn't afford. She just threw in something she thought that did not have to be said. I'm sure she will love the new grandchild just as much. Isn't it interesting how deeply we feel it when our mothers aren't supportive? We can take such a HUGE lesson from this and apply it when our own children are grown. It seems so far away right now but one day it might make a HUGE difference in our own child's life but for the positive.
Since you DO need things, then go ahead and register for what you need. You can tell people where you're registered at and you can also say hand-me-downs are welcome. I always leave the answer to the question-Are you having a baby shower? sort of open. In the case of my two girls, I didn't know who was doing it or when until two weeks before. I also didn't want to ask anyone to do it for me either. So I simlply said "Well, if I am I'll be sure to invite you." :) Or "I'm not sure who is planning it this time, if anyone but if there is one, I do hope you'll come."
Personally, I'm ready to have my third but may not be able to. I've had so much difficulty and have lost babies before, between and after both my girls and it's been 4 years since my last miracle pregnancy so I don't know.
Let me recommend you look at Once Upon A Child for furniture. The items are in good shape and MUCH cheaper than NEW!! I WILL go that route if I am blessed with the opportunity again.
I wanted 6 when I got married. I've lost 6 but do have my 2 so I am trying to be content with what I do have. Blessings to you and the new baby!
Hey Hi,
I'm sorry for the rude comments you recieved, just let them go. AND I think it's great if you want to throw yourself a shower. Send invitations, to your house, if you want, send husband and kids away. And then just make like brownies and a fruit plate or what ever you want, just snacks. It doesn't have to be a big meal. And ask a friend or 2 to help you. Don't overburden yourself, but it's ok to throw yourself a shower. You deserve it. I've been to one and it was great.
Hello,
Well I completely understand where you are coming from. I have 3 babies and all 3 years apart. I never asked for a shower either but I had one for each because I have a wonderful mother, mother-n-law and fabulous friends and family! You are never prepared for a baby unless you do plan. I would say if you have friends and family willing to throw you one thats awesome.When they ask you if anyone is throwing you one just honestly tell them that no one is but if they have any baby stuff they are trying to get rid of to let you know. I hope everything works out for you!!! Also congratulations!!
do the hand me down shower. that would be fun!
if you live in the plano area, the junior league of plano is having a rummage sale at the plano centre (spring creek/jupiter) on saturday , 4/4/09 beginning at 8:00 am. good stuff!