Hello. I am looking for some suggestions on this issue I am having. I am not a big believer in all the parenting books out there and have done most of my mothering according to my own intuition, which has worked well for us. But I am stuck with this one. My son is almost two years old and he still gets a bottle at bedtime, and sometimes at naptime. I still nurse him like once or twice a day, but I don't think he's getting much milk from me anymore. His dad and I seperated about four months ago and I didn't want to make any other major changes for him until I knew he was doing OK with our seperation. Things have gone amazingly well for all of us. His dad and I still spend lots of time together with him and he sees his dad almost everyday. He does stay at his house once or twice a week, so this is another part of the puzzle with taking the bottle away. Anyway, I know I will have to let him cry and suffer a little bit while I do this, and I can't bear to hear him cry for long. He's just such a sweet, sensetive, and good natured little boy, he rarely cries at all. Thanks for reading all of this! Any suggestions would be great!
I just sent this response to the other request today about falling asleep without the boob. The Ferber book might help you as well.
At 7 months old I let my first daughter cry it out at night since she was still nursing every 2 hours! The doctor said her weight was enough that she did not truly need it anymore, it was just a habit. I fed her at midnight when I went to bed, then at 2 PM I just let her cry and did not go in (seems cruel now). She cried for 4 hours straight, 4 nights in a row and after that she slept through the night from midnight to about 6 AM. With my second daughter the theory had changed and I used the Ferber method (http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp.... He tells you to go in after 5 minutes of crying the first night and not pick up or feed, just soothingly talk or pat their back. The second time you go in you wait 10 minutes, then 15, then 20 etc. The second night you start with going in after 10 minutes, then 15, 20, 25, etc. This method took 14 days before she slept through the night, so a lot more work intensive but somewhat less abrupt since she did get to see me but did not get fed. For naps they had blankets and bears and I just rubbed their backs and sang a song and then left. Seemed to work for both, although the 2nd gave up napping at about 3 years old since there was an interesting toddler walking around that wasn't going to bed. Ferber's book addresses many other sleep issues (night terrors, sleep walking, etc.) Good luck. Cato
They are 12 and 9 now and have no sleep issues at all.
I was really nervous to take away my son's bottle before bedtime when he was 16 months old because we had just had a second baby, but it was surprisingly easy. What I did was I gave him a cup with a straw that he could drink from while we read to him. And he was totally fine with this. He still had his binky when he fell asleep which probably helped.
I bet it won't be as bad as you are thinking...and at 2 I am sure that you have heard that it is not good for his teeth to still drink from a bottle. So, if he does have a hard time with it, you can ease your guily by knowing that this is a good thing for him.
Try putting juice or water in the bottle instead. Once my DD realized milk was no longer in the bottle she gave it up without a fight!
She LOVES a straw, so try that instead before nap and before bedtime. Do one at a time - start with nap, and once he is used to it, do it at night.
Good luck!
This will be easier than you think. Sometimes we put our own feelings infront of all of this thinking it will be upsetting to the child and it's more about us. I have one child where I did not take away the bottle until 2 and he now has the worst teeth and it's worse now at 6 1/2 having to take him to the dentist to have cavities filled .. and he has had 6 of them with 2 more left to go! I would do one thing at a time, I would not go totally cold turkey .. it seems like Naptime would be the best to start with, plus stop nursing. If he isn't getting any benefit from it then I would stop. Purchase a stuffed toy like a Beanie Baby, you need to give him another comfort object instead of the bottle. And last the bedtime one, give him a sippy cup with a stopper in it with ONLY water .. that will help and if he likes to hold his bottle for comfort, it's only water and you don't have to worry about his teeth.
I am not a licensed professional but it's tough enough going through separation. But by doing this will help him grow up a bit and get him to the next stages with toddlerhood and then it will be potty training soon which is another task if he doesn't want to do it.
Good Luck but you can do it. Just pick yourself up from your bootstraps and do it!
You have to just take it away. He shouldn't have a bottle before going to sleep anyways. It's bad for his teeth. He obviously knows how to drink from a cup so you really just need to get rid of it. You'll also have to talk to his father about it so there's consistency. If you want to make it go a little easier you could try getting him something to replace his bottle. Discuss it with your son and let him know bottles are for babies and he has to give his up for the other babies to have bottles. Let him go to the store and pick out a toy or stuffed animal or blankie or something else to sleep with. Then you could make kind of a ceremony of giving up the bottle. Or instead of a pacifier fairy you could do a bottle fairy. The fairy comes and takes the bottle and leaves him something else instead. Talk with him ahead of time and let him know that the bottle fairy is going to come and leave him another "lovey" and take his bottle for the baby. You really just need to quit cold turkey though. There might be some objection. If your son is sensitive though he might want to give his bottles to the babies. So what you could do is bring him to a hospital and go to the maternity ward or a children's hospital or something and have him hand over his bottle (you make it a ceremonial thing with his bottles and have some new ones ready to hand over to the nurse). That you might have to call ahead of time to see if they'd accept that sort of donation. Or a shelter or something might be a good place to bring bottles to. Call around to children's centers to see. You might be really surprised by your son's willingness to give something up though.
I had success by gradually (over a couple of weeks) watering down what I gave in the bottle until it was all water. At the same time encouraging an attachment to a stuffed animal. :)
I'm going a completely different direction here.
Ever thought of Child Led Weaning? Not a popular theory but a gentle way to respect both of your needs. Read a bit here :
http://www.borstvoeding.com/voedselintroductie/blw/engels.html
I like this quote from that website:
Continuing to give milk feeds 'on demand' during the weaning period will have the added advantage of allowing the baby to decide how and when to cut down his milk intake. As he eats more at shared mealtimes, so he will 'forget' to ask for some of his milk feeds, or will take less at each feed. There is no need for his mother to make these decisions for him.
REgarding comfort nursing (I've got this going on with my 16 mo [lost bm early on but never stopped trying/she still comfort nurses):
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html
"Comfort nursing serves a purpose, too. Studies seem to indicate that this type of sucking overall decreases a baby's heart rate and lets him relax. It seems to have a very positive effect on his whole physical and emotional well-being. Don't be afraid to allow this type of nursing. Breastfeeding is more than just imparting fluids and nourishment. It's a way to nurture your child as well.
"My toddler wants to comfort nurse forever when he's trying to fall asleep.
Sometimes we start to question ourselves (again, perhaps) when we have a nursing toddler who wants to hang out at the breast for hours at bedtime, without ever quite falling asleep. Have you ever had one of those nights when you keep trying to slip away, thinking your toddler is asleep, to be interrupted by a sleepy protest every time you try to unlatch? The later at night it is, the more you can start to doubt yourself and wonder if "they" might have been right about that "bad habit."
Both of my kids have gone through stages of time (often teething or illness related) when they wanted to stay latched forever, but remember that these are usually just stages that come and go. If you are willing to let your toddler continue to nurse to sleep, rest assured that he will learn to fall asleep on his own, in his own time.
What if the comfort nursing is becoming uncomfortable for you, or if you just feel that you'd like to move away from it? If you're experiencing discomfort, pull your child closer in and check on latch and positioning - remember that even constant comfort nursing should not be uncomfortable if latch and positioning are as they should be (assuming you're not pregnant). If you feel the need to gently ease away from nursing to sleep, then go ahead and do so (see above for tips) - nursing is a two-way street and there is no reason not to have some basic age-appropriate "nursing rules" for toddlers. But don't feel that you need to change things just because someone wants to "guilt" you into it -- it's only a problem if it's adversely affecting your family."
It sounds like your babe just needs to reconnect with you via comfort nursing and at least they're getting their sucking needs met with a bottle. It also sounds like the family is going through a stressful time; since you have found ways to comfort yourself, why not your babe?
I don't personally subscribe to the whole bad teeth from a bottle thing (another non-mainstream theory); as I understand it, teeth, their strength and health, are determined while in utero. You're born with strong teeth or you aren't. It's just too inconsistent which babes have baby bottle tooth decay and which ones don't. There are babies whose parents do everything 'right' after birth (breast feeding, teeth cleaning, no sugar, etc.) and have massive tooth decay and others who just don't. That said, I don't let my dd fall asleep with a bottle of milk to pool on her teeth at night... but I don't get up and brush them either.
Good luck Mama, you're doing great!
I agree, use water in the bottle, and maybe change the bedtime routine to bath, pj's, a story, etc. Milk sugar is a huge issue when teeth develop...Maybe let him know there will be a sippy cup beside his bed (with water), if he gets thirsty, reassure him with love (I'm sure you do), and that he is getting bigger every day...you know what to do!!! good luck.
I had seven children. I did ( do ) NOT believe in taking away bottles or breast.
There is so much more to sucking than whatever is going into their tummies.
It is a source of comfort, of strength, in the case of BF, love, security, ect ect.
If a child can have breast/bottle when they feel the need, then they can face the day. It is their refuge.
Two years is the weaning year. Has been for twenty thousand years. This means sometime between two and three years old most children will no longer need to nurse.
As in everything , each individual child has their own time schedule they follow.
I have had, from my seven children and fourteen grandchildren...some that outgrew nursing as early as fifteen months, and I had one little guy who came home from kindergarten for his bottle of orange juice. That lasted , if I recall correctly, until Thanksgiving. There was another little boy in my boy's class who had a bottle of milk when he got home and one at bedtime...he gave it up after New Year.
I had one that , at three , ( probably because he had a new brother ) would want to nurse for a couple minutes now and again and he had stopped nursing a year earlier. That did not last long...lol
I never made a fuss about this issue, breast or bottle, never "took it away" never lectured about it to the child.
It is my heartfelt belief that if they did not need it they would not pursue it and they all will give it up when they no longer need it.
Most of mine gave up nursing between two and three years of age.
I think your little guy may be in great need of this comfort at this time. His whole world has just turned upside down and four months is a relatively short time with all that is going on in his life.
My best advice would be to go along with him, bottle and nursing , as long as he needs to.
Now, that being said...you have this wonderful little boy, this man whom you seem to still highly regard, you are friends, he is with you both every day.
Is there a possibility of reforming your little family?
In this broken world today I think children need all the stability parents can provide.
Every child should have, by birthright, a mother and father who love them and who are there, a stable home and family.
From my age I can tell you that I have yet to meet a child of divorced parents who was not deeply scarred by that divorce no matter how "amicable" it appears to be.
There are two just causes for divorce, one being infidelity ( if the injured spouse cannot forgive ) and abuse...either physical or mental.
Other than those, most problems can be solved, can be worked out, compromises can be made, contentment found.
I do not know your personal situation so these are rather broad generalities.
I do wish you the best and God bless
Grandmother Lowell
PS in response to Christine..you are right..of my seven who had bottle every night if they wanted it...one had weak enamel and due to some sort of medication , at forty four lost her teeth. NONE of my children had any problems with their teeth from their bottles. Juice or milk. No buck teeth, no cavities. IN fact in a photo of all seven they look like an ad for toothpaste.
My son is 21 months old and still takes a bottle of water with him to bed at night and at nap time. We switched it to water when he turned 1. He absolutly loves it to soothe himself and has nothing to do with what is inside it. He would be happy with an empty bottle. My husband says we should take it from him, I say he is too young to push it. I think he will give it up when he doesn't need it. The water doesn't hurt his teeth, it's the same as a pacifier so why make an issue out of it? (At least it's how I feel) I say switch to water and see how that first step goes and take it from there. Good luck.
At his age, it's time to visit the dentist for the first time. Make an appointment, explaining about the bottle issue. This will be something that any good children's dentist has experience with. About a week before the date start discussing this with your son. Explain who the dentist is, what they do and why everyone needs to go.
At the apt. bring up the bottle, the dentist will tell your son why he shouldn't have one at bedtime.
On the ride home tell your son that you need to get rid of all of his bottles, stressing how bad it is for his teeth! You could even stop and buy a few new cups just for him.
Throw all his bottles away with him. Let him help.
Then comes the hard part... stick to your guns. My cousins kids went happily along with this program, never having a problem. But if he still asks for a bottle at bedtime, you can fall back on all of the things you had talked about that day. Refer to the dentist and blame it all him/her!! You can even sympathize a little bit, but stick to the rule.
Good luck,
Sarah
I would say "continue to follow your instinct", whatever that may be. I have an almost 2 yo daughter (adopted at 14 months from Vietnam). She adores her bedtime bottle!! I have no intention of changing that routine for her in the near future. A couple of things I have done to counteract the "negative effects" are: give her the bottle on the couch, THEN go brush her teeth and THEN go sit in her room and read books. I also started introducing the Nuby brand BPA-free sippy cup, which looks vaguely like a bottle, and have been calling it a "baba cup", and giving that to her at other times of the day and sometimes before her nap; It has introduced a different concept and she sometimes requests her "baba cup" now. Good luck with whatever choice you make.
If he is almost 2 instead of using sippy cups (another bad habbit) just use a regular open cup with him there are children at my 2 year olds playgroup that are just over 1 and have their snack time drink in a dixie cup. It really isn't good for his teeth to still be having a bottle unless of course you are brushing after he has it. Before the day is over he will forget that you took away the bottles he might fuss and be hard to get down for a nap for a few days but he will be fine.
Hi, my daughter is almost 27 months old and it has been over a month that she is without bottle. until that she had always bottle before bed. Then one day we went and buy new special cups for her milk (we talked about it a lot that day and on the way to the store, at the store and on the way home.. etc..) and she gets milk in them downstairs and it worked great for us. She asked about her bottle only the first night and I told her that she already had her milk in her SPECIAL cups downstairs because now she is a big girl and that was it for us. Good luck with it and sometimes our kids surprise us and things go better than we thought...
i am in the midst of the same process...my son is off day bottles but not night...my dr suggested giving him water in the bottles instead of milk...that has worked a bit...getting him off daytime bottles first would be a good start and then you would only have nighttime to deal with...goodluck
Hi,
Similar situation, my daughter was mainly weened off the bottle at 13 months, except for bedtime. At 20 months, we weaned her off of these bedtime bottles. We followed our normal routine (milk/cuddle/reading on mamma's bed followed by cleaning her teeth and then going into her own bed) except that now she has her milk in a sippy cup. I have a special, just before bed cup with her favorite cartoon character and make a really big deal of it, etc. She was fussy the first few nights, but is fine now. Hope this helps.