Chris,
Let me start by saying, I can not and will not stand in judgement of any Christian religion. It is not my place to judge. It is my place to try to bring about an atmosphere of Christian love and family. I believe with all my heart that as long as we all believe in God, The Father, The Creator, Jesus Christ, His Only Begotten Son, and The Holy Spirit, then we are saved. We may worship The Blessed Trinity differently but we are all family in the catholic (old Latin word meaning UNIVERSAL) church.
I was raised as a Born-Again Christian (Baptist). I converted to the Roman Catholic Church a few years ago for personal and theological reasons.
I understand your question and all it's quirks. The best way to explain the difference between "Dedicating" and "Baptizing" is:
"Dedicating" means that standing in front of the church body, you are promising to raise this child in the "Born-Again" Christian teachings.
"Baptism" means just what it says. You are having the child truly baptized in the Name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. You are conciously making the decision for this child to claim this child's soul for The Kingdom of Christ and to raise the child in accordance with the Greek Orthodox Church's teachings. Only the Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Presbyterian, and Lutherans, and possibly Episcopals (I'm not sure on their teachings) believe that parents have this right and this obligation to have the baby baptized.
Once you baptize the baby, he will not have to go through that sacarament again. He will continue on with the other sacraments of the Greek Orthodox Church (First Communion, First Reconcilliation, Confirmation, Marriage or Holy Orders - should he choose religious life).
In the Born - Again (anything other than Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Presbyterian, Lutheran, or Episcopal), you can only have the child Dedicated (you are making the promise to raise him the Born - Again Christian Faith; but only the child at the age of reaso - around the age of 7 or so - can choose to be baptized.)
Because I was raised as Baptist and I raised my daughter in the Baptist Church, my daughter chose baptism at about 7 or 8. I left the Baptist Church shortly after my daughter was baptized. I, personally, could no longer agree with the theological teachings of the denomination - this was entirely my personal choice and one I made for my son since he was an infant.
I went looking for answers in churches - trying to find my new home for me and my children. I thought I had found that home in the Presbyterian Church and so I had my son baptized in the Presbyterian Church when he was 3.
I later decided that Presbyterian was not right for us either. I went to the Roman Catholic Church.
Understand that the Roman Catholic Church and the Greek Orthodox Church were once the same church. They had a really big disagreement and split about (I think) 1500 years ago. Today, the Vatican and the Archbishop of the Greek Orthodox Church are working toward better relations so that the sacraments I have received in the Roman Catholic Church will be accepted by the Greek Orthodox Church and the Greek Orthodox sacraments will be accepted in the Roman Catholic Church.
Hopefully understanding these differences between Born-Again and Orthodox will help. I can tell you, from my personal prespecitive, that if I had it to do over again, I would have gone to the Catholic Church a lot sooner and I would have had both my daughter and my son baptized in the Roman Catholic Church.
One more thing you need to know: If you have your child baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church and he chooses later to go to the Born Again Churches, they will not accept his baptism. To my knowledge, they only accept baptism at the age of reason and by complete submersion (being dunked). For your older children, they will have to choose baptism for themselves if they are beyond the age of reason.
Should you choose to have him dedicated in the Born Again church, and he reaches the age of majority, he will have to choose baptism for himself at a later date.
Once you have the child baptized in the Greek Orothodox Church, you and your husband are accepting full responsibility for his religious training. You, your husband, and the god - parents are fully and completely responsible for the baby's Christian training until he reaches the age of reason by Church standards. You will have the entire congregation and the whole Greek Orthodox Church to rely on for help in his training. It is our obligation as baptized Christians to help in the upbringing and training of the children of our congregation.
Now, for the truth about infant baptism. According to the Church, we are all stained by Original Sin (Adam and Eve's sin in the Garden of Eden - willful disobedience to God's commande not to eat of the tree of knowledge) and baptism washes this sin away for the baby. But other than to wash away Original Sin, infant baptism really is not necessary since a baby can not knowing commit a sin. The custom of Infant Baptism began during the Middle Ages when there was a very high infant mortality rate and it gave the parents peace of mind to know their child was baptized and so he/she would go to heaven should the child pass before he/she could choose baptism and the custom has continued.
The calming part for me as a Roman Catholic parent is knowing for absolute certain that my child's soul is permanently marked as God's Property and should he pass before he reaches the age of reason, he has that promise of eternal life to look forward to.
If you like, you go to the Orthodox Churches website: http://www.goarch.org/
There is plenty of information there about what the Church teaches.
Accoding the Roman Catholic Church, we, as Roman Catholics, are allowed to marry outside the church (someone who is not Roman Catholic), but when we do, we (husband and wife) have to promise that we will raise the children in the Church and in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church's teachings.
The spouse who is not Catholic knows this requirement because, by Church requirements, we are required to go through marriage prepreration classes - which take about 6 months to complete - to prepare us for the reality and full weight of the sacrament of marriage, and this teaching is discussed in detail. If the priest is not fully satisfied that he can perform the sacrament in good faith, then he can and will refuse to marry the couple. They can still marry outside the Church, but the Church will not recognize the marriage as legitimate until the marriage has been blessed by the Church.
I believe that your mother-in-law's frustration is aimed directly at her son. He knows the Greek Orthodox Church's teachings and according to the way he was raised, this should have been handled months ago.
I also understand your confusion and frustration. Another option, talk to the priest at the local Orthodox Church and talk with a minister at the local Baptist Church.
I know this is long and possibly confusing, but I hope it helps. I would strongly recommend that you speak with your husband about this topic and see how he feels. He may be afraid to talk to you about it so it sits there like the elephant in the corner that everyone is walking around and pretending is not there.
If you would like, we can talk about this further through email. My email is [email protected]