Need support!!!!!!

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1

This is my 3rd question in a week, I apologize if its annoying, I am just at a loss, And want advice from non judgmental people.

So as I posted before I am 39, Just found out I am pregnant. Not planned. Literally one time un protected. I have an 11 yr old daughter whom I suffered the worst post partum anxiety and depression of my life. That is the reason I never had another child. The thought of going through that again paralyzed me. I had been on paxil ever since, And like in my last post my OB had me stop cold turkey and switch to Zoloft. Thankfully I think the worst of the with drawl is behind me. BUT now I am consumed with massive panic!!! OMG I am CONSUMED with panic attacks. Crying non stop. I am feeling like I do not want this. I hate myself for feeling that way.

I have called my OB, My PC and every phychiatric doctor in my area, None taking new patients. Nor my OB or PC had a resource for me either.
I do not understand how I am going to get through this. I hate myself for not being this strong women who can have a child for my husband. My husband is annoyed with me, And I understand. I am scared to DEATH this is going to get worse, I need to be a mother for my daughter. Why is this happening to me, Why do I have this anxiety?

PLEASE help me and share any stories or advice you have. I am scared I do not want this baby. UGHHH I hate myself for even saying that. What is wrong with me? Thanks in advance!!!!

2

Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would abort and get back on my meds for the sake of my own health and well-being.
You have an illness that requires medication to treat it. Without that medication, you do not function. It has nothing to do with mental or emotional strength, it is a physical illness.
You owe it to your daughter to be functional.

And for what it’s worth, been there, done that.
My daughter and I almost died during her birth. No idea why my labor went haywire. I decided that night I was never having another. Couldn’t find a doctor who would sterilize a woman who was under 30, unmarried, and had less than two kids.
Four years later, I got pregnant - BC failed. I was not willing to risk another experience like my daughter’s birth, plus I was on medication that was a known teratogen, and without which I was not functional. I aborted and have zero regrets.

3

If it is an option under your and/or your husband’s moral code, consider termination. Not every pregnancy is a blessing.

Best,
fanged bunny

4

Does your insurance have a nurse help line? If they do give them a call right now. Also check with the company that administers your mental health benefits and get them involved.

Also ask yourself and your husband the question of if you want to have this child. Unplanned doesn’t mean unwanted so I think you both need to get on the same page and work together to get you healthy and the help you need. He doesn’t get to be annoyed with you; he gets to assist you. That’s what a partner in life does.

5

I have a son with severe anxiety and understand it from that perspective.

Who is handling your current prescription? (I’m confused, sounds like you’re on Zoloft now?) That’s who should be advising you on managing your anxiety. Whatever “safe” medication option you’re taking may take some time to kick in. You could also benefit from tips for managing anxiety in general. For this, you don’t need a psychiatrist (who focuses on medication) … you need a therapist/psychologist. There are usually a lot more of those out there than psychiatrists, so take a look at who takes your insurance. A therapist can give you strategies for coping with anxiety from a practical level.

If you’re not getting the medical advice and care you need through your insurance plan, consider going to Planned Parenthood. They can help you in your situation. They’re not all about abortion, either. They provide a wide range of medical services for women and would be a super resource right now.

6

I didn’t read your last posts, but I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Here is my advice - Anxiety is not logical. There is no reason why you have it and someone else does not.
That being said… It’s rational and reasonable that you have a heightened anxiety about having anxiety!!! That’s how it works.

I would go buy the book “when Panic Attacks” by David Burns. I suffered from some fairly bad panic attacks and doing the exercises in this book are the only thing that worked for me. Well, the book and meditation. I will warn you that it’s pretty time consuming and it took a couple weeks, it wasn’t instant relief… But I figured if I used the time spent having anxiety to fix the anxiety then I was ahead of the game.

The other thing you might check is what is the difference if you use an “out of network” Psychiatrist. Then you talk to the billing office of the new Psychiatrist and they can sometimes reduce the price the same amount as what you are paying extra so that the cost to you is the same.
Alternately… See if someone out of your area… I mean even as far away as Seattle or LA would take your insurance and do a skype consultation. Your insurance should want to work with you… preventive medicine is always cheaper than dealing with things after they’ve already happened.

The other thing I can tell you is that my ex-SIL had pretty bad post-partum depression with her 2nd baby… like visions of doing harm to her self and her children. With the 3rd baby they put a prozac patch on her right when she went into labor (not as risk cuz the baby is full term) but it dealt the problem head on… and she had almost no issues.
If Paxil was working for you… then I would think they can get you back on Paxil, but up the dose a bit, as soon as you are in labor and that should help you get back on track.

Additionally… You do have some options if you don’t think you can sanely carry this child to term. Have your Dr explain to your husband that anxiety is not something you can control - it’s like diabetes etc. It’s a medical issue and you all should be able to have discussions about all the options concerning your medical issues.

Finally, cut yourself a break. In my opinion and experience, anxiety is your worst enemy. As P!nk says in her song “Perfect” you need to change the voices inside your head. Whatever your script is that you run when you spiral… work to get a new dialog. “when Panic Attacks” can help you with his.

7

I suffered from PPD after my first two pregnancies, not after my third. It was worst with my first. Maybe not as debilitating as yours it sounds like, but very dark and very difficult.

But then it passed.

And the joy my children bring me now outshines that temporary phase by a billion to one. It’s a distant memory.

What do you mean you have been paralyzed and on Paxil ever since? Ever since your eleven year old was born? You have been suicidally depressed with anxiety? Or just since finding out you’re pregnant now? How long have you been this depressed and frantic?

You may not get PPD this time. Or it may be worse. It will prbably be the same. So how long did you have it? Did you ever get better after that? Is your daughter worth what you went through?

Sounds like you are 100% focused on the pain of the PPD and cannot see anything else framing it in your whole life.

To me none of the inconvenient truths of pregnancy are more important than considering the long life of a child-whether you want a new family member forever after, or you don’t. The finances, gained weight, depression, physical recovery, and any other major inconvenience are temporary and not relevant. Not everyone feels this way though.

If this is completely out of your psychological control and you cannot possibly survive it, than you have a severe illness (no shame in that) and you have to act in whatever way you can to preserve yourself. But if you sacrifice your happiness temporarily for your husband and baby you will probably be greatly rewarded in the long run with more happiness than you will be if you break your husband’s heart and live with the regret of terminating your second child. Or maybe you’ll be relieved. What is your choice?

If you never recovered your happiness from the PPD following your first child and have been living in fear of another pregnancy, you never should have had unprotected sex before menopause. I’m divorced and 45 and I have an IUD to prevent any future risk of pregnancy. That’s because during a past monogamous dating relationship I experienced two condom errors. And therefore needed to take morning after pills twice. Which were horrible for my system…and that was from few and far between sexual encounters!! You’re married. Why no permanent birth control? Why no morning after pill after “one” unprotected sexual encounter? Did you sort of want another child, but now you’re freaking out?

You will find a doctor if you keep looking. There is no way that every single professional in your state or on the internet or within phone access is not taking any new patients. You sound irrational. This is serious.

Please get help.

8

The thing that caught me in this is where you say you do not want this baby. You need to really examine why, are you just afraid of PPD or do you not want to raise another child? A child is a huge commitment and if you have one just because an accident happened that you really truly do not want, then of course that is going to cause all kinds of anxiety. You need to sit and talk with your husband about what you both really want, and move forward from there.

9

Wow, if I was faced with an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy I would have an abortion.
Some people may say that’s a sin but that’s their belief, not mine.

10

But, just last year you were trying to get pregnant. What has so dramatically changed?

:frowning:

11

I’m confused. Which doctor changed your prescription? Whoever changed it is the one you need to talk to now. Also, your OB needs to be involved in your care.

Seems to me the first thing is to get this under control. Next step is to decide if you want this child.

From what I understand, anxiety has no rime or reason. Its not logical and trying to pinpoint is difficult.

Call the doctor who changed the script. Start there. Good luck !!!

12

Do nothing drastic at this moment. You are dealing with a medication change that is affecting your thought process.

I would call back and say this is an emergency and you should start with whoever prescribed the medication in the first place. If your OB switched you cold turkey with no backup and no support, then she or he didn’t really take your needs into consideration. I would be very upset about that. Who prescribed the Paxil?

13

Okay, this is SO weird. I actually had a dream about you last night. You were walking around holding up a sign that said “Rttt U.” (a couple less t’s), and I thought, ‘She must be the woman from Mamapedia, because who else would have a sign like that.’ I almost introduced myself to you but decided not to. Some other stuff happened but it’s hazy. Typical dream weirdness. So, maybe that’s some kind of sign, if you believe in such things. Or maybe I just need to get a life, and have some more interesting dreams.

I don’t have any great suggestions, except to keep on your current meds, or whichever meds work, if you can with the pregnancy. If you can’t, go on them right after the baby is born.

You got through your last baby, and you can get through this one. I think it’s going to turn out all right. Why else would I dream about you?

14

I think first things first - you need to get your anxiety under control. No way you can make a decision until you are in the right frame of mind.

If the medication is not working for you and you are having panic attacks, why are you not going back to the doctor? You can have your OB or your regular physician change your anxiety medication. Get that sorted out first. Just make an appointment. Maybe it’s as simple as having them increase the dosage.

As for a psychiatrist, I think instead maybe try a psychologist (as others have mentioned). At the very least, you could talk to them about your feelings, and get things under control.

Do not make any decision (termination or otherwise) until you’re in a calmer state of mind. As for hating yourself for not being this strong woman who can have a child for your husband … what’s that about?

I think I’m echoing most of the moms on here. It’s because the first thing you need to do is calm down :slight_smile: Good luck - let us know how it goes

15

BEFORE you do anything rash, you have to first try and get calm… I don’t think medicine alone helps anxiety (I have also had bouts of it) but you have to be willing to implement new ways in which to cope. Unfortunately, doctors do a lot of prescribing of meds, but don’t really treat the WHOLE person… meds can help and in some cases are life-saving, but what’s important is to treat the root cause of the anxiety and explore ways in which to deal with it as there will always be stressful events in our lives, but it’s a matter of how we deal with those events. One thing I would suggest is that at age 39, it’s not anxiety that is the problem, it’s only a symptom, that which could be the dilemma is PERIMENOPAUSE… at 39, it’s not uncommon to be experiencing the signs… anxiety is certainly one of the issues. WHY?? because as your estrogen drops (particularly in the initial stages) your cortisol levels (stress hormone) can go through the roof and that’s because it’s estrogen in part that control the cortisol and hence, dropping estrogen means less control over the cortisol which often can equal that totally stressed out feeling… also… diet can make perimenopausal worse… that’s because you feel stressed, you eat more and often, it’s crappy food like chocolate, junk , etc… then we get depressed because we over ate and now feel even more anxiety. so you see, it’s a vicious cycle. however, you won’t know what stage your hormones are in unless you get them checked… that is a MUST…
now in terms of the pregnancy… not to belittle that in the least, but to determine if your are going to keep the baby or not is a BIG decision and one that cannot be made on a whim or in such a flustered state…
here is what I would do… get the hormones checked (regardless of what you do) secondly, weigh ALL options, even adoption… talk to doctors, but also see if your local hospital offers a support group. Doctors all too often want to medicate rather than educate… it’s important to take an approach that includes mind, body and soul… with a more well-rounded approach, you can then make more well-rounded decisions…

16

I am very judgmental, can I answer anyway? :stuck_out_tongue:

If I got pregnant right now my mind would be all the eff over the place. Probably a lot like you described. It isn’t that I wouldn’t be happy so much as a storm of dealing with what if what if that…and on and on. Thankfully my work takes up about 95% of my thoughts during the day and oh, yeah, no beer.

My point is what you are going through isn’t exactly an abnormal reaction. I don’t think it has a lot to do with your anxiety. Your life is going to change in a very big way and that is if everything goes as planned.

What is your happy place, what do you enjoy doing? I was joking about the beer, I walk when it need to sort through feelings. So what is your place, start tapping that. It seems from your posts you want this baby, you just want the unknown sorted now. No one can really help you there.

17

I have three children. All were planned. During the first trimester with each pregnancy, I got depressed to the point of being scared to death of the situation. By week 15, it passed --i would then feel panic again around 26 weeks.

A lot of what you are feeling is probably the hormones. For some of us, pregnancy is brutal. I found I could keep myself in check with meditation and reminders that hormones do crazy things…that this isn’t what I really think. While I might feel panic, there is no rational reason to feel such.

If you believe you can’t do this, you can’t do this. If you realize that lots of women with terrible anxiety/depression have children and make it through, maybe you can convince yourself you can be one of them.

Everything you are feeling is temporary. The post-partum stuff is temporary too. It’s a short flash in a long-life.

Look at it this way, you are 39 and pregnant --by mistake. Obviously you are meant to have this child, and obviously the Gods wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle. No offense, but you’re 39. This sounds fated to me, so pick yourself up, go get some therapy, join a meditation group, and start planning a nursery. I had my last kid at 41. Trust me, you can do this. I know lots of women who had terrible post partum with their first (me included), but very minor ups and down with later kids. A lot of it is how you approach it. You aren’t a victim to your emotions, you are the driver here. I suggest instead of worrying about pills, worry about therapy and getting back in the driver’s seat. An give yourself a break! You’re pregnant. Of course you’re crying. It’s the hormones. A lot of your anxiety is probably just the hormones. They can do nutty things to you. My midwife always says," watch a girlie movie, cry and cry, and then go for a walk."

(p.s… depression runs in my family, and for years I was on meds. When i was around 29 I finally realized that depression is a cognitive problem, that with sleep, exercise and the right thinking, you can think your way out of it. Anxiety is the same thing. I had tons of panic attacks years ago. Now? Sometimes my heart gets fluttery, but I just take a breath. You don’t have to live consumed by your emotions. They can be under your control.)

I agree with those below who suggest that you see a therapist. Instead of treating the symptoms with pills, it might be time to fix the actual problem with some cognitive therapy.

18

I just googled your town and PPD and resources came up, specifically a list of psychiatrist who treat it.

It also listed a hospital and a mental health center near by.

I would call or have someone help you call to get an appointment, at least with a mental health clinician to sort your feelings out.

Did your OB call these psychiatrists?

What about the hospital your OB works at? Isn’t there a PPD group there? What about anxiety support groups? They usually have a great network of support.

You need to let the physician who is prescribing the meds how you are reacting to it and need support. VERY, VERY concerned that the prescriber would switch the meds then leave you unsupported in the state you are in.

19

One of the best things for anxiety is talking. So, let’s assume that you are on all of the meds that you can take, next step is to talk.

First of all, try to remember that the Zoloft has not fully kicked in yet, so you still need to give that some time. So remind yourself that you’ve overcome the hurdle of step one - withdrawal. Now onto hurdle two - waiting another 2 weeks for the Zoloft to fully kick in. Everyday when you wake up, say ahhh - another day has passed and more Zoloft is in my bloodstream.

Next, go find someone to talk to. There are lots of resources out there. Fond someone who will listen to you say how you’re feeling over and over again. Saying it out loud to someone over and over helps a lot. Try local churches and even planned parenthood - they are a tremendous resource and might have nurses on staff who can counsel you - if not, they might very well help you find someone.

Call your OB again. Make him/her have a sit down chat with you and help you. That is part of their job!

Google exercises for anxiety and deep breathing for anxiety. That will help a lot.

Good luck - one day at a time.

20

I’m sorry. Do you know how many women experience this anxiety? It’s not EVERY woman, but it’s common enough.

You are working yourself into a tizzy. BREATHE…I know this is hard. But you need to breathe. You are going to make it worse with your constant anxiety - talking yourself INTO a panic.

You have this anxiety because you are scared. You are CERTAIN that the past will rear its ugly head and you will go through the exact same thing. It’s NOT certain. You need to know that. The fact that you KNOW what happened with your last pregnancy - you can be prepared for this one.

You need support. Do you have any friends you can call? What about your mom or other family? I understand you being scared…breathe…stop cycling…that’s what you are doing…breathe…

Nothing is wrong with you. You are having anxiety issues. YOU CAN DO THIS…BREATHE…call your OB/GYN and get an appointment. Get an plan in place. That will give you some control. You should have been receiving therapy over the last 11 years - so you should be calling your therapist as well and getting an immediate appointment. I’m disappointed if you have just been taking a drug for 11 years and no one has been checking on you and you haven’t been receiving therapy. That’s a LONG time to be on Paxil. PLEASE call your therapist. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!