Advice on how to raise a bilingual child with only one bilingual parent

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Hi everyone,

Does anyone have any advice on how to raise a child who has at least a working knowledge (if not full fluency) of a second language, when only one parent is bilingual? Our situation is this: I spent 4 years of my childhood in Germany, and my parents had the foresight to enroll me in a German school for 1st-4th grade. As I was only 6 at the time, I picked up the language very quickly. Once we returned to the States, they invested in a once-weekly German tutor (for conversation), so I would retain my fluency. Consequently, I'm still fully bilingual, and knowing how much knowledge of a second language helped me academically, as well as broadened my horizons generally, I'd love it if I could find a way to teach my soon-to-be-born daughter and any subsequent children German as well. My husband speaks only English. I do have a few concerns: I don't want to create language confusion if I start speaking to her in German too early (although my understanding is that young children will sort out different languages pretty quickly); also, I don't want to set up a situation where she and I have a "secret language" that excludes my husband. And finally, I'd like her to develop a vocabulary that ranges beyond words for household objects and tasks, but realistically, if I just chatter away in German to her, that's probably what I'll be talking about, at least while she's very young. I've brought a bunch of German childrens' books back from my parents' house, and thought maybe I could read those aloud to her while I'm nursing her, as a way of getting her brain to start recognizing the sounds of another language, but beyond that, I'm not really sure what to do. Any advice about how to approach this, as well as what age to start, would be appreciated!

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Hi Carrie -

I'm not sure how well this might work for you, but I have known of several couples who had something like this. The parent who was fluent in another language speaks to the child only in that language. Otherwise it gets confusing to them.
Kind of like bins of toys. If all of the blocks are together, legos, wooden blocks, peek-a-blocks, alphabet blocks...and all of the vehicles are together - cars, trains, trucks, etc. then the child learns those categories, sees what goes together.

It's the same with language.

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The research I have seen on this advises that one parent speak one language to the child and the other parent speaks the other language so it is not confusing until they are older-- I would encourage your husband to take German at CPCC and he could learn it as well-- we had several German aupairs and I learned quite a bit of German from them (4 years)-- I speak Spanish but not as fluently as I would like-- however, our kids speak some Spanish, some German and English-- our 4 1/2 year old picks up languages very quickly and I truly believe it's because we had the aupairs speak their native language to the kids when we were not home. Hope this helps-- try looking on the internet as well.

Mel

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I speak French and English to my 4 month old. I just say things in English and then say the same thing in French. Sometimes i reverse it. I just make sure i repeat both. I have heard this works well with children.

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Hello, I am a teacher and had several ESL trainings in MA on this topic. I also spoke with my instructors because I have a daughter (at the time not born yet) and I wanted her bilingual as well. Her father is Dominican and I understand some spanish but am not fluent and really not even conversational.

1) the best way for children to learn and master the sounds so that they can speak like a native is to hear BOTH languages from the beginning.

2) It is less confusing if one parent speaks one language and the other another. I know that when we were in Germany the kids downstairs (American) who went to German preschool were fluent and could switch easily from one to the other- they even knew enough at two and four to answer Oma in German even if she asked them something in English and us in English even though we asked them something in German.

3) The instructor said if you can be patient, your child may actually speak a little later because they are processing two languages but they will have a stronger foundation and understanding to build on of both languages

4) As for Daddy, maybe he will pick up German as a plus too. I have Hector translate when I don't understand. also you can speak to Daddy in German and then English, but keep you language to your daughter as pure as possible. (I know it is extremely difficult- I keep fight with Hector just to speak spanish and that I will ask if I can't pick up on what he is saying.)

5) We also added sign language to help her get her needs met. Later she used them to emphasize when her request were met with a no- she'd say it in one language then the other then sign- maybe this time I won't get a no.

6) We also read books to her, listen to music, talk, count, colors... when counting her toes we did it both ways. When playing with the rings we did both sets of colors. (we were also lucky enough to send her to a spanish speaking family day care- so she was emersed all day)

7) it is tough but you and your husband need to find a happy medium. You ned to make sure everyone is comfortable in you home. And any bit you do will help her and be a great foundation to build on later.

Good luck. It is not as easy when both parents don't speak the language. I know his family is welcoming and try to include me but I do miss out on some of the conversation. I get most of the gist and will ask questions now and then. I also am getting better at participating- I have a good vocabulary but don't know the correct article or conjugation and other syntax rules.

I know there are much better experts out there. Hopefully some other successful moms will weigh in. You need to hear what the experts say and then make it work for you. All my best. Don't worry just enjoy this miracle and the rest will fall in place.

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Carrie,

First of all congratulations! I have two children and a little girl due the end of July so I share in your excitement!

I've had several friends where one parent spoke a second language fluently and the other parent primarily English. In every situation the children were none the worse, in fact I think they were better off because they were exposed to two beautiful languages. Kids are like sponges and they're going to absorb everything in their environment. She will respond to you and your husband in ways you never realized. All children understand the language of love and it sounds like you are already approaching your phoenetic challenges in a loving way.

Best of luck to you and your new bundle of joy!

Tammy C

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I am a german mother of 2. My son, now 14 speaks pretty good german and understands everything. My daughter 9 understands but does not want to speak. They are considered bilingual in school and are being tested (for no reason) every year for english as a second language, just because I speak german to them. I believe if you want your kids to speak both languages to start early. There is no confusion for the children as long as you teach them what is what. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for a lot of times. Also, if you are military it also helps to meet up with other german families. There used to be a german playgroup offered by ACS. Or just post something on here. It is a lot easier to teach them if you have others around you speaking german as well. Hope this helps.

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Carrie,

Within your response you fail to mention how your husband feels about this. As a spouse, your primary goal should be to honor your spouse and do what you can to respect each other and your individual points of view. This being said, how your spouse feels is probably your answer. Talk to him, share with him your fears and worries as well as your hopes and desires for wanting to teach you daughter the German language. Just because I think it is a great idea does not mean it is the right thing to do. Honor your spouse and you will not have any issues!

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Hi Carrie,
We are a dual-language home. What we have been told is that one parent JUST speak their language and the other parent English. What I have learned form other parents is to try and get them around other people that speak that language (German might be a little difficult. That way they won't feel uncomfortable speaking the language in public. The other thing, our pediatrician and others have told us that our children's speech will be delayed (it is). But not to worry, becuase when they will get it and actually benefit from excersing anoither part of the brain.
Good Luck!

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hi , I am also bilingual and my husband is not. When our son was born, my husband was very eager for him to be blingual. How does your husband feel about it?

We taught our son vocabulary at first for common things in his word and we taught them in both languages. We haven't really keptup with in the last few months. My son is almost 2 now but he does have a vocabuarly of about 50 words in both languages. He does speak mostly english but that's just because of my laziness :)

So I would conversationally speak in both languages and he'll be able to sort it out. It also makes it a lot easier when Dad learns too. Don't start with indepth linguistic lessons. Just vocab at first. Just listening to how you use the language and the intonation in your voice will teacher her the differences in the languages. When dad is around help him to pick up simple words and phrases and when it's just the two of you, you can speak fluent German. Dad can be the english model and you the German. As long as you guys talk to each other and there isn't any conflict with the languages, your dauther should be able to pick them both up. You might end up with some Ger-glish, but that should be a hoot!

Ginny M

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I'm not sure how it works when only one parent is bilingual however both my husband and I are and we speak spanish and english to both our girls (2yr old and 4 month old) and let me tell you our oldest will translate everything... she understands things in both languages and knows to speak spanish only with grandma and that she can speak either language to her father and myself so I do believe children can sortout the languages earlier on...

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Hello Carrie:)
I am Russian and my Husband is American. We have 2 boys ages 3 and 1. Since I stay at home with them I ONLY speak Russian when it's just us. They understand everything but sadly they would not speak it back:( MY mom was here for a month and our oldest started doing better, we also put him in a russian school(on Saturdays) and that helped as well. I think kids need to have lots of exposure to the language(and seeing other kids speaking it) in order for them to speak it. English also is an easy language, so when I ask my son to say please, he chooses to say "please" instead of a word that has 4 consonants in the row:)I am still continuing speaking russian to them though, and getting some Russian preschool books to learn to read and stuff. If you can give your child a gift of knowing more that one language........do it!!!!! You might not see the results right away, but in the long run, they will thank you. And do it from the very begining. Bilingual kids usually do start talking later though(from our experience and people that I know).
Oh and my hubby also does not mind, he actually learns more with the boys than when I try to teach him.

Congrats on the baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!

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Most of the time I speak German when I talk to my daughter. I also read German books to her, so she knows the sound of it all. Her first words were in German, but as she grows older, she learns to easily differenciate which language is spoken where (ie German with you in your house, English elsewhere). Sure, at times I am worried just how much I will be able to teach her, but I am sure we'll manage to raise a girl with ample knowledge :) Good luck!

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My husband and I are expecting our first child in 6 weeks. I speak Spanish, and my husband has a working knowledge of the language. We've decided that as soon as the baby is born (and even sometimes right now before she's born) that we will have certain days of the week where we only speak Spanish with her, probably Tuesdays and Thursdays. While this seriously limits my husband's ability to communicate, he is looking forward to learning Spanish along with our daughter. I teach Spanish to K-8 students, and research clearly shows that the earlier they start learning languages the better. In fact, if kids have not heard certain sounds by 16 months, they will never be able to do so. By age 5-6 kids begin dramatically losing the ability to acquire a new language naturally, so it's certainly best to begin as early as possible. I know a couple who has taught their son 3 languages since birth. When with the mother, the son and mom speak Spanish. When with the dad, the dad and son speak German. When they are all together, the 3 of them speak English together. The son knows how their system works, so they don't have to worry about the son having a secret language with one of the parents. While it took this kid a little longer to speak clearly (he had one giant language that included all three languages for about 6-8 months), once he sorted out the languages, his speech was better in all 3 languages than a typical kid his age in one language. Hope this is helpful. Best of luck!!!

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cariie, i'm tri-lingual and both my daughters are fully aware of the difference. start with english. then slowly introduce the others. i speak spanish, french/creole and english, english is my first language. i speak to them in creole in public if i need to disipline them so no one understands. it'll work. its only in there best interest that they know more than just english...

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My husband is tri-lingual and I am tri-lingual...sharing only two languages English and Nepali. However, our son, 4, can understand a little of all four languages he hears. We did not speak anything but English to him until he was 3, although he was around others speaking the foreign languages. That was a bit late. howeverm we have primary school books in all languages and that helps him learn. I also put tags on household items with the work in all four languages. You can also decide that dinner time is only German. I have plenty of friends, in the U.S. and abroad who speak multiple languages to their children from birth. The children are fluent in all languages without confusion. Their brains can work out context for using the language and the differences between them. So, start speaking!! Good luck.

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My husband is bilingual in French and English. We are pregnant with our first child and are planing on raising the baby with both languages. My husband's family lives in France and we travel there once a year or so. I think its a wonderful idea and an incredible gift to give you child a bilingual start in life. My husband dosent ever remember learing French or English he has just always known both. What I would give for a gift like both of yours! My situation is diffrent though, I want to learn French and we hope to live there one day so we both feel that by my husband only speeking French to the baby will also help me learn. If your husband is supportive, dont feel bad. It my even spur him on to want to learn the language too. I think all of your ideas on how to teach German to your daughter sound like great ideas. The baby books are not only good for the baby but basic for your Husband so he can pick up on some of it too. Good luck and happy delivery!

A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I am 24 and have been married for 4 years. We are expecting our first child in November. We have a cat, golden retiever and a great dane. We oun our own home and I will soon be a stay at home wife and mom.

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Carrie , here is what celine deon did, both she and her husband know english and 2 other launguages. she teaches her launguage and he teaches his to thier child,so they are teaching tri lingual! Have you husband listen too, maybe he can learn german,while you read!

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Carrie -
I was a language teacher for 17 years. According to studies, one parent must speak only English and the other parent speaks only the foreign language. Of course it would help if your husband speaks German, but since he does not, there is nothing wrong with you repeating in English directed to him anything that he needs to understand.

Yes - introducing language immediately allows the baby's brain to develop the discrimination between the two. It is context driven meaning that the baby will identify you and the language together for several years. As her circle of interaction enlarges, she will sort it out easily. Sometimes children who are raised bilingually may have a slight delay in speaking a lot, but when they do, they have command of both languages. And, early on they will sprinkle each language with words from the other at times.

There have been studies showing a link between polyglots (people who speak more than one language) and intelligence.

Does it matter what specific vocabulary she learns? No, more importantly she will internalize the "deep structure" of the language. In other words, she'll understand how German works like a native speaker - not like a second language speaker who sometimes has to check grammar rules and syntax to get the message right. Native speakers cannot explain why this word goes here and that goes there... they just know based on the examples they internalized. This also means that any flaw in your own deep structure of German will show up in your child... but this is so minor as not to be a problem at all.

I think it's a great idea. Be courageous. Our country needs many more people who speak more than one language. We are quickly becoming a bi-lingual country with Spanish on the rise. We can only enhance our lives by opening the doors of our minds even wider.

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Morgen,
Please let me know if you figure this out. My husband bout a dictionary to help him out, but I am still finding it quite challenging.