Vacation - what would you do?

My husband's cousin is getting married in North Carolina in May. My husband isn't super close to the cousin but close enough that they will talk on facebook every few months or he will visit if he is in CA for whatever reason. We would love to go to see all of our family (almost all of my husband's family live in WI but will be flying to NC for the wedding because the bride's family is from NC). My in-laws really really want us to go. I have looked in to costs and just the flight, hotel and car would run us around 3K for our family of 5. This is for the cheapest flight with 2 connecting flights, which would mean 2 "vacation" days would be spent strictly on the travel portion alone. My husband can only take 2, possibly 3 days off of work at this time of the year so with the weekend we would be looking at a max of 3 days of actual visiting time and then 2 days of flying here and there to get there and back. I feel like there won't be much time for sight seeing etc. because I am sure most of those three days will be centered around wedding activities. My thoughts were to, instead, wait until the summer time and fly instead to WI to visit the family, when we can be there for a much longer span of time. My husband is a school district employee so he has about 5 weeks off in the summer. It would end up costing the same amount of money for us to stay 10 days because the difference in flight price is about 150 a ticket and that could be used towards more days at a hotel. I explained this to my in laws but they really feel that we should still go in May and go to the wedding. I know we would be missing the wedding but it just seems like so much money to spend for a trip that will be somewhat short and rushed. Plus if we go to WI instead we can see all of MY extended family, who is in North Illinois, whom haven't met my kiddos yet because I have not seen them in 6-7 years. On the flip side, a wedding only happens one time. My husband says he doesn't care either way. What would you guys do?

I’m with you, I say wait and fly directly to WI. A wedding doesn’t make for a good visit, and if you’re investing money and vacation time into the trip, you might as well make it memorable for you and your kids, as well as be able to see your family, all in one shot.

Your in-laws don’t get to have such strong opinions about it if they’re not helping to pay for it. :slight_smile:

I’d go to the wedding. It’s a special event plus it’s rare to have most of the family gathered together in one place at one time. You’ll get to see everyone in one trip. It’s alot of bang for the buck.

How close are you to the couple getting married? I would think they would certainly understand the costs involved and having to cut the trip short due to travel.

My instinct… is to go to WI in the summer and visit everyone, including your family.

Yes, some feelings might get hurt with the inlaws but you have to put YOUR family (your husband and children) as priority and do hat is best for you… not what someone is guilting you into… unless of course if the person guilting you into going to NC will pay all your expenses!!

This makes me so glad I don’t have to deal with inlaws…

Good luck

$3,000 for one day? No way. I’d skip the wedding with many apologies, a request for photos, a nice gift, and a promise to visit longer during the summer.

Would it work for one of you to attend the wedding? It would be nice to attend, but I don’t think I’ve attended any of my cousins’ weddings - we’re just not that close. If hubby did have a close relationship with this cousin, perhaps he could do a quick trip in/back - he might even be able to stay with someone and save on hotel cost since it would just be him. Then you could all do the longer family vacation when he has the time.

I’m in the wait until summer camp. :slight_smile:

First, I would talk to my husband. It is his family, after all. And his parents pushing for you to go to the wedding. I think what you would like to do (wait and go in the summer and see BOTH families) is the smarter thing to do, given that you have a budget to live within. If your husband agrees, then HE needs to explain that is your (together) decision to his parents and decline the wedding invitation to his cousin. Unless he and this cousin are SUPER close, then it isn’t probably going to be a big deal to the cousin, and the cousin will presumably be quickly on the road to learning compromise with his new wife’s family and THEIR agenda on how he and new wife spend their time, lol.

If your husband is wishy washy, you need to lay out your case. Yes, the wedding only happens once (hopefully, right?), but they also are going to be highly focused on themselves (rightfully so) and so will everyone else. Hardly the most fiscally responsible way to spend that travel money, in my opinion.
Perhaps a compromise might work if husband absolutely can’t abide missing the wedding: let HIM go alone. Then you can all go next summer (to WI).

Is this a cousin that DH is close to? If not, he should tell the ILs that it’s not feasible - there isn’t the time or funds to do it. I specify “time” as well because even if they offer to chip in, that’s time he cannot afford off. If it’s someone he’s close to, I’d be more willing to make the effort. I have not been able to make all the weddings I wanted (time or money or both). You wish them well and send your regrets. If you would instead go to see your family, then you blow your time argument, so I would not trade WI for North Carolina if you are thinking about the same timeframe. Can you possibly see your family with the kids without DH? Maybe drive or take a train to help costs?

I would mail my regrets to the bride and groom. It is just too much money to spend for such a short, rushed trip.

I would skip the wedding and take the extended trip over the summer. I understand that your in-laws want for you to be there and if this was his sibling I would say go to the wedding. His cousin? No. My cousin got married in Detroit three summers ago. Same exact situation. My parents REALLY wanted us to be there, but the cost and the time were prohibitive. We sent our regrets and a nice gift. A wedding happens once in a lifetime, but there will be pictures and you can always visit them at a later point in time. The odds are pretty good that you won’t be “visiting” with them anyway and I assure you that while they will be disappointed, they WILL understand.

We were in a similar situation last summer. I went to the wedding by myself (I was in the wedding) and my husband stayed home with the kids. I literally flew down late Thursday night and home early afternoon Sunday to be there for the wedding.

If your inlaws are willing to offset the cost of the flights, then have your husband go the wedding alone. Otherwise, send along your apologies, best wishes and maybe a slightly larger gift than you would have sent had you attended!

I would skip the wedding for sure. I’m sure they will understand.

I’d visit in the summer.
My Mom taught school for 30 years and we never did anything during the school year.
We saved everything for summer time and it worked out fine.

I wouldn’t go to the wedding.

Skip the wedding and if you want to go to visit in the summer, do so then. I wouldn’t do the flight and added expenses right now. Send a gift and tell them you will visit soon.

We’d be going during the summer. Sorry MIL, but you don’t get everything you want!! You have to do what makes more sense for your family situation. You are right that you would not be able to do sight seeing because I’m sure there will be wedding adventures going on.

Go with your gut.

M

If its too much money, then its too much money. Send your husband alone, if he’ll go for that, a nice gift, and a “wish we could be there” note.

Anything that costs over $1K should be used/enjoyed by the entire family, and if the whole family can’t participate, then wait until you can.

I would go over the summer for a longer time to see all the family…yours too!

Your plan sounds much better. To expect you to fly your family cross country for a cousin’s wedding is a ridiculous expectation.Several of my cousins live in other states and I had no expectation that they would come to our wedding, and they didn’t even have kids. With kids? No way!

Your plan does sound much much better for everyone around! :slight_smile: I know they want to see you all at the wedding, but what a long/short/rushed trip that would be and very tiring for the kids too. I would go in the summer where you all can take your trip, relax and enjoy everyone around you, site see, and the kids can have time to have fun too. Do what you think is best for your family. Don’t accommodate someone else. I know we all would like to make everyone in our family happy, but when you’re across the country, then you need to really think about all aspects of the trip and what would be best…as you have already. :slight_smile: Go in the summer, and don’t feel guilty. :slight_smile: Send a wedding gift through the mail, and a card with a letter inside that apologizes for your absence, but instead you all will be there in the summer so that you can spend more time with them. :smiley: