Newborn & 14 month old

I'm wondering what it's like to come home from the hospital from a c-section with a newborn to a 14 month old. We have family keeping our son while I'm in the hospital, but I haven't lined up any help for when we come home. Will I really need it? I know it was hard for me the first go round, but my thinking is that this time I may know what to expect. Probably completely backwards, I know. :)

Two of mine are the same age for 20 days every year. I was still breastfeeding the first when the second was born. He was eating real food, but still got partial nourishment and lots of comfort from our time together.

Be sure to bring the 14mo old to the hospital to meet the new baby, and talk about them sharing their mommy with them before the date comes.

I will never forget seeing the look on my sons face when he walked in room after we got home and saw me breast feeding his new sister. He was truly stunned. He came over and said "My Booby"?, and I had to assure him yes they were still his, and now hers too. Morning feedings got interesting, as we did family bed. I breastfed him until he was two, and his sister until she was one and a half. Needless to say, I was very busy. They are both happy healthy adults now, and I would never have changed a thing.

My first two are 15 months apart, and my last two are going to be about that close as well. (My two middle girls are over 2 years apart) First of all, I think it is more than fabulous to have babies close together. I LOVE it!

Part of what helps me really love it is that when my husband comes home, he does just as much as I do- if not more... Also, when I came home from the hospital he took off of work to do ALL the work with the kids and at home until I felt good enough to help. We are NOT wealthy, AND he's self-employed, so when he doesn't work, he DOESN'T get paid (no sick-leave, no vacation)- but we managed quite nicely because him being there was our priority- we MADE that arrangement work.

It also helps him understand what SOOOO many fathers we know don't understand- all the ins and outs of real parenting, how hard it actually is to be a good parent, and he can get in touch with his kids and really know them.

My point: if at all possible get the husband to do all of the work:)

Hi Amanda!

I came home from the hospital from a C-section to a 16 month old...so I totally know what you are talking about. I had my sisters watch Kaitlyn for a couple days while I got adjusted. I felt that even without the c-section I would need some one-on-one bonding time with baby #2 before the crazyness began. :) (especially if you are planning on nursing)

I definitely missed #1 a ton, but I'm glad I took a couple days and didn't overdo it. My advice? Take all the help you can get! :)

Good luck!
(if you have any more questions, feel free to send me a message!)

Honestly, take all the help you can get. I had some families from church that offered to take our oldest for playdates and that helped out a lot. We also had dinners brought in.

My boys are 12 months and 9 days apart. I had c-sections with both and my recovery the 2nd time around seemed a lot longer. DH had to go back to work, but my mom stayed with us for 2 weeks.

After my mom left, my oldest knew that when I was feeding his brother, he could do whatever he wanted because I was stuck on the couch. That got old really fast. We tried all sitting on the couch and reading a story while I was feeding and that seemed to help.

Hi Amanda: I was in exactly the same position. My girls are 19 months apart and I had c-sections with both. When I returned home with the baby, my older daughter just wanted me to hold her, she missed me while in the hospital. I had my mother come over during the day to help with things while my husband went to work. I made my older daughter a part of the goings on with the baby and I came down to her level literally. I had her sit with me, on my lap, played games, etc. That way it wasn't a big strain on my stomach. Hope this helps.

You should probably line up some help. This time, you're coming home to a 14 month old after a c-section. Totally different.

Hi Amanda:

I had my daughter by c-section when my son was 23 months old. You will certainly need help for the first couple of weeks. Remember, you will be having MAJOR surgery and your body needs to heal! Your 14mth old will want to be picked up and will not understand that it may be painful or uncomfortable for you. Please realize that adding a second child WILL have a big impact on everyone in your household. I was blessed to have my sister come to stay with me for the first two weeks and I can't imagine what it would have been like without her. She helped with meals and my son. I was able to rest and bond with the baby as well as establish a good nursing routine. It's not impossible to go it alone, but I think it would be quite difficult.

-Val

Hi! I've never responded to any of these, but I really had to write to you. My children are 27 months apart, but both were delivered via emergency c-section. Lying there in the hospital, I was so scared about what it would be like when I came home. How would I chase, entertain, and care for a 2 year old and a new infant while in pain?? The first decision I made was to stay in the hospital the full time my insurance would allow. This gave me a much-needed extra day to get used to nursing again and regain some strength. It also gave my 2 year old an extra day with grandma. Another thing I did was sign up for a dinner-service such as Let's Dish. I spent the extra money to have them prepare and package everything and stored everything in my freezer a few weeks before my daughter was born. I also went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of little books, toys, etc. to pull out as surprises for my son while I was nursing or tending to my daughter. That helped. I admit, he probably watched a little too much TV during the first few weeks, but it all worked out ok. I think I healed faster the 2nd time around, but it helped to have my husband take off one more week when I first came home. The important thing is to ask for help when you need it. Don't think you have to do it yourself. Yes, women have done this for thousands of years, but they had their mothers, sisters, and friends to help them. Just know, you'll get through it, everyone will be fine.

Kristan (married, stay at home mother of a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old).

Yes! You will need help! Two children, getting up in the middle of the night, AND trying to recover from major surgery.........if you have help available, take advanatge of it!
Natalie B.

You need to line something up because you will only be aloud to pickup the newborn and the 14mo old will want to have you pick them up and you won't be able to for at least 4-6 weeks and remeber you will have an incision to keep from getting bumped. I know you don't like not doing for your children but this is a time that you need to take care of you self because no one else will. Hope this helps.

Hi Amanda,
Did you have a C section the first time? Follow your doctors direction. If your husband is not going to be home you may want to consider some help at first. Once you figure your limitations out your should be fine. The biggest thing is your 14mth old wanting you to pick them up or climbing on you. Be very careful with your incision. Congratulations and enjoy. Littles ones are such a joy:-)

From my C-section experience, I think you really will need some extra help! The first week was very hard for me to get into and out of a sitting position, and hard to lift things. I would definitely ask for some help, or at least for friends to take the 14 month old out all day, to their house, or for outings. Your 14 month old will love the undivided attention!

Don't you know if you're a Mom ... you'll be a "SUPER"! If you have to, you'll do okay. But if it's possible, and friends and family are willing to come in for short visits to help during the first week or two -- you may find it quite helpful! I know I would have after the second c-section. :-)

Hi Amanda,

First congratualtions on the new baby coming in April! How exciting!

I've had 3 c-sections. My first two were 18 months apart and then I had another one 7 months ago (2 years from the second c -section) and we had twins. So I know a little bit about what your going through. 4 babies in 4 years!

I definitely think you should get help if you have it! First, like you know this is major surgery. It will be rough for a few weeks. My second and third sections took longer to heal because I had to care for my other children as well, not just sit and stare at a beautiful new baby! :)

Secondly, you are in for a HUGE adjustment! Second babies coming into a family can be a lot harder than the first. Yes you know what your doing as far as caring for a newborn but are you ready for caring for a new born and a baby at the same time??? Going from one child to two was hard for me and I consider myself a pretty "tough" mommy with the "I can handle everything" attidtude. Well shock... 2 babies were hard!!! When you have one baby getting up all night long was bad but you knew that hey tomorrow I can sleep when the baby sleeps... there is none of that when you have another child. Even if that baby is up all night come 7 in the morning when the 14 month old is up and ready to go so is mommy! Plus your other child is going to still need you for everything. There are very few breaks and you will be torn and pulled like you can not imagine!

My suggestion is if you have the help take it. Atleast for a few weeks!!! I think you will be a much happier family if you do! :)

Good Luck!
Amber

i just had my 2nd in dec and my daughter was 17 months old at the time. my hubby took two weeks vacation to help out and trust me it helped a lot!!!!! I would see if you can find someone to help you out some. In my case, my 17 month old didnt want nothing to do with me or anybody else if we were holding or responding to the new baby but now she is 19 months and she is getting intrested int he little one. hope this helps!

My kids are 22 months apart and both were both c-sections. Because the 2nd surgery was planned, my husband and I planned to have his Mom stay with us to be with our daughter while I was in the hospital and for a week (or so) after. There are weight restrictions (becasue of stitches)and driving restrictions (because of pain killers) - I needed someone with me, according dr's orders. Even when I had my staples removed one week post-partum, I had to talk doc into letting me drive and lift my toddler (because she was close to 20 lbs). It was also nice to have a little help with the older child while I was busy nursing and trying to catch up on sleep. When Grammy left, the baby was 10 days old and I was fine by myself. Remember you are having MAJOR abdominal surgery - if someone offers to help, then use it. Good Luck!

Yes-- you will need help, mainly because you will not be allowed to lift up your 14 month old for a few weeks after the C-section. It would be nice to have help anyway, while your family adjusts to a new schedule. Good luck!

Hi Amanda, do you remember when you came home with your first baby and it was so nice to be able to nap when the baby slept and how much the baby slept? Your 14 month old has his or her own schedule and will need time from you when the baby sleeps.
Keeping up with a toddler who has just had his or her world invaded by a new little person who claims a lot of his parents time, tending to a newborn and recovering from a c-section is doable-but at your expense. You will recover quicker and better if you can get the rest you need and have someone to help out with both little ones and the housework and meal prep and......
for at least a few days. Remember, you'll be doing night duty, too.

Sharon

Yes, you will need some help! I did not have a c-section, but I came home with a newborn and my son was 2 1/2 and I needed help then. I know that recovering from a c-section takes a much longer time then vaginal delivery. If someone can help, I think you should get someone lined up.
I am a part-time working mother of three (6, 3 and 1).