Male Nanny "Manny"

Hi, my name is Ingrid and I'm the owner of Cambridge Nanny Group a not-only-for-profit nanny agency. I'd like to take the temperature of families attitudes toward hiring a male nanny? Would you hire a male nanny? Would you only consider a female nanny? Why or why not? Thank you in advance for your response. I look forward to hearing your opinions.

I would have no problem hiring a male nanny. I have a male friend who is a great nanny but unfortunately has much more trouble finding a position then an equally qualified female. I too am interested to see responses as I am sure that are people out there that would prefer a female nanny.

For me, I know plenty of men who are great caretakers, so although it is traditionally a female role, I see no problem with male nannies.

I don't think I would be worried as much about weather my nanny was a man or a woman as if they would take good care of my kids. My husband has watched our friends youngest for them several times as he's out of work and they needed someone to watch her and they know how good with kids he is. He is better with kids that i am. So no I would not have a problem with it.

I wouldn't hire a male nanny as I would probably look for a more maternal figure person to take care of my child. I guess I don;t need another gy (in addition to my husband) telling me that it is ok for the baby to stick his fingers in electrical sockets -it won't kill him and he wouldn't do it again ---just kidding - but you get the point!!!!

We have a male sitter and he does a great job with the kids. I think it really boils down to if you trust the person you hire or not.

It would depend on the person. Currently my DD spends time with a SAHD friend of ours and his son and I have no issues with him, but we've known him a long time and know him well. I think men can be excellent caretakers. One of my friend's son's teachers in preschool is a man and it's been really nice since Friend is a single mom. She says her son really likes having a male teacher.

That said, a manny would have a lot more to prove. I hate to sound sexist, but I have a little girl and especially before she could speak for herself, I would be less comfortable with a manny. A preschool teacher or elementary aged teacher is part of a class/school/group. A manny is one on one. He might have better chances if he has good character references, has had a background check, has a few more classes (like extra first aid certs or something) to prove he's serious about childcare. For example, someone asked if my SS ever babysat and I said that sometimes he did babysit DD and was good with her, etc. So maybe a family friend could be a good reference point for him, if they were willing to speak to families on his behalf.

(We also had a bad au pair, so I lean toward group care for my child if it is outside of family and friends.)

I would be more inclined to hire one for older kids, like four and up, especially boys.
My son wasn't a nanny per se, but he had a regular job babysitting two boys (ages 9 and 12) a few times a month and they LOVED him! They told their parents he was a lot more fun than a girl because he actually played with them :)

If I had boys, I'd hire a male nanny. I have girls, though, so I prefer female nannies.

And, fwiw, I find that my older nephews have been far better/more nurturing/engaged with the youngest kiddos in the family than my nieces.

nope.

I wouldn't hire a nanny, ever. Hypothetically, if I did...no I wouldn't hire a man.

I know so many men who are wonderful with kids, who love kids. Who are nurturing and wonderful caretakers of their children. I have never however, met a single man who would ever watch other kids for a job. (Or be a "manny.") Teenage babysitters, sure. But men who want to be a "manny" for a full time job...nope. I don't think are really a huge number of men that actually want to do this. So...I would wonder, why do they WANT to watch my little kid for a job?? What it comes down to, is I have a toddler. Female sexual crimes against young children are rare. (Less then 1% of sexual crimes are attributed to women, even less then that with the children being under 16. That's on reported crimes of course, but it still shows the huge gap.) Most female sexual crimes are against teenagers, or almost teenagers. More men commit crimes against small children. So...I would think...what is he REALLY wanting. Is that fair? I'm sure it's not, but I don't care. My job is to protect my child. Abuse typically happens with a close family member or friend. I would assume a nanny would be close with my child. I am very aware a female could hurt him, but the risk is so incredibly low...that I would always choose a female with a clear background and good references...over a male with the same (or more) qualifications.

**Oh lord, it has nothing to do with it being a "women's" job. It has to do with the likelihood of my child being abused by a man vs. a women. If women were astronomically more likely to abuse (like men are) then you bet I would have a manny in a heartbeat. It's not actually about the gender. It's about risk. I don't care who does what job, frankly. But I DO care who watches my child, and who could be a greater risk. Historically and statistically through arrest reports, criminal records, court records, etc...a women is very, VERY unlikely to hurt my child...when compared to a man. I can't for the life of me can't understand why someone would have something wrong with choosing a woman over a man for THAT reason.

I wouldn't rule out a childcare provider simply based on gender. However, I would more likely (I think) to hire a manny for an older boy. Let's face it... when they hit the "rough and tumble" phase of development they may be better with a man than with a woman.

If it was the right person with the right temperament for our family (and really good references), it wouldn't matter to use either way. Our "mother's helper" is a teenage boy and he's wonderful with my son! In fact, I just booked him for next Friday because I HAVE to get the baby's room together before she arrives!

I would not hire a male nanny. Why? It does not feel right. I wouldn't trust what motivates a man to take on a woman dominated roll. I would want a nanny to be nurturing, and men just aren't unless its their own children. I find that only woman are comfortable being nurturing to another persons child, and frankly it even takes a pretty special woman to be nurturing to another persons child. There are always exceptions to every rule, but the only way i'd feel comfortable with this is if it were a close family member and he'd had all kinds of younger siblings. Even then I'd prefer a female.

No. I would not hire a male nanny. I would consider only female because, while I know our culture is deemed progressive and I'm sure a male could do a great job and a female could do a poor job (--Been there, dealt with that, it's part of the reason I resigned and became a SAHM again--) I have small children and I'm still not comfortable with the idea of any man, other than their father, spending time with them out of my sight. (Yes, I said, "...any".)
It wouldn't bother me if any of my friends hired a "manny", I'm just not okay with the idea of a "manny" for my own children. Maybe one day... Maybe.

No.

I would hire the "right" manny, i.e., someone who could prove his professional intent and to whom I felt a connection of trust which is the same criteria we used for our nanny now. My husband is a part time SAHD and I like the balance of a male hand in raising our child. A devoted, professional nanny/manny is a third set of adult joining hands in the dirty work of raising and loving my child. How can that be wrong in my opinion? The sentiment of it takes a village is a valid one to me. The diversity of people, styles, outlooks, experiences, etc. In my mind all of those things brought to the table strengthen how my child is raised and ultimately will positively impact and shape the person he becomes.

I don't think my husband would agree to a manny. I can't say exactly why but I suspect it will have something to do with all or part of what I am going to suggest.

Having heard the stories from my SAHD husband, I have to mention a few negatives which immediately leap to mind for a manny, his agency and his potential employers. I know Fanged Bunny has a mentioned a manny who is a beloved older family friend. Her manny gets a bit of a free pass on some of my comments due to his age, though, assuming he's in a certain age bracket. My husband has experienced confrontation, strange looks, and whispered conversations behind his back at places like the park, the library for story time and other traditional mother/child day events. Now allowing for some paranoia and self consciousness on his part as being the lone male in the group, I still believe it is an issue for enough to people to at least give pause in their decision to hire a manny. My husband is sometimes accepted if he attends a place enough times and works hard at being accepted. What a drag and an inhibition overall, though. Secondly my husband and our son don't entirely look like father and son due to coloration which brings up another concern I have. Even adopted parents complain about being treated like the hired help when they are out and about with their children. What is the response going to be when a manny is out with his charge(s) who may look strikingly different from him? I can see leaps to conclusions regarding kidnapping, grooming and other nasty assumptions. Finally people have this predisposed notion regarding men as natural sexual predators. If there is even the whiff of sexually inappropriate conduct or behavior going on, the situation could deteriorate into a wicked mess very, very quickly. Perhaps my estimation of most people is low but I quite frankly think a manny would be a hard sell to the vast majority of people. It's one of those good ideas on the surface with a very large ‘but' trailing at the end. Good luck in your endeavors.

If I had a son I would be open to hiring a "manny", especially once the child was out of the infant years.

I would look at qualifications on paper first, then I would want to meet male/female...then maybe introduce them to the kids and see how that goes. I would be hard on anyone no matter their gender. So if a male would pass all my tests, and background (all the same for a female) then yes I would.

However, I won't be in the market for a nanny ever so I am probably not a benchmark to use.

I would hire a manny if I had older boys and it was a part-time or semi-part time job. Once kids are in school, part of a full time nanny's job typically is some housekeeping, cooking etc and while sure a man could do that, men usually aren't into household chores at all so I'd have to kind of meet a manny who just loved to clean. But for an afterschool type of job for boys say 7 or older, sure. I think it'd be great. I suppose my image is a guy in his early 20's going to school who needs extra cash type thing and will play sports after school. Say a middle aged man... I think I'd be ok if there was a logical reason. ie: how many schools can afford PE teachers now? So maybe a former PE teacher/coach who isn't fully employed and needs some extra money. A man who previously sold cars or something totally unrelated I'd have a hard time. So I don't think nix a manny but people will be more suspect I think and it seems like more of a niche job.

I wouldn't have a problem hiring a male nanny. I would expect a full background as much as I would for a female. I'd want them to be compatible with us as well as I would expect for a female.

Karen B
mom to 5 including triplets

Why are moms saying if they had a BOY it would be ok? Hello, its MEN who mollest BOYS and girls...women don't. My answer would be NO WAY...well, more like OH HELL NO!!!! I would not risk it. Just my opinion.