I am looking for some advice. We moved here about five months ago. Tuesday night in Ohio my friend/neighbors husband suddenly died of heart failure. He was only 43 and they have two beautiful children. We lived next door to each other for five years. They were there when my two children were born. We celebrated holidays together etc. She is no condition right now to talk to anyone. I just want to know if anyone has any advice how I can help this family. I am so far away and feel very helpless. I know she is not taking calls right now and I know people have been dropping of plenty of food, drinks etc. Of course I will send a card but, I want to know if anyone has any ideas on some type of gift or something I can send the children. They are 8 and 11. I appreciate any advice that you can give me. Thanks,
I just lost my father suddenly on Monday. He was 54. You cannot imagine the pain your friend is feeling. The most comforting thing/s that I have received were from people who knew my father and told me or wrote to me about what my father ment to them. I has been so comforting to know that my father has impacted so many peoples lives.
Kim,
I would send a care package to keep those kids busy. We had close friends in another state and after we moved they had a major family crisis that could rattle anyone. We sent a care package full of homemade cards, puppets, cookies and rice crispy treats from our kids and lots of things to do - travel sized board games, arts and crafts, puzzles, projects/ models to build, beads kits to make jewelery; anything to keep the kids occupied so it was easier for the parents to be left to make plans and easier when relatives or babysitters had to watch the kids.
The game section of Walmart or Target is a good place to look for these kinds of gifts, so is Michaels or Hobby Lobby. My friends said later that it was such a moral booster; they just needed to feel loved and know that someone really cared and was praying for them.
Good luck,
Shellie
Hi Kim,
You are so thoughtful to want to do the right thing for your friend. Honestly, the best thing you can do is to let her know that you are there for her whenever. Call her to check in...even if you don't know what to say. Saying something is better than nothing, because she is likely feeling very alone and scared. She is also probably being kept busy by all the arrangements that have to be made for his funeral and all the paperwork (insurance, titles, bank, etc) that needs to be changed. A great book for her kids is by Marge Heegard, called When Someone Very Special Dies. It is a guided journal for kids who are grieving. A nice gift would be a book called The Gift of Memory for her, or a nice gold chain on which she could wear his wedding ring (Katie Couric did this). Check around to see if anyone would make a teddy bear or throw pillow out of one of his shirts. We did this with my dad's shirts and it has been a great way to keep his memory close and not hold on to everything.
Be sure to send cards and to call her, even if she is not taking calls. Leave her messages telling her how much you care and how you will support her any way she needs. Call her on her anniversary and on his birthday. Those days can be so lonely when no one acknowledges them! They are still important and while it may seem awkward, let her know you are thinking of her and remembering her husband on those special days. Don't be afraid to talk to her, even if it makes her cry. Right now just about anything may make her cry, but she needs to grieve and to know you are a safe person with whom to do so.
Can you go see her in a few weeks? Is is close to a hotel or could you stay with other neighbors? That is when the reality will really set in...the permanence. You are a good friend, Kim; you will do the right thing. No matter what she says, remeber that everyone grieves in their own way. She may want help cleaning his things out, or she may want to do it alone, or she may want someone to do it for her. Be there for her...stay in touch. Ask about the kids, ask about everyday things. Ask about him. She will talk when she is ready. Good luck!