I am at my wits end. I am 30 years old. My mom moved in with my husband, kids and me 5 years ago, maybe 6. She is 57, diabetic and is in really poor health. She does not work, is only getting SS for herself and my dad who died 13 years ago. She is a patient through the JPS Network because we cannot afford to help her with her medical costs, let alone our own. She has severe back pain right now and it really seems that no one,her doctor, the neurosurgeon or anyone is wanting to help her. I also believe she is addicted to the Hydrocodone she has been taking. She cries hysterically all day everyday. I am so stressed that my kids and I have to see this all the time. She is out of pain meds right now and asks me 4-5 times a day if we have any pain pills left over. No, I don't. I don't know what I am asking for. I know none of you can help me. I have tried calling all her doctors, everyone. I am her power of attorney and am going with her Monday to give her doctor a good talking to. The stupid neuro only did physical therapy on her and the PT said he can't help her. He said he would call the doctor's and tell them and we would go from there. That was Monday. I need a plan now. I need some help with her. They refuse to help us get home health, unless they feel she needs it, blah blah. I am just so stressed right now, I had no where else to go. Thanks for letting me vent.
I would be going to the ER and sitting there till they gave me some answers. She is in chronic pain. She might need nursing care 24/7. It might be time for a nursing home even if it is for a short time.
Good luck.. I know you are going crazy.
It might be that your mom needs to go to a rehabilitative center or nursing home for at least awhile. It's a tough decision but you have to do what is best for your family also. My mother had to have some surgery and became unable to be alone but since I was not qualified in any medical way she stayed in a nursing home. It is a tough decision but at this point it sounds like she needs medical care not family care. BTW hydrocodone IS extremely addictive (speaking from experience here) after some surgery in my past I took it and well, life is so much easier when you feel no pain! But eventually you have to take control, easier said than done (I've been extremely blessed). There are low income housing apartments around that you should probably look into for her. I don't think I'd give the docs a talking to, you don't want to alienate them! But I sure would ask for some help. Neurosurgeons are surgeons, they do the operation and then want to be done with you - they don't know how to deal with aftercare! I had a brain tumor removed and had so many problems afterwards, the surgeon just new nothing about aftercare - It was my personal physician that helped me get help to recover. If she is receiving SSI I think it's possible to get advice concerning care options from them also. I'm so sorry you have so much to handle, it's very difficult I remember. Do you not have any other family of hers that could help also? I wish I had a good solution to offer you but other than empathy I don't (although this makes me realize that I need to have a plan in place for my own care so that my daughter will not be in your place some day) God Bless you and you mother -try to pray, God will help provide an answer.
Hey Amanda,
You didn't say whether or not your mom was on medicare. I know that medicare for older adults doesn't kick in until after the age of 60, but if your mom is disabled and unable to work, she can qualify early. I speak from experience here because my mom had a stroke at 54 that disabled her, and we were able to get her on medicare. From the sound of it, she needs a new set of doctors, and I know that can be rough if she's uninsured right now.
I agree with the other poster about looking into nursing home care for your mom. Trust me, I know how scary even the thought of that can be, because I've already dealt with that with my own mom. One thing to remember, though, is that just because she's going into a nursing home doesn't mean she isn't coming out. That's a big misconception for a lot of people - that once you're there you're there for good. We found out that more than 75% of patients are actually discharged after a few weeks or months. It would also be the best place to deal with her addiction to hydrocodone, because it does sound like she's addicted to it. They have procedures set into place about that, and trust me, you're mom won't be able to guilt them into giving her more, which is what it sounds like she's doing with you.
I know how overwhelming this whole thing is, but you're not alone, and you're not without resources. If she hasn't been declared legally disabled, I would look into that, because it will open up a lot of doors as far as getting better medical help is concerned, and it may even increase her SS payments. But even if she can't be, there are private and non-profit support networks in place to help you wade through the red tape of finding care for her.
I really do think round-the-clock care for her is the best thing, for all involved. For one, she'll get the care and attention she needs to improve, without relying on the mind-numbing hydrocodone, your kiddos won't be exposed to the chaos and confusion anymore, and your home can become your family's safe haven again. If it's a hard decision, and I know it can be, just think of your kids and how much better they'll feel about not having to worry about grandma crying hysterically all day. You may have to invoke your power of attorney to get her in there, if she's anything like my mom, but trust me when I say it really can be a life-saving alternative.
If you need any help or have any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me and ask me anything.
Wishing nothing but the best for you,
Erin
Try Dr. Neil Lovitt. He is with the JPS Network. His office is on 1400 Main St Suite 507 behind JPS Hospital. We have had some problems with my grandmother who is diabetic and he found she was taking too many pills which was causing her to not be able to do anything but sleep. He has actually gotten her back to normal. She is doing everything on her own now. She feels great. He believes in alot of natural remedies so let him know if you are interested. He listens and really makes you feel like he is concerned and will try to go beyond to get you well. He takes infants to adults. He also used to be a gynocologist. I have switched my family and other friends have switched also to him. His Phone # is 817-335-1805
Tonia T
Hi Amanda,
I am glad you vented! I face the same problems with the added burden of having Parkinson's disease so I know how the layers upon layers of problems associated with caretaking and bureaucracy can weigh you down. I also deal with JPS, bless them, and thought I would loose my mind. A lot of it involves staying calm, saying specifically to the Dr's what it is you need done, following through, and having a support person, group, or source of information. Your Mother sounds like me. The wrong Dr, wrong meds, easy answer to pain- drugs. I believe many times a loop starts:
illness, stress, depression,physical problems,pain, meds, addiction, ...then MORE STRESS,DEPRESSION,ETC.
You neeed help! Start with your Dr, and change if he won't help or refer your Mom to another specialist, Internist. Neurologist, Pschycologist,etc. I expect your Mother is overweight, depressed, feeling Horible, unable to take steps of action to improve, and feeling awful that she is putting it all on you. The main thing is Jesus will carry the burden for you when you are too weak to do it alone. CAll on the Lord daily~ Jamie
Amanda,
I work for a non profit agency in ft Worth, our work is focused on substance abuse issues in Tarrant County. I think a good place to start would be to have mom complete a drug/ alcohol assessment. This assessment would identify her |"|dependence" level to the |Hydorcodone. |In addittion, if she is in need of care the assessment would also identify her |"indigent" care status.
|Ultimately, if the drug use is not an issue, this process would CLEAR all of that for you and your family. Also, if the drug assessment indicates no drug dependence, it is likely that depression, or some other M|H diagnosis would be uncovered. |In which case, this would or could also be covered through |MHMR of Tarrant County.
If you need or want more information, |PLEASE feel free to contact me via email or simply call MHM|R of Tarrant County. |I do realize, unfortunately that our system of care is not always as "user friendly" as we would like to think. I hope this helps, or your email response will give me a better understanding of how |I might can help.
blessings to you and your family, Kepp on Keepin on!
[email protected]
Oh Lord you ladies are wonderful. So, at 2:30am the night I wrote this, my mom fell in her room. I could not get her up so I called 911. They came and they had a hell of a time getting her up pff the floor. So they took her to the ER and then they called me at 6:30 to come pick her up. I sent my husband cause I had had no sleep and he had just got off work and was dressed. I waited and waited for him to bring her home and then he called me and said she fell again, but it was worse this time. So he came home and I went up there. We live right next to the hospital in Azle. Her blood pressure was high and I told them I was afriad to bring her home. So they hooked us up and she is in Kindred Hospital down off of Bryant Irvin!!! YAY!!! I called her JPS doc and said, “Because you did not want to give her pain meds or do anything about her back and help her, she fell and is now in Kindred”. Thanks ladies.