I had a miscarriage in April when I was 14wks pregnant and now I'm finally pregnant again! I just don't know when I should announce this pregnancy to our family and friends. I feel that I just want to wait until we hear its heart beat,reassuring me that my risk of miscarriage has gone down. Plus last time when I announced it to the family everyone was so excited so when we lost the baby it was not only a let down for me and my husband but also the rest of the family. Lately I've been really sick and not feeling well and its hard hiding that from the family. Its also hard not having anyone to discuss the things that I'm feeling with, like how sick I really do feel and how much it is effecting me, and not to mention how scared I am that I might lose this baby too. I have my husband but to be honest, we work different shifts and only see each other in the mornings on the weekends and he is a guy.... he has never been pregnant so its just not the same. I definitely am not sure when to let the rest of the family know that I'm pregnant. I just wanted to know what other moms felt about when to let the family know about a pregnancy.
I would wait till you hear the heart beat. You could make little cards out, or something announcing it a cute way like...."Sorry I wont be here to celebrate christmas this year, but you can expect me to be born on or around...(insert due date) then sign it "The newest addition to ...(you and your hubbies name and kids)...it is really a great way to announce it.
Jessica,
You said yourself that you want to wait until after you hear a heartbeat so why not wait till then. Find one good friend or relative to confide in and let them know to not say a word until you do and are ready.
Christina
I lost my 1st preg at 18 weeks. I went on to have 3 healthy little girls. I say announce it when you are ready. Good luck to you and congrats on your pregnancy!
Hi Jessica,
Congratulations! I think I can relate to what you are going through. I had 3 miscarriages before I had my son. It's a terrible enough thing to go through but when everyone else knows you were pregnant, it makes it extra hard. It's like everyone grieves. I would wait until you are about 4 mos. pregnant as I believe that most misses happen before then. Plus, for everyone else, it won't seem like they are waiting FOREVER for the new baby! :-)
Please remember, just because you've had a miscarriage in the past, that does not mean that THIS pregnancy won't be perfect, healthy and wonderful, ending up with a sweet bundle after 40 weeks. Hang in there and try to savor your "secret" with your husband for a while longer..... I also liked the idea about choosing one trusted person to confide in--but be sure their lips are (and will stay) sealed! God bless!
Jessica,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried my first pregnancy at about 6 weeks. We hadn't told anyone yet, so I didn't really have a lot of real life support around me. I think the whole ezperience was more devastating for that.
When we got pregnant with our daughter, I started telling people right away. I knew, consciously, that superstitions aside, whether or not I tell people I'm pregnant has absolutely zero to do with whether or not I would miscarry my pregnancy. By telling people early, I made sure that if I were to miscarry again, I would have the support around me that I didn't have the first time. I actually posted my furst ultrasound, 5 weeks 3 days, on the fridge at work to announce it.
Sarah
I also had a miscarriage and got pregnant right away again. I thought I wouldnt tell anyone just in case but I am a blabber mouth! I would tell people when you are ready. Maybe you shouldnt tell everyone but maybe tell your mom or sister and ask them to keep it quiet from everyone else until you are ready to share with them. You need someone to talk to and confind in that isnt your husband because like you said he is a guy. So good luck with your pregnancy I hope everytyhing goes wonderful for you and your family!
Jessica: I went through the very same thing. I lost my first at 11 weeks, after I had just told everyone. My second pregnancy, I waited until I was 15 or 16 weeks before I let people know. Although your husband is a man(obvious), he has feelings too. Nothing made my husband more upset when I told him "you just don't understand, it's not your body", try to see it from his perspective. The miscarraige happened to him as well, and I am sure he is just as excited as you are. good luck.
It's really going to be up to you -- whatever you feel comfortable with. If you share the pregnancy and you have another miscarriage, they will share your pain, but they will also know to be supportive. If you don't tell ? I know people who have waited past the former miscarriage week to tell, but then again, sometimes the baby shows by then, so you have to tell anyway.
Two stories: I had a miscarriage. When I was in the ER, the obstetrician told me that my chances of having a normal pregnancy before the miscarriage were 3 to 1. 75%. My chances after having a miscarriage ? 75% of pregnancies are normal, and the fat that I'd had a miscarriage didn't change anything. That's the good news.
when my sister was prenant with #2, she was sick all 9 months, poor thing. But during that pregnancy she had 3 or 4 friends who had miscarriages. . . so she used to lie on the couch, felling miserable, while she watched her 2 yr old play on the LR floor, and when she felt her worst, she'd think, "I wouldn't feel this sick if I weren't still pregnant."
So, when you feel horrible, remember that the sickness is reminding you your body IS pregnant, and that's a good thing. It's also great to work from home, because you can deal with feeling sick without a whole office full of people watching.
Take each day as it comes, and share when you feel comfortable sharing. Sooner or later the family will figure it out, even if you don't tell them yourself. :-)
and good luck !
Wait. If family asks why you are not feeling well then just tell them that you think that u are fighting a cold off. It is that time of the year for the flu and everything else.
Since this is going to be a hard time to tell the family again. Why not wait till you find the sex out? Then have the ultra sound done in a post card and mail it to the family. It might seem mean, but they will get over it. It is hard enough being prego and haveing to hear everyone put the concerns out on the table for you.
Either way! Try not to stress easier said then done. Each time that we carry a child is a specail gift that comes to us when we least expect one.
Hi Jessica ~ Is there a close friend/sister/aunt who could support you until the time is right to let everyone know? Husbands are great but like you said they are guys. As far as timing, I believe that you and your husband will know when that is and I'm sure that the family will understand in your waiting. Praying for you, your family and this new little blessing.
blessings ~ Jamelyn
There is no rule on this. It's whenever you feel comfortable. You can wait to hear the heartbeat to tell your family and wait until you get through your first trimester to tell everyone else. It's really a personal choice. Best of luck to you.
I think that if you really want to tell the family you should I am sure they were supportive when you had a miscarriage so they will understand if you explain to them not to tell anyone slse until you reach the full 3 months. Use your judgement and trust.It is hard to keep such exciting news from family.Goodluck and remember the extra pregnancy hormones make you feel so sick and that is a very good sign !!!
having gpne thru my babygirl being stillborn i know what u feel.when we got ptrgnant again i was 40 we waited until the 20 week scan to tell except for my mom so i had her she understood my concerns i also joined a support group online,women pregnant after a loss and that was wonderful they understand fears etc.my miracle baby anthony turns 5 in 2 weeks and we are all still close friends online
This is definitely an individual choice. i have had several miscarriages. I can tell you, from experience, that waiting to tell people is hard. my husband and I chose to do that for my son, and this current pregnancy. With my son, we waited until a third ultrasound, which was about 11 weeks. For this pregnancy, we waited until i was about 10 weeks. With the others, we just told them that we lost the baby, which was also difficult.
i have a friend, who has had several miscarriages, who still tells people right away, only because she wants people to know why she is acting the way she is. She also figures if something happens she can tell one person, and they can tell the rest.
What was really hard for me, all times, was that i had no one to talk to. The only ones who knew were my husban and doctor and every time i felt llike anything was wrong, I couldn't tell anyone. My husband, although extremely supportive and sympathetic (and in the medical field), just didn't truly understnad my anxiety, so he was not that much of a help. Luckily, my doctor's office doesn't think I'm too crazy, and they answer all of my questions.
So, i guess, you have to do what is best for you. If you need someone to talk to, i would tell someone. Like I said, it's not any easier not telling, because you would have to tell others about the loss anyway (which, I will keep my fingers crossed, will not happen again).
Sorry this was so long. Good luck with your decision.
Teresa
First of all Congradulations! A pregancy is definatley something to celebrate, even if it's just you and your hubby right now. Many people have already chimed in on when you should let family and friends know, and it's definatley your choice.
I just wanted to suggest that an online support group, or even a group like International Mom's Club would help have more support. They're great things for building lasting friends and support for you and your 2 year old to have friends to play with, and the little one when he/she arrives.
Good luck and God Bless!
Hey: Be postitive and all will turn postitive! Most mention they are pregnant after their third trimester, that's when the miscarriage tendency is less likely. At this time of the year---to avoid telling, you could always blame it on ...allergies or just sniffles.
Best of luck.
Michelle
With my first pregnancy, I announced at 10 weeks after we had seen the heartbeat and miscarried shortly after. Then we told immediate family and waited until 15-16 weeks to tell friends and extended family. While I wanted to share my news, I could not stand to tell everyone about a miscarriage if it were to happen, so the fewer people whi knew the beter. I am 22 weeks pg right now and I announced to most family and friends only 2 weeks ago! Most were shocked I waited so long. We told our immediate family, parents & siblings, almost immediately because I needed help, I was so sick. Then we told people as we saw them and as needed. I belong to an online forum where you can talk with people in your same situation, it's really great, and helped with not telling people b/c I was talking about it daily. I belong to a due date forum for Spring 2009 Babies (which they consider February oddly enough). There are forums for everything, if you'd like more info just email me. Even though I've been through all of this before, it's still great to talk with people going through the exact same thing.
Jessica
I had a miscarriage about three years ago. It was hard and when I got pregnant about a year after the thought of having another was scarey. We decided to only tell my parents and certain siblings and my husbands mom. We want to keep things low but because I had an almost two year I was going to need some help. I was very sick with this pregnacy. Everyone kept reassuring me that being sick was a good thing and that it meant the baby was heathly. You and your husband need to sit down and talk about how sick you are and that you need someone to talk with. Its nice to have someone there to talk to and to help you out if you need it since you have a two year old. If you need to chat email me [email protected]. Hope you feel better soon. You will be in my prayers.
Hi Jessica,
I think this is a very personal decision, with no right or wrong answer. As a mom who's gone through 5 miscarriages (4 before my 1rst daughter, and 1 before my 2nd), I've been in your situation many times - wondering when to announce a pregnancy. The one thing that held true every time was that I wanted those closest to me (mom, sister, best friend) to know I was pregnant so that I could share my feelings, fears, joy, hope, and possibly grief with them, should a loss occur. The way I see it, if you'd tell your family or closest friend that you HAD a miscarriage, why not tell them before it happens so they can share in your grief and SUPPORT you if needed?! Grief is a very hard thing to bear without support. And yes, my husband WAS supportive, but NOT in the way a girlfriend/mom/sister can be. I don't understand keeping pregnancy a secret from your closest relatives and friends. With that said, after my 2nd loss, I never told acquaintances such as coworkers, neighbors, & causal friends about my pregnancies until I was well past the first trimester - somewhere around 16-18wks. I did not want to have to talk about my loss with anyone that I wasn't extrememly close with - it was too painful, but it HELPED me to be able to share that pain with my mom, sister, and BF.
Hope this helps!