Is "time out" not appropriate for a 16 month old with tantrums? Is he too young? I have read others that say putting a child in their crib for "time out" isn't good because you want the crib to be a happy place for him to go to sleep. If that is true, does anyone have suggestions for a good way of doing "time out" for a 16 month old who doesn't sit still?
I personally think it's too young. He won't get it. But you can always try. Or you can just let him have his tantrum and ignore him. After 19 years of parenting, I'm VERY good at tuning things out.
My daughter is 16 month old and I think she is definitely too young for time outs. I think around 2 years old they can start to understand discipline.
Jessica,
It depends on the child, but usually when they are having a tantrum at that age, it is because they are frustrated and don't know how to tell you what they want/need. I suggest in the throws of a tantrum, calmly get down on your child's level and ask them to show you what they want/need. Tell him that you understand they are upset- and listen to what he says. If he doesn't calm down right away, walk away and ignore the behavior. Usually they will see that you aren't paying attention and they stop and move on-or they just get it out of their system. Take care.
Molly
I also wondered if I should be putting my son in time out. He is 19months old now, but I think I started around 16mon., but only when he was being so difficult that I was the one that really needed the time out. course he would never sit still in a regular chair. Since I had a bouncy seat that turns into a toddler chair that has a buckle I started to use that. I heard you should only do it for 1min for every year they are. Of course he did not understand yet, but I figured maybe if I started him young enough he would get used to just sitting for a few min. When he throws a tantrum it seems to work best for me to just walk a way, or try and find out what it is he wants.
I have very rarely put him in timeout until more resentaly when it seems like he was testing me. One day I did it three times. One right after the other, because everytime he would get out of the chair he would go back to do the thing I had been telling him not to do. Every time I would leave him just a little bit longer. By the way he hated being strapped into the chair. I was starting to feel like I should just stop trying. When I went in the 3 time I just looked at him this time and said nothing. He looked at me and said wawa no,no,no,no(he calls water wawa). I was so proud of him, after he got out of the chair he started to play with something else. Later on he decided to go back to what he was not suppose to do and walked over and said no,no,no,no. I told him what a good boy he was and took him somewhere else to play. So that has been my experience so far.....
Whatever you do if it's a timeout, or just remove him from what he is doing, ignor him or tell him no. Make sure you stick to it and stay firm. The earler they know that you mean what you say the better. It is so hard when they look at you with those tears in there eyes you feel so bad, but I think it is much better to do it young. It will only get harder... Best of luck to you..
A little young, but my son was not much older when we started them.
I think I got the idea from my pediatrician and in a handout she gave me at a check up he had at 16 mos.
We have a time out chair in the living room. I set the timer on the stove and tell him he can get up when the timer goes off. We started out with 1 minute. When he turned 2, we went to two minutes--unless mommy needs a time out.
Now if he does something that is not okay, he will sometimes go to the chair on his own. We use the crib as a time out place if he chooses to move off the chair, scream, or as mentioned above when his father or I need a time out.
As far as I can tell this has not caused problems with going to the crib at bedtime. It may be because during time outs in the crib, I do not close the door or turn off the lights.
There is also the concept of a time in. Similar, but the child is held. I'm sure you can find info about this on line.
I think that was about the age I also started time outs as a way to establish boundries. I used a porta crib put in my room so nothing negative would be felt about her room or bed. I feel it really helped her learn boundries and to respect that mommy says and gain control of her emotions . It gives me a consistant way to deal with miss behavior so no confusion. I use the warning and 1,2,3. Now she is amost 3 and we use a chair. probley switched to a chair around 2 years old.We also don't have to do time out very often any more. Now my other 2 childern time outs did not work for. My son went totaly wild like an animal so I knew that wasn't good for him to be in that state, and my first daughter was perfectly happy in time out , clueless that she was in trouble. Just so you know all childern are different. But if time outs work for your son I think they are a great help in teaching right from wrong and self control.We always follow up with a talk and a hug.
There was a ladybug rug in my daughter's room that we used for Time Out. I would sit her on the carpet and remind her why she was in Time Out. She never really associated the carpet with a TO...she played on it, rested on it, etc.
To this day, I will ask her to sit on the carpet (stairs) if a TO is needed. She hates the isolation and that is what is about for her. She knows if she goes there, it's serious and takes it to heart.
S
I'm sure you'll get all sorts of opinions on when to begin disciplining your child. Go with what you feel fits your situation best. No one else knows your son like you do. Personally, I believe most children are able to understand the right sort of discipline very early on (perhaps even earlier than 16 months). Why is he throwing tantrums in the first place? If he's frustrated because of a communication or skill difficulty then perhaps you could help teach him a means to communicate or help him learn how to do what's puzzling him. If what's going on truly is deserving of disciplinary action, try putting him in his high chair facing a wall for about a minute. I agree that where he sleeps is not a good place for time-outs. My daughter is also a very busy child and putting her in a chair wasn't an option as she wouldn't stay in it. Good luck with this one. They're all angels until the tantrums hit, aren't they :)
Hi Jessica,
I also responded to your other posting :o)
I believe you should trust in your instincts. It sounds like you believe he is too young, and I do agree with you.
BUT.... it doesn't mean that you can't start getting ready for Timeouts :o) Get "the chair"....one that he cannot hurt himself on (in case he REALLY gets wild). And a Timer, I used the Microwave timer because it was "out of his control". I was told, that when I gave Timeouts, I was the one in charge, but if I used a timer, then my kids would relate "mommy is not in control of the timer" only the chair.....
If I gave a Timeout for 20 seconds with one son, it was "torture", but my youngest, it wasn't enough and didn't phase him. Each child will respond differently. But the first Timeout should be "short"....they need to know that Timeouts are for calming them down and taking a break from what's getting them into trouble. If it's short enough, then they "hear" the beeping and know and reassured that it doesn't last forever. You HAVE to earn their trust for it to be successful.
Timeouts worked better in my home when I used them as a source of calming down, instead of total punishment.
I had to have a "chair for mommy" at one point. We both had to sit in Timeout because I was so mad. My rules were simple, no talking to eachother (that doesn't include crying to oneself), and no leaving the chair. So, we would sit there in silence together. I had to explain that Mommy was getting too angry, that I had better have a Timeout. My kids understood that because of their Timeouts.
Trial and Error.....Trial and Error :o) There is truly something to say for those words :o)
Good Luck, Jessica :o)
I don't see a reason why you can't do timeouts although I not sure if he will understand what it is all about. I would do it and see if it works but it must be consistant.
For my son we sat him on the floor. And, for him it was the worst punishment ever. We would say " Do you need to sit on the floor? And he would stop. As he got a bit older we would put him in time out, in a chair. He knew that was the time out chair. Now he is 22 months and he gets time out for about 1 1.2 minutes in the same place at our house if he hits or bites his 6 month old sister. Best of luck and just stay consistent with whatever method you decide.
PS ask your sitter to continue to have the same method you choose for your little one. That way everyone has the same discipline style.
Time out isn't just a negative consequence but a tool to ehlp the child regain his composure. My oldest son rarely had tantrums but my second son was a head banger and my third one is very strong willed and easily bored. Time outs have been a terrific tool for all three and I started with them about as soon as they could walk. Yesterday, my two year old put himself in time out after dumping out a box of cars just to make a mess, which I thought was pretty cute. If my child won't go to time out, I physically put him in time out. If he won't stay there, I hold him in the chair until he says "OK" or "yes" when I ask him if he's ready to obey or stop yelling or stop hitting or whatever. On the occaision he just can not get himself under control and violently resists being held in time out, then I will put him in his room (which has a baby gate) until he'd done screaming (a port a crib works well too). Once you've established this pattern for a week, I've found it rarely escalates past being sent to time out unless the child is tired. Then, I read him a story and put him to bed.
The whole goal is to stop the undesirable behavior and to establish both your authority and his ability to correct his course of behavior. For a 1 year old, I rarely keep him in time out for a full minute. I end the time out as soon as the storm has passed.
If your son is frustrated due to a difficulty communicating (so common for this age), try to teach him a few signs. For instance, have him point at what he wants and say "please" or "help."
The battle with tantrums starts now and usually continues until the child is about 4. They just don't have the maturity and perspective to regulate their emotions until about four. That means the goal isn't to prevent all cries of disappointment and frustration, but to help them get themselves back under control as quickly as possible. Time out is a tool to help them.
I've been using a large(24"x24") pillow on the floor. I covered the pillow with cloulds and call it the calming pillow. When my child gets frustrated or doesn't listen to our words she is instructed to go the the calming pillow. I wouldn't advise the crib where he sleeps and/or naps. You may end up with sleep issues. Try calling it something else besides time out. Try something like quiet moment, reflection time or something with a more relaxed feel.Best of luck to you.
I'm gonna respond to both of your postings....I'd say 16 months is kinda young to for time outs, mostly cuz he won't really understand why. You can certainly start teaching what is acceptable & unacceptable behavior so if for example, he throws a toy, briefly tell him no throwing then distract him or move onto another activity. The key is not too many words. And, yep, temper tantrums at this age are completely normal & common. You're probably right on the mark that he's frustrated w/either his inability to communicate or to get something to work. Mayber try to give him simple words to help him express himself & either you help him or move onto another activity. When our oldest son (now 7.5 yrs) was this age, he would have horrible tantrums, too. Most of the time, I'd remove him from the activity & sit & snuggle w/him. This seemed to work w/him for a long time as his preschool teachers did this same thing when he got over-whelmed or over-stimulated. It stills works somewhat cuz, really, I think what he wants is some one-on-one time. Then & now, we encourage him to take some time to himself & take deep calming breaths. So, maybe sit w/your son & take deep breaths yourself & either he'll start doing the same thing or feeling your deep breathing may help him calm down. Hope this helps & good luck!
I started time outs with my daughter around the same age. I would sit her down in a corner and tell her she was in a time out and tell her why and I would stay there at the same level with her - this was to help her understand she had to stay there until the time out was over. I started by only putting her there for about 15 seconds and then teaching her to say sorry. At 19 months I only have to tell her that she is in a time out and she will go to a designated spot in any room of the house and stay there until I tell her she can come out - which is usually about a minute (sometimes longer if she continues to misbehave) and then she will come give me a hug and say she is sorry.
I think when Evan has a tantrum, you should just totally ignore it and go about your business. As in fold and distribute clean laundry, wash dishes, etc.STAY BUSY.This reinforces that you are not hearing him. Remember at this age, they really believe the world DOES revolve around them.
And it will again, when the tantrum STOPS.
He is too little for time out. It is ok to leave the room too, but mostly act like he is not even there, you are busy, and you do NOT hear it. Your husband MUST do the same thing or this will not work. 100% IGNORE IT. DO NOT use the crib, you're right about that. Leave Evan right where the problem starts after saying, Come get mommy/daddy when you are done fussing. Then get busy & ignore. If he stops on his own without fetching you, GREAT! Go to him, and act normal, pick him up and LOVE him like normal. Dont go to him til he is okay agian, this will be hard esp the first few times.
Remember if that behavior gets ANY attention, the tantrums will only increase. So he will learn pretty quickly that it isnt effective, and in fact when I stop, Mom and Dad are so happy with me.
This is just his first lil lesson in problem solving & self soothing. If you follow this advice, it should stop within a week.
Hi Jessica,
I have a 20 mo old who I started time outs with around 14 mo. I found that using a playpen in a different area of the house like the dining rm has worked great. His 4 yr old sister gets them there too. Its about consistancy and I have found that they are understanding it well. They get it for however old they are so for him I do a min and a half. I then explain to him why he was in time out and ask him to say sorry. Usually he does. So just stay with it, find somewhere else in the house to do time out and I think you'll be fine. I started with the play pen cuz they cant get out! :) LOL
Good Luck and let me know if you try it and it works...
Jessica,
I am going through the exact same thing! My guy was born on the 6th of March. It has been the past two months for us. Mine is totally frustrated and very clingy. Tantrums are part of the routine, too. Can't wait to see what advice you get!
Jen
I don't think he's too young for a SHORT time-out. About 2 minutes max. But you do need to find an alternative to the crib. I agree that the crib should not be used to punish because they will then have a negative association and you certainly don't want that at bedtime. Does he have a playpen? A highchair? I think either one of those would work. My daughter-in-law used to put my granddaughter in a chair and then just sit there and kind of hold her in place. After a few times, she got to know what time-out was about and then she would not have to be held in place - she would stay there knowing that the time-out would end soon and she'd be allowed to get back up. It's just a matter of training!