My 6 year old throws a fit everytime we drop her off at school. She's been doing this since preschool, she's in first grade now. She also cries when she goes to Sunday school, but she has told me that when she cries people feel sorry for her and make her the helper. And sometimes she does o.k. (like once a week) So I know that she can do it, so I don't know if she is just being manipulative or if she has seperation anxiety. We have tried everything, the teacher and staff at her school no longer baby her when she throws her fits, which helps a little and we have talked to her teacher and she's doing great in class, it's just when we drop her off. Any suggestions?
Hi Amber, Always remember, kids are smart. She was letting you know she already figured out that if she crys they make her the helper or give her attention. My daughter was the same way, but she had some great pre-school and kindergarten teachers, that never babied her, they just held her while I left and then let her join in when she was ready, which was in like 2 minutes, and she was fine by 1st grade. We as parents have a rougher time than the kids do. I have a friend who babied her son and tried to comfort him and bribe him and finally now in 3rd grade he is going on his own. My daughter is now in 6th grade and is still very attached to me, but has no problems separating from me. Hope this helps.
Well, first of all...what are you doing as she is going through these fits? If she is getting a lot of attention then stop! She is enjoying the attention she is getting. My suggestion is to drop her off and leave, don't encourage her behavior with attention. Soon, she will realize that it doesn't work anymore. Once in a while my son (4 yrs. old) will do the same, but very rarely. So, when that happens, I leave immediately and the teacher tells me he immediately stopped because I was not there. So, try it and you will be surprised how quickly she changes her behavior. Give her praise for being strong and when she doesn't cry instead. Best of luck and let me know what happens.
It is all about letting her know that you are coming back to get her so try to make a ritual about dropping off an dpicking up maybe a watch she can where so she know when you are coming back.
Hi Amber,
Our son, who is also 6 yrs old, behaved in the same manner. He has ALWAYS displayed symptoms of seperation anxiety. We thought as he got older it would improve. It didn't...until recently.
His pediatrician recommended us to a develop/behavioral pediatrician. After filling out numerous forms, having his teacher fill out a few forms, and meeting with the develop/behavioral pediatrician, our son was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (our son met with her also-without us). We discovered that his behavior, upon seperating from my husband and me (more so with me), was what helped him to focus throughout the day. By being able to attribute those 'I don't know or understand' feelings to SOMETHING, he was able to function.
He would have a tantrum at drop off, but would (more often than not) calm down within 20 mins, but on some days the crying would last all day.
After four years of trying different behavior/cognitive modification, and discussing the situation at great length with my husband, pediatrician (whom we trust completely!), and the develop/behavioral pediatrician (whom we also trust but don't know as well) we decided to try medication. (boy did I cry a lot of tears with that decision as it was SO against my husband and my philosophy!!!) He started taking the meds in December.
The difference in our son, since he started the medication, has been astronomical!
Although there is still repetitive questioning (you won't forget to pick me up Mommy? You won't be late, right Mommy? You'll be waiting in front of my classroom Mommy? You promise all these things, right Mommy? and you don't break promises. Right, Mommy?) the panic is gone from his voice, as well as the fear in his eyes! He also no longer runs after me, crying, when I turn around to leave the school.
I know with our son, when he is made a helper/assistant it helps him calm down because he feels he is in control of something; which is so opposite of how he normally feels. He constantly feels as if he has no control because his feelings of worry, fear, etc, have no foundation. He just knows he is feeling those bad feelings but doesn't know why; that is why the helper/assitant 'job' help him so much. The 'job' gives him something he can focus on and gives him control (not over the other kids mind you :-) just control in general).
I recommend keeping a tally of when her fits happen, how long they last, and what makes them stop. Also, speak to your pediatrician to see if he/she has any suggestions.
My biggest piece of advice...if you feel there is something going on, and are not content with the 'anwers', don't let people try and change you mind - listen to your instincts! We were told he would grow out of it (by our families. His pediatrician thought he would but wanted to wait and see); there was nothing wrong with him; and it is all normal little boy behavior because most boys are such 'Mama's boys'.
Don't let anyone try and 'convince' there is nothing wrong!!!
If my husband and I had listened, we would still be pushing our son off on some other adult so they could hold him back while I left the school grounds!
I hope this helps! Good luck!!!
Jill
Well yesterday instead of walking her to the cafeteria (like we usually do) we pulled over to the drop off zone (right in front of the school) I got out and opened my daughter’s door she got out and went with no problems. We watch her from the car to make sure she goes were she needs to go, and she does fine. She did it again today. Thanks for all your help!