Ok so my son is 22 months, I am trying to go the non spanking route. Here's what he is doing, He has found out that he can jump. So he has started jumping off of our kitchen chairs. Not good. And I know he is going to act like this, but when I tell him to stop he just looks at me and laughs. (It's funny but I have to do something) I also have a problem with him running from me (and he's faster than me LOL) when I try to take something that he's not suppossed to have, Like screwdrivers (husband left them in his reach ONCE) and other things that he knows he's not suppossed to have. He is just being a baby, But I have to find someway of letting him know that he's not suppossed to be doing that.
So timeouts are good, But how? He fights me to much to be able to strap him in his highchair. He is to little to tell him to sit for 5 seconds let alone 2 mins. So I NEED IDEAS!!! PLEASE!!!!
I am still waiting to read the act that deserves punishment. He is a boy and that is what they do. Nothing you have said deserves punishment. Maybe you should show him some other place to jump off of. My son jumped off his bunk bed and off the kitchen cabinet. The more I said no, the more he did it. So when I saw him trying to do it, I just stood there to help him land softly or cleared the way for a smooth landing. Do not focus on it and it will go away. As for the screw driver issue, you just have to keep telling him. Most importantly, child proof the house so that they will not pick up dangerous things.
enjoy it. He is just being a boy.
My daughter was and is sometimes exaclty like that. Sometimes not putting too much attention will make it go. He probably thinks "oh if I do this ...., it make mommy or daddy scream/chase after me, and that is so funny."
That is what my daughter was doing to my hubby and he did not get it. Once he stopped putting too much attention to her mischief she stopped.
I am not saying that you should ignore him, but don't put too much attention to it (like screaming, chasing him). Maybe help him with his mischief or show him a better, less dangerous, way to do it.
I figured with my daughter that time outs dont work for her. She thinks is another game in which mommy and daddy are trying to put me in a chair, but I won't let them. And she did not get the concept of time out until she was 2 1/2.
What you can do is put a favorite toy in time out. Or put yourself in timeout it works really good for my daughter.
I would agree with the previous poster in that you should show him what he can jump off of. I'm a big fan of the mantra "pick your battles". Give him alternatives. I think that a 22 month old is too young to understand the concept of sitting in time out for 2 minutes. what i did w/my daughter was sat her on the bottom stair step and counted to 10. this was long enough for her. We also called it the "naughty spot" in our house. rather than say "go sit in a time out" we said "Hannah, that was against the rules and now you have to sit in your naughty spot" this was very effective. I don't think it was until she was 2 1/2 or close to 3 before she was able to sit out for 2 minutes. then after the time out is over get down on their level, look them in the eye and say "hannah...you got a time out b/c you hit your brother. That was against the rules. I need you to apologize". This then reinforces why they got in trouble. We have also limited spanking in our household. However an instant spanking is earned when safety is involved ie..running out into the street or when lying. Those are 2 things not tolerated and our daughter knows the consequences. My advice to you on the "let's run from mommmy" game is to just be extra vigilant in child proofing. Good luck!
I find that just speaking sternly, then pointedly turning my back on my 17 month-old for 30 seconds works well. He thrives on attention and having mama ignore him is difficult. If that doesn't work for you, why not put him in a playpen or crib? Good luck!
I think this the hardest part of being a mother - figuring out how to discipline. I have been doing timeouts with my daughter since she was 15 months (she is almost 20 months now). The behaviors you mentioned are very normal and not necessarily time out worthy. I would recommend removing the kitchen chairs from the room if jumps off the chair. Sometimes removing the object from the room makes more of a point than timeout - I have learned that with my child. Try to keep him busy as most of the time they start doing those types of things to get your attention. If you have to do something else and not able to pay attention to him while he is in the kitchen. Place him in the high chair and give him something to do - draw, color, paint, whip cream fun!! The running away part is just very normal. They like the chase game. I would just keep dangerous objects out of reach, obviously. Don't feel bad though, my husband was setting the kitchen table one day and left the knives on the table within her reach. I looked over and my daughter was walking around with a steak knife in her hand. My heart dropped. I asked her quietly what she had in her hand and asked her if I could see it. I didn't get excited b/c I was afraid she would run. I was able to get it from her without any injuries :) I would reserve timeout for hitting, biting or throwing toys after you have given him a warning of what will happen if he does that behavior again. I haven't really had to use it a whole lot; however, my daughter likes to throw toys every once in a while. I have to remind her that is not acceptable behavior. After warning her once - "no throwing". If she does the behavior again, I say, "no throwing" and walk her to the designated timeout spot. I do not say a word after that. I sit her down and start timing (1 minute per age). I stand near by in case she tries to get up. If she gets up, I just walk her back to the spot not saying anything. After she is there for one minute, I take her hand to indicate that she can leave the spot. I still do not provide any attention - no hugs, kisses or positive behavior. I do not want to use timeout as a way to get a hug or kiss. It will take some practice and expect him to try and get up. However, he will eventually get it. You just have to stick with it and be consistant. Also, one very important part! Make sure you provide lots of attention when he is doing something correctly. Like when he hands you something or comes when you call him - say " I like the way you listened to mommy and get really excited and give him lots of hugs and kisses". He will start to associate that particular behavior with the kind of attention he likes. He will eventually get it. You will notice that he will start coming more when you call him instead of running away. It is all about attention.
Sounds to me like your typical boy! Also, sounds to me like he knows exactly what he is doing! If he is laughing when you tell him no, he is trying to aviod punishment. He definatley would understand timeout. You may not be able to strap him down, but you can sit down with him. We do spank, but only for severe things. My son hates being sent to his room, so that is a good punishment for him. However, my daughter loves being sent to her room, she just plays with her toys.
I have three boys 13, 8, and 7. Every one of them is different so start think outside the box. You haven't had a toddler in the house in a long time so your husband is probably out of practice with babyproofing. Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson is a good resource, he also has another book out for the children that really want to push the limits. I went the no spanking route, except in extreme cases a pop on the diaper if in danger. But did not set those limits and I am now paying the price, my 7 year old is still laughing at me. Instead of punishing persay look at it as earning privalges, ask him to play for a little while and when you are done with your task then sit down and read a book with him. He wants your attention any way he can get it. However he doesn't understand the more you correct him the longer it will take to get to fun things. Be consistant with him he will start to see good behavior brings more fun with mom than jumping off the chairs. Good Luck
I got this advice from my pediatrician when my son was little. First make sure there is NOTHING in his room that is dangerous. Put a hook lock on the oustide of his door, like the ones you see on old timey screen doors. When he acts up, put him in his room and apply the lock when you leave the room. Even though he is in his room with his toys, he can have his fit and have time to think and calm down. Then when he is calm (if he doesn't fall asleep), then let him out. A few times of it and he'll know what it is. I also spanked my kid and it's not mean, as long as you don't do it an anger or beat them. Spank him on his diaper or butt (thru his clothes always) and he'll get the message.
I would suggest reading Love & Logic. It's non spaking and helps you to come up with logical concequences for their actions. For instance, if he jumps off of the chairs, you can start by saying "wow, you can really jump. You may jump on the floor, or you may sit in the chair. If you jump off the chair we'll have to put it up." Then, if he jumps off the chair, youmight put the chairs up on the table so he can't jump off of them again. Running away from me is a HUGE no no in my house. It's a matter of safety. If he runs from you in a parking lot, etc., that could be bad news. I know you don't want to spank, but to me, that is one of those things that warrants a spanking. "Running from me puts you in danger, you may not run from mom". 1 swat usually does it at that age. If you absolutley don't want to spank, you may try things like "we are going to play a game. Red light, Green light" if you can teach him to stop when you say red light, maybe he'll stop when he's running from you. I also taught preschool for a bit and it was VERY annoying when kids ran from us, especially because it is such a safety issue. I'd do whatever you have to to nip that in the bud. Another idea on those is to try a leash...I know, it sounds horrible! But again, this is a safety issue. I got one that goes wrist to wrist that I used when we went to the airport because I had to deal with 2 kids and luggage, so it was my way to making sure they stayed safe. Maybe you can try that in the house and then when you are out. If that works, maybe no leash, but as soon as he runs, you put it back on. I've also told my kids "you've earned a spot holding my hand" Is we are out if they keep getting too far from me, they have to hold my hand and can't have the freedom to walk and look at things unless they are holding my hand.
Good luck! Maybe others will have some more advice!
Time outs work if they are done right. our son has been getting time outs since he was 18 months old. The key is not to give in to his wining/screaming. When it is over you have to let him know why he was in time out. Get on his level and explain it for example "We don't tell mommy no" or "you didn't listen to mommy", after you have explained it have him tell you why he was in time out and help him if he can't. Once it is over tell him you love him and give him a hug so he knows the punnishment is over. If this does not work, you might have to resort to spankings.
Check out www.loveandlogic.com/ The books are very helpful. They have good suggestions on ways to deal with your child without spanking him/her. There is a book specifically about toddlers.
Timeouts never worked for either of my kids. I followed the bible verse - spare the rod, spoil the child. A quick swat to the upper thigh just below the diaper with a firm no. Just don't do it while you're angry. And, then - reassure the child that you love him, but don't get all huggy. Tell him that you love him but his behavior is unacceptable. At 22 months, he will understand. Spanking did not teach my kids that violence was the answer - it taught them the value of being respectful and behaving.
I second the recommendations of Love & Logic resources. If you call their number, a real human being will answer too! If you're like we are and will never have the time to read the books, get the CDs of the books or the DVDs. They have a CD set that is specifically for toddlers and preschoolers - it's awesome!
I commend you for going the non-spanking route but not going the entitlement route!! The L&L folks emphasize the importance of boundaries and empathy. Also, you can sign up for a free weekly email from them - they are short and always come with a special discount offer for some product they have. Good luck!
My son is 23 months old and i was once at a loss of how to handle situations and how to "discipline" him. I did and still am reading the Love and Logic book. The first time we used one of the techniques, he was about 18 months old and was constantly throwing things into the kitchen, over the baby gate and whatever he was throwing would break. So the first time he would do it i would say Landen we don't throw things into the kitchen, then of course he would throw it again, and as soon as he did, we would walk straight to his room (i would carry him) and he would have to sit in his room, the book says you can put them in their crib, but he tried to come out and i would walk him right back in there and tell him he had to sit there until he could be nice. By day 4 he threw something in the kitchen he put himself in his room, i mean we didn't even have to say anything, my husband and i tried our best not to laugh, cause he threw something in the kitchen and then you just see him run to his room and sit down, of course we followed through so now it really isn't an issue and if he throws a fit and won't calm down, we put him in his room and tell him when he is ready to calm down and talk then to come out. The book says this is the main thing to do until they are 3 and then they can understand much better. Also, once he is in his room if he wants to play that's fine, because its not really a punishment he just needs time to himself to get his actions under control. Also, like i said if your son won't sit in his room, you can put him in his crib or shut the door. But, its a really good book and they have a series that goes all the way to teenagers.
Good luck and if i can help you with anything let me know, i am going through the same things as you!
Hi Beth, for my nephew I use the couch for time out. He knows he can't get off the couch until I tell him to and he also must say he's sorry. The first few times you tell him to sit down and explain that he's in time out for ___ you will have to put him back on the couch every time he gets down and repeat yourself. Don't worry if he's sitting, laying, or standing where you put him as long as he's there. Also, stand where you can see him if he starts to get down but do not look at him or give him eye contact or talk to him. After the first couple of times he will get the idea that he must sit there until you let him up, he will stay there by himself. Also, I think at his age 2 min is plenty long, don't stretch it out and always give hugs and kisses and something to keep him busy when he gets out to redirect his attention. When I started time outs with my nephew (23 months) I started for temper tantrums. The minute he started screaming or crying I would say NO FITS - NOW YOU ARE IN TIME OUT, then I would put him on the couch and repeat NO FITS, SIT THERE UNTIL I TELL YOU TO GET UP. The exact minute he stopped crying I would get very smiley and bubbly and say something like "oh, you stopped your fit come and play blocks with Auntie". I did not wait any certain amount of time, just let him up as soon as he stopped crying so that he would understand why he was there and what he could do to fix it. This tactic has worked wonders, we are down to 0-1 fits a day instead of 50 or more. Now we are on to not hitting...
Stay consistent with the time outs. And put him somewhere where he cannot see everything going on. We tried to put my daughter in the entry way but that didn't work because she was "still part of the mix." We started putting her in a chair in the laundry room and pull the door so she can't see what is going on. Worked like a charm. Like I said, stay consitent. If he gets up then put him back in time out. He will eventually learn. Good luck
Well, I laughed out loud at your request, because I have a 22 month old boy who does the EXACT same things - even down to the screwdriver. What I have found to work the best for right now is to take a baby gate (I use a traditional wood with plastic mesh type) and I found a place that was small and restricted with nothing to do (I have a hall closet where the wall juts out on either side that works really well for us) and it has about 2 footX18 inches of space) and that is his time out place. I put the gate high enough and with the tension bar on the outside so that he can't climb over it, because he's a climber too. He doesn't like being confined and it curbs the behavior pretty quickly (even though he will do it again later) and it isn't a major emotional battle, which is exhausting.
You could probably even clean out a closet so that it's empty and then put the gate up with the door open if you don't have any good wall spaces to use. Good Luck! Blessings to the moms of strong-willed children (myself included!) Remember, a strong will is a great trait, we just have to figure out how to shape it, not smash it.
My nephew did the same things! (Instead of a screwdriver, he did it with a large butchers knife he somehow got a hold of). My sister-in-law put him in time out, which often meant she sat down in time out and held him in her lap (she didn't say anything or hold him in a "hug" position - that would just reinforce his bad behavior). She held him facing away from her but with a firm enough grasp of his upper body that he couldn't wiggle free or hurt himself or her. He had to stay there with her until he calmed down, then he could get up. He wasn't able to sit in time out by himself until he was a bit older and by then, he knew that sitting in time out meant sitting still until he could be calm enough to get out, with or without someone holding him.