Survey- do you lock your child in their room for nap/rest & bedtime?

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21

I absolutely would NOT lock them in their rooms for nap or rest or bedtime. How aweful! What message is that sending to a young child? You're put away, don't bother me, I don't trust you.....

I am going on my third toddler and have NEVER had to do this. First of all, as their parent, it is my job to keep an active ear on them when they rest. They have the right to come get me if needed and that includes a snuggle in the middle of the night.

Your friend's idea borders on child abuse if you ask me.

This is not an adversion to baby gates. They serve their purpose. They keep my child away from the stairs or the front door but not away from me.

22

When my child was in a crib l--until about age 2 I shut the door after she had fallen asleep--we are right next door so at a certain point a monitor was ridiculous.

Now that she is out of the crib I use a gate since her BR is on the second floor and she can't get down the steps by herself yet at almost age 3. I would be afraid she might sleepwalk or accidentally walk our at night and get disoriented and fall down the stairs. I don't gate the top of the stairs because by daycare regs you can't have a pressure gate at the top and I'd rather not have to drill to have a gate up at the top of the stairs there when I can use a pressure one in their room.

23

Have not. Have used a baby gate while training to stay in toddler bed. His door was at the top of the stairs and for obvious reasons did not want him wandering the house at night.
But I've gotta say, what your friend describes sounds a little neglectful to me. OK--a lot neglectful.

24

i lock the door, for bedtime, my daughter and i share a room she is now in a toddler bed, and in the middle of the night she enjoys to make midnight adventures through the house with out waking me up, so the door is locked on the inside with a safety cover. she wakes me up if she has to go potty

25

I would not want my children to feel that they were trapped in a room behind a locked door. I'd much rather put a gate up in their door way and keep the door open so that they will stay put but they haven't lost that connection with me and the rest of the house.

26

I'm the minority here, but yes, i locked my kids in at night. i did not do so for naptime and NEVER as punishment or to get private time for myself. My kids are 13-14 months apart and the day I brought my son home from the hospital, my daughter learned how to climb out of her crib. She has been a walker&climber from age 8 months. She would stack stuff to get to what she wanted. I have photos of her at 9 months climbing a rocking toy to get high enough to look out the window. At ten months she was on the dining room table!!! Of course at 10 months she had no idea about how high she was or how hurt she could be. We first tried a baby gate, but within 5 minutes of installation, she was up and over and this was the extra tall kind. So, we made the decision that the most safe way would be to lock her in and teach her that she could call out to us and we would respond. We installed two video monitors, one for my son's room and one for hers. i was worried she would not only get out of her room at night and have access to things not appropriate like in the kitchen, knives etc...., but also worried she would try and be with her brother. At 13-14 months old, that just isn't safe. As for emergencies, most kids die in fires due to them being scared and hiding and at least we would know that they were in their rooms making the search easier. I am the safest mommy I know too, I baby gated, i strapped everything to the walls, I put medicines in locked cabinets up high, I locked all cleaners up. I used electrical plugs, covered wires, stove protector & lock and toilet locked. If they made it, i used it.

Locking them in was the only way i felt safe enough to sleep. I was not open to having my kids in bed with me because I roll like crazy & would be too scared i would smother them accidently.

Now, with that said, I never locked them in for time outs or anything else other than bedtime. It became our routine and we made it clear to her we could hear her & see her. We showed her the monitors and she got it, she would wave at us often. We taught her to just call out and we would come and we did every time she did. We already had good bedtime routine down, so she was used to sleeping in the room with the door closed while in the crib and she was use to having to call out to get us to come, so nothing changed in the routine other than her bed went from crib to toddler bed and she learned at night, she couldn't leave her room. I baby proofed her room and the video monitor was great cause we could see her without having to go in there, we could see her great with a night light on. Once she was potty training, we just placed a little potty in her room beside her bed and that worked great when she woke up to use it. Once she was 3 and her brother was 2, the locks came off as we could trust that they would not hurt each other without us hearing something and felt they knew better than to be climbing around in the kitchen. they are now almost 5&6 and I'm very happy with our bed time routine. We have them put on pjs & brush their teeth, then my son goes into his room and into his bed and we do hugs & kisses and my daughter goes into her room and her bed and we come in and do hugs & kisses. 5 minutes tops to say goodnight and say prayers.

To this day, they call out for us and I have yet to find them up and about at night. When they have been sick, they have gone to the bathroom and holler for me. I'm there in seconds.

I also was the mom who used the monkey back pack leash thingy for safety too. I had a newborn and a 14 month old who had been walking since 8 months old. I couldn't always carry both and my purse and diaper bag into a store especially if i was returning something. if I got the stroller out, how was i to push a stroller and a cart to shop? So I leashed my child and she was able to learn limitations in a safe manner and I got looks from those who felt I was treating her like a dog, but ironically those looks were never from people with two young kids.

So, i say do what works for your family because you know what is right for you and yours and don't not do something for fear of what others think if it will work for you. Only you can say if it is right or not. Best of luck and hope you find a solution that works great!

ADDED:
After seeing so many others posting about neglect, abuse, child being scared, alone, crying etc... I would like to say that i never had any of that. Both my children from day one slept in their own beds and around age 4 months, were moved into their own rooms. They learned how to go back to sleep on their own and neither of them really had trouble sleeping thru the night once asleep. we had a few bouts with my son sleep running and after he ran thru the house at full speed and crashed into my nightstand and almost knocked himself out, we debated about locking the door again, but decided against it since he was potty trained and I didn't want to set him back in that, so I added chain locks on both doors going outside so while he could open them, he wouldn't be able to get outside. So far so good there. So neither of my kids have been traumatized by it and as i stated above, both have a very healthy attitude about going to sleep in their own rooms in their own beds. i have one friend who slept with her daughter until the second child came along and she is still having trouble getting her to sty in her room and she is almost 6. my other friend whose daughter is 6 can't sleep without her mom being in the room and if she wakes at night she screams until mom returns who sleeps in the room till she is asleep again. Learning how to fall back asleep on your own is like the first thing an infant should learn in my book, otherwise it seems that these two girls are more affected and have more sleep issues than mine and both these other girls do not play alone in their room, but my daughter is very comfortable playing in her room. Her room is her comfy area as is my sons and neither have an aversion to it. neither of my kids are scared of the dark or have those issues either, or at least not yet. they feel quite safe and secure. One poster put on here that parents need to be careful since little ones are so immpressionable, i'm sure they are right, but I was making sure they would grow up enough for it to matter. If she had killed her brother just trying to love him or cuddle with him what then? How would she ever forgive me for letting her have that access to him because i trusted a 14 year old not to leave her room? As for the chimes, well let me just say that if you can't sleep cause your worried and you get sleep deprived and then finally sleep, those chimes may not wake you and trust me, my husband could sleep through an earthquake and tornado at the same time!! Our children were used to the door being closed at night, they knew nothing different, so it wasn't odd for them. once we put them in the toddler bed I think they got up 2-3 times. Otherwise they went to sleep and never thought twice about it. We already had a routine and so they were in any distress at any time. So while I know some people may use the locks for selfish purposes, please hear them out before labeling.

As for Bridget B. - if you have trouble with your child staying in her bed or being comfortable in her room, obviously using this method would not be for you. I personally wouldn't have used it if i had not needed too and I do not advocate using it for any purpose other than safety for the child or safety of a sibling etc... i just felt i needed to clarify....I tried to concieve for 11 years before adopting my daughter and there is nothing I wouldn't do for that little girl and that includes getting up 1,000 times if needed and after you go through such a long journey to be a parent, the last thing you want is time away from your child, but we as a couple decided after talking with so many other parents that setting good sleep habits from the get go was the best thing ans we did and we stuck to it. Finding out I was pregnant when she was 6 months was not even conceivable much less planned and having to be creative and adapt was challenging and rewarding. My kids love each other greatly and play nicely and i wouldn't want it any other way, but their ages did pose some huge challenges especially with them being so mobile so young. Just be kind, be thoughtful, and supportive. Different isn't always horrible and there are many colors besides black and white. Ok, I'm off my soap box.

27

My goodness other than a situation like the one the Cdm2kk describes below, which to me is a loving, safe and sane response to a possible safety issue I can't imagine locking a child in a room. Putting a baby gate at the door, certainly but locking a child in during the day when there should be an adult awake and alert to keep a little wanderer safe and bring back to the room to nap, etc. is just not right. Sounds like your friend needs to work on a routine where her child will settle down for rest or a nap without being locked behind a closed door. I would imagine that it feels awful for a child.

28

I did. My husband was always the one that did bedtime and when he was suddenly sent away for a month for work, bedtime was absolute HELL. I put a child safety door knob cover on the inside of my son's bedroom door and shut the door. I let him cry it out much like the Super Nanny method (letting him cry for a few mins, then going in, putting him back in his bed and walking back out). While he was fighting it out, I sat in the living room, only feet from his bedroom. Once he was asleep, I would open his door and take the dog into his room (she sleeps in his bed with him).

It only took 3 nights of doing this and my son learned to stay in his bed and go to sleep on his own.

When we first did the bed transition (at 18 mos because he climbed out of the crib) we used the baby gate, however, at 2 1/2 he knew how to open the gate. Now, at almost 3, he can open the door knob covers also (I had one on the kitchen door for safety because he's a sleepwalker which scares the crap out of me).

29

No I hate locks on doors we don't have locks on any of our 4 bedroom doors we have a lock for the bathroom & that is it,which the kiddos understand not to ever lock it unless I say it is ok but have the key right there for the just in case I need to get in.We lock our front/back door the kiddos have been taught how to unlock them or throw something out the window just in case of an emergency.I have in-laws who are Fireman & a Retired Cheif as a FIL & locking children their rooms is a huge no no (a fire breaks out in your home & just by chance your child can't get out of the room they are in because they were locked in & you can't get to them how would you feel then?)
Now can't say I have never had issues with getting my kiddos to stay in theri bed I have had my share but all it takes most of the time is potty time, i'll tuck them in,read a book then turn on their music

30

No, I am a wuss for definite, I lie or sit with my girl till she falls asleep, then creep out - like you lol
I can't imagine leaving your baby to cry scared and lonely, and imprisoned!

31

We used a plexiglass baby gate in his door frame and once he was potty trained moved it to the hall so he could access his bedroom and the bathroom but not the rest of the house. I never felt comfortable closing the door to his room and this allows me to look in without waking him up.

32

We did this with my son for a long time, and our pediatrician is the one that told us to do it. He had climbed out of his crib and refused to sleep in a bed and was out of his room constantly. He climbed over gates, including the stair gate, removed those protective door knobs in 30 seconds flat, and could easily work the dead bolt on the front door at age 2. I know some people will say it is unsafe, but when they were infants we put them in a crib that they couldn't exit without help no matter how much they wanted to . The locked room is just a larger crib in my opinion. After a while he started to like being locked in there and wouldn't sleep unless we locked the door. We no longer have to do it, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Honestly, there are a lot of judgmental mommies out there. Its great that you all haven't had to deal with a climber or a roamer or worry about safety. At least if a fire broke out I would know where he was. Things work differently for every family so don't judge your friend. Who knows, she may think lots of things of you for your "VERY different" child rearing methods.

33

Yes I did. I used to put a childproof knob on the inside of the door to their room so that I would know where they were at all times. If it was naptime or bedtime we would close the door all the way so that we didn't have to worry about them wandering aound the house when they awoke or at night. All 3 of my kids were out of their cribs at a young age and didn't know the house "rules" yet. There were times that I would need to shower or nap myself and I didn't want the worry of them getting into danger or falling down the steps while I was sleeping or showering and couldn't hear them. I knew that their rooms were safe and they were happy in there, therefore I could do what I needed to do and they were safe. That's what was important to me!
Now that my oldest is 6 and my youngest is 3 they obviously don't need to be kept in their rooms any longer. I would say that by the time my oldest was 3 I'd taken the lock off of her door and by the time she was 4 all the locks were off because I knew if there was a problem she would come get me.

Edit:
Wow, after reading some of the other responses I can't believe that people think this is neglectful! My children have never been neglected in any way and are loved beyond all comparison.

Simply because a parent wants to keep a child safe at night or during naptime is not neglectful. My children never ever felt trapped or unloved. When they would wake up from napping or in the morning they would knock on the door to let us know they were up and we'd get them immediately. If we got up first we'd open the door for them. Also, I can't do baby gates at the top of the steps in my house because of the risk of me falling down the steps (due to spinal issues) so it was just another way of making sure the kids were where they are supposed to be and gave me piece of mind to sleep soundly! This is in no way neglectful.

If I may add one more thought...a friend of mine has a 3 year old child who she used to "put to sleep" every night when he was younger and then "sneek" out. Well now he is 3 and she sleeps with him everynight because he is afraid to be alone, and thinks if he fell asleep with mommy then mommy should be there in the middle of the night when he wakes. So, now she's just stuck sleeping with him because he expects it. My children on the other hand learned at a very young age to sleep in their own beds by themselves and now sleep soundly through the night 99% of the time.

34

I used a gate from the day my daughter attempted to get out of her crib until she was 2. I am lucky that she never tried to open/jump the gate because I honestly don't know what would have done next.
We have 5 steps between their room (my 2 and 12 year old sleep in the same room) and our room, which we always leave open door.
Once we knew the toddler could perfectly walk down those 5 steps we took the gate.
However, she has never even come close to our bed because, for good or bad I wake up just with the open door noise...everytime!

35

I used to have a knob cover on the inside but my older boy knocked it off too many times. So yes, I lock the door from the outside. My kids are 2 1/2 and 4 and our doors are about 2 feet apart. If they need us, we can hear them. My oldest knocks on his door if he needs to use the bathroom at night. Our upstairs landing is very small and I am more concerned about nighttime wandering. Both boys are also able to unlock and open all the doors in the house and I would be terrified that they might go down the stairs half asleep and/or leave the house without waking us up. (My husband had found our oldest downstairs when I forgot to lock the door and this is the same child who as a toddler pushed our cat out a window and climbed out after him). If our house size/structure were different or if our stairs were set-up so we could just gate the top, I might not. It works just fine for us and they have no phobias or issues with it and like to close the door on me when I leave before I lock it. I only stay until they are asleep if I'm too tired to move, but after we snuggle they usually ask me to leave. When I'm awake and they can get up anytime I usually leave the door unlocked.

36

The only kind of lock I will use with our kids, are the child safety locks on car doors so they can't open them from the inside. I'm sorry, but I think putting a cover over the door knob is mean. Putting up a baby gate is better, at least the kid can see out. I think things that happen to children when they are young, can follow them into adulthood and locking them in their room is cruel and torture. Parents need to be careful what they do to youg children, they are SO impressionable.

37

You are not a wuss parent. In my opinion, locking a child into a room with a closed door is child abuse. Forced isolation for the convenience of the parents? I'm appalled. (I have no problem with gates, by the way. Gates do not inhibit communication and the parent can hear the child if they need something.)

Can you imagine being locked into a room? How frustrating would that be? What if there was a health issue and the child had to use the toilet or throw up? What if there was a fire, or other emergency?

To me, this is another example of 'parenting for the adult's convenience', which is really the nicest way I can put it. Is it convenient for the adult to have to walk their child back to bed, again and again? No, and this is part of our jobs as parents, to provide guidance and discipline. Is it healthy for a child to have to be more or less jailed alone at a young age? no. Is it scary? Yes. Can these continued experiences develop into serious fears, or acting out behaviors later on? Absolutely.

Even as an adult, if I were planning on leaving my room and found myself locked in, I'd be frustrated. If it didn't open still, perhaps a bit terrified. And that's me being an Adult, with an adult brain.

Part of parenting is getting off our asses and doing our job. I'm with you, Bridget. We have a steep set of stairs to our bedroom, and our son (almost 4) sleeps on a little futon on the floor of our master bedroom, so if he wakes at night we are right there and he won't be climbing those hard stairs when he's tired. I would NEVER dream of locking him into his room. Even when he's been sent to his room, we just gate the hallway from the main house, so he can use the bathroom when he needs to. I believe my son has the right to using the toilet and safe entrance/exit from his room, should the need arise.

I hope that I don't cause trouble between you and your friend by being so blunt, but this is just not acceptable. It is a cruel and inhumane way to treat one's own child. If a safety issue is involved, parents can buy those magnetic chimes they have at convenience stores, when the door is open, so they are alerted to their child's waking and walking around. Or an alarm company can come and install alarms on the doors, so when everyone goes to bed, the alarm is set and will go off if an outside door is opened. And we have three swinging attached 'stairway' gates in our house; two at the top of the basement and attic stairs (a doorway which is eyebolted at the bottom of attic stairway) one in the hallway, and one around the woodstove. One can keep their children safe without locking them into their rooms. There are lots of options. Even double-gating (installing a swinging, locking gate above the first one, to make it safer) is an option.

Hazel

38

No, and I don't think i'm a wuss for not doing it either.
I have always let my baby roam free. When I am in the shower she has access to the living room, and her room...I leave the bathroom door open. When it's time for sleep I sit in there and read to her then leave. I close her door almost all the way but leave it cracked.
She's been doing this for the last year, and at 2 is still ok. She's never given me a reason to think she has to be contained in one area (and yes she climbs). I guess I lucked out. =)

39

It is absolutely ILLEGAL and neglectful to lock a child in a room. Period. End of story. Ask a psychologist. My daughter was threatening to harm herself and others and we asked about putting her in a room with nothing but pillows while she calmed down and we were told we could absolutely NOT do it, and she was 8.

If you let a child out of your sight like this, and that child gets hurt (and it will and DOES happen) you are responsible for neglect/abuse of that child. I would NEVER EVER EVER consider doing this with a child- naps are not required, as some moms seem to think they are. Life goes on. Lock a child in a room and let them pull something heavy on their head, choke to death silently, etc. and life does NOT go on. Trust your gut on this one. I would report the friend too.

40

"Sounds like a great plan"??? Not for my family. I wasn't worried about fires or emergencies, I taught my daughter that her bed was a safe and comforting place and that's where she happily stayed. I would feel awful with her feeling like she needed to be locked up like a kennel. My job as a mom is to guide and teach,not take the easy way out.