Hi, I have a seven year old boy, and what I am wondering has anyone gone through this, and is it a phase or something to be concerned about? He cries. When its time to do homework, he cries, when i ask him to pick up his room he cries, certain things make him cry. The part im concerned about is he says that he is a bad kid when he cries, or he wants to die, a few times i have seen him bang his head into the wall or try to dig his nails into his arm (not frequently but a few). I had a parent teacher conference this morning, he's smart as a whip, in advanced classes, picks up on things quickly, and cries in class 4-7 times a day. If he;s not paying attention and the teacher tells him to he cries, if he gets an answer wrong he cries, if he's doing something wrong and she tells him, he cries, and also says im a bad kid,etc... I have no idea what to do. He gets enough sleep, he has friends, he;s a bit bossy-but not bullied, he has food shelter, myself and his father love him and give him attention. He is not in an afterschool program...so he is with one of us most of the day? Am i missing something????
It seems to me you should talk to his pediatrician. A little crying is normal, but this seems like more...
I would definatly speak with the Ped on this one. They can check to see if maybe he has a chemical imbalance that might require treatment. Also, I am wondering if he has been pushed to do well. You mention he is in advanced classes and the such. I remember when I was young doing well was overly important to me, I don't think I was really pushed by my parents to do well, but more by my self. Anyway I would go home sick if I missed one on my spelling test, etc. I still have issues with failure, but not nearly as bad. Maybe try taking him to do something that is just nonsense. Go outside and play in the mud or something. Get silly, Get filthy and make a mess. This will be letting him know that sometimes it is okay to just let down your guard. Then you can clean it all up together to let him know that we can usually fix things that are broken and it's not really that big of a deal. I am sure that something will help him to mature as a responsible AND fun kind of guy. Good luck to you and your little guy, and never forget, the smiles should always be cherished!!
Peace,
Stephanie
Hi Lena--
I'm an advocate of alternative medicine and have some ideas from that perspective. It's apparent that his poor system is out of balance, and it sounds like adrenal fatigue resulting in depression to me. He is over-whelmed by his emotions. I would try a homeopathic, naturopath, and/or acupuncturist to see where the imbalance is. Western medicine will probably want to put him on anti-anxiety drugs which I would guess you don't want to do for a young child. I'm in Colorado so I can't give you names where you are of docs, unfortunately. You might also want to research something called neuro-emotional technique (NET). It's usually done by chiropractors and has great success in clearing emotional imbalances. My whole family has used it, including my three year old (when adjusting to the idea of his new sister). Just some thoughts. If you want more info on alternative stuff I'd be happy to assist.
Good luck!
Jodi
Hi Lena,
your son sounds like he might be having some challenges with sensory processing. Things might just get overwhelming for him - physically - and then the emotional stuff kicks in.
A child can have balance issues and be extremely active. Going fast is one way of avoiding the balance issues - when going slow, it's harder to balance. Some children are very much affected by noises, touch, smells, etc. And some need to be physical to know where they are in space. All these things can cause the emotional reactions that you see. My daughter went through this big time.
You might want to find the book: "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz, to see if this fits your son.
take care!
See if your school has a counselor or a psychologist. They are really "tuned" into kids and may be able to figure out in a session or 2 what's going on with your son. My son, at 7, became REALLY hard on himself, saying he was ugly and stupid (he's really handsome and acceleraed in school). He would cry sometimes, which was totally unlike him. In 2 sessions, the school counselor gave us exercises to do with him, a notebook to communicate with him, and all sorts of great ideas. We worked through his issues in a few months, and still use the strategies with ALL of our boys. I was amazed at how well it worked. Good luck!
I too am a single mom, I have a 5year old boy, 7 year old boy, and a 9 year old daughter. I know that when my husband and I divorced (2 and a half years ago) it really confused the kids. He got custody and they always had me around. I was a stay at home mom for most of their lives. My kids all acted out in their own way and I've noticed as time goes on they find different ways to act out. Let him know that you love him more than anything. Encourage him and spend as much quality time with him as you can. When he is trying to get your attention really listen. Get down on his level and listen to what he has to say and ask him why he says those things and feels that way. You'd be amazed at what your kids can tell you. If they know that your really interested in what they have to say. Talk to him about how to "fix" it. And reassure him everyday that he is not a bad kid and that you're proud of him.Acknowledge his accomplishments. I've learned that kids can't quite express themselves like we can, but they have the same needs that we do, it just means more to them.
My Daughter is almost 7 and going through a similar thing. I think she is going through a selfawareness thing. She says she doesn't like who she is and she wishes she could be perfect like other kids (who aren't perfect). It breaks my heart, and I just tell her how much I love the person she is, and wouldn't want her to be anyone else. I also encourage her to do her best. I think it is just a phase, and I hope that encouragement and love will help get them through it.
Kendra
Please please PLEASE get him to your pediatrician ASAP!!! Believe it or not, young children can suffer from depression and it sounds suspiciously close to that. Very treatable. I was an elementary classromm teacher(mostly 2nd grade) for 21 years and this came up with some children over the years. Hopefully, there will be a diagnosis. Please keep me posted!
mellen
Hi. Sounds kind of similar to my 6 year old. He is very bright but very whiny and has issues socializing because he gets hurt and upset so easily. He has to have everything his way and others have to do things the way he wants. He also has very little impulse control and does things without thinking. He has been diagnosed with a mild case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder "perfectionism" as they call it, and seems to have a Kids with this disorder seem to be very emotional and dont know how to express themselves the way others do, so they have outbursts or become angry, upset or belligerant. we recently had him monitored by a child psycologist without him knowing. Maybe a suggestion.
Hi Lena,
My son is also very sensitive. In fact, we had him tested when he was about 3 1/2 and found that his nervous system has a low threshhold for social, emotional, sound and olefactory stimuli. He, too, is extremely bright and we have him in the Gifted and Talented "school within a school" SAIL program. One of the GT teachers gave me info regarding gifted kids and this sensitivity is typical for GT kids. My son also has selective mutism (anxiety in social situations so deep that he cannot speak) and we took him to several psychologists and psychiatrists. He is currently on anti-depressents and is MUCH better. Although he appears shy to others, he can speak in social situations like class at school now. And his emotions are much more in line with "typical". In fact, I can always tell if he hasn't taken his pill in the morning because he gets real weepy. Have you had your son tested at all? My son is MUCH happier in the SAIL program (he is not so bored and distracted because they move faster and cover more depth-more interesting to him-in his classes now). We had to stress with my son that he is not a bad kid, he just sometimes does bad things or doesn't do the things he is supposed to do. He is very compliant and wants to do the right thing, so we know that it is not intentional and the perfectionism that comes with GT stuff just needs to be addressed. He is much more aware of all of our humaness and falability now (he is 11), and can be a lot more accepting of himself as a result of it. Hope this helps, for me just knowing there was someone out there going through the same thing was somewhat of a comfort. Selective Mutism is pretty rare (1 in 1000), but there are many sensitive kids out there. I also read a book called "The Sensitive Child" that was very helpful. Gave us ideas on how to work with this low threshold in his nervous system. I also realized that I fit the same categories as he does, and I let him know that (he knows he is not alone). I just had to learn on my own how to work all this stuff out because my folks didn't have a clue, but your son has an advocate in you! Keep up the good work. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever done.
When he is NOT crying and is doing something good on his own tell him awwwhoney you are doing such a good job thanks for helping and being such a good kid. Some kids need to hear than more than we think they do. You can show them they are a big help but sometimes they need to hear it! WHen you help him with his home work and you see he is doing a good job tell him so. Maybe sometime have him hel you do something and YOU mess up and ask him for his help. Like spill the floor and when he helps you tell him that you about cried when you spilled the floor because you hate messes but it made you feel so much better when he helped you clean it up then tell him you love him, hes a great little guy ext. There were times i felt like i was a burdon on my parents but it helped to hear that i was a big help and i was doing a good job.
Maybe teach him a bed time prayer so he has something uplifting to make him feel better.
Good luck!
Hello my name is Gabriela and I have a 6 year old boy who for the most part did the some thing as your boy cried alot for having to do things like clean roon, homework, and eat. He never said that he wanted to die. I am re-marrried. We took my son to a Psychological assessment, consultations and therpy for chidren, adults and families, and the doctor said that he has active defiance. He told my that my son has ADD/ADHD. Mybe you should take your son to go and see a doctor about what you had mention here. Hope that this helps you and good luck and let me know what things are coming along and if you have any promblems let me know and I will try to help you through this as much as I can.
i have a friend who went through this also. it was not a phase for her son, but they found a way to deal with it.
1. you might want to get him tested for an anxiety disorder. or as a family, get some counseling (many churches will do it free or if you are in a large enough area to have insurance cover a child psychologist, they may have some insight as to an underlying cause).
2. also check out the 'love and logic' method of discipline. it is about helping parents help kids make good choices and accept natural consequences.
3. pray for your son to know his own worth. nothing beats prayer - and speaking positive words over your child.
hope some of this helps you.
dawn
Lena, I don't know if this will be of help but when my now ten year old was seven he used to do many of the things you mention. My son is a very smart and loving boy, very energetic and very verbal. When he was seven he would get so frustrated when he did something wrong that he would bang his head (actually now I think about it he still does). If he made a picture and something wasn't perfect he would rip it up in a fit of anger and throw it away. This year is the first year we haven't had tears over homework every night. In my son it seems to be a perfectionist issue. If he can't do it perfectly he doesn't want to do it. He gets bored very easilly at school and then misbehaves and then cries when he gets into trouble because he knows he has disapointed people.
So long story short, I think your son may slowly grow out of it. Continue to provide him support but teach him no one is perfect all the time and everyone makes mistakes. I think in a couple of years you may see him mature. It has definately taken my son that long.
Suzanne. 44 year old Mother of four, three boys, one with Down syndrome and one beautiful daughter.
I think that there is something going on that he might be afraid to tell you. When my daughter was 5 she had an episode like this. Every night at dinner she would break down crying saying she was stupid and didn't have any friends. Come to find out that the girl sitting across from her was saying this to her during class when the teacher wasn't looking and at recess. She was sytematically moving from one child to another doing this and saying these horrible things. Thankfully, as soon as a few of us Moms put it together and spoke to the teacher it ended quickly. Maybe if you can gently pry a little you will find that there is something similar going on. I feel for you and your baby!! I hope this helps.
My son is 9 and has had a couple of episodes like this, too -- banging his head, saying he just wants to die. It generally happens when he's overscheduled, not getting enough down time to process. Stress-induced, for sure. In Waldorf schools they call his personality "melancholic," meaning that he feels sad things very strongly and is likely to be very sensitive to others' pain as well. While we have taken his words seriously, we have also found a way to cope with them. He is just trying to let us know how strongly he is feeling pain. When he says things like he just wants it to be over, we make sure and tell him how sad that would make US feel if anything ever happened to him. Since we started that, he has really taken it to heart and understood the pain it would cause others if he was hurt, and he has pretty much stopped using those words now. We really listen to him when he is in the midst of his sadness, without words, just making sounds that are sympathetic, and then later doing an active listening thing where we feed his feelings back to him and talk about them. Of course, if it ever seems like he really wanted to hurt himself or if he had a plan for hurting himself, we'd take him to a counselor right away.
We have to keep his schedule fairly free and open, and also check in and make sure he knows that he can always tell us anything, without judgement. Check in and maybe tell him stories about when you were younger and felt sad, and what you decided.
I am a hypnotherapist, and I also want to tell you about something that can help called sleep therapy...when he has just fallen asleep, go talk to him and tell him he is a good boy, he's very special and you're very proud of him. Tell him you love him and he can talk to you about anything at all and you'll always love him. Just fill him up with good stuff. It's a very powerful process, and it's amazing how quickly that message gets in when you can say it right to his subconscious. If he is feeling like a bad boy, he has a self-esteem issue going on. That is a subconscious feeling coming out, letting you know that his inner critic, that voice we all have in our head, is not a kind voice. You can teach him to think about himself more positively, counteracting every negative thought with two positive ones. It works!
If you want to discuss it more, email me at [email protected]. Good luck!
My 5 year-old has emotional episodes, acting depressed sometimes since he was about 3- saying he can't do things, crying a lot, asking if I love him, etc. I am 37, a dedicated mom to 2 boys. You have gotten a lot of good advice. One thing I haven't seen is a suggestion to go to a homeopathic doctor and get a constitutional remedy. I recently did this for my son and after the first dose, I can already see a difference. If you do get some type of diagnosis from a western med. physician, I would take that information to the homeopathic doctor before putting my child on prescription drugs unless it is acute. Otherwise, they have to "undo" those effects first before being able to help your child. Before I got into natural medicine, I had depression and was on drugs. They really messed with my mind and body. I am so glad we have natural alternatives widely available today. Homeopathic meds are very safe. Talk to your homeopathic doctor about them.
btw- your insurance probably won't cover homeopathy, so look around for someone who practices it primarily, not on the side with other natural remedies. I only paid about $60 for my 1-hour visit and it included the remedy. We will have follow-up appoints that will be at least half that. I was referred to the homeopath by my child's pediatrician.
Best wishes,
Melissa
Lena, I have an 8 year old boy. Maybe your son is stressed or overwhelmed at the prospect of certain school subjects or working on his room. Some of it may be to get attention from you. My son has done all the things you stated. Be patient, break assignments into smaller pieces. Try to help him with the assignments. Ask him what is hardest for him and help him to find a way to make it easier or to understand that even if it is not easy he must learn to do it and explain why. For instance with math facts, turn them into word problems for him (if I have 8 cats and 7 run away how many do I have left?).
Hi Lena- Up until this year, when I decided to stay home with my son,I was a reading teacher. I think your sons school is a wonderful resource. There are many experienced and trained people there that can help you. It might be a good idea to talk to your sons teacher to set up and team meeting. They are often called different things in different school districts. It is a team of educators (the classroom teacher, parents, counselor, school psychologist, other support teachers) You and the teacher can share your concerns and together as a team you can brainstorm ideas.