I have a 9yr old 3rd grader who is more concerned with playing or having fun then he is with doing his homework or even doing his work in school. I have tried taking things/ privledges from him because of his grades and/or for not bringing his homework home and/or just not focusing on doing it when he does bring it home. He tends to whine and complain about it for HOURS instead of just doing it. I have a feeling that it is only going to get worse because of the weather now. If anyone has any suggestions to help me ghet him to understand the importance of school and education I would really appreciate it!
That is a hard one. When do you have him try to do his work? Right after getting home or later in the day?
This usually will improve with age, but if you are very concerned maybe get a tutor. Tutors can get kids to do many things parents can't.
GL:)
It's hard for most kids at this age, to understand the importance of schooling, but consistency is something they understand when drilled in them long enough. I would start by putting him in his room if he starts whining and complaining in front of you. As long as he has an audience that listens to his bickering, he'll continue to do it. He can dish it, but you don't have to hear it. Try putting him in his room with no tv, ipod, or activities--just his homework. I had to do this with my now 13 year old. It takes patience and consistency on your part, but after awhile, he'll get the message. Don't let him outside until you've checked to make sure his homework is done. Play time is a privilege.
MC
Lisa,
Have you tried doing your homework with him? Maybe you could sit at the dining room table together each doing your homework, If he starts to complain, wander, etc, try actually explaining to him that while school seems silly to him, its very important for you and explain why its important to you and why you are attending school full time. Speak the truth, at 9 they understand more than you think.
my kids started about the same age acting up, we had to get into a complete routine, they get home from school, no tv, they get a piece of fruit or a yogurt nothing with sugar. They then start straight on their homework. I used to give them 1 hour to get it all done. If it wasn't done in that hour, then they went to bed earlier, we (my husband and I) decided that the amount earlier would be the exact amount of time it took them over the hour to get their homework done. Since in 3rd grade they had an 800 bedtime, 830 lights off, there was a few times one or the other was off to bed at 7pm... when it was nice out they sure hated having to be in bed earlier than normal....
I was awful about not "following thru" so what I did was set the kitchen timer when they started their homework and when it rang, if they weren't done, then they wrote down the time on a sheet of paper and when they were finally done, they had to tell me how much time they spent over the hour... (mind you the hour wasn't firm, if there was a research project, then we allowed for more time..) but by them figuring out the time, they were doing math skills....
On Friday's we sat down totalled up the amount of time they took over all week....It didn't take them long to figure out that they were spending to much time complaining about doing the work, as opposed to just doing it and getting the work done...
Good luck, Its a struggle, but if you hang in there and be consistant it will pay off, my son is in 7th grade (which they have said is the worst year for homework)and he comes home, grabs a piece of fruit and starts on his homework, no questions asked....
Both of you could do homework together since you are going to school too. Plus boys can sometimes get antsy. Maybe let him finish a page or half a page of homework and let him take a small break for five or 10 minutes. Third grade is a big transition year for kids. There is more book work to do. If there is spelling words to practice let him do it actively by tracing words with his finger in flour, sugar or sand. He says the word as he is writing it in the material of your choice. He could stomp out a pattern with his feet but let him know this is only for practicing at home. With some activity involved he may like homework a little better.
DebbieO
Don't give up on this one. It only gets worse. Set a clear expectation that it needs to get done and see what time works best for him as each child is different. My daughter has to get everything else off her plate and do her homework right before bed. My middle son does it right when he gets off thhe bus. My youngest (the 9 year old) needs to play outside awhile and then get down to business after dinner. Find a time that works, but keep after this one.
Lisa,
Maybe set up a meeting with his teacher and your son together to discuss the importance of doing homework. You don't say how he is doing overall in school, but sometimes kids are more inclined to follow their teacher's rules about schoolwork than parents, if that makes sense. He/She may also have suggestions based on his learning style and what he/she observes in class. Good for you for working on this now!
Tracey
I have a 5th grade son and know other boys who have done this same thing, so its very 'normal'. Try rewarding the preferred behavior as a way to motivate rather than punishing the negative behavior. Rewards can be play outside, play with a special toy, read a book to him (If he considers that a reward), go do something special on the weekend after a week of good homework doing. We say 'work hard, play hard.' Also I have found that if my son is given a 'choice' in the process or has some input things go better, like: "What time will you start on your math, 4:00 or 4:30?" or "Would you like a snack before you start your math?" "What do you want to do first, math or spelling?" Get the idea - the child get to have input, but you are guiding to do exactly what you need them to do. Try it, it works. Just don't let them decide anything beyond what YOU control. And don't reward with a bunch of things or super special stuff because it is the expectation that they do their homework, they shouldn't get 'paid' to do it. But they should be instilled with the notion that hard work brings reward rather than punishment. I would spend the time experimenting now on how to get him motivated so that it doesn't become more of a problem in later years. If you discover what motivates your child now, it will lend insight to the teen years.
Hello, we experienced this with our oldest daughier. She was diagnosed with ADD this year. She is 12. This struggle started in 3rd grade when there became more homework and more independance with schoolwork. We thought that all she wanted was to watch tv and play with the other kids. We would fight for hours trying to get her to do her homework. The teachers reported she was not getting the schoolwork done in class. We were at wits end. This went on into 6th grade. We started with counceling and then added meds. It has been a positive change. We still have some struggles because she is now behind acedemically. By the way, she did not have behavior problems. It is worth it to get him evaluated to see if there is anything hindering his ability to do homework. Good luck, hope you figure it out.
I have the exact same problem only my daughter is in kindergarten. I NEED help too. Her teacher keeps telling me I should not move her on to 1st but I don't feel she needs to be held back and think some of the problem is her teacher is 90 years old. ok, 60
We had a similar problem with my son. He would whine forever. We made a deal that when he got home he got an hour to do whatever (he got home at 4 and we ate around 5:00) After supper, there was no activitiese until the homework was done. There was alot of whining and messing around (looking at the sky etc) but eventually he figured out that we meant business. After a few months he got down to business and could finish his homework alot quicker. Oh, I checked it too because for a while he would rush through and do a lousy job. So there was no activities until the homework was done and checked. Good luck!
has he ever been evaluated for add?
H iLisa!
Is this a change in his behavior, or has he always been reluctant to do homework? If his grades are suffering, perhaps you need to look further than a motivation problem. He might need an evaluation for a learning or focusing problem. I suggest you start with your doctor or your school. Call up the principal and explain to them what you have explained here, an evaluation maybe in order. You will need to do this now to get help for next year, the wheels turn very slowly. At the same time, call your pediatrician and explain the same thing to him and follow what he/she recommends.
IF motivation is truly the issue, have you tried a structured atmosphere? If he ahs been given the choice of doing something other than homework, then he will choose that, so don't make it a choice. I know that at the end of the school day, one of my children just couldn't focus anymore, her brain was tired! We tried all different kinds of schedules, such as taking a break after school, snack, play, etc. and what works best for her is just doing the homework as soon as she gets in. If we wait until later it takes hours for her to do what should be a 20 minute assignment. It also requires me to be there with her and not allowing any whining or I walk away. Good luck!
Have you tried looking further into the problem? Maybe it's not that he doesn't want to do it, maybe it could be he is struggling with how to do it, and just avoiding it all together! You did say that he won't do it at home or at school, and that his grades are not all that great... I would look further into it. Talk to his teacher and maybe even the Principal and see if they have any suggestions with a class or a tutor who could better help him to understand.
Good luck!
Amanda
Can't help you. My son does the same thing. You are NOT ALONE! I try praise, bribery, punishment...nothing works. I think it must be part of life.
Good luck!
Sheri
Hi Lisa,
I can totally understand what your going through. I went through it with my son. I had thought I tried everything to get the homework complete at night. It got to the point I was fustrated with him....he was fustrated with me. Not a great way to spend my eveings. Somehow in dicussing this problem with his teacher we came up with a solution. If his homework or class work was not turned in or not turned in complete he received what we called detention. He basically missed receses or sat in the classroom during lunchtime. He may miss a field trip or an assembly. It did not take long before this worked. Maybe you and his teacher could work together and come up with some kind of plan. Best wishes!
As you are a student as well, have you tried sitting down with him and doing homework together, just the two of you? Make sure it's at the same time each day and make sure he understands that he cannot do anything else (watch TV, play) until after homework time. If he's having problems with the work itself (and doesn't want to admit it), you might try a tutor. Sometimes a person "outside" the situation has better results. Also (and I hate to say this), but he might get sick of/embarassed about going to the tutor and decide to do the work on his own. I have a 14-year old son and went through the same thing. It wasn't that he didn't understand the work, but that he wanted the attention. Also, be sure to praise/reward him when he does get good grades.
I'd talk to the school administrators for motivational possibilities.
Just, however, stay with the 'buy it back' concept. If he wants privileges back, get moving on the homework. Kids these days DO sit for hours on end playing computer/video games. I have a senior in high school who does it too.
Use privileges as leverage. Clean the room buys back X amount of game time. Homework buys back X amount. YOU set the rules and guidelines.
If he's got some hidden issues, scholastic I mean, then maybe the Sylvan learning center could help motivate and improve.
Hello Lisa, This suject is one that all three of my children went through. What I did was not allow ANYTHING before homework was done. No tv, phone, snacks, toys, period. They sat at the kitchen table until it was done. If they CHOSE to stay there and not do there work, then that was their punishment. If dinner came around, and work was still not done, then they went hungry. It's not being mean, it teaching them that life is all about choices. They can chose to sit there, and go hungry, or get there work out of the way so that they can eat, play, etc. If their behavior is no longer getting them what they want, then they will change their behavior. I hope this works for you. It worked very well for all three of mine. Also don't talk to them while they are at the table. That in itself can be a reward in their eyes. ATTENTION! Just go about your norman routine. If he forgets to bring home his homework, then he should have to stay at the table anyway. It will be the last time he FORGETS it! Totally ignor him when he whines. Let him know that he choses his own disapline, not you. The grown up world will teach him this if he doesn't learn it at home. He is half way to adulthood already.