My 14-yr old daughter wants to have her lip pierced. She has standard ear piercings now. Is it safe? What is the healing process like (after the piercing)? What if she later decides she doesn't want it any more? Where should we go to have it done? I want her to express herself, and I take the responsibility seriously (as in I have to sign the permission for her to have it done and hold the responsibility of the decision for her).
Yikes. I don't believe piercings (other than a single pair in the ears) are "self expression", but rather trying to fit in with the wrong crowd, and doing what "everyone" else seems to be doing. I'm not sure that any good comes from it, but certainly a lot of potential for infection, scarring and other issues. Then she'll wonder why people look at her funny and why it's harder to get a job and fit in with polite society. Not to mention that she may have all the more desire for continued self mutilation (navel, nipples, eyebrows, labia, tongue, tattoos, where does it end?) How often do we see a person with just one oddity - usually there are a multitude, seen and unseen.
If that's all my kid had to think about and aspire to, I'd be looking for something more fulfilling in life for her, like volunteer work, a job with a goal in mind (i.e. saving for college or a car...) or worthwhile hobbies or interests, rather than focusing on self/me/me/me, media, and punks at school (where else would she be getting the idea to do it?)
No offense meant, but as parents I believe we are supposed to be leaders, not just giving in to the whim of the moment just to appease the children (which is not real happiness). At the very least, I'd say she could make that choice when she was an adult AND no longer living in my home, AND self supporting. That's when she'll be responsible enough to make such a decision for herself.
I personally see nothing wrong with piercings (or tattoos, as the other mom railed against).
Honestly, the cleanest, safest place to get a piercing is to have it done by a professional. They often work in tattoo shops. They will use a sterile needle and will provide aftercare instructions. As far as what to expect for the piercing itself, check out this video:
http://video.about.com/tattoo/What-Happens--Lip-Piercing.htm
A lip piercing CAN hinder the ability to get a job. I see it as self-expression and it has nothing to do with fitting in with the "wrong crowd". I have several piercings and am also tattooed but I did it for me, not for anyone else. If she later decides she doesn't want the piercing she can remove it and the skin usually heals, but there is a risk of scarring (just as there is on the ears).
I dont know that I'd let a 14 year old get that kind of piercing, I suppose it would depend on the maturity of the child and her reasons for wanting it. If you aren't sure about the decision to let her get it, then follow your gut and wait. There are other ways she can express herself until you are comfortable with it. The piercing can always end up being a surprise sweet 16 gift or something if you later change your mind.
Put aside everything that everyone else is telling you and reflect on it - what do your instincts tell you? Follow them, they will rarely lead you astray!
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I filled my ears up with holes when I was in high school. After the fad passed a few years later, I have never worn earrings in those other holes since (and they are still there many years later). Ears may be different than lips, but I would just worry that it would leave a mark on my face where it used to be. Something to think about...
I had a bunch of college kids that worked for me that went out and had a body piercing party one payday. Some of them got eyebrow piercings some of them got their lips or tongue pierced. The lip piercings seemed to be the less troublesome of them all, but three of the kids "rejected" the piercings. Their bodies would not accept the piercings and they ended up having to take the piercings out. They swelled up, turned colors. It was pretty gross. If she were mine, I think I would make her wait until she is 18. Then she can make that decision and pay for it.
My son wanted his lip pierced at 15. I checked into it at the local tattoo shop and as it turns out in some states it is illegal to have a minor's lip pierced(even with signed parental consent) since it is considered a sexual piercing. At first my son wanted to do what 'everyone else' was doing and have a friend pierce it...But I've managed to talk him out of that. He is now almost 17 and no longer wants this piercing. He is still in a band and expressing himself as an individual, even considering piercing his ear now, but without the rush decision to do the lip peircing.
the best thing to let your children express themselves is to tell them "no". She is still a child and looking to you for guidance. Do you really think this is a good idea. Think how other people will look at her and judge her. I know that is wrong, but that is real. It puts an automatic thought of a punk, or trouble. And,w hat does that say to the siblings? She is, I am sure, a bright, beautiful, young lady just coming into her own. Let her do that kind of a decision when she is 18 and sure this is what she wants, and not just a fad. Jobs are hard to come by too, with that look. Fast food should not be a career. Good luck and God bless.
sorry but i don't agree. let her wear weird cloths or something that is going to scare her body. or tell her she can get it done when she has enough money saved up fo plastic surgery when she doesn't want it anymore. my 24 yr. old has bad scares from as a 20something he said it was "who i am". no money to fix it now. good luck. i just feel like there are so many positive way to express your self then to scare yourself. mom of seven. ours have to be 18. before piercings and tatoos. god bless ruth
Wow. I was actually really surprised by some of the responses to this question. I have to say that I completely understand the concern some posters are having over her age and maybe it would be best to wait. Sometimes kids have a way of wanting something for a while, maybe because of friends and all, and then changing their minds. I remember trying so many different activities as a child because I'd want to do it and then decide I wanted to try something different. My parents finally said that I had to stick with something for a while. Anyway, the comments that surprised me were the ones about people judging your daughter or assuming she was a bad kid or hanging with a bad crowd. I'm not saying that wont happen, but do you really care. I mean, I know none of us wants others to think bad of our kids. However, the fact is that you know you child and you know if she's good or bad. Others that really know her know the same thing. Those are the people that matter. About the job thing, I think I can help you on that end. While I was in the military I got tattoos on both of my forearms. These are not small and they do not go unnoticed, though they are not like full sleeves either. When I first got out of the military and had job interviews I would wear long sleeves so that the employer wouldn't judge me solely on that. Then I realized that I still had to tell them about the tattoos and then I felt deceptive. I also came to the decision that if they judged me based on that alone I probably didn't want to work for them anyway. The point being that I wanted them to like me for who I was as a person. I have always, however, let the person know that I had no problem wearing long sleeves if that was necessary. I knew that if they said I must then it wasn't just because they were judging me, but because it was a professional environment. So, when the time comes for her to get a job, it would be easy for her to just take it out at work. I have noticed that most employers have become much less "judgemental" over the past several years. Anyway, sorry to have gone on for so long. I personally think that you know your child best so you know her maturity. If she's very mature for her age and capable of making this type of decision, then let her do it. If you feel she should wait, then wait. But, don't tell her no simply because you think people might judge her. What does that teach her? Self-expression is all about being able to be yourself and not caring if that means some people disagree. Though I do think there are limits on that, of course. Well, those are just my thoughts and opinions. Good luck and God Bless!
This probably won't be any help but -- Our daughter said that stuff was gross for years. Then when she was 15 she started asking for a lip or belly button piercing. We told her when she was 18 and could pay for it, she could get whatever piercings and tatts she wanted. She pierced her lip herself IN CLASS last year at age 16. I don't know how but she used to take it in and out so we didn't see it (I think I'd pass out). It didn't look bad but we made her take it out, simply because she deliberately defied us. She's been talking about it again and I have a feeling will do it again. She's done far worse things so, I don't think we'll bother giving her a hard time about it.
i havent read the other responses but im sure their are some that say you are nuts... well i think they are wrong. kids will do what kids want. we took my husbands little brother (15) to get his tongue pierced. our view was he was going to do it so we wanted him to have it done by a professional in a clean environment not bubby down the street with an ice pic lol. do to any tattoo shop and they will prob do it. if you are in lousiville hit up bardstown rd. their are a ton of place. body art emporium is a good place. good luck and good for you for letting your daughter do this. ps dont forget she will prob need to take it out for school so ask how long it needs to fully heal and all that good stuff
Hello, Holly! My thoughts are that I am responsible for my daughter, her well-being and anything that happens to her body. That is my responsbility as a parent. If she wanted a piercing, she would have to wait until she moved out of the house and had no financial connections. Not just 18, but until I am no longer paying for college for her, if she chooses college! I know that sounds harsh, but if she plans to get a job after college she will need to look presentable and not with piercings. People don't want to hire you in a respectable profession if you have piercings. My sister in law got her belly button pierced as a teenager (she is now 40) and it got infected and she now has a really gross looking belly button and she is scarred for life! She can't wear any 2 piece suits and she said it was really bad when she was pregnant when it stretched and caused her pain. Things happen and it is our responsibility as parents to protect our kids from such atrocities when they are preventable. But like I said earlier, this is my opinion and everyone is different.
NO piercing cept the ear at 14. When she is 18, she can do as she pleases. It looks freaky to me and obviously many others in society and is not well accepted, as businesses don't allow those things, thus getting jobs is harder. At 14, she is a child, and her job is to grow, nourish herself properly, and learn by going to school. Kids don't have anything to keep them busy these days. Piercings are a sad selection to solve a problem. Take a stand mom, they are very manipulative in the teen years. Good luck.
Perhaps you should talk to her about what is expected in the business world. If she wants to be any kind of professional later in life it will hinder her ambitions in pursuit of her career. Once something like that is done, it is not easy and sometimes not possible to get it reapaired.
Holly, What do you want to say to your daughter? If you don't like them then the answer is no. If you really don't care then I guess she can get them.
The rule in our house is the girls have to wait until they graduate from 8th grade to get their ears pierced. My boys have been told by my husband if they come home with any piercings he will rip it out of their heads. At our house there are no tattoos until they move out of the house. My eldest wanted all the facial piercings and even eyebrow tats but we told him 18 he waited and then he enlisted into the Navy and that was the end of that. He now has to have permission before he gets anything done by a higher power than mama, and for that I thank Mother Navy.
I guess the bottom line is this. If you really don't like them take a stand and say no. Teens still need limits, very firm limits.
I would say, "That is great honey. You can get your lip pierced, but you are going to need to wait to do it until you are no longer living under my roof and I am paying the bills. Until then I don't want to look at that pierced lip." I seriously think that some of these wild ideas that they get are a passing phase. One of their friends does it and then they decide they have got to do it too. When she turns 30 and is in a professional career is she going to still want a pierced lip...probably not. But she won't understand it now if you try to explain that to her. Sometimes you just need to suck it up and be the parent and say no.
If it's something she really wants... she'll get it with or without you (at least that's what I did when I was her age) If I were you, I would take her to get it done. That way you can be sure that it's done by a professional.
When she no longer wants it, she can take it out! I have a teeny, tiny scar that no one ever notices. (I had it done when I was 15 and I'm now 30)
My mother tried to stop me from expressing myself as a teenager which only made me rebel even worse and then resent her for not accepting me.
You're only young once...
Holly, I wanted to give you a heads up. I am only 25 and I had a few extra piercings from 16 on. I wish my parents would of upset me and told me no as I wailed about being in an identity crisis because of the clicky girls at school. When I met my husband I removed 3 piercings, and only left my double holed ears. I totally regret the piercings and the holes I have left over sadden me, that I was to caught up in false image to think long term. FYI, A piercing with no piece of jewelry in it actually smells kind of bad.
I know you are prepared to hold the responsibility, but I would urge you to reconsider. My step-son is in HS and facial piercings are becomming the new "in." Most schools require you to remove or cover with a band-aid any piercing that is not in the ears. On top of that she is only a few short years away from employment. Is she ready to miss out on jobs because her potential employers have labeled her? Does your insurance cover the infection from a piercing, a common, typical, side effect? At the very least, you should make her wait a few years, and go over the pros and cons. At 14 she is looking to have a permanent form of identification? I hope I am not coming off so irritatingly negative, its just a very serious descision. Sarah
At 51, I now realize that what teens to do to 'express their individuality' is usually just the opposite -- trying to 'fit in'. If they really want to be 'different', they will do something that no one ELSE is doing, not what everyone else IS doing!
You don't want her to rebel and do it anyway, but you don't want to just cater to her every demand to remain her 'friend'. You are the mother. Our 4 kids had to wait til they were on their own. Older daughter has peirced ears and one tasteful tattoo (a dove with an olive branch on her ankle), both boys have pierced ears, and youngest daughter (although turning 21 next week) still lives with us and has no tattoos nor piercings (and she's 'good with that').
Since you're considering it, though -- to be diplomatic -- I'd have her give you a written 'pro and con' list of every reason she can think of why she wants it vs. why it might not be a good thing. If she's serious enough to do that and you're satisfied that she's thought it through thoroughly ( -- gee, that was a string of 'ough' words, huh? LOL -- ), go from there. If you decide to let her go ahead, at least say that she would have to pay for it.