Would you let your 9 year old walk home from school?

My 9 year old son wants to walk to his friend's house after school on Friday. He would be walking with his friend & the distance is probably less than a mile. The neighborhood is good, but I'm nervous. I won't be home until around 6 because I work.

My son has told me that his friend's parents think that I am too overly protective. I have a neighbor in law enforcement that mentioned that there are 5 pedaphiles (excuse the spelling) in the area. They aparently don't show up on the internet list for various reasons such as they are still under investigation, are known to police but not enough evidence, etc. This neighbor will not let his kids into the front yard unattended. I am also not sure what he means by "the area". I had another neighbor that (a couple of years back) told me that a man had parked in front of my house (there is a clear view of the 5-6th grade school down a drainage ditch from where he was parked) for a couple of days in a row right when school was letting out. She said she watched the first day but never saw him pick anyone up. The second day she made it obvious that she was watching & he drove away when he saw her.

Despite these stories, the neighborhood is probably as safe as any other. The 10 years we've lived there, there has been 1 burglery & that was by neighborhood teens who knew the homeowner & where they hid the key.

Am I over-protective? What would you do?

At nine years old, if the child is in the 4th grade, schools will release what is known in my area as "walkers" to walk home on their own. I livr in an area with a concentrated amount of pedophiles as well.

You have to go with your gut on this one. If they are walking home in groups 3 or more children together, I do not see a problem, saftey in numbers and all..

If it's just the two of them, I see no reason you couldn't ask the other child's mother to walk them home or pick them up for safety. If she doesn't seem to be trustworthy tell your son you are very sorry, but it will have to wait until a day you have off of work or until other arrangements can be made for his safety. Explain to him that different parents have different ideas of what is considered safe and two boys walking alone from school is not something you and your husband consider safe.

Do not let what other parents feel regarding this issue maje you second guess your own instincts. This is your child after all, not theirs. Your own feelings are what matter. It the same as discipline. You don't let someone else tellyou how to discipline your son do you, then don't let them tell you what is or is not safe for him.

Good Luck.

You have to listen to your gut on this one. What does your husband say about it? I've been tossing around the idea too but I'm just to unsure.
Good Luck

Personally, I don't think you are being overly protective. I have a nine-year-old as well. In this same situation, I would do a couple of things. Walk the route once with my son (doesn't have to be right after school) and his friend. The other is ask if the friends parents would be home when the kids walk to their house. And last, I would insist on a call from your son, probably using the house phone upon his arrival.

Still, use your best judgment. Could the parents of your child's friend meet the kids halfway to their house? and walk the rest of the way? If I was a parent of the friend, I would be very understanding an offer to do something like the meeting half-way, at least for a while.

Good luck.

Cara,
I'm not going to appologize to anyone for their thinking that I'm an overprotective mother and you shouldn't either. The only person who is going to look out for your child above anyone else is you. That your son's friend's parents said that about you shows that they are too lax in their supervision of their child, and would be of yours if you left your son in their care.

Alot can happen in even the best of neighborhoods. It sounds to me that you are trying to justify letting yourself go against your better judgement because of another parent's callous remarks about your parenting skills. You know of five pedophiles in your area. That's five too many. You can't control that the pedophiles are in your neighborhood but you CAN control whether you let your son walk home from school or not, or play out in the yard, and so on. Your police friend has the right idea in my opinion... never let your kids out of your sight when possible.

It seems like we hear on the news at least once a week where a child was nabbed, or there was a failed attempt at a nabbing. Sometimes more than once a week. Times have changed from when we were kids. We no longer live in a world where we can assume our child is safely playing in the yard next to ours. We have to think ahead of "what could happen" in order to keep our children safe. Is this over-protectivness? Yes. Is it uncalled for? No.

We have to look out for our children because there are others out there who are looking at them with perverted thoughts. I'd rather be overprotective of my child and have her safe and sound in her bed at night than to be lax on watching her and have something happen to her. I don't want to ever look back in life and say I didn't do everything I possibly could to keep my child safe. I'm sure you don't want to either.

As for your son's friend's parents. If they're saying negative things about you in front of their son (that you know of) then I wouldn't let my child play at their house. Simply because of the fact that your son might over hear them and you don't want him to get "ideas" in his head that they are better, smarter, whatever than you. If your son wants to play with their son then they can play at your house. That's just my opinion. Parenting is difficult enough without our children hearing other people's opinions about how you decide to parent.

With all of that said, you can't protect your child from everything. I realize that as I'm sure you do too. But, that doesn't mean we can't do everything in our abilities to protect them from what we can protect them from. You have five pedophiles in your neighborhood, one even parked in front of your house to watch children walking home from school... thankfully your neighbor was observant and scared the guy away. You can get your child home safely, away from the possible attempts of a pedophile, by not letting your son walk home.

I'm sorry if I've come across harshly. That is not my intent. But, I cannot stand the fact that other parents feel the necessity to comment about other parents skills as a parent because we choose to do things differently. I'd rather be overprotective, which in my opinion is basically being prepared for anything and not overprotective at all, and have my child home and safe. I could care less what someone else thinks. We only get one shot at doing things right with our children. There are no "do-overs". I'd rather err on the side of caution than not.

Good luck!
Kimberly

My experience is not from my child, who is 6. It is from my own experience with my sister. In the 70's where we lived in California, there was a known pediphile going after young girls. My Mom's response was to cut our hair short, that was it. We were on our own. Well, my sister had 2 attempts made to grab her. I don't know if it was the same person each time, but she got away both times.
That experience has shaped how I raise my son. His dad & I are both super-hyper over protective parents that never let him out of our sight. (He had a similar abduction attempt experience here in Houston at about the same age.)
The thing is, that was a long time ago. So, it has nothing to do with the "day & age" and more to do with you have to do what's in the best interest of your family.

Also, another (possibly irrelevent) point. If this other family feels that you are over protective about this issue, what about guns in the house? Kids are very good at getting into trouble, and do not have all of the impulse control needed to keep them out of trouble. I would think that a under protective parent is the one that is the most likely to be irresponsible about keeping a gun in the house. This may not even be an issue with you, but I thought I'd bring it up anyway. Sorry if the comment offends anyone. (I am from California, remember!;)

hello, do what feels right in your gut..I have a beautiful 6 yr old and I wont let him walk the 3 blocks to or from the bus stop,,you have sick people in the neighborhood,if it was me I wouldnt tempt fate

I believe after reading your plea that your instincts are telling you no. have you trusted your gut before? Trust it now. Remember, Your sons friends don't dictate how you parent you do. Tell him in a couple of years maybe.

NO !!!

Never let your guard down when it comes to your children.
all it takes is one second, and they can be gone from your life. No matter how safe your neighborhood has always been.

Talk to the friends parents, maybe they don't have the imformation you have, maybe they would understand your concerns better and not want their child walking home alone either.

I think it depends heavily on the maturity of your child. I walked to and from school at that age and school was a little over a mile from my home....As a mom, I don't know that I would let my child do the same.

Cara - you need to do what YOU feel is best in this situation. I will tell you that we live 3 blocks from our school and I will not let my 9,9, and 10 yr. old boys walk alone or ride their bicycle alone. They must be with 2 or more when walking AND STAY TOGETHER or at least one other when riding their bike to school. I know I am viewed as over-protective at times but I don't care when it come to the safety of our kids.
Can't they ride the bus home on the day your son wants to go with his friend?
Go with your gut feeling on this one......I think that gut feeling is the voice of God.

You really have to trust your instincts. What is your gut telling you?

Regardless of the reports of pedaphiles (yes, that's the spelling) a child needs to feel comfortable and independent. If his friend walks all the time, it's probably fine. Talk with his parents and discuss your fears because they may be able to shed some light on the situation.

Be sure you review the rules of walking in a new area and how to handle "stranger danger". He's growing up and these discussions are critical.

Good luck.

you are soooo not over-protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The way I see it is "better safe than sorry". My oldest is 12, and he is just dying to ride his bike to our nearest Y, but I absolutely will not let him, you hear so many horror stories of men abducting young teens, that you just cant take that chance. We live a safe neighborhood too, but again....better safe than sorry. Here is a link for you to look at, http://www.felonspy.com/search.html

Best Regards,

Shay

Go with your gut instinct. God gave that to us for a purpose. Sometimes we do get overprotective though. If there are no major streets to cross, I let my son walk, but he has to call me as soon as he arrives.
Linda L.

Cara,

I say go with your gut feeling. Who cares what people think of your level of protectiveness. 9 is still to young. I would rather be over protective and have my son safe than to feel pressured by others and have something terrible happen to my child. In my household, if my son's friends can not provide transportation for them then it's not a good idea. Perhaps other arrangements can be made. I feel for you really, because I know your son will be disappointed, but atleast he will know that you love him and will do everything to keep him safe.

Good luck.

Cara,
I don't think you are over protective. Continue to do what you are doing. This world is not a very safe place now a days. Look at it like this, how many kids do you know come back home once they are abducted? Usually it's in a box. I have 3 kids ranging from 10 to 15 and I still take my 15 year old to school. Your kids are only with you for a very short time anyway. They will live on their own for many more years than what you have them for, so I say protect them while you can!! Julie V.

in the area means they are some where within the neighborhood. I still wont let my 12year old stay home alone or play outside with out an adult there with her. Thou nothing may happen With his friend ever, It's still the rules for you better be safer then sorry. Im not over protective by any means, I know there are people out there that isnt convicted, I know 3 personally (ex of mine havent see for years and my 2 uncles my kids are not aloud to be around. Down my dads street there are 3 also. The streets are not what they use to be when we were kids we were able to leave the doors unlocked and we were able to walk down the street without the feeling of being watched all the way home. Trust your judgement and dont worry about people saying your being overprotective because your trying to keep your son safe.

I wouldn't let my 10 yr. old walk home with out me being there to greet him when he got home. Kim R.

I don't think you're being overprotective, I think you are trying to protect your child. A 9 year old may be able to handle some situations and he may be able to handle more than you think he can, but he's still 9!

Don't let peer preasure talk you into doing something you are really against. However, if he is a responsible young man and you think he can do this, I would have him call you before he leaves campus and as soon as he gets to the friend's house.

Will the parents be home or is that another potential for disaster?

Good luck!
Tiffany

I know I may be responding a day late, but who cares what some other kid's parents think? Kids do have a way of bending the truth, or unintentionally changing the story when it's retold, so it could be a different story at the other house. If they did say it, they have some nerve!

No matter if it was said or not, you shouldn't care what another set of parents thinks about your parenting skills-your son is yours and not theirs. My kids are 10, 9, and 7, and NO I would not allow any of my kids do what your son asked-pedaphiles or not. No child is safe anymore in this country, and your job as a parent includes protecting your child from unseen dangers. Sounds to me like you are already doing an excellent job of it.