My son is 6, we do not send him to sleepovers yet.
Nor have any at home, for him. Yet.
My daughter was 8 turning 9, when we had a sleepover for her. At OUR home. It was only, for her friends which we know very well, and their family.
My daughter is 10 now, and we only send her to sleepovers, with families we know VERY well. She knows that, she has no problem with that, and is very cognizant about safety/inappropriateness etc.
I am not, loosey-goosey, about where I send my daughter for sleepovers.
I don’t compare, my rationale with other Moms. It is MY… discretion.
That’s it.
I don’t care, what other girls her age are doing. Nor does my daughter. We do, what is appropriate for us. My daughter is not a keeping up with the Jones’ type anyway.
Once, a girl invited her over for a sleepover. I do not know the family well, but don’t have a good impression about them or their daughter. My daughter… had the same, “analysis” of it and the girl and her parents. We see them on campus and have talked lightly with each other before. But, I do not know them well… nor my daughter. So, my daughter did not go over there, for a sleepover. My daughter didn’t want to anyway. She didn’t “trust” the girl nor the parents enough. She has a good inner “radar” about things, too. I teach my daughter to trust… her instincts, as well.
Being nice and friendly, does not make anyone “safe” or trustworthy.
And if your radar is not comfortable with a family or parent or their child… then listen, to that.
AND TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER… too, and talk WITH her about these things. Too.
I have been teaching my kids about those things, since they were Toddlers. So that, once they are their ages now… they can “surmise” and discern… people and situations, too.
Once, a Mom told me about her 12 year old niece, that was at a sleepover party. During the night, she called her parents to pick her up. Why? Well, during the night, the family had other adults over, to their home. And the adults were partying. The kids’ parents, did not know… this was happening. They did not know, other adults were going to be there. And during the night, one of the men… went to the room the girls were sleeping in, and started touching her.
In your situation per your daughter: simply, talk to that girl’s Mom, and ask her… about it. What will they be doing, who will be there supervising, do they take a bath/shower there or at home prior to going over, what time is drop off and pick up, where will they be sleeping etc.
When I have sleepovers at my house for my daughter, I ALWAYS, let the parents come in, and I show them around and where the girls will be sleeping etc. I tell them everything. But, some parents, do not let you come in the house. And are reticent, about it. So…