Hi Rachel,
I applaud you for trying to have a use a good 'I statement'. As a family therapist I encourgae people to use them all the time. I would say the 'because...' is unnecaessary. The pattern I usually give people is 'I feel (fill in the blank) when you (filly in the blank). In the fiture I wish you would (fill in the blank)' Good luck!
because it simulates a baby's cry, which is supposed to produce a stress response.
Instead of telling my kids that they cannot whine, I tell them that they need to ask me a question. Sometimes I have to remind them to start with "May I please..." That way, "I'm huuuuuungreeeeeee" becomes "May I please have a snack?" I believe that this is an important life-skill, so that they do not grow up to be whiney adults. ("I can't live on $9.50 an hour!" becomes, "Since I work so hard, may I please have a raise?") :-)
It doesn't matter why. When you hear whining, you feel resistant and tense. End of sentence.
Others have suggested this, but I found that modeling the tone of voice I wanted, and not responding to whining because "I can't understand you" helped enormously.
Good luck!
stole this one from my neighbor - she has 3 girls under 5.
"If you whine or cry for something, the answer is NO!"
/my son is 5 if he forgets to say please or whines he has to ask again with "Please Mama, you're so pretty!" he says it to his dad too- very funny. ;)
I say, "I do not understand whining. Have you ever heard me whine? Whining is not polite and we only speak politely to one another." That is enough to keep the two year old I nanny for from whining around me.
Good Luck,
Toni
I used to just say "Use your words, not your whines". It always stopped them. My kids are older now, and if I hear whining, I whine right back at them. They laugh and rephrase their question/statement.