My adult step daughter is living with me again to help out my mother in law and I and it's a nightmare. She has never warmed up to me.
My husband died and wanted me to give her a car and a RV and some money to pay of her student loans. But he didn't put it in writing so I haven't giving her anything.
Like most millennials She is a lazy disappointment who got too many participation trophies who is overly sensitive.
We fight about politics actually she retreats while I scream at the top of my lungs how she does everything the wrong way
We also fight over how she points the fan the wrong way and how long her showers are
She is a liar
I can't ever find things she hands to me
My pastor thinks I should kick her out I give him her inheritance
We have huge fights and she shuts down while I pound on the car screaming at the top of my lungs. I have been kicking her out overnight ever few days
She wants the car and the RV her father left her. He didn't put it in writing. My mother in law wants to live with her only not me. My stepdaughter thinks it's unfair I won't give her the money for all the things I have But I don't think I should part with the money . I feel she should pull herself by her bootstraps and get her self together.
Any time I read a post which sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, my ‘Is this real?’ detector goes off, however I’ll just answer anyway.
YES, you should give your step daughter the car and RV which her father left her. It’s not about whether you like her or approve of what she does or get along with her; it’s about honoring the wishes of your late husband. It doesn’t matter whether his wishes were put in writing; you, his daughter, his mother, your pastor, and maybe other people know that he wanted her to have those vehicles. I assume you loved and respected him when he was alive, so you have the moral obligation to fulfill his request. It’s for him (and your conscience), not for her. Oh, and dump the pastor who is so unethical as to suggest you should give him what his late parishioner said should go to his child.
As for your living situation, here’s what you said: You don’t want to live with your step daughter and your mother-in-law wants to live only with your step-daughter (I’d feel like her does if someone in my home was screaming at people and pounding on vehicles). So, the two of them should live together away from you. Easy peasy. Take the money which your late husband wanted to give his daughter for her student loans and use it to set the gal and your mo-in-law up in another place. Cover their first two months of expenses (or whatever) so your step-daughter has time to get situated financially, and then let them handle their home. You can then get some counseling and recover your mental balance. Good luck with it!
Like Anne, I’m not sure this is real, but I will answer anyway. Also, like Anne, I think you should honor your husband’s wishes.
I’m not sure how long you were married to your husband, but I suspect that there is a history here regarding his relationship with his daughter and his parenting. It is unfortunate that it is too late to address your concerns, which might be very valid, but it is.
I am sorry for your loss, but I think you are allowing your anger at him and his daughter to interfere with your good sense and your grief. The best thing you could do for yourself would be to honor his wishes, which will free you to grieve the loss.
Yelling at her and withholding the car, RV and money, is only prolonging how long you and she are going to be stuck in a miserable situation. Yelling at her isn’t going to help her grow up, and it isn’t helping you any. Give her what she wants and set a date when she needs to move out by, or maybe you set a date for yourself to move out on your own. If she wants to live with her grandmother, let them figure that out.