Okay so this is alittle weird, but being a single dad they do not offer quite as many resources like this for us so here it goes...
My adopted son recently has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The techniques talked about as "development parenting therapy" are very hard to sustain. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to maintain patience and empathy even as the I want to tell him just exactly what he should do. Wow is it frustrating!
How does one have a life outside of their children as a single parent?! I believe that I am out of touch with reality as I can tell you what Chicken Little says word for word in his movie, but could not tell you was the latest headlines of the world are.
scott
First I want to say i am happy to see men wanting to take a stand on parenting these days.
I don't know anything about RUD but I know how it is hard to get your child to do what you want them to do when you want them to do it. I have 5 children and sometimes i wish it was easy being a parent. Just try to be there for the child and maybe they show you that they are listening soon b/c one of my kids seems like she does not listen to me but when i am not around she does so good and sometimes i find her doing things i tell her to do but not when i am there telling her but I hope the best in all and i hope someone else helps you out.
hi scott, i'm shawna. i have an 8 yr old with RAD but my son also has ADHD, ODD, OCD, and is bipolar. i'm sure from experience you know RAD is difficult so you could imagine how difficult it has been trying to find ways of dealing with achild with all this other stuff too. it is frustrating, very. the one thing that has realy helped me with my son is i never make empty threats, "pick your dirty clothes up or no TV tonight", if he doesn't pick them up i don't let him watch TV that night. not saying that you don't already do this. for the most part you have to think about the issues that are really worth trying to get him to do, their are some days if he's having a bad day that i just don't bother him with picking his dirty clothes up because he'll have a better day tomorrow so he can pick them up tomorrow. i know it seems as i am just putting it off but some days with my son it is just a fight waiting to happen. have faith, the Lord won't put you through what you can't handle. it may be hard but keep trying. do you have him or have you tried to have him in any type of therapy? i have my son in weekly therapy that helps alittle, and we have a program here that is called a wrap around that also gives me the support and helps to address any issues we might have. if you would like to know anything more and think i might be able to help, you can always email me. [email protected] P.S. check out my myspace page, i have deticated it to all those that serve in the armed forces. www.myspace.com/bipolarmom_1
All you can really do it keep reminding yourself when things get tough that he has this problem, he didn't ask to have this problem and it's no more his fault than it is yours. Remind yourself that you need to be patient and set appropriate rules and consequenses and be consistant with it. It's hard enough coming here from a different country with all the culture shock and what not to begin with, not to mention the abuse and/or neglect that he had before he came here. It's very difficult to care for a child that has mental and/or physical delays and/disabilities and you may feel angry and frustrated at times, anyone would. It may help to have him in some kind of counseling and/or psychotherapy, and counseling for you might be a good thing too. Being a single parent for children without delays and disabilities is challenging enough the way things are, but to have a counselor or friend that you can confide in and vent to can help tremendously. And with that, all I have left to say is...thank you for serving our country and thank you for what you are doing for these boys. They may be to little to express their gratitude right now, but as they grow and mature, they'll be thankful for you too. What you're doing is no easy task and you are doing a wonderful job at it I'm sure. I wish there were more people like you.
I understand that you are frustrated, but you must realize that you cannot just tell him what he should do, as this will only make matters worse. Is he in therapy? Are you in therapy? You have a long road ahead of you but there IS hope! I have done some research on this disorder as I am in school to be a counselor, but I am by no means an expert. If you haven't already checked out radkid.org, I suggest that you do. It has some great resources and personal experiences on it! Good luck.
I have quite a few family members who are serving in the military and have been to the middle east. I want to take this opportunity to thank you and all of the men and women who are willing to fight for and stand up for our freedom.
First of all, there is nothing weird about your situation. Sadly, there are many children out there with this diagnosis.
The combination of having RAD and living military 'style' would be difficult, but not impossible!
These days, being in the military is stressful enough. The fact that you are willing to raise 2 sons who needed someone to love them and care for them is "to me' just as awesome! I am honored to have 'met' you, even for this brief moment.
As far as the RAD, there is alot of information out there on this diagnosis. If you tell me where you are, maybe I can help you find someone near you to help you thru this.
Hello Scott,Well to start off when disciplining,express empathy
for the Impact of the Consequence while imposing it,preserving attachment while maintaining discipline, And RAD children can be healed,they have to want it,but when it becomes necessary to discipline,make a clear distinction between the CHILD and the BEHAVIOR.Be realistic in your expectations.When you reached the point of feelin discourged consult a proffesional Assistance.Well i truly hope you get to have some (self time).You might try getting a house keeper for 2 days aweek,and a lisence therapist.
First off....Thanks for being willing to reach out for advice and take a chance with us moms.
It must be really difficult to handle such special needs for your boys. I know how frustrating it can be keeping your patience and temper even when a child doesn't have special issues. Sometimes having a partner/friend that can help keep the sanity can make the diffrence. That's why alot of us moms came to this site for...It sounds like you are really involved in your boys, but you need to also take care of yourself. They need to see dad being dad. Get a babysitter, and go out for a beer, or a grown up movie. Get out so you are available to meet other people. You are dealing with the same problems many of us are also trying to deal with... juggling parenthood with being a grown-up too.
Hang in there and turn to us whenever you need a pick-me-up.
I do not know anything about this disorder but I wanted to say hats off to you! I know how demanding the military is, my husband is active duty. God Bless You!
Reactive attachment disorder, symbolizes a severe psychological syndrome that starts developing in a child during his age of the infancy. Basically, this behavior disorder pertains to the concept of the attachment, which is deeply shared by a child with his mother or the other care giver. http://www.disorderscentral.com/reactive-attachment-disorder.html
Thanks for all of the advice and such a quick response also! Here is what I have done so far. The boys and I have lived in Kentucky now for almost two years. My oldest has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication which although I was against medication to start has made such a difference in his confidence in school! Both boys are in counseling and have been since arriving in Kentucky. Both have IEPs set up in school to help them learn to their capabilities versus trying to just “keep up”. I have read many books on RAD the most recent one “Building the Bonds of Attachment” by Daniel Hughes, Second Edition. An excellent book! I have purchased and review a DVD collection from the Evergreen Institute in Colorado Springs…I cannot remember the name of the collection I sent it to be review by the boys adopted mother as the boys will be heading back to Alaska where she lives as I must unfortunately go “do my duty” in the Middle East. Please do not feel sorry for me, as this is my calling and I love what I do. I say this only to update all of you as to the situation.
As of this summer the boys will be set up with the finest of counselors and psychiatrists in Alaska to specialize in RAD and ADHD. I have financed to train the boys’ caregivers in specialized RAD training to help their adoptive mother out above and beyond child support. Although it has taken much time and energy I believe the boys will be in “great hands” of very capable individuals…the hardest thing about parenting is not knowing what you don’t know. Once you know, then a plan can be developed and executed. I know my parenting skills have changed drastically even from just last year as I learn and understand more about what RAD is and some of the techniques that seem to be effective. I have realized that although I have tried hard, the boys at their current ages NEED a maternal emphasis. The boys will need me as a role model more as teenagers and if their mom and I cannot be together I along with many other resources have concluded that since the boys did not have a good maternal parent as young children they MUST create that bond with another before they can develop emotionally any further. I will be close to them as much as I can and with my current job be able to financially take care of the expenses of specialized care.
Again I appreciate all of the comments and hope to have more come my way! This is truly a positive site and if I can ever give a “male” perspective on something please do not hesitate to ask.