My niece is 11 yrs. old and my sister in law has access to her email and reads the messages before my niece even gets to them. Don't be afraid to take control and it's good to take it in the begining rather than later. I learned that with my teenage son. Good luck!
Let her have her own email, but set rules and make sure you have access to it and monitor it. There are some programs out there that block programs etc. on your computer when she is on, look into it. My 8 year old nephew has his own email and my sister has the computer in the family room, sets the time he can be on it, logs him in and out, and reviews it. We need to watch our kids with this technology, but don't forget what it was like when you were 9 years old. Trust her til she gives you a reason not to.
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to address this and share my thoughts. . .I am so "old school" that I feel children are growing up wayyyyyy too fast; they are being given liberties, and exposed to things that some adults have difficulty dealing with. What is wrong with her friends emailing her directly to your account with messages (what? Do they live across the country?)and you can allow her to read them. Children see each other in school, play groups, and in other social settings, what is so important that they have to chat about on email?
My six, soon to be seven have friends that have cell phones and has been wanting one also. . .my friends rationalize it's for "emergencies only". . .WHAT EMERGENCIES? At this age, I drop her off at school; I pick her up from school, and she is with me or a responsible adult for the remainder of her time. . .it's not like I drop her off at the mall and she needs to call me, she is SIX, not 18.
While I realize we now live in a more technology sauve society, I feel we have to be responsible for how our children are raised, what we allow them to do and when it is appropriate; and that is determined by our own values, and not based on what other parents allow their children to do. When told what other parents allow their children to do, I remind my children who's name is on their birth certificates, (smile) and that my rules aren't governed by others.
Just realize that children should stay children as long as they can; life is difficult for some of us to handle, why put those "issues" on children before they are ready. Believe me, no matter how careful we are as parents, predators are just as smart and cunning to be as tech smart as we are, or smarter. We read in the paper everyday where law enforcement officers are catching predators in chat rooms, and using technology as tools to seduce children.
We have to get back to basics and back to "do not talk to strangers, do not accept anything from strangers" and other warnings that protected us over the years. And if your child is upset with you because you won't allow them to do/have/be what other parents allow, so be it. YOU ARE THE PARENT! YOU GET TO CALL THE SHOTS! This generation wants to be their children FRIENDS/PEERS, they get those in their own circle (which should be monitored).
(OFF THE SOAPBOX)! The ultimate decision is yours, my six year old daughter is allowed to play Sesame Street or other educational games on the computer, but that is with me sitting by her at the computer. Some of the sexual websites have such names, that one letter off of the intended site, and smut appears. We need to protect our children until we determine they can make decisions on their own.
Also, if you speak with the teachers, most discourage the use of computers (especially chats) because there is a computer language all it's own, and using LOL or OMG on papers, aren't acceptable, but the youth get so used to using "computer jargon" it shows up on paper.
Just my opinion on this subject!
I have a 10 year old and she does not have an email account. She uses the computer very rarely. I'm not aware of any of her friends who have email accounts.
I just read a couple of the other responses. I have one major reason for NOT giving a 9yo an email. When was the last time you got spam asking you to "watch me -----" or "get a bigger ----". There's time enough to get all those gross come-ons. Suggest your daughter pick-up the phone and call her friends. Michele
My daughter is 9 too and has her own email address. I have the computer in an area where I can see exactly what she is doing. I check her emails before she does and I always check her outgoing emails that she has written. She writes to a few close friends and grandparents. She isn't permitted to go to chat rooms. I sit next to her whenever she searches the internet. I watch the computer use very closely.
Navigating the internet is a life skill that must be developed. There is no magic age at which she will suddenly be proficient at dealing with cyber strangers, bullies, recognizing viruses, being able to tell which websites are reliable, knowing good netiquette, and knowing what to and not to put on a blog etc. Trust me, I know. I had my first whack at the internet when I was 18 - not because my parents forbade it, but because those were the times. Our parents didn't have this knowledge to impart, but we do. Let her have email, but monitor it heavily. If you have a tech savy friend or family member enlist them to help you set up controls. Someday it will become a matter of privacy invasion and you will loose the opportunity to instill these skills in her.
Email is not the same as chat rooms. I would make sure the computer is in an area where you can see what she's doing whenever you like. No computer when you're not home at first until you feel confident she knows the rules. My daughter knows she is only allowed to talk to people online that she knows in real life. She had to be reminded a couple times at first, but she's got it and I can trust her to be careful at this point. She's 11. In the beginning she signed up for some kids thing on yahoo and used her own email address. I asked, "Are the people who work at yahoo strangers or people you know?" Her eyes got huge and she never did that again. Just takes a lot of explaining about the rules. Good luck! Chris
Hi Julie, kids these days just want to do so much. I don't think there is anything wrong with her having an email account. I would set it up with her, and make sure you know everything. There are so many programs you can get to child proof your computer. I would look into those. I would also give her a time frame when she can be on the computer. Good Luck
I have a 10 year old son and he loves loves loves the internet. He has an email account and he knows to only respond to emails from people he knows. He and most of his friends are on gmail, and he's allowed to chat with them ONLY on gchat. I have his password - I think at this age it's essential, and not an invasion of privacy at all - and when I know he's chatting, I check on him to ensure that he's only talking to people I know of.
Outside of email and chat, he knows what websites are OK to go to and which are not, and he tends to stick with those. I have coached him on how Google searches can lead to things you may not have been looking for, and to let me know immediately if he encounters a website that doesn't look right or has adult content on it. It helps that we have laptops at home and he and his older brother are only allowed to use them in public rooms - no hiding in your room with the computer.
This takes monitoring and vigilance, but it's great to see my son learning new skills and getting comfortable with the internet.
Hi Julie~
We have a 9 yr old daughter (my stepdaughter) and she has email. I started it for her mainly so that my husband and I could have a lot of communication with her when she isn't with us. We know her password, but that is really because I set up her account for her. We have given her a set of rules with regards to the internet and let her know that it is a privilege that can be taken away if she doesn't follow those rules. We also limit the amount of time she spends on the computer and we know who her "contacts" are. In this growing technology age, it isn't uncommon for young kids to have email. As long as you are clear on rules, usage, etc., she should be fine. I really love getting emails from my little princess and it is fun to communicate with her in a different way. Good luck!
Hi Julie!
My son is 12, and I just allowed him the chance to be on the computer. I gave him a "test" first. we had a talk about internet activity, safety, etc....then I made up a simple test for him to take. If he passed it, he was allowed to play internet games. He passed it.
We also set up rules, about what he was allowed to do, and what he was not allowed to do (my space page). If he broke the rules, he knew that it was a ONE-TIME chance, and would lose the opportunity for that game/chatroom or whatever.
Our agreement was that I helped him set up any password, etc.... and we write them down on one page, and keep it next to the computer.
After a few months, we had to develope a new rule, as he got so involved in the whole fun of it all and was on the computer ALOT! He was maintaining school and everything, but I just think it was too much.
He is allowed 45 minutes "free" each day, not including homework research (as he is in 6th grade). But AFTER the free minutes, he has to earn the other minutes through READING! Minute-for-minute he has to read to earn computer time :o)
He reads so much more now, and I am satisfied with our arrangement so far. He is a responsible young man who has maintained good grades, the sports, and the fun. He has not "burned" me yet to take anything away, and we are going on a year.
I rested my own mind by putting the computer in our kitchen/den area. This way he is unable to "cheat", and i can check his "history" every now and then.
Anyway, Julie, that's my experience with letting a child use the internet. It has been OK so far. I think girls are so much more ready for that kind of fun to "chat". Just keep the short leash to eliminate any chance of breaking a safety rule.
Blessings~Nicole :o)
Dear Julie,
I am a single mother as well. I have been for 12 of my son's 13 years.
My son has had his own e-mail address for quite some time. When he turned 13, I finally broke down and let him have a myspace page. I was absolutely against it! But, I have his passwords and can monitor things all the time. His "friends" are his teachers, a dear friend of mine that used to be a co-worker, my nephew, and a couple of musicians who have myspace pages. (The latter obviously do not chat with him. lol).
The best advice I have about this is to be very open about the dangers of the internet, such as chat rooms. Those are completely off limits! And, keep the computer only in a central location. For instance, my computer is in my kitchen. My friend, who is a teacher, has her computer in the living room. Those just happen to be places in our homes where we can see what's going on at all times. We also limit the amount of time our kids can be on the computer....after homework and chores, etc.
I think the downside to e-mailing is that the way of the old fashioned written letter has gone by the wayside. I admit that I, myself, rely on it heavily to stay in touch with friends and family far away.
My son has a little friend in his class whose parents split up over the summer and she e-mails him for advice all the time about how to handle things going back and forth between her parents in different towns as my son does. It's all pretty innocent really. I think in this day and age, kids need to know how to use the computer and have typing skills. I'm pretty old-fashioned about things sometimes...I don't even have a cell phone. But, the computer is different and I'm amazed at how proficient my son is. He's a pretty great kid and knows that if he abuses his privileges by not following my rules, no more computer time. He is not to open anything from anyone he doesn't know, and, he has to ask my permission before giving out his address. He takes me so seriously, he has even called me from school to ask if he can give someone in concert band with him his address. I don't have to check what he's saying or who he's talking to because he's usually on the computer while I cook or clean the kitchen and tells me everything or asks how to spell something anyway.
Definitely insist on having the password for your daughter's e-mail account, as well as the address! It is NOT an invasion of privacy to know what your 9 year old is saying on the computer or who she is talking to. If she doesn't like that rule, then she's not ready to use the computer. Period.
Another thing you can do is have a password on the computer of your own that she doesn't know so YOU have to sign on in order for her to access her e-mail account. At least for now, until that trust is established after she follows your rules.
I wish the very best of luck to you!
P.S.
After reading the other responses, I wanted to comment on something Kay mentioned about the text jargon...
OMG and TTYL, that stuff....
I insist that my son use proper punctuation, capital letters, uses full sentences, etc. I let him slide sometimes if he's just asking a team-mate what time basketball practice is or something like that, but I did notice he was getting lazy in his written homework so that was another rule I instated for the computer. If he wants to correspond, he can do it properly. We don't text so we don't need to use that lingo. I know it sounds strict, but again, typing properly is a skill that he needs to develop. You can't send out resumes or business letters if you're in the habit of goofing off and abbreviating everything.
As far as I know - a child cannot set up an email (a parent has to do it for them). The sight (at least yahoo) will not allow it unless there is a parent okay and there are steps the parent must go through to authorize it.
I set up an email for my daughter, but only for her acting/modeling career. I have her password and she is not allowed to use it for personal nor is she allowed to use the computer without my approval. We are fairly strict with that stuff.
Many of her friends (and cousins) have phones and are texting (!!) at young ages and believe it or not a 10 year old family member is talking to boys via text and they are considered to be her boyfriends and she their girlfriends. I am strict and don't allow this.
I hope this helps.
I would say let her have the email but you have to put rules on the computer time. Set up specific rules such as you must have the password (I think the idea of writing the password down is a good one, it's not like she is going to need to worry about keeping people out), make sure you go over safety with her (when I was that age my parents didn't supervise me and I did somethings that I would never imagine doing now). Explain why she should only talk to her friends and I would say don't let her go on any chat rooms that are not just friends that she personally knows. As well, keep the computer where you can watch over her, check the history often and check the emails. However, tell her before hand that you are going to be checking the history and her emails. It is not an invasion of privacy when you have told her that it is going to be that way. As she has gone longer with an email without doing anything wrong then give a little more privalidges to her as a reward for being good and safe on the computer. As well, put a time limit on how long she can be on the computer each day. Have a timer by the computer (there are also some programs that you can get that allow you to keep track of how long a child is on the computer and can actually shut down the computer when they have been on for their alloted amount of time) this way when she sits at the computer start the timer. You may also want to have her set up as her own individual user on the computer so she can't get into your personal files and so that you can have restrictions set up on her user account for the computer (don't want her to accidentally delete all your files on a computer by accident).
Julie let her have the email address.
If you have AOL, they have parental control. If you don't have AOL, find out if they have parental control for your computer.
I had AOL Parental Control when my daughter wanted to have email address and it was the best thing. I was able to put in the time she was allowed on the internet and the time she had to get off. I set it up Monday thru Friday that she can get on the computer between 7pm and 9pm and she could not get on until her homework was complete. If she procrastinated to get her homework done and she finished at 8:30pm then she would only have an 1/2 hour on the computer. And at 9pm the AOL Parental Control literally kicked her off the internet and she could not log back on until 7pm the next day. It did warn her to let her know that she has 1 minute to finish up what she was doing. On the weekend I gave her a longer access window, but she still had to get off by 9pm and she was still only allowed 2 hours on the computer so she can pick and choose when she got on. The good thing is that if she had an all day pass for the internet and she was interrupted, the parental control will remember that when she logged back on that she no longer had 2 hours but whatever was left of her time.
I was also allowed to block her getting any attachements and pictures and she was not allowed to open any links.
Check into it. I know there might be software out there, if you don't have AOL.
The main thing is monitor what your child is doing and know her password so you can check. Question her if you see a suspicious email. There is also software out there where you can track all of her usage on the computer.
I have been wondering the same about my seven year old granddaughter. What I have decided is that I don't think I'll let her have an e-mail address right away and when I do, I will set it up myself and I will have the password and I will most definitely check who she is writing to and receiving e-mails from. I don't think I will read the e-mail for content as long as I know the sender/recipient. I just want to know who she is corresponding with but I don't want to invade her little privacy. I also will never allow my granddaughter in a chat room. I have made it very clear to her and my other grandchildren who use my computer that chat rooms are not allowed. If they want to make a friend, they can go outside and make a friend face-to-face. There is absolutely no need to have chat room friends and they are just too dangerous. So, my advice is set up the e-mail account yourself, monitor it daily and no chat rooms.
Wow, you've got a lot of responses. I'm not sure if this is a duplicate, but I told my friend about your question and this is what her friend does, "My friend has her computer with Spyware- she gets up sometimes at 2am to check their computer and it shows every single web page, email etc then anyone in her home has viewed, read ,sent…her kids don't know…."
I think 9 isn't too young to have email, but I think it needs to be watched. There are scary people out there!
Best of luck,
catherine
Hi,
I am an online teacher for students in grades K-8 and I have noticed that most of my students start to have their own email accounts around 4th grade.
I did have one student who had his email account "hacked" by some "cyber bullies" who sent terrible messages to people who were on his contacts list.
I would follow these guidelines:
--She should always use the internet with supervision.
--The computer should not be in her bedroom.
--You or another responsible adult should be in the same room with her when she is online.
--Her password should be at least 6 characters and include capitals and numbers to reduce the chance of someone breaking into it.
--Talk about the dangers of providing personal information.
--Make "chat rooms" off limits and let her IM with her friends that she knows IRL instead.
I hope these tips lead you to happy internetting!
I think email is a great tool for kids to use. It will get her typing (as long as you insist she use the right keys with the right fingers) and it is also a great way for you to see what is going on with her and her friends. My 13 yr old has an email and I check it whenever I want. (she doesn't actually know this) I'd set it up and then periodically check. I always tell my kids that as long as their under my roof anything they do (email,text messages, phone calls, their room,etc.) is free game for mom. It's not only for their protection but for the protection of our family as well. I wouldn't want someone showing up at our home that we don't know. Just make the rules clear that she is only to give her email out to her friends (preferably ones you know) and that's it.
Good luck!
Julie- perfect question... this is the same question I have been going back and forth with- and this is my two cents on this issue.
Your child is just that - a child.
Email? what is email? what is the point of email? The big deal is not having a computer or having computer access in your home- the question is more maturity level.
Difference between my kids is that = boys/girls.. i have boys agest 9/7 and they have been to sleep overs and the such at their friends house. When they can call me and let me know what they are doing, and keep me in touch with when they are coming home- - that to me seems like independence and the responsibility is there. If your daughter can do that, and call you at the time you need her to and have that maturity level to understand you are the parent and that you rule- give her the right to have her private account.
You know your daughter better than anyone!! You know if she is trustworthy, and you know if this is okay. Under 18- remember there is no privacy with your children. That is the problem nowadays, parents think that "I can't go into my kids room cause it is THEIR room" o please. I pay for that room, and I have a right to know what my children are doing.. so you have the ultimate decision. All this advice is awesome, each and everyone of them-
But your decision is just that - YOUR decision. This is your kid, make her prove to you that email is very needed.
Just an FYI- we dont' have a computer at home, but if we did, I would let them use my email address until I knew the trust, accountability and responsibility were there. Good luck and I am sure you will make the right decision- and if you don't make the right decision right now- hey, we are not perfect parents, no one is.. so don't stress about it!! Pray and God will comfort your thoughts, until then take care.