My son just turned one and he has started to slap people. He does it when he's excited, upset, pretty much when ever. I tell him no and explain that it's not nice to hit. It is really frustrating because he continues to do it. Many of my family members tell me that it is "just a phase" but I am not completely convinced. If any one has any suggestions I would LOVE to hear them.
It is a phase. Not all kids go through it, but it will pass. However, that doesn't mean you can't help him through the phase. Do not overreact to it, but you can show him an alternate ways of reacting when he is feeling overstimulatedemotional. In our household we had a phase of biting. So each time I would calmly repeat..."biting hurts, mommy doesn't like biting, mommy likes hugs and kisses instead" and then I would offer a hug. Expect to repeat this a lot. At this age it also helps to start teaching some sign language so that your son can start to communicate more of his needs. This will lessen his frustration in many situations.
My daughter does the same thing... started around 1 and now is 19 months and still does it just not as often. She is starting to move on slow from hitting to pulling on shirts or pants if she wants something or upset when I tell her no.
I would keep reminding your son that it is not nice to hit and hopefully he will retain it some day. I know that he is young but I started having my daughter sit in a 'time out' corner around 14 months when she hit. I would get down to her level and tell her that it hurts when she hits and that she had to sit here for awhile. She would get up after a few mintues but in the cases that she was upset it really helped calm her down even if she did not understand/remember why I put her there. Sorry I don't have any other advice.
My son didn't hit people all the time but would hit things. Mostly when upset and frustrated.
I got a couple of very large towels, folded and sewed them then stuffed them to make HUGE pillows. Then I bought one of those hammer and peg toys and put all them in a corner of the dinning room.
The rule was if you felt the need to bang/hit on something that was the only appropriate place.
He felt "impowered" because he could still get his energy out without having a punishment consequence.
Good Luck!
Carly,
I am not sure if it is a phase or not but my son just turned one year old last week and he hits too, especially when he's excited. Sometimes we'll just be sitting there and he'll whack us one in the face. I just take his hand and stroke my face and say "nice to mommy (or kitty or daddy or sissy), and then I do the same to his face to see if he'll make the connection and no it's not allowed.
I think that sometimes when we tell our young children "no" it intrigues them more to see what'll happen if they do it again. My son gives me that mischievious look when I tell him no and sometimes will do it again to provoke a response--so I try to use the no word sparingly for that reason. Hope this helps! :)
~Jolene O., mother of two
Wisconsin
I think it is a phase that some kids go through. We too used the "soft touch" approach. Whenever our daughter would hit us, we would show with voice & facial expression that that hurt us, then take her hand & stroke our cheek & say "soft touches" are much nicer, etc. It didn't take long for her to grow out of it, & it's good for them to learn how to do 'soft touches' for when they have younger siblings, playmates, or pets.
I posted a question about this a few months ago. My daughter is now 22 months old and she stills hits at times, and thinks it is funny to get time outs. But on a positive note, she has gotten way better about it. I'm hoping she will grow out of it, since it seems like she is making progress.
My daughter went through that phase and still occasionally hits. We always say "Gentle Touches" and show her how to touch appropriately. Now when she hits I say, "Use your gentle touches" and she'll stroke my face or arm or whatever she was trying to hit. Good luck.
My now 2year old went throught this when she was 1 . It is a phase and it will pass, but we would just put her down when she hit and told her she could not come back up because she hit Mommy and that makes me sad. She would cry and I would ignore her for a little bit then I would reminder her again that hitting hurts and I need a kiss.She would kiss where ever she hit and it would stop it for a little while then she would do it again later. And we would go through the same thing again . They say they are not doing it to be mean they are just wondering hmm I wonder what will happen if I do this....
They also say that you can put a 1 year old in time out for one mintue we started that closer to 18 months though. The best way to make that work is to use a timer that beeps so that he knows when it is over. Good luck this will be a fun year!
My one year old hits sometimes too. When she does it she is excited and quite pleaseed with herself. We ask/show her nice touches and if she continues to hit us we just put her down. She already does it much less but kids are stubborn about different things. Hope he gives it up soon :-)
Carly,
Your family is right. It is just a phase. The more riled it gets you, the longer it will last. With my first baby, it seemed like it took forever to stop (about a year.) With my second one and third, I knew it was coming and it wasn't nearly as bad.
Sometimes you know he is going to do it and you can head him off or distract him. Just don't make a big deal out of it. At this age, there is no positive or negative attention, it is just attention to him. I wouldn't even say "no" and talk to him about it, just block his arm, hold it down firmly for a second and pretend it didn't happen. When he consciously does it out of anger (age 2 and up) then you can say no, give him a time out, talk about being nice, whatever. But at this age, it is just another way to get mommy's attention.
Good luck,
Shellie
I know this sounds strange, but have you hit him back? I used this for both of my girls... they were certainly surprised when they felt the sting on their little arm or leg (I hit them where they hit me and, of course, softer) and both were angry about it. THEN I told them that hitting HURTS and shed a few tears... they understood "hurts" - everyone understands pain. They never did hit anyone again after that.
I also summed the experience up with, "I love you even when I'm mad at you for hitting me. I promise not to hit you again if you won't hit me first."
Also, I never ever hit my kids otherwise. Kids who are spanked will always become bullies. So if you decide to hit him back, make sure that this is the only time you hit him or he won't learn the lesson you are trying to teach.
The consequences of hitting are never clear to a toddler because they don't understand concepts like 'it's not nice'. They don't know what "nice" is...
Once out in the world, if he hits another child he will either: 1. get hit back, or 2. lose a friend. Either way, you can mirror the first of the two and still remain friends.
My little girl is in that stage as well, and likes to hit me in the face. I just make it into a positive thing and let her give me "high fives." I just divert her attention to hitting my hands, which is a 'safe' target. I explain to her that she can't hit me in the face, but she can give me high fives (or tens for both hands). She loves it and often stops within about 5 fives. I agree with one of the other moms, the more you emphasize it as a NO ( they get attention) the more they are going to do it. If you make it a positive than you both can have fun and move on. Hope this helps, Good Luck.
Every once in a while my 20-mo-old son has hit people too. And we say "NO HITTING" in a stern voice. And we take his hand and squeeze it hard. This is supposed to get the point across, and I think it has helped. Good luck!
It really is just a phase. He doesn't know what to do with his feelings yet. He must feel his emotions with intesity! Not a bad thing, he just needs to learn.
Just keep doing what you are doing and tell him not to hit and hold his hand. Watch for signs of it and try to catch him before he makes contact. Or if he hits when someone he is excited to see picks him up, suggest to him before he is picked up to give a big hug/squeeze to that person. It will give him a way to express those feelings he doesn't quite know what to do with. He probably isn't being naughty.
And kids who are spanked do not "always become bullies" as one commentor wrote. I know people who do not spank that have bullies for kids, and I know a LOT of people who spank whose kids are not bullies. I have 7 kids that I spank and only one has bullying tendencies, but not to everyone, just to his siblings. I would also add that that child has an immunization injury that causes huge frustrations that he doesn't know what to do with that brings out aggression. I hate when people make all inclusive statements made out of ignorance.
My neices and sons went thru the exact same phase at around the same age. Just keep doing what you're doing. Your little guy will grow out of it in a few months.
One of the best things I've seen at work is to just put the child down and walk away. In fact I just watched it work this weekend when a friend told her son no hitting, he tried again, and she got up and went to sit on the couch-totally neutral to him. He got mad/sad, of course and chased after her to come back to play. She asked if he as done hitting-yep, ok-time to play. Simple as that. I'd heard that before, too. She had tried all the just tell him no, and hold his hand advice (saw that in action, too-no where near as effective for them). This was what thier ped told them to do. And sure enough, she wishes she had thought of/known to do it sooner!
We have tried a few things for our now 18 month old. When it started to be a behavior a few months ago we would calmly but seriously say "no hitting, that hurts people" and then we would distract him to something else. That seemed to stop the hitting from getting worse and right now he is not a frequent hitter by any means, but it does happen sometimes. Now that he is a little older and has heard "no hitting, that hurts people" for the last few months, we have started to just put him down IMMEDIATELY wherever he is and just walk away a few steps without saying anything or looking back (as long as it is a safe environment to do so)...a method suggested by our pediatrician. He looks shocked and quickly comes to get us and then we pick him up, hug him and say "no hitting, that hurts people" and ask him to "kiss the ouchie" he gave by hitting. Then we very quickly move on to something else. So far this seems to be working pretty well.
He's probably frustrated because he doesn't have the words yet to explain his feelings. I have two boys--one was a biter and hitter and one wasn't. Although it could very well just be a phase for your son I found that my son who was a hitter has always had a more volatile personality than the other one and once he stopped the hitting phase he would yell when he got frustrated. We are still trying to teach him to deal appropriately with frustration without yelling even at age 8. There is a children's book called "Hands are not for Hitting" that we would read to our son. It comes in a board book edition for the younger set. As they got older we also had a rule, "If you hit you sit" and would put them in a chair for a time out. At only one year old it could also be just a game for him--trying to get a reaction out of you. I struggled with this too, but the more you react the more they want to do it so it's best to try to stay calm, tell them "no hitting" and redirect them to another activity or area. Although it can be frustrating it is very normal behavior for a one year old!
Hi Carly,
My son will be 4 soon, and I remember the "hitting" phase. It is a phase -- and will probably work itself out by the time he's 2. It's especially common with boys. All you can do is be consistent with the message (i.e. hands are for helping, not hitting, etc.), tell him hitting is not ok, suggest to him other things to do instead (i.e. use his words if he's started talking), hug, etc.
Anyways -- bottom line is, it's completely normal, and he WILL grow out of it!