I had a midwife for both of my pregnancies, well for my prenatal appts. anyway...my midwife wasn't on call for either of my deliveries. What I can tell you is that I LOVE my midwife who is also my OBGYN. Never was I made to feel uncomfortable or feel as though my questions or concerns were a bother. I am sorry to hear that you are having such issues because it's not the "norm" for all to be that way. I can tell you with my first pregnancy (which was when Midwives were just becoming popular) that I had to at first see 3 different ones, two which I defintiely didn't connect or click with at all, and then the third one was a charm! :) I would recommend exploring your options and seeing who else is out there that makes you feel comfortable with your care. I would also highly recommend having a birth doula, with my first I did not, I didn't even know what a birth doula was, but with my second, I had a great, natural child birth with the help and guidance of my birth doula. She sat by my side the ENTIRE time and made all my worries and fears disappear. Good luck with whatever avenue you decide to take but I would seriously consider looking into getting yourself a different midwife(s). :)
I just had to weigh in on this subject. I've had both an OB/GYN (with my first born) and a group of midwives now (as I go through my second pregnancy). Neither made me feel like ANY concern I had was unimportant, or any question I had was stupid. For my firstborn though, my regular OB wasn't on-call the day I gave birth and I ended up with DR's and nurses I had never met before. The Midwives I see now with this pregnancy elimiate that risk by making sure that I meet every single one in their practice. One of the 4 will be with me at delivery. I like knowing that the person(s) I am building a rapport with will be there. I can understand why that would matter to you. Your prenatal visits and how you get treated are important, and if I were you I wouldn't want to leave it up to luck, I'd want to make sure I had professionals who understood and cared. I'd look around for a new provider if I were you. It's not too late! Good luck!
Eliza, Your experience sounds awful - I would look for another practitioner/office for your prenatal care and delivery. The chances that you will luck into a better person are there, but also possible that you would get the awful one... During my pregnancy, I had one midwife who was wonderful, gentle and calming, and the other was nice and knowledgeable, but kind of hyper and loud like an energetic cheerleader, which I found kind of grating. Anyway, although I saw the other one throughout my prenatal visits, but by chance of course I had the hyper one for the delivery. And, then there were complications, which resulted in the OB getting involved anyway, and I had literally never met him before that day, which I would do differently next time. Sigh. A small OB or midwife practice lets you consider who you may see better, and they tend to be less rushed, and I'd strongly recommend that.
And, without asking a medical person, how on earth would you know to diagnose your own lump as a probable fibroid? That seems insane to judge you or respond impatiently for that.
I'm not sure where you are located, but I just wanted to say that it sounds like the problems you've been having have nothing to do with the practitioners' area of focus and everything to do with individual quirks. You are correct that midwives generally are more supportive of a woman's autonomy and view pregnancy/childbirth as a natural process, etc.
I used a small midwife practice (3 midwives) when I was pregnant, and it was like night and day from what you describe. I got to know them all (by design) so that no matter who was on call, I'd feel comfortable with them. They were committed to empowering me and educating me. And they were absolutely wonderful throughout the process.
Can you possibly find another midwifery practice? That would be my suggestion. The ones you have sound like the exception rather than the rule.
I'm in Portland, Maine and used Back Cove Midwives, and I have absolutely NO complaints.
Wishing you good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!
It sure sounds like a bad fit. There are two different types of midwives out there. The naturapathic midwives and the standard nurse type at the hospital.
It sounds like you might want a more sensible, natural approach to your prenatal care. If you go to the local healthfood store and ask you might get some names to check into. Or you could do an internet search for one in your area.
I went with the hospital approach on my first three children and became so tired of the demeaning attitudes and the harsh treatment. On my fourth pregnancy, I asked a friend who had used a midwife locally and had the most wonderful care I could have imagined. She was actually a naturapathic doctor and a midwife.
I had planned on having a home water birth, but due to complications before the delivery I did deliver in the hospital with the midwife and her assistant. She was such an advocate. She was my voice in that hospital. I delivered naturally with very little intervention.
Hi Eliza ...
I don't know if this is good advice or not, but it seems to me that you have plenty of time to ...
GET OUT!!!
Sorry, did that come out wrong?!
Seriously ... I delivered both of my children naturally and would have done it at home if I could have gotten over the fear that something could go wrong during delivery.
I did NOT choose a midwife, but went with a regular old doc ... HOWEVER! I made it quite clear to him from the outset that I only wanted a natural delivery and needed to do things my way.
Perhaps because it was a small-town hospital and a good relationship between us, it worked out pretty much the way I wanted it to.
I had two children this way, with two different docs (first one had retired) at the same hospital.
Both of them were delivered naturally, vaginally, without drugs ... I had as many people in the delivery room as I wanted ... my birthing coach (who was my stepmother) and my husband and the loads of people they wanted in there, too.
I will tell you though, I am SO glad I didn't have the babies at home. Though my second child zoomed out very quickly without complications, my first child was breech. He was still delivered vaginally, naturally, but, in hindsight, that probably wasn't a good thing to do to either of us. He could have died ... he did have a very low apgar score as it was and he's fine today (now 13 years old) except for a very slight turn in his ankles (which doesn't impede him at all). But, fate was very kind to us that day. I probably should have been whisked away to a c-section, but, decided not to do that because I was SO INTENT on having a natural delivery.
ONE MORE THOUGHT THEN I'LL END THIS VERY LONG-WINDED POST!!
I have friends who are in the same frame of mind about natural delivery -- they did a bathtub/water delivery for their third child and natural, at-home, midwife delivery for their first two. They both agreed the bathtub/water delivery was a wonderful experience for everyone involved :)
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR BABY and seriously think about finding an altogether new group or doctor to deliver your baby.
The people you're dealing with now seem incompetent and uncaring -- definitely not the type of people you want to have to deal with as your due date draws closer and closer!
Take care,
Barbara
Egad!! I'd look elsewhere. Obviously it doesn't matter if a person is a midwife or an OB. It's the person's own demeanor that matters. If you don't feel comfortable with the majority of the midwives, move on. Get your records transferred. I went to two different groups for each of my 2 boys. The first was a group of three - one nice female OB or midwife or nurse practitioner - I can't remember, one humorless male OB, and one humorless female OB who told me I'd had a miscarriage when I spotted blood very early in my pregnancy - she told me to go get a D & C at the hosopital across the street. Fortunately I didn't and had a healthy boy. The humorless male OB, who was short with the nursing staff, delivered. I ended up needing help getting my son out. I didn't care for him but he helped get the job done. For my second son, the group I went to had one male OB who was full of himself, a couple(?) others I can't remember well - one was a nice female, and one sweet, kind, wonderful male OB. What great fortune for me that he was on call when I was ready to deliver.
I hope you find a group you get along with. It seems to me that it doesn't matter which credentials they have - midwife vs. OB (some children are born in the back seats of cars with friends, fathers, or EMTs attending) - what matters is that you feel comfortable and supported.
I would go elsewhere. I would write a letter expressing my unhappy experience to the former midwife group detailing what you wrote above, and I would also express my appreciation and praise for the one decent midwife in that group. I would also send her a separate letter thanking her for her great care and your sorrow that you felt it necessary to go elsewhere.
There is a lot of information out there on preparing for childbirth. These days it seems you are expected to know it all before you give birth or even choose someone to help with your birth! Lousy attitude of people who expect you to know their jobs.
Good luck. I hope all goes well and it is as pleasant an experience as possible. At least you have a supportive, loving partner. Yea!!
Firstly your experience in the hospital was entirely too normal I think, and unacceptable ( I come from a nursing family). I don't know where you are located but if I were you I would get as far away from a hospital environment as possible. Read books such as Natural Birth or anything by Ina May Gaskin and watch a movie like the Business of Being Born. Trust your instincts and your body as it sounds like you do. You do have alternatives with great midwifery care in freestanding birth centers and even a homebirth. Hospitals almost always lead to interventions that will ultimately result in a cesarean. Once a cesarean your uterus is compromised for all other babies you may have because of the scar tissue. I am not saying cesareans are not necessary in some instances and that you shouldn't accept one in an emergency but they are astronomical rate only due to doctors not wanting to incur liability. So good luck inform yourself, you do have options.
I am 29 weeks pregnant - due in late May - and I very much sympathize with your delima. It sounds like you are hesitant to change providers because you will then have even less time to connect - and even more so, what are chances that it would be better, right? Even so - labor and delivery are such pivotal times for a woman and I think that from what you have described that you should take some sort of action. I think that a really good first step would be to verbally address your concerns at your next appointment. If you don't have an appointment soon, I would make one. I believe that your concerns are very valid and should be addressed asap. If you address your concerns at an appointment, they will be catalogued in your chart so that anyone who reads it will be aware. I would guage the response to your concerns and use that as a measure of whether or not to change providers. If the response isn't favorable, I would quickly begin to ask around for recommendations and referrals to another providers. The midwife practice that I have found for this delivery was the result of professional and personal recommendations, and has been, on the whole, very positive. I hope you have a very favorable experience both with handling your concerns and your labor and delivery - but most of all with your new baby! Congratulations and good luck.
I found I felt the same way with the large midwife group I was seeing. I wanted individual attention from one motherly, caring woman who would listen to me and not "tell" me what to do. I also wasn't keen on the whole hospital setting and all the needless interventions they do. I decided to go with a homebirth midwife. I just had my baby boy at home 2 weeks ago and the experience was great. The midwife was a perfect companion through my pregnancy and birth.
Eliza,
You will have the best birthing experience whereever you are comfortable (even if that is in the back of a pickup!).
During my pregnancy I went to an OB for six months and then became a "fence jumper" I knew that I wanted natural childbirth and although the OB was very supportive, the hospital that she worked out of does not have a great track record. Then I searched around for birthing center and midwives..the nurse midwife practice I visited felt more sterile than an OB's office and I knew that I did not feel comfortable (also, there wasn't any guarantee that MY midwife would deliver my child). Thus I went with an independent lay midwife and her birthing center (which is attached to her home). I had the most amazing experience and the quality of care was incredible. Not a single one of my questions was dismissed, my diet was closely monitored, ultimately, my son was 15 days late (something that would have forced a C-section elsewhere). I had a wonderful birth (3 hours from the moment i thought I might be in labor to when I held him in my arms), a healthy baby and my post natal care was wonderful as well. In the first week she made two trips to my house, so that I wouldn't have to drive. Bottom line, find some one you are comforatble with, there is plenty of time to change providers and shop around. This situation doesn't appear to be working for you.
I go to Harvard Vanguard for my ob/gyn care and am very happy with them. I used them for my first pregnancy, which I wanted natural, but unfortunately I went into spontaneous labor 7 weeks early and by the time I got to the hospital I was already 5cm dilates and 100% effaced and my baby was breech so I had to have an emergency c-sect. I wasn't thrilled with the Dr. on call (he could have reassured more during the process) but all turned out ok.(He is also retiring soon) I'm due in May with my 2nd and my midwife and Dr. are both very supportive and positive about my having a VBAC this time around. They are affiliated to Newton wellesely Hosp as well as Brigham and Women's and others. I chose New-Well because they are more personal and more geared for natural births. I had a wonderful experience there with my son who was in the special care nursery for 2 weeks.
Anyway I would look into Harvard vanguard. They have a 15% c-sect rate (compared to 35% most other places). My midwife is Biddy Fein she is fantastic and I get a really good vibe from the other midwives and staff I've met. If you have any quest feel free to write me.
Hope this helps-good luck!
One more thing, if you can afford/find a doula that would probably be a huge help to you having a natural birth. I have one this time around and harvard vanguard is very supportive of it. I've only heard wonderful things from people who have had doulas. :)
I will deliver at Cambridge Hospital and it's across the parking lot from the hospital. When I went for my last ultrasound I took a tour. It seems like everything you might be looking for and is waaaay more laid back then the practice you mentioned. I have been seeing the same family practictioners for almost 10 years so I decided to stick with them for the birth since they know me, my history, my husband's history, and my philosophies so well. But, if I was to start from scratch, I would 100% go with the Cambridge Birth Center. CHeck out the website and then if you like it, go over for a tour. We just walked in, they acted like it happened all the time, and they happily gave us a tour. Best of luck!
I had such a similar experience!! I was pregnant last year (my son was born last Aug.), I was 34 also (I have since turned 35) and I thought I wanted to work with a midwife because I wanted a supportive caregiver who would be helpful if I wanted to pursue natural childbirth but would also not stand in my way if that proved to be too much for me.
I found the same problems with the midwives in the practice: they were not so supportive, they made me feel that natural childbirth was the ONLY way and that if I chose an epidural, I would not feel proud of myself, they were short with me, they called me at home once because they wanted to alert me to the fact they thought I might have a strange shaped uterus and that might mean I would need a C-section--but not to worry about it (!!) and when I came in for my next visit and asked all sorts of question about the whole uterus thing, they were dismissive. I was FURIOUS.
SO. Here's what I did: I went to a regular OB/GYN and let them know I was interested in pursuing the whole Natural thing, but wasn't sure and they were GREAT about it. I mentioned the uterus shape issue and my doctor's response was to whip out the ultra sound machine and look into it right then and there. I ended finding that sort of matter-of-fact attitude really reassuring. The thing is, I also wanted to work with someone who I knew would be present at the birth. So we hired a doula. She met with us a few times late in the pregnancy and showed us all sorts of coping techniques and promised she would not feel upset if I chose not to 'go natural.'
In the end, I did have an epidural, but the doula was there the whole time and coached me through the whole delivery. It was the perfect balance for me. I am so grateful she was there, even if I did get painkillers. Go with your gut, find a provider with whom you feel comfortable, and consider finding someone outside to be that consistent coach.
and best of luck to you!
Eliza, you have the wrong group....you have the right to ask questions and be reassured by those who are caring for you and your baby to be. Trust your gut and look around. Good luck to you all. Paula
Wow - what a drag. When I moved here, pregnant, from northern california (where natural childbirth and pleasent midwives are plentiful) I was 20 weeks and had to find a supportive atmosphere for birthing. I'm in central CT, so I narrowed it down to a birth center in Waterbury and Manchester Hospital, which was the only hospital that allowed midwives to deliver and allowed water births. Also, they had no protocol's, but liability was on the practioners. They boasted of the highest rate of unmedicated births in CT at a hospital.
It turned out that only one office used midwives to choose from (MOGA) and the midwives are great, although I can't say that about all the Doc's. We had a great experience with them (I think I was close to 30 weeks before we were officially there). The Dr. I disliked the most and for very just cause ended up being the individual who caught her. Who cares?! I rolled my eyes when he walked in the room, but it didn't make a difference.
So, I guess what I learned in my first (natural and unmedicated) birth - was that YOU make your birth happen. I stayed at home as long as possible - drove 30 minutes there to basically go into transition and push her out.
You do need to trust your environment. Know that they will honor your birthplan and know what their protocol's are, so that you're not swinging at things they already don't do and you have clarity and an agreement going into your delivery.
Educate yourself. Ask questions if you don't already know the answer. (How the hec would you know it's "just a fibroid?!"). SOme great books are "A thinking women's guide to a better birth" and " Birthing from within". Also, I read Bradley Method Books - which is coach supported labor/natural childbirth themed. There is Bradley Method birth classes around too.
really - YOU are in charge of your delivery. Be in a safe and supportive environment and make sure that you have as much privacy (from hospital staff), as possible. (I was alone with just one nurse checking in, until she was crowning)Be with your partner and if you don't have some women in your life to be there with you - then find a doula that you could easily be friends with. Have your partner be educated, too. And communicate before hand of your expectations.
I was totally inspired by what women do and have been doing all over this Earth since existince. You will loose control and you will be surprised by the picture you have now of Birth and what it is. But if you're prepared and your intention is positive and clear with your goals - you will be awesome and your birth will be a wonderful success.
You won't doubt yourself and what matters most is that neither will anyone else. Birth happens and when it comes down to it - it's about you and that baby.
If you need to change your care providers to put yourself in a secure location - then don't worry about it - that's what medical records are for. If you feel secure in your location - then don't sweat the careproviders, or better yet call them out on their unattentiveness. Be in charge now, so that when you feel out of control in labor - you still can have confidence.
I delivered my baby boy 10 months ago in Mount Auburn Hospital, where they have a large group of midwives. As we didn't know which one would be on call at T time, I wold often meet a different one at the check-ups to have more chance to know the final one.
ALL of them were knowledgeable, reassuring, caring and attentive. They would answer all questions I had, no matter how important they seem and never made me feel that they were in a hurry. At the 8th months, my baby became quieter and I worried. The midwive strapped me on the table with a monitor to show me the baby's heart beating was OK, gave me tips how to "provoke" the kicking and movements and count them and insisted I would come back in case or other doubts.
When I arrived at the hospital for delivery, the midwife on call was one I never met before. However, she immediatley made me (and my husband who also needed it) comfortable. She didn't left me onw second of the 7 hours of labor. She advised me how to move, how to breathe, how to recover between contractions. She prepared me a warm bath and massaged me with aromatherapy oils.
As a result, I had a 100% natural delivery with no tearing. I am convinced that, would she have been another kind of person, I would have taken the peridural and my labor would have been at least one hour longer.
I have wonderful memories of the deliveries and it is mostly because I had such a great support all the time (especially when getting tired and need to re-focus).
If you already feel sceptikal about your care provider, change for another one. No matter if they are midwives or OB-GYN, you need to feel confident that they will be caring and attentive when the time comes.
It truely saddens me to hear your story, as well as many of the other responses. I had two wonderful midwives for the homebirth of my daughter. Both were very loving, patient and supportive throughout my pregnancy. However, both worked out of their own private practice. It sounds like your midwives have lost sight of the whole purpose of their duties, due to the fact that they work in a busy hospital. It is true, as some of these ladies have suggested, that you create your own birthing experience...it does not matter who, what, when, or where it happens because while it's happening all you can really focus on is your baby. That said, you will feel much better and things will go a lot smoother if you are comfortable with everything and everyone around you. Look into other midwives in your area if it will make you feel better, this is the birth of your baby and these people are "hired" to support you. I had to switch my primary midwife near the end of my pregnancy due to a family crisis she was dealing with, it was scary at first being so far along at the time, but in actuality I was able to connect with my new midwife very quickly and on a deeper level than I had previously. So, in hindsite it was one of those things that even though it was upsetting at the time, it turned out to be more than I hoped for. Support is crucial during the birth of a baby, make sure your partners and helpers all know your wishes and can carry them out while you are busy with the process!!! If you are anywhere near Concord, NH contact Jeanne Brown CPM, or near Keene, NH contact Mary Lawlor CPM. I highly suggest that all first time moms read HYPNOBIRTHING THE MONOGAN METHOD. Good luck with everything and Congratulations!
hi eliza,
i think you should definitely find a group you feel good with. i am diabetic so had to be seen by high risk docs, although i had originally wanted midwifes, but my doc was fantastic and it definitely made a difference during labor and delivery. i think a lot of docs support natural childbirth these days, if you are up front about it and make a plan, i know mine did. you are going to be trying to birth your child, you don't want to have to worry about a less than great doctor.good luck, happy birthing!
lori
You need to go with yor gut and should feel comfortable with who you chose to care for you before and during your delivery. There are a lot of providers out there that would be more than happy to answer you questions and trust me as pregnancy goes on there are always more. Don't count out the midwives though. There are some out there that are wonderful and very sensitive to all you needs.