I am expecting, and my hubby is not going to make it through delivery! He faints at the slightest sight of blood, and the thought of hospitals makes him sick. What do I do?! I do not have a father in the picture, and my mom is definitely not strong enough to be the rock I need during delivery. Do I hire a doula, pick a friend, WHAT?! Please help, I am really stressing about this!
i'm going to look really ignorant here, because i had a c-section, but can't they put up a sheet or something so that he doesn't have to see? or can't he just like shield his eyes somehow? sit facing towards the back of the room or something...? i don't know...wish i was more help!
Congrats! When are you due? If you have a little while you may try to prepare your husband for the delivery. I would think that he could focus on something else but the delivery like you and be able to make it. My brother-in-law just focused on my sister the entire time and he was just fine, but he swore to himself and to my sister that he wouldn't miss the delivery for anything in the world. Good luck sounds like you have your hands full! I'm happy that my husband isn't like that and says he will be there for the whole thing.
Don't set him up for failure, Encourage him to stay up by your face and tell him this is part of being a daddy, remember "in sickness and health" Ask him real nice to at least try to stay by you, but bring a back up person incase. FYI I am sure he will not be the last daddy to faint in the delivery room!
I would seriously get a movie about birth both vaginal and c-section and have him watch it now a few times to get use to the whole process then I would have him stay by your head the entire time of birth and make sure eats! Good Luck!
My husband made it through the first one and we just had our second one which he was not there for. I understood why he was not there (he does not like needles and I had to have an emergency c-section). My mom was in the room with me but if she could not be I would have asked a friend or if you are early enough along I would check out a few doula's and see if you like any of the. I also had a great labor and delivery nurse who stayed with me the whole time.
You might want to hire a doula. My sister just became a doula and she is currently looking for expecting mothers. She is willing to attend her first three births free of charge. If this of interest to you, please message me.
Good Morning Scarlett, Wow you have a dilemma in deed. If your positive your Hubby can't handle it ask a close friend, cousin, sister, sister in law, to be with you. Hopefully hubby will be in the waiting room and won't pass out there. He might want to check with his Dr. to see if there is anything OTC that can help him.
I was blessed to watch our 3 oldest gr kids born, cut the cord on Asher. Our last two DIL only wanted our son with her only, but were able to stand behind a curtain then take both of their pictures when placed in the layette.
Definitely look for a close friend to help you. I would if I were there in a heartbeat. Nothing more amazing or exciting as welcoming a baby into the world.
God Bless you Scarlett
Karen Nana of 5
PS Ut Oh, what hubby gonna do with poopy diapers, spit up or skinned knees?
Hire a doula! They are awesome & they will try to incorporate your husband as much as he is able. There are so many techniques that your husband will still be able to be a part of and she can show you those. She can also be that rock that you need during labor. Together you can build your birth plan and she helps carry your wishes out. Sometimes nurses aren't familiar with your likes & dislikes w/regards to your labor and your doula will help communicate those and standby your decisions. My mother is a doula and if you would like more information or her contact information, please message me. She is awesome & I know many people couldn't have stuck to their birth plans without her! Good luck!
I would ask a good friend who has gone through delivery, or hire a doula. I would still make your husband be there, he will probably regret not being there later on. You might even want to get him to talk to some other fathers beforehand. He can always be up by your head and not be able to see everything.
Hi Scarlett, I'd pick a friend to go in with you if you have one you trust and you know will be a good support for you. If not, find a dula. Have hubby go in, he may surprise you since this is his child. And warn the doctor and nurses that hubby may faint. If he does the nurses can move him and go on with your delivery. Good luck and God Bless!
Does your husband want to be in there? If he does, let him. He may surprise both of you. I wasn't sure my husband would be able to do it either. But, we had four kids and he was fine every time. I think there's a difference when it's your child being born. My husband just kind of ignored all the medical stuff going on and focused on the baby being born.
My best friens'd BF had the same issue. She wanted the procedure video taped so her BF and I both went into delivery with her. He was not allowed to move down past her shoulders and kept his eyes on her at all times. I video taped. There was a chair in the room so we moved it up by her head just in case he needed to sit down. It all worked out and everyone remained conscious. The BF and I both took Lamaz classes with my best friend so we were both prepared. Ask one of your friends to come as a back up in case your hubby can't do it. Good luck and congratulations on your new bundle of joy!
If I had my delivery to do again, I'd hire a doula. My husband didn't want to--he said he'd be my coach, and he did his best with the knowledge he had (when I quizzed him on my due date, he said I should start pushing when I was 5 to 6 centimeters! He must have been sleeping in class) but I had a VERY long labor and by day three, with very little sleep or food, my nerves were frazzled and the contractions were almost unbearable--I had run through all of my coping mechanisms and breathing techniques. (I didn't want pain meds which would affect the baby and I didn't want to be induced...my contractions were very strong but irregular, so progress was slow. I did get an epidural when I finally got to 5-6 centimeters) The nurses gave us absolutely no assistance with labor. If you hire a doula, then you can stop stressing, which will be good for you and for the baby. Meet with some--that will probably answer the question for you about whether you want to hire one. Good luck!
Your husband can be in the delivery room with you and not see any blood...really! My husband always stayed by my side to be my support. He never watched the birth, just was by my face. You could ask that the doctor and nursing staff be sensitive to this issue so he can be near you. They will clean the baby up and hand him or her to you and your little family can all be together! A doula is great to have, too, just as a back up and can advocate for both you and your husband's needs!
Don't worry, it will be great!
Pick a doula that you and your hubby both like. Hopefully she can talk him into staying in the room - tell him to just stay by your head and hold your hand. The doula can do the tougher parts! :)
My husband was ok with blood, but he just didn't want to see anything "down there" for fear of it affecting our sex life later on. :) He didn't even want to be in the delivery room, but I told him that wasn't an option. He stayed by my head the whole time and even faced the opposite direction (toward my head) during the delivery.
The hospital where I delivered (St. Elizabeth's in Belleville, IL) had free doulas and I loved the experience. Mine was so helpful and was able to totally get rid of my back labor pain which made everything much more bearable. With her help I was able to have a natural labor with no meds, so I would definitely recommend a doula. They are knowledgable about positions and breathing techniques to ease pain and speed the labor process along. Check with your hospital or OB to see if they have ones to recommend.
If you pick a friend, be sure it is someone who has had a labor experience similar to the one you want. Women tend to push their experience on others (like I just did above), and you won't want someone telling you to do it like she did it when you're in the delivery room.
Wish you the best!
I hear great things about doulas, so if it will give you peace of mind, hire one. However, you may be surprised at what your husband can do in the heat of the moment. Both my husband and I are bad with needles and blood, etc. We were worried he would faint, too, and I told him he could stand by my head. But you never know what might happen. I have friends whose husbands had to help hold a leg or something. With us, I ended up having a C-section, and with the curtain, we didn't expect any issues with seeing anything, but at the last second the dr. said he could take pictures if he wanted to, but he had to decide instantly and didn't have time to think about it. He saw A LOT more blood and guts than he wanted to, but was focused on the baby, and didn't realize what he'd seen until later. We were both surprised he didn't faint. I know it's hard not to worry about everything, but I bet things will work out just fine. :)
is this your take on the situation or your husband's?
Maybe what he needs is to just be allowed the freedom to make his choice...or to step up to the plate! You might both be surprised at what he can actually do....to become a parent. If he does chose to be out of the immediate picture, then you'll need to make the alternative choice together....that's what a relationship is all about!
Well either he can sit up by your head and stay focused on your face or he might be able to sit behind you and be able to massage your neck and back during the pain. so long as he doesn't move down by your legs he won't really be able to see anything. Most hospitals make sure a blanket is up so that there is a minimal amount seen. Also have a friend, relative or a doula just incase he can't handle it. although it may amaze the both of you what a person can overcome when it comes to their child. also the deivery floor is usually a little more friendly than the rest of the hospital so it may help ease some of his anxiety if the two of you take a brief tour of the delivery unit.