My son is recently diagnosed by the school district as on the spectrum - mild to moderate. He qualifies for preschool help and I am SO glad we're able to get it. They are working with him on social skills and social language. I've already seen an improvement. If you can get a school assessment and see if he qualifies for any help from the school district, it may make a difference. They may be able to help you in helping to find a peer group for him, or helping peers to understand the quirkiness.
He will always be quirky - and that's ok. But you're right, it's tough. I remember being an outsider growing up (smart and a bit socially clueless - I don't know if I was on the spectrum, but I was a geek). As an adult, it's not a big deal, but as a child, it's a challenge.
Oh, these stories just break my heart. My son also has Aspergers, anxiety disorder, ADHD and ODD. He has struggled with the same issues such as understanding social cues. He tries so hard to fit in but he usually tries too hard and comes across as annoying. It is so hard for us Mama's to see this but these kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for.
My son is now 11 and in 6th grade and I will tell you things do get better. The other kids learn to accept him for who he is and he has several friends that he hangs out with. I've noticed that he does very well with older people, he has two mentors that are in their 20s and he just loves hanging out with them. At school he tends to gravitate towards the girls, maybe they are less judgemental. But he still has a few boys he hangs out with and he is even going to play basketball again this year.
My best advice to you is to give your son a hundred hugs a day, compliment everything and do whatever you can to boost his self-esteem. Teach him that he is an awesome kid and hopefully it won't be so devastating to him when he has problems with the other kids. My best friend, who also has a son with Aspergers, chose to explain everything to her child about his diagnosis. So, now he understands why he acts the way he does and he will also explain it to other kids. It seems to be working well in their situation but I have not done the same with my kid. My son doesn't even know what Aspergers means or that he has it. I guess it really depends on the child and how you think he will be able to handle this.
I wish you the best of luck. It's not an easy road but it is so worth it. Please don't underestimate the power of the special ed teachers and the value of an IEP. I'm not saying it's the right answer for everybody but it can open the doors to a lot of resources. Also, talk to his therapist about medications. Again, it's not always the right answer but sometimes it can really help you child be successful. Feel free to message me anytime and don't forget it will get better. ((((HUGS))))
Definitely find a social skills group for him, or at the very least a good occupational therapist, they can work on a lot of that stuff with him. He's older now, and is likely more ready for the social skills piece than he was before. We've had a wonderful experience with our OT, she's been able to help our oldest learn all sorts of things about how his body works and what he needs to do to negotiate the world in his body. Talk to your pediatrician for an OT referral.
I would try switching to a different team sport like maybe soccer, and maybe one with a better team work, or out of the team sport and into a different sport like tennis, or maybe something like gymnastics. Maybe also instead of the school team, I would try a community class so that it's a different team and a different coach and you can watch how they play, and they are not so sport-focused but more team and fun-focused.
You have a specific condition to keep in mind, and sounds like the dynamics of the team he is playing on does not help you with that issue at all. I would not leave him there, but I would try to find something else he can play, and possibly several things.
If the same situation repeats at school, I would also switch schools, like maybe find a charter or a private school, but with a better and more positive environment. How kids treat other kids is typically a result of how it is moderated in that environment.
Also, if you can find horseback riding lessons for that age, it is very therapeutic, and he will have interaction with the instructor. Anything outdoors and dealing with animals will help too. Spending time outdoors also helps ADHD too.
I have not observed my daughter having problems with the kids, but I always observed that she goes straight to the adults and prefers their company and their interaction. But I would not tolerate if other kids were to start treating her badly, I would feel compelled to take some action.
If he really loves football and older kids can you find an older kid to coach him in it? Then when he is ready to play with kids his own age he knows what he is doing rather than just running around? He goes int it w/ some confidence and the other kids can see that he knows what he is doing? maybe someone at your church can do it as a service project?
Love the karate idea such a great medium for all types of children.
My heart goes out to you. I have one that is s social butterfly but has a harder time w/ social issues and we're just on the cusp of kids not really noticing vs. kids backing away from her b/c she's such a close talker, holds onto their arm, follows them and just keeps talking and talking, etc. As a mother it is heartbreaking to watch.
Thank you so much for all of the wonderful suggestions and words of encouragement! In regards to the football situation, I think I will mention to him that since most of those boys were older than him (I think they were mostly 2nd and 3rd graders…maybe one other 1st grader), that maybe he should let them play their own games. I could then remind him about how sometimes he doesn’t want to play with his younger brothers…maybe that would help him make the connection and not take it personally. When we lived in Georgia, he attended a social skills group once a week. The idea of it was good, but I’m not sure that it helped him a ton. However, I may still look around to see if they have something like that here in MN. He has recently started every other week therapy sessions with a child psychologist just to stay on top of his anxiety disorder, so maybe she can help address some social skills type stuff as well. Aside from his counseling sessions every other week, he has just started physical therapy once a week for hypotonia (weak muscle tone) that he struggles with. We get nervous about adding any other type of therapy or involving the school with a specialized plan because we don’t want him to start thinking that there is something “wrong” with him. He already is annoyed that he has to go to these things and his brothers don’t. We just tell him that every kid has to see doctors for different reasons…his brothers have to see doctors for other reasons than he does sometimes too. That being said, we still dont want to overextend him with therapies…I think there is a fine line between how much is helpful vs harmful with a kid like him. His teacher is aware that he has a difficult time in social situations and she has been good about setting up a good environment for him. I will definitley look into the martial arts suggestion. He does get very anxious playing sports…he’s very competitive. Even watching football is difficult for him if his team is loosing or one of dad’s fantasy football players isn’t doing well. I can only hope and pray that my son will be strong and proud of who he is no matter what. Those are the attitudes we are trying very hard to instill in him. But kids can be cruel…and I am just dreading the day when my son will be bullied. It’s no doubt that he’s an easy target. I commend all the victims of bullying out there that can be resiliant…such brave and strong kids! But my heart breaks for those poor children that don’t have the emotional capacity to handle such things. And it terrifies me that many times these children are so vulnerable…little things that are said or done can have such an impact on them. We just want to do everything we can to prepare our son to handle these or any other difficult situations. Thanks again so much for the insight and personal stories…they’ve helped me feel much better about everything. I’ll be able to face the day tomorrow with optimism thanks to all of you wonderful mamas out there!