I know "red shirting" questions get asked fairly frequently on here, but I am wondering if anyone has waited to start Kindergarten solely because your child is/was shy?
Our school district offers an in between class for children who have been to preschool but are not quite ready for Kindergarten. They basically learn the Kinder curriculum but it is more play based and they move at a slower pace. It is generally for children with "late". birthdates, which in our district is considered April to September. They must then complete Kindergarten the following year.
My daughter has an April birthday. I don't consider that a late one. She will be 5 for most of the school year. She is very shy. She does not talk much when at preschool. She will talk occasionally but she will not volunteer answers and sometimes she will not answer questions if she is asked in front of the entire group of kids. She will play with a few of the children. She gets uncomfortable if things get too loud or wild.
Academically she is fine. Either on target or above. She knows all of the things they want children to know upon entering Kindergarten and she has no problems following directions, listening to the teacher, etc.
My husband and I are leaning toward Kindergarten because if she is shy, she is shy and likely will be when she is 6 as well. We were both shy children and we are both rather reserved adults.
So, if you have decided to wait (or not) a year because of shyness, please let me know how it worked out for your child. Thanks.
ETA: I should have added, her preschool teacher suggested the extra pre-K year as an option because of her shyness. She said she thought perhaps that would allow time for "warming up." But she also said that it is difficult for her to decide what she thinks would be best because it is a unique case. She has kids in her class that she knows without a doubt need the extra year. Class size stays about the same. 20-22 kids. Current preschool class has 20 students.
We have a Kindergarten spring meeting tomorrow (parents meet with principal/children with teacher) wherein the teacher will observe the kids and make recommendations on Kindergarten readiness. But it is time sensitive to get our daughter into the program if we want to wait on Kinder. It is a hard decision.
We did in effect start our daughter a year later in K, and it was partly due to her reluctance to speak much or lead in the pre-school group, however she does have a late birthday (end of July). She also was generally not quite mature enough to go from the first year of pre-K to the second on the first time around. She did become more outgoing and leaderly over the next couple years, and I’m certain that we did the right thing in ‘holding her back,’ even though she is a bit bored academically now and resents it. Our situation is very different from yours, however.
I think of shyness or being generally quiet as one part of someone’s personality. It’s not the same as maturity or emotional development as a whole. So if your daughter is mature in her behavior and academically ready, I don’t think reluctance to speak in a group should hold her back from starting school. One piece of information which would be useful to know is whether her teacher or the K-teacher are suggesting that she wait a year before starting K. If I were in your position and they are saying for some reason that they think she needs another year to develop, then I would listen carefully to that suggestion. If they are saying that she is ready for K next year, then I would go with that.
I was extremely shy as a kid. When the other kids were walking in a circle making music in preschool, my mom said she watched me sit off on the sides and just watch.
I went to kindergarten right on schedule and earned all of the top academic awards all the way through elementary school. Teachers loved having me in class because I balanced out all of the more challenging kids.
Shyness isn’t a bad thing. She’s perfect just the way she is. The world doesn’t need a bunch of outgoing people. It’s good to have all sorts of personalities.
While I still consider myself a shy person, it doesn’t hold me back in life. I was even a corporate spokesperson for a while!
I don’t think having kids wait a year has much to do with academics/intelligence - it hardly ever does. So I’d set that discussion aside completely.
Your child may well be shy now and forever. There’s nothing wrong with that. As you say, you and your husband are reserved as adults, so it’s a personality trait for many. My concern from what you’ve written is that she doesn’t participate and she doesn’t do well in front of a group. Taking her from a small preschool class and putting her into a kindergarten class of 20-25 kids is a whole new set of stressors. If she doesn’t like things wild or loud, you’ll be doubling her problem when she goes to kindergarten.
You could go to the screening session that most schools (all?) do but don’t tell her what it is. Say that it’s just a chance for kids to go look at the school they will eventually be going to. She may do fine with the individual teacher because you say she follows directions now with her preschool teacher - but if you can, ask your daughter to sit away from you both afterwards so you can raise your concerns privately with the person doing the screening. You don’t have to commit now, or at the screening, to kindergarten for September. I realize you’ll have to sign up quickly for another year of preschool or pre-K though, so you want to get this wrapped up. You can also request a meeting with the school psychologist prior to the screening.
She may just need another year of confidence and maturity to be able to handle those who don’t do exactly what they are supposed to do. You want her to be confident and to have kindergarten be successful for her. Starting too soon and having to consider repeating the year can be more difficult.
I agree. Shy is not necessarily something that will change for the child. My sister has always been shy, and her K teacher suggested she be held back in first. When we moved to a new school, my mom talked to them and enrolled sis in 1st grade. She did fine. Maybe she had 1 friend instead of 10 or she didn’t jump into new things, but academically it was absolutely the right thing not to hold her back for her base personality trait. She married a very introverted man and they have a lovely quiet family.
When we debated my late summer baby going to K or not, the preschool said that at the very least we would need a new program for her, as she was beyond what they could offer her and really needed more challenge. But it doesn’t sound like you are weighing maturity. (We sent her on ahead and I think any challenges we have faced we would have faced in any year. A friend of mine redshirted their son who is a few weeks younger than my DD and now they are looking to skip first grade because he’s bored to tears - he was already advanced when entering K).
I would talk to the K teachers and ask them how they handle academically bright, but shy students. If she has no problems following directions or behaving in class, I’d be inclined to send her on into K. Give her a head’s up when and where you can. It sounds to me like the only reason you are even considering the in-between program is that it’s available, not that you have serious concerns about her academics or ability. IMO, sometimes I think too many people want all the kids to be all the same. Your little shy or introverted girl may never want to be the class leader. Many adults would rather be IN the casket than give the eulogy. So there’s nothing wrong with her being bit reserved. I’d talk to the school and see if there’s a teacher that will be a best fit for her. Sometimes they can place a child in one class over another if they know it will suit the kid better.
I would not hold back for shyness. Your daughter could end up feeling more self conscious if she ends up being the tallest girl in the class or an early bloomer or just develop before her peers that are actually 1 year younger than her.
My daughters were shy too at that age. I helped them overcome their shyness. (I was a shy kid and I didn’t like being shy but I didn’t know how to come out of my shell) To achieve this I enrolled both my girls in drama classes in kindergarten. This helped them tremendously! They are both not the least bit shy today and both are confident, friendly well rounded girls. I attribute this mainly to their early start in theatre.
I have a shy one. I never thought of keeping her back, but that’s just because I view it as her personality, and something she will live with her entire life. I don’t want to make accommodations for it, so much as having her learn how to cope just like kids with other personality ‘challenges’
She did fine in school. In preschool she was allowed to be more quiet, but once in Kindergarten, they were expected to do show and tell, read out loud when they learned to, and I think the slightly more grown up environment brought her out of her shell more. I still get told by the teacher she is very quiet, but she has started sharing more, and taking chances as we call it.
Just means she’s more confident and more comfortable I think. We are fairly reserved too - so I can relate. It’s a family trait.
My friend had a little girl who didn’t actually share at all (super quiet) and she came out of her shell by end of grade 1. She wouldn’t even talk to people she knew … but now you’d never know.
I guess you have to figure out if she would do better with younger kids (and that more play based environment) or if you think the school structured environment and slightly older kids would be better for her - I find when my kids are around older more mature kids, we see leaps of growth. When my kids were the eldest in their pre-school classes (before they got moved up a level), they often regressed.
I usually advocate holding back but not in this case. One of mine is shy and gradually she’s becoming more outspoken. It takes time though and it’s not a “problem”. Some teachers have said she should speak out more in class (same with my other child who I don’t consider so shy) and I think my goodness, does every young child have to be so talkative and outgoing?? I was shy too and did just fine in life. What I would do is facilitate her making friends. It helps confidence a lot. What I’ve done is be aggressive about playdates. When my daughter seemed to like a girl, I would make a point to casually meet the parents and suggest they play sometime. 1:1 situations help my daughter a ton to become more comfortable. And I’ve seen kids who seemed shy over the years at school get much more social. Just give it time but I see no need to hold her back and she’d be so much older later. That could make her feel uncomfortable at some point too. And btw, shy and sweet can be a very attractive personality.
If someone had waited until I had grown out of being shy to start kindergarten, I would have started school at about age 20.
If that is the only reason the preK teacher has, I say enroll her in K. And keep your ears open. If she starts school and mentions another child or two that she plays with, be proactive and set up play dates so that she can feel more secure and develop those friendships.
Put her in k. April is too old to red shirt, especially for girls, I think. Plus she’ll likely be shy for a long time and take a long time to warm up whenever she starts. Best to at least keep her with her peers and at the correct academic level. I just don’t see any sense in having her do another year of school for shyness.
I have a friend who could have write this last year. Almost identical to your situation. Pre-school teacher recommended waiting a year because their daughter was shy. But they knew she was ready academically. She started kindergarten this year and is doing perfectly fine. As a teacher, shyness is not a good reason to keep a kid out of kindergarten if they are academically ready now. Waiting a year could make kindergarten very boring and frustrating.
My son was shy in the classroom during preschool and kindergarten, but not with his peers at recess. He only attended preschool two- 2 1/2 hr days and then went to kindergarten 1/2 day because that was all our district offered. He’s a June bday which I do consider somewhat late. His K teacher suggested that we could hold him back a year in K because of his shyness and what seemed like a lack of confidence in the classroom. We had a tough time making the decision on what to do, move him to first or hold him back. We ended up moving him to first grade and he’s doing great, his teacher says he’s very confident and a role model in the class. He really blossomed this year and I’m glad we moved him on. So based on our experience, I wouldn’t hold your daughter back based on shyness alone.
I don’t think you should hold her back. The social environment will be the same for either class…she will be in a group of kids about her age. If anything the younger kids class will me more immature and possibly more rowdy! If she is ready academically she should go on to Kindergarten because this will be more stimulating academically for her. I think for shy kids it is important for her to have a really good friend (or more than one!), so I also advise you to make sure she has one on one play-dates where she invites her friend over regularly. Also, it helps to be really good at something. So make sure she is involved in activities she enjoys that she can excel in .
It sounds like she’s ready. I wouldn’t hold her back because of shyness, that’s (most likely) a personality trait, not a developmental thing that she’ll eventually outgrow.
Kids go through massive personality and cognitive changes around 6-7-8.
If she is not smart enough to go to kindergarten then hold her back. I can’t imagine putting a kindergarten age child in a class where they show them what the other kids their age are doing but they only get to have play time since they can’t do the work the kids their same age are doing…
See how I fell about red shirting kids?
Let’s look at it this way.
Let’s say she starts school when she’s 6 and turns 7 in kindergarten.
This means she’ll be 18 turning 19 her senior year.
Now, she is behind in 5th grade and they want to hold her back. Now she’s 19 turning 20 as a senior.
Do you really think she’ll stay in school? Not drop out as a sophomore to go start her adult life?
If a child attempts to do it but fails because they’re not smart enough yet then that’s a valid reason to hold them back. If they are held back just because some teacher thinks they are too introverted to go to school then what if , WHAT IF, she’s an introvert and is always “she”?
What if she is always introverted and never becomes outgoing and an extrovert? Are they going to say "A child must be “this” much of an extrovert to get in kindergarten.
I’d say no, don’t hold her back because you think she’s shy.
When my daughter seemed to like a girl, I would make a point to casually meet the parents and suggest they play sometime. 1:1 situations help my daughter a ton to become more comfortable. And I’ve seen kids who seemed shy over the years at school get much more social. Just give it time but I see no need to hold her back and she’d be so much older later. That could make her feel uncomfortable at some point too. And btw, shy and sweet can be a very attractive personality.