I am a first time mom and I did not have any brothers. My son is going to be three in November and he has been playing with his peni a lot. When I go into his room to get him to school he is laying down on his bed with his hands on his pants.
I don't know how to approach the situation. I don't want to make a big deal out of it but I don't want him to think it is okay and do it in public neither.
Has anyone gone through this with their boys and how did you handle it.
I have 2 boys and it is completely normal. As long as it is in the privacy of his room, then I wouldn't worry about it, but if he starts doing it in public or in front of friends or other family members, then you need to teach him that it is not appropriate when he is with others. It will eventually stop or at least lessen. It is completely exploratory, all they know is that when they touch themselves it feels good, that's it nothing more.
I teach pre k and we nap. I can say that MOST of the little boys I have had throughout the yrs. have done this at nap time. As a mom I only have girls so when I started teaching I was like OMG!!! then with talking with other teachers... found it is normal. Hope this helps a little. :)
It is completely normal. And not just boys fondle themselves. I have a 3 year old daughter and she is also the same way. You can use it as an opportunity to get 2 messages across. I let her know they are called privates for a reason. It's ok to touch ourselves in private, but we don't do it in front of other people. The other message is that it's ok to touch ourselves, or for mommy and daddy when we're washing/cleaning after potty or for a doctor when mom or dad is present, but otherwise it's not ok for anyone else to touch them on their privates. I don't think 3 is too young to casually introduce that second message.
Hello Tata
My son does the same thing and from what I understand it is very normal. I just have to tell him that that is something he does in his room by himdelf ,, he says oh ok mama.. I try to keep it very simple . and not make it a big deal . I hope this helps a little .
Christy
If he is only doing it in the morning I wouldn't worry in any way, it is just his morning wood and that is pretty awesome for him. My two boys love to play with themselves, as long as no one else touches them and they don't do it inappropriately it is fine in our house. The more you accept it and make it okay, the less they do it in my opinion. Of course, never in public and if they are doing it inappropriately I just make them go to their room to do it. It works for us and is just a normal part of having boys:)
At 3, ours went through that too. We told him it was OK as long as he did it in his own room and not in public. We did NOT make a big deal about it. He's 4 now, and I can't remember the last time he did it, in public or private!
Hi Tata,
First, this is totally normal, so relax. :) We were taught (I am a psych student/graduate) that the parents should address this issue when it arises, but your instincts were right on when you felt you shouldn't make a big deal of it. That can be damaging in the long term and could possibly give him a skewed view of sexuality and himself that would need to be worked out when he got older. But you are also correct in saying this behavior isn't acceptable publicly and he has to learn those boundaries. So, you tell him that in words he'll understand. But try not to condemn the behavior, even though it may be awkward. Tell him that it is ok to want to know more about himself and his body, but if he wants to learn more by touching those areas that he should do so privately (give him a designated place, like his room). You can elaborate by saying this isn't something he should hide from Mommy and Daddy but it is a private thing. The mother in me wouldn't be able to prevent myself from saying, "And you must wash your hands after all private touching." But that's up to you. :) But Tata, do you think you son has any questions about his penis? Perhaps if you address that and explain the area to him, his curiosity would be lessened a bit. You can always have the father do this, or help with it. Or, there are lots of great books on the shelves for this purpose. However, I would urge you to let him led the discussion. He will ask you what he wants to know, if anything, and you shouldn't venture further than what he initiates at this age. For example, if he says, "What's a penis?" after you tell him that is what he's got and you begin explaining and then he picks up a truck and says, "Look at these wheels!" that means he's done. So follow his cues, answer what he wants to know, make sure he knows you're there for further questions whenever he has them, and put restrictions on his touching (such as designated room) without condemning him for the normal behavior. But you probably already knew all that Tata, sounds like you're doing a great job with your son.
Good luck! :D
I grew up with seven brothers. Just tell him that he is only to do it when he is in bed. That it is wrong to do it in front of other people. That way you are not telling him it's wrong. You are just letting him know when it is ok to do it. He will out grow this.
Having taken a sex education class, I can tell you that from what I learned, saying anything is a bad idea. Playing with themselves is just as normal as breathing. If he wants to play with himself, just let him. Is it really going to hurt anyone? You can tell him that his privates are private, but I would leave out the playing with yourself part all together. Eventually he will put two and two together and realize that private parts are for private play. My son is 2 and loves to touch himself too! He plays outside all the time and until... well yesterday, he would play in shorts and a t-shirt. Due to the outfits, he could easily access his penis, and he would do so often. Because his hands would get dirty from being outside he eventually caused a yeast infection. Actually he has had several yeast infections from this issue. After talking to the doctor, we decided that playing outside bear butt would be best, as it wouldn't allow the bacteria to grow. Basically what I am trying to get at is, watch out for yeast infections, but don't discourage him playing with himself. Discouraging this, at all, can lead to feeling embarrassed about his penis, or physical wants and since those are natural things, embarrassment should be avoided. Good Luck!
Hi Tata. I have 3 boys ages 3, 6, 8. They all have seemed to do it at some point or another. I try not to make a big deal about it. I simply tell them it is something we don't do in front of other people. They can do it in their rooms or bathroom. From everything I have read it is a normal thing for boys and to not call too much attention to it. It may be a good time to start talking to him about inappropriate touching too.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the act itself. Both boys and girls are just curious with their bodies. And for boys, playing with that sensitive area just feels good, in a completely non-sexual way. That's why they do it.
But I do think it's a good idea to discuss privacy and what things are okay to do in private and which things are okay to do in public. That's definitely a private activity.
I have twin boys who are only 18 months and they like to feel around that area as well. And their 5 year old half sister was very adamant that they not do that. I had to explain to her that it's not a bad thing, that it's completely natural to be curious about your body, but that it's something you want to do in private.
LOL! I felt the same way. My oldest never really did it, but my youngest, who is almost 4, is very much like your son. I just explain to him that it isn't a toy and shouldn't be played with. It is for peepee only. I know this sounds silly, but one day he was just having a field day and I kept telling him it wasn't a toy. Then I asked him if he could buy one at Target - of course he said No, so I again told him - so it isn't a toy and don't play with it. For some reason that stuck and when I see him I will mention Target and he quickly stops. :-) Stupid I know, but it seemed to work.
Good luck! They are boys and I suppose that's what they do.
It's perfectly natural and I would not make a big deal about it. If he does it somewhere else in the house you don't like or in public, let him know it's okay if he wants to do that, he just has to do it his room.
Hello Tata,
You've gotten some great advice already but I wanted to add, dont be worried about it. Boys are gross lol. Just kidding. My son is also 3 and has gone threw that off and on, sometimes he plays more with it then other times. Luckly he isnt doing it as much, I think all little ones "explore" themselves. Just let him know to only do it at home, not at school or in public places because no one wants to see him playing with his pee pee. Thats what I tell mine, and he thinks its funny.
Hi, Tata. Well, there is actually nothing at all wrong with a boy playing with his own penis. What you want to impress upon him, what you want to teach him, is to do this in private and not in public.
Please, please, please do not shame this child into thinking that his penis is bad. Teach him that his body, including his penis, is good and made by God, but that he has to keep his private parts private, that they belong just to him and cannot be shown in public.
It is only natural for a child (or a grown man, for that matter) to touch himself and enjoy how that feels. He just needs to know that there is a good time and place to do this.
Again, please, please please do not shame your little boy!
Peace,
Syl
My son did this as well. I just told him that it wasn't a toy and get his hand out of his pants. I didn't make a big deal, just told him no and he eventually stopped.
first, don't be too concerned. he happened to touch it one day and realized that it felt good. don't punish him, or tell him that its bad. but do teach him that he can only do that in his private time. ie: by himself in the bathroom, or bedroom.
My son is almost three and plays a lot with his penis too, I take it naturally, I don´t take his hand off, I say nothing special, sometimes I try to take his atention to something else and that´s it, i have read that this is normal, is part of being a human male.
I have a 4 year old son that does the same. I think it is just a facination for boys (all boys). My son like to tell me when it is hard that his pee pee is big now. I don't make a big deal about it and change the subject. He hasn't done it out in public and I am hoping that day will never come. But for your case, I would just act like it isn't a big deal. You know kids, the more you make of a situation the more they strive for that attention.