I am having trouble deciding about preschool and I could use some advice, particularly from those of you with a background in child development! My 4 year old is definitely ready for preschool. Problem is, he is very shy and hesitant to join a group of children or talk to another child, but once he does, he has a ball! I am expecting a huge battle. He has recently changed his view from "I don't want to grow up" to "I can't wait to go to school", but he is often brave right up until the last second, then chickens out! My question is this; In this situation, do you send the child anyway and force him to get over this shyness, or do you indulge the child and let the behavior continue? ...keeping in mind that he has to go to Kindergarten next year whether or not he goes to preschool this year! I just keep thinking that it's better to deal with this now, than wait til next year when there is less room for adjustment.
Oh, yeah, and Im not going to home-school for so many reasons!
My four yo was the same way. I sent him to preschool this past year. The first week or so was the hardest. He was also very shy. I had to leave him with the teacher screaming. The hardest thing was to just walk away but I knew it was better for him if I left him there. I was worried that if I indulged him and played into his fears he'd think there was something to be afraid of at school and that would make it ten times harder. His teacher was very understanding and patient. She always told me he was fine within 5-10 minutes after I left. After the first week he was excited to go and I didn't have any more problems. He'd made friends and was happy. It will be hard but you are right that it will be easier to deal with now than in kindergarten.
I will tell you that it is much easier for a child to start kindergarten if they have gone to preschool. Your child will get over the shyness, so I say do it now and not in kindergarten.
Hi Lacy,
My son sounds alot like your son. I enrolled him in preschool and then we talked about it alot during the summer. Well, I was so worried that he was going to start crying when I dropped him off. I was worried for nothing. He hopped out of the car and right to the teacher. He even forgot to say good-bye. My 18 month old was the one that cried for his brother. It was pretty funny. Looking back I can't believe my son was so shy. He is so outgoing now and has no problem talking with new people. I would highly recommend sending him to preshool. It will help him get over his shyness plus teachers know how to help with shy kids. Noah's teachers had him make a "book" with pictures of his home, parents, siblings, ect. Whenever Noah felt shy or homesick they would take out his book and have him tell them who everyone was and by the time he was done he had forgotten how homesick he was. Good luck.
Chris
I used Novi Co-operative preschool for my son. It's great b/c you volunteer a few times monthly so you can see his development. Most communities have a co-op program, (walled lake and commerce both have them.). If not find a shorter program such as 1 or 2 days a week to try to transition him. My baby girl is going to be a problem too but I will jump that hurdle next year. Good Luck.
As a kindergarten and first grade teacher, I can tell you that preschool is important. It is a much easier transition for the child and more play based than most kindergarten programs these days. I would recommend looking into the co-op preschool because you can be regularly involved in your sons development. Generally every community has at least 1. Good Luck!
Do you have a cooperative (co-op) preschool in your area? I have an Early Childhhod background and I currently teach at a co-op preschool in Troy, MI.
I think they are great for all children but especially for ones like your son, as well as mine. You will have the opportunity to "work" in the classroom on a monthly basis and the teachers are very open to having you stay for all of or part of the session even when it's not your day to "work".
This will help your son ease into the transition of being away from mommy and under the care of other adults. Before you know it, he'll be running into the classroom waving goodbye to you!
Hello Lacy,
I would suggest to have him go to preschool that way he will learn to interact and socialize with other kids so that when it is time to go to a young 5's or Kindergarten he will be a little more prepared to be away from you, thats the hardest part to get them use to not having you right there. Good luck, Im sure he'll do fine!
Hi Lacy, Well, I suppose I am going to be the only one with a different point of view.
Kids are all different. Some are ready to leave their moms at age 3 or 4 to go off to preschool and have fun with others.
Some are not and that should be ok. Sometimes we feel the pressure of society that we have to do preschool. Go with your gut and your intuition for that individual child of yours. Maybe he would be better served with another year with you gaining self assurance. It dosen't really matter, because at some point.....pre school or kindergarten he is going to have to learn to be without you. So why not give him an extra year with you. Kids with pre school under their belt do NOT do any better then kids that do not. Kids all learn and develop at different times they really do not catch up with each other at a even level until around 3rd grade (so they say). Pre-school may not prove any difference to your son only that you started the process of school early. I am not an advoacate of preschool. It think we are pushing our kids to hard...to early. If he is shy and needs you for another year you could teach him things at home.
Even during the shool year I sit down with my son every day and go over different skills (math, sight words, reading, manners etc.) We parents are more powerful then we are given credit for these days. Maybe your son is just not a pre school kind of kid. Maybe this year your could focus on different situations that might make him stronger in his social skills (shyness).
You only have a short time to be a child. Let it linger.
m.
( at age 9, 10, 18 or 20 the kids with preschool do not stand out anymore then the kids without. Pre- school does not make any diference in their life in the long run. It is just something society is pushing on us. In reality Kindergarten is not even manditory. The state starts kids off at First Grade. That must tell us something.)
Guess I'm not an "expert" but having seen the change in school expectations in the past 8 years, I think he'll benefit from preschool. Especially if he wants to go, but gets scared at the last minute. Doesn't sound like he's not ready, just has hurdles. He'll feel so good about himself if he pushes past that. I've had friends offer a special treat after the day's over to give an incentive. (Offer made at home, before the upset starts, that is) If he really freaks out, I've heard they usually stop so long as you don't prolong the separation or get emotional yourself. With all that said, my middle son was not emotionally ready to be gone as long as the school week was. They suggested to keep him home a few days per week. So I'd confer with the teachers a lot and watch his behavior. He may benefit more with a 3 day preschool. My son now is super social and loves school. He had his issues though. 3rd grade was rough. He's going into middle in Sept.
I would send him. I have a 9 year old son who has social phobia. In preschool he mainly played by himself but he would do some stuff with the other kids as well. Every one thought it was just a phase he was going through. Then he went on to kindergarten. It was so bad by this time that he would not even speak to his teacher until after Christmas break. by this time he was so far behind in learning that they finly did testing on him and he is getting the help he needs. They didn't put him on any meds to help with the anxity until the end of he 2nd grade year. He is now doing a lot better and will still be scared at first but he always has something small to hold on to so he will feel safe like when he goes to camp over the summer. I would pay close attion to how he is doing and if he needs more innervation talk to the doctor and don't let them tell you oh he will just grow out of it if his being shy starts to interfere with is learning in school. Good luck with all of it.
Lacy,
I definitely lean towards sending him despite the shyness, because as you pointed out, he will be going to Kindergarten next year, and he will have an easier time making that transition if he has the preschool experience now.
Be sure to find a preschool that YOU are comfortable with, where the care providers are kind and patient. They have lots of experience helping kids adjust. Maybe they can even give you suggestions.
My kids both adjusted to daycare & then preschool fairly well, but my daughter went through a phase where she would cling and cry. Her daycare let me drop her off in their office, where she would spend about 5 minutes "helping" and then go to her classroom. They also told me that a lot of kids fuss & cling until the mom leaves, and then start playing quite happily!
You sound like a great mom, and I'm sure things will work out.
Oops, one more idea! I have seen kids books (like Berenstein Bears) about going to school. I have used books about going to the doctor, dentist, etc. to help my kids get used to the idea before some big new thing, and they have helped alot. Best wishes!!
last year when my daughter went to preschool she would cry when i was a bout to leave i think it is becasue she got used to me being home all the time that summer before becasue of maternity leave. anyways as long as you find a great school the teachers will be very nice and help with that transition. her teachers always helped distract her and try to explain all the "cool" stuff they would do that day and she was fine.
i think it is the school that you choose that will help with his shyness.
Definitely send him.He will need it for Kindergarten. They must know how to write their name, know and reconize all the letters and sounds. My son sounds just like yours. Shy until the ice is broken. The first day was killer and took everything in me not to cry. You cant cry or they will think something is wrong. His sweet little eyes looked up at me and said "but mamma I thought you would be staying with me." He started to cry. His teachers were great and consoled him and I sat in the hallway for a half hour. By the fourth day he couldnt wait to go and is now bugging me when kindergarten starts. your son will be fine. kids really need the buffer of preschool before K starts.
As a teacher, I would recommend sending your son to preschool. Don't worry if there are tears, the teachers are used to it and very good at calming a child down. this will help your son with great strides for Kindergarten. Even if he doesn't need preschool for the "school" part, it is a good social and follow directions learning center. This will also prepare your son to be away when he is in school and start to build relationships with other kids and adults. If you decide not to do preschool, I would look into a young five's program; this can also help with kindergarten. Good luck with it, I know it's a hard decision.
I too have a 4-year old going to preschool in the fall. Even though your concerned about your son's shyness, preschool will be good for him in many ways. As parents our job is to help teach our children coping skills that they will need as adults. Preschool is about learning how to have social interaction. My mother is a kindergarden teacher and informs me that socialization is key to children performing well academically as they progress in school. So let your son go to preschool. Remember there will be other kids going through the same thing as him. I would continue to give him the support he needs by telling him that you understand it can be scary to be in a new situation around new people and point out to him a time in the past where he was able to overcome or find comfort in a situation that was scary or new to him. That way he will know that he can do it! Good luck.
I used to teach in a preschool... (check our Freedom Early Learning Center in Hudsonville if you live around here, it's fantastic)
Anyway, I am wondering if you would be able to take your son to a class and stay there for the first day if shyness is a big issue and then he can watch what goes on while he is sitting next to you and then after a little bit you help him get involved in something they are doing. I don't know how long the day is but you would probably only stay for a couple hours and maybe help him find a friend which is so easy at 4-5 years old.
I know some people may think this is over kill and coddeling your son but I worked in a preschool and say how shy kids reacted when their parents left. Yes they eventually adjusted but it would have been easier if their parents helped them realize that it is a safe place.
As a speech language pathologist I would recommend you sending him to preschool. Preschool is a great place for children to learn/develop social skills. For many of the kids it is their first time being away from home so they are all in the same boat. It may be hard in the beginning but one thing that might help is to get to know some of the parents right off the bat and have playdates with them so your son can get to know their child in a familiar enviroment. Sometimes having one friend at school makes the transition easier. I really think it is harder on us as the parents then it is on the little ones. Most of the time within in 5 minutes after the parent leaves the child is fine and you can always call the school and ask how he is doing!
Hi Lacy---My daughter was born in November and so would have been only 4 to start kindegarten. In our schoold district all kids were screened at 4 for school readiness. Amanda was VERY clingy and showed great hesistation when being tested. So was accepted into the head start program because of her 'poor' testing. At her first conference, the teachers couldn't believe that she was the same little girl they labeled weeks earlier as an at-risk child. She was fine once she got into the school setting.
She's always been hesitant to explore unfamiliar or new situations. We walked out of many bookstores because she wouldn't ask the clerk to help her find the book she wanted, and that was even in Jr. High. But she's a great kid, even living on her own in Chicago and now the Los Angeles area, still uncertain and nervous about things she can't control. But we assure her constantly that she is smart and will be ok no matter what and that we are here when she really needs us.
So, don't expect a battle or a battle is what you will get. Expect that he'll adjust and have a great time because that's the great kid you know that he is.
It's harder on the moms than on the kids! :) Preschool workers are used to children not wanting to stay. This is normal. You have been his be-all and end-all for his whole life. After you leave - with your son crying - he will get over it quickly and have a blast making new friends and learning the skills that he will need for kindergarten.
By all means, let him go. And take tissues in the car for you!