This may sound a little silly but I know Brooke Shields had something like 8 failed IVF's and that she writes about it in her book "Down Came the Rain." There might be something comforting in there. So sorry...
Amanda I will keep you in my prayers. You are traveling a very rough road. We did not try IVF. After the fertility and artificial insemination process and surgeries didn't work for us we regrouped and decided we would adopt. I was already 41 at the time and told I would not be able to have a child on my own because of my eggs. We took a break (I had to travel a lot for work for 6 months or so) and were going to pursue the adoption. We found out we were MIRACULOUSLY pregnant. Our daughter Hope is now 2. A friend of mine moved from the Midwest to Idaho in an effort to "get away from" the pressures of trying endlessly to get pregnant. A year or two later she became pregnant (on her own) with twins. They are now 8. This link is someone else I know that struggled the same with a miracle result as well. http://lippens.blogspot.com/ I don't know how you feel and my heart truly breaks for you and your husband. Try to keep a hopeful attitude and have faith that God will see you through somehow. I would definitely look into the acupuncture too - it has worked wonders for my husbands back. Not only is it a possibility for pregnancy but it could help you mentally, physically and spiritually. Remember miracles do happen!
Sorry to hear about your situation. Have you thought about foster care many people have adopted their foster children. Just do yourself a favor don't take older kids sorry but from my own experience they are already hard wired mentally from their bad childhood. If you decide to do this you take classes get finger printed etc, then a case worker contacts about a child seriously don't let them talk you into an older one say you only want an infant or under 3, you have had enough heartache. Even if they tell you the child was born with coccaine in their system because Mom is a drug addict, well the baby detoxes and gets better but abuse never erases from the mind I know! Take care Anne
I went through 4 cycles of IUI, 5 fresh cycles of IVF, 2 frozen cycles of IVF, & 1 additional IVF cycle with donor egg before I finally got my 2 boys (twins) in Jan 08. I read several books & gained weight, lost weight, changed eating habits, stopped exercising, etc. I supplimented with acupressure (shiatsu massage), sweedish massage, acupuncture, & hemilayan gogi juice. Yes, I felt like a nut case & spent more than $60,000. I always felt like something would would happen someday if I didn't give up & was open to try anything. I still can't believe I have my boys after a 6-year wait. I used a shared risk plan with the clinic so they only keep the money if you go home with a baby. The main expense after that is meds. I have spoken to some friends that went to the grandparents with their percentage of the bill for their grandkids. We just cut out the frills to help pay. Remember each chance of success with donor eggs is as high as 60%. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. God bless.
Hi Amanda,I'm so sorry that you are going through what your going through.I couldnt imagine,being in your position.I dont know if this is heplful but have you ever considered foster parenting a child through the state first.There are many children in DCFS custody whose parents, parental rights have been terminated.If you foster parent first temporarily, and then start adoption proseedings,the state will then pay you monthy for foster care.That might also help you financially.I believe all you have to do is call DCFS and and they'll send you information.You have to take a short class on foster care and then you can start the prosess.I dont believe it will cost you anything.Once a child is placed with you and you start the adoption prosess all you have to do is pay legal fees and then I believe the state will help with that also.
Also I dont know how religous you are and right now with what your going through you may even wonder if God is there,but I'd like to assure you that through our pain is when God becomes real to us if we turn to him.if you do that he will give you the wings to soar above this painful time in your life.Nothing is impossible with him and you might even be holding a little one in your arms sooner than you think.Pray!!I hope I havent offended you with this advice.I will lift you up in my prayers before God Amanda.Best of luck!
Allison from Channahon.
Hi Amanda,
I know how you feel. We had 3 failed IVF's one that resulted in an ectopic that ruptured and nearly killed me. We finally switched doctors and on our 4th try got pregnant and we now have a beautiful, healthy, 5 month old girl. Our doctor was Dr. V. Karande he is in Hoffman Estates. I've had a lot of friends go to him and they all have gotten pregnant as well. His number is 847-884-8884. Might be worth meeting with him. Good Luck.
Hopefully after reading all of these posts, you know you are not alone! I have also been through IVF, and was lucky enough for it to be successful. I vividly remember the pain and emotional rollercoaster that we went through. We paid for most of our IVF costs ourselves. Physically, I am not able to go that route again, so we have turned to adoption to complete our family. I have always been interested in adoption, but I had to mourn the loss of not being able to get pregnant before beginning the process. Neither of our insurances are covering any expenses, so we've had to get creative. Although I'm normally a private person, I've decided that completing my family is most important, and am currently planning fundraisers to help pay for the adoption. Our agency has also been very helpful in figuring out ways to fund the process. The tax credit is also something that we're counting on. Please remember that there is a way for you and your husband to become parents. Sometimes we have to be creative, but in the end, you'll never take what you have for granted, and will be a better parent for it. Good luck, and hang in there!
Amanda...I am so sorry for your broken heart. I'm sure right now, you don't want to see anyone w/ a child because it hurts too much and you don't want to be angry at someone else for having a child when you can't. My husband and I tried for almost 4 yrs and my story did end differently. We tried drugs and FIVE failed artificial inseminations. Not so medically taxing as IVF, but emotionally just as hard for every negative pregnancy test. Our doctor finally decided if we wanted to continue to try, we needed to do IVF and I decided I was done. I said no more. Financially, emotionally, mentally and even physically, I was ready to say that I was ok w/ the next step. We decided that becoming parents was so important, that we would explore all options. First, we wrote letters to over 30 lawyers and adoption agencies in our area to get some information. We soon realized that adoption is very costly and wasn't for us. We then looked into Foster to adopt programs in our county. This is where you are trained to become a foster parent, but to a child that will more than likely not return to his/her parents and can be adopted. I don't know if this is something you would consider as a lot of foster kids have had a traumatic life and need extra TLC and patience, but may be worth at least looking into for you.
I am happy (and sad to tell you) that my situation turned very different right here. After focusing all of my energy on other options, I got pregnant. No drugs, no shots, no ultrasounds or doctor help!!! We were younger, also (26) and that may have helped. I now have 2 awesome and energetic kids, 8 and 9 who sometimes make me crazy!! Needless to say, we did not do foster care. One other option you might want to look into if at all feasible is someone who could carry for you?? (kinda like that movie Baby Mama) Just a thought. Hang in there, hon. I know how sad you must feel and nothing anyone can say right now will make you feel better until you are ready to move on to the next step and accept whatever happens...it's like someone telling you not to breathe anymore! You can't just stop wanting kids anymore because your anatomy has other plans! Hang in there.
Dear Amanda,
My heart goes out to you. I, too, have never had children, but have never gone thru IVF, etc., because my husband left our marriage after only 2 1/2 years.
I do know of many women who were unable to conceive, however, and found help by beefing up their nutritional status. Here is one example:
"Infertility was the most isolating experience of my life - doctors, tests, procedures, medications, bad side effects, pain, embarrassment & disappointment. Infertility and illness seemed to go hand-in-hand for me. I knew, instinctively, if I got well, I had a better chance of getting pregnant. A friend got me to use soy protein and Vita Lea (a multivitamin from Shaklee) but I wasn't using them regularly and got sick again. Finally she asked, "Are you ready to get serious about Shaklee?" I agreed and began taking lots of Vita Lea, garlic, Formula I, C and B complex from Shaklee. Within a week I was back at work.
In June I had my first 28-day cycle with only 5 days of bleeding and no spotting. My period was lighter and the shed lining looked healthier and redder. Sandy said other women had found changes in their cycles, too. I had my second normal cycle in July. And, surprise of all surprises, I never had my August period because after a decade of infertility, I had naturally conceived!! My beautiful daughter, Sarah Joy, was born on April 22. I thank God every day!
Unlike drugs with side effects, Shaklee vitamins have side-benefits! I now have tons of energy, no vaginal yeast infections, no need for Claritin because my allergies are improved & my acne has too. My fingernails don't crack anymore, I lost my sweet tooth, I only gained 24 pounds during pregnancy and lost 19 more than my pre-pregnancy weight. Praise be to God, I am well!" Susan M. Buta
I can't guarantee the same results for you, but my own personal experience with Shaklee is that it has almost eradicated my fibromyalgia which had incapacitated me for several years. Even stress is easier to bear when you feel strong and vibrant.
If this interests you, there are several different paths you can take: check out this website for more information on Shaklee and its products: www.goshaklee.info, password DS00579, or call or email me at [email protected], 630-441-0250.
Although you have used up your savings, Shaklee not only provides health, but also a wonderful earning opportunity, so don't dismiss it just on financial reasons. I was also at the end of my savings after trying numerous treatments for fibromyalgia for many years, and I wasn't able to work at a regular job. Now I do landscaping part-time, as well as my home business.
I wish you the best, Amanda, and God's grace to supply all your need.
sincerely,
Nancy
If you adopt a ward of the state, the state pays all of the adoption fees.
I too went through 4 failed attempts, including one successful treatment that had to be terminated as the implantation was ectopic. Yes, you do feel like you have no control over your body, your situation, your life...but you do. The bottom line is (and I do not mean to sound harsh) you have to get on with life or it will rip you apart. First thing we did was take a short vacation. My husband and I had the attitude that, yes this sucks, no it's not fair, but we can't do anything about it and being upset won't change the situation. I know we may be unique--but we just figured it was what is was and nothing more. If you are sad (and I was even though I mentally tried moving forward) and need be, consider anti-depressants. So many people have a stigma attached to using medication for depression...but it is a medical condition. You wouldn't try to will yourself out of diabetes...so if your doctor feels you need it, don't try to will yourself out of this. A friend of mine once told me "everyone has their own load of crap to deal with--this must be yours". It was good advice. Take some time to be upset...but then move on and throw your energy into what you desparetly want---children. We adopted 2 girls both domestically, both infants. We are not "well off", just normal every day people. Talk to adoption professionals. They can assist you in figuring out expenses. There are ways. We refinanced our house and put one kid on our equity line. The other daughter we paid for on our credit cards. That may sound crass to some people, but we have our children. There are also loan programs available. It is not cheap--regardless of what the adoption pros tell you--but there are ways to do it. Brush your self off and start working to build your family. My heart is with you.
I've never gone thru this personally, but my friend did. After a tubal pregnancy left her all but unable to carry a child, she turned to IVF, which did not work. She and her husband really supported each other thru the painful times. They came to a place of being okay with the situation. Their focus shifted away from procreation to intimacy; that's when the miracle occured. She's expecting a boy this summer!
My advise; enjoy your life with your wonderful husband and embrace peace and hope for whatever the future holds for you.
Hi Amanda,
My best friend tried for over 10 years & had 10 IVF procedures. They finally had success on the 10th try, only to loose the babies (twin girls) in the 20th week. After a year break from all procedures & to recover from her devastating loss, she decided to try with a donor egg. The first round with the donor eggs did not implant, but they were successful on the 2nd try with the donor eggs. She was 45 at the time & had a lovely baby boy. Two years later at 47 they implanted the rest of the donor egss & she had her 2nd baby (another boy). I would not give up on the donor egg option. Give yourself, your body & your finances a break & then give it another try in a year or so. Good luck.
Hi Amanda,
You've gotten lots of great responses but I'd still like to add mine. I was with me husband for14 years before I conceived. We never tried anything other than the natural route so I can't relate to your pain there but believe me, I understand the pain of thinking you'll never have a child. I began praticing and then teaching yoga. I was amazed to find after really getting my body balanced thru my yoga pratice that at 37 I was finally pregnant. I totally credit yoga pratice along with vegetarian diet that included a lot of soy for helping me concieve. Give it a try, it wont hurt and at the very least you will be healthy and yoga will help you thru the stress and dissapointment youre going thru. Never say never. I know a couple that concieved naturally at 48 after being told they would never have children!!
Hello Amanda, Sorry to hear about your failed IVF.
I will keep you in my prayers. I suggest you give yourself a break for 1-2 years and consider it again. That way you can heal emotionally,mentally and physically. Stress will make things harder. If you haven't tried accupunture or other more natural ways of conceiving, I would give it a try. here's a website you might look into,in includes yoga and accupunture for infertility issues. I heard good things about this place. Good Luck!!! Don't give up just yet. Stay Positive and have lots of faith. God Bless you!!!
www.pullingdownthemoon.com
http://www.chicagohealers.com/hs/body-fertility.html
Hi Amanda,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through 8 IUIs and 4 IVFs to have my two kids. I am also pursuing an adoption through China which is a long process. I recommend joining a support group online. I found them very helpful in terms of having people that understand . I would also suggest researching affordable adoption opportunities. There is no reason that someone who is loving, able, and willing to raise a child shouldn't. If you and your husband want to be parents go and make it happen. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Find strength and solace in your loving husband. You can be a parent, maybe not biologically or the way that you thought it would happen, but look at all of these wonderful stories of families happening in all sorts of unexpected ways. You owe it to yourself to make it happen. Best of luck - Sue S.
I have not experienced your situation, thankfully, but I am very sympathetic for you and your husband. It must be devistating. I have heard, however, that just the stress of trying and not succedding can result in failure of the IVF. Stress can do alot of harm to your body whether we realize it or not. My suggestion to you is to try (and I stress, TRY. I'm sure it's easier said than done) to just relax and try not to be so anxious. Give your body a break and continue trying naturally. You never know, God works mysteriously...
Keep your head up and your faith strong. Best of luck to you both.
I had IVF 3 times with no success, I was devastated and decided that we would adopt. We went to a meeting for adoption and then decided that we would take the summer off before we got started. In the interim, I started taking these herbs that I found on line called ovulex (ovulex.com)and found myself pregnant in 3 months. I also started taking the herbs after one year after nursing for a year and was preg again in 2 months. Just because IVF was unsuccessful does not mean that you cannot naturally conceive. Also, I had amazing pregnancies and never got sick. I think that when you have been through what we have, you don't take anything for granted. I say that it is worth a try.
Amanda ~ Sorry I'm a little late in responding to you, I want you to know that my heart goes out to you more than you could ever know. I was in the same boat as you and we tried three insems and one failed IVF over a period of three years. It was truly the hardest things we've ever had to go through. BUT, a month after our first failed IVF, my husband had undergone neck surgery and unbelievably, I got pregnant during his recovery. We had no choice but to take a break from the IVF and I really believe that since we were completely relaxed and not thinking about conceiving, it was why I got pregnant. It was a wonderful and beautiful shock! I have heard of a lot of couples that it happens to and I hope and pray it is the same for you. I suggest you try taking a vacation and although I know this is easier said than done, enjoy yourself and focus only on you and your husband. You have been through a lot and you both deserve the break. Best wishes to the both of you. :-)
Amanda,
My husband and I had five failed rounds of IVF. After having two adoptions fall through (1 after having the baby for four days) we were about ready to go back to the fertility route with donor embryos. Loyola has a program where it is under 20K for four tries in one calendar year. If none of them are successful they refund 75% of the fees. We actually left the doctor's office and left a message for our attorney to call us back so we could tell her we were stepping away from adoption. Less than two hours later we received a call from an agency out in Colorado regarding our daughter Grace. Twelve weeks later we adopted our son Anthony. We have a five year plan to try and get out from under the debt of all of the expenses we incurred throughout the process. I would love to sit down over a cup of coffee (or glass of wine) and talk with you about your journey and if there was any way we could help. Give us a call if you would like to talk. I am sure you have researched this but there are lots of programs out there to help offset the costs of adoption.
Julie & Bud
708-386-9717