I have a 9.5 month daughter who weighs 23 pounds. I know, it sounds HUGE, but she was 9.7 when she was born so we're actually right on track. She's got the adorable chubby face, arms and thighs...she's in the 95% for weight. Here's my issue. Her Nana is ALWAYS making comments about how fat she is. She will come out right and say it and then other times she is passavie aggressive about it (reading the formula label...questioning the ingredients, commenting on the amount of food that I feed her). I have come out and specifically asked her pedi if she is ok (I'm sure she is, but MIL won't listen to me) and he say's that she's perfect. She's 29 inches so very proportionate. She eats as much as the doctor recommends and is very good about telling me when she is done. I know that she's healthy and beautiful...How do I get her Nana to believe me and back off? Help!! Thanks Ladies.
Was she ever breastfed? My LO is, and she is 8 months old and 19 lbs. I heard someone say that chubby babies are 'titty fat.' Not sure if that is offensive to anyone, but it might just get your MIL to back off!
Other than that, you have 2 options - just laugh it off. Babies are supposed to be chubby! Or confront her - and say - why is her weight bothering you so much? she is so healthy! Some people will back off right away once they are confronted.
I think she sounds positively adorable! Good luck.
The next time she says something like that, I would firmly say "I wish you would stop saying that all the time!" And mean it!!
You should bring her to the doctors with you next time you go and let her ask some questions. My 3 boys were the same as your daughter but when they started moving and walking more they weight slowed down and they grew into themselves. You would never know by looking at them now that they were such big babies.
Hi Amy,
Oh! That's hard... Tell her you love her but you really need her to stop talking about your daughter. "Say what you mean but don't say it mean!" is a good one to remember. Tell her you value her opinion (give examples to her of what you value) but that you have talked to your pedi and that you are confident. Leave it at that and keep doing the same thing if she continues. I bet it'll get better!
Best of luck,
Sharon
www.PrincessSharon.com
Invite her to go to the next visit to the pediatrician with you. It may not stop her, but you can refer to that next time she makes the comment. You might also tell her that its very unhealthy (and it is) to get weight obsessed over children, especially when they are babies.
You may just have to develop a way to filter her out, just like you will later develop the amazing ability to filter out your baby's tantrums when she gets older.
Consider it practice.
Okay my son was 18 lbs at 2 months! He was a breast fed baby and would nurse non-stop. The lactation consultant told me the baby was "bonding" with me not really eating. Bull! but I was a first time mom so I just let him "bond". When he was about your daughters age he weighed about the same. He was 8 lbs, 8 oz at birth. Once he started eating solids (6 mos) then started crawling (10 mos) he started to lose some of the weight and get taller. Then he started walking & the pounds just seemed to melt off (wish that worked for me...LOL). He is now 19 months old and skinny! You would never know how chubby he was. I was watching a video of him when he was about 7 months old & couldn't believe how chubby he was. He was very cute and happy.
Plus his doctor was not worried, said he'd thin out on his own & once he started to get taller & more active & did lose the weight the doctor was right! and very pleased. So tell your MIL (I know they can be a pain as well as mothers) that your daughters pedi is not concerned but they are keeping an eye on her & once she is more active & eating more solid foods, less formula she will be fine. So if you and your doctor are not worried she should not be either and butt out!
Tell the nana what I said. The doctor as well as you are not worried & you know she will lose the "fat" as she gets more active, eating more solids & less formula. Tell her you "checked" with the doctor & the formula is not the issue & it is fine/good for her to have. She needs it until she is 1. If she has any further issues to call your pedi herself because the discussion is closed. Then if she still doesn't back off simply tell her if you don't stop you will not see your granddaughter any longer until she is no longer "fat". Trust me it will work & if it doesn't your MIL needs to get a life & back off. Good luck, I have been there (not with that issue but other issues with my mom though not my MIL). So I know what you are going through!
My oldest daughter was 9lbs 8 1/2oz & 23 1/2 inches at birth. Now shes 7 & is in perfect health, proportionate height & weight. ( approx 55lbs ) My MIL passed yrs ago so i dont have that issue, only just with MY mom. Its tough, you dont want to hurt their feelings. Just tell her the dr says shes fine, its only baby fat. What does she want you to have a child that looks like shes starving? If she keeps it up, i'd just tell her that your daughters well being is your priority & your pedi says shes fine. If she wants to keep making her little comments, dont be afaid to be blunt. Shes your child, not hers,make it very clear you dont like what shes saying. I've had to get a tad snippy with my mother. I've had to set mine straight a few times. Good luck, i know it can be aggrivating!
oh my.. chubby babies always grow into their bodies, so tell your mil to back off and if she thinks there's a problem, here's the number to the pediatrician - take it up with him.. It's way too early to start body issues with your child! When she starts to walk and run around, that body fat will drop right off and she'll be even more perfect than she is right now.. try to ignore her if you can, but stand your ground..
Hi my name is Mary and I have a MIL with the same passive aggressive tendencies as yours or she is just out right rude. I have learned over the years to address what she says head on but I realized it will often fall on deaf ears or I was considered " sensitive" @ certain topics. My first suggestion would be to say is that you are aware of her concerns and have spoken to your pedi and are comfortable with his assessment and will continue following the course of action you both agreed upon as her mother and that her constant commenting bothers you and you wish her to stop be blunt and explain there is a difference between concern and what she is doing. I assure you this will cause waves or it will barely register depending on your tone. Being 1/2 Irish & Italian I have tone to spare, Thus the title of sensitive. If she continues to push then every once in awhile I would revisit is especially once the child is verbal and or starts to pick up on tones and tenseness in people due to conversations but my final suggestion would be to give it back. If she asks to hold the baby I would say with a touch of edgy humor " Are you sure she won't e to heavy...followed by a fake giggle and It would not be bellow me ( I know this to be true because i have done it) to question her habits in regards to the issue. " Wow you used a lot of salt" or my personal fav pick apart one of her favorite specialty dish ingredient by ingredient with that passive aggressive smile at the end. Some will call this petty i say its cheaper then therapy. You won't ever change her but always stick up for yourself and your child no matter who it is. And remeber you are the Mother. Mary
hi Amy,
I just read your request and it sounds familiar....as long as she is eating healthfully and the doc. says shes in the right height/weight ratio then you as a mom know that everything is ok...and remember thats the most important.As for you mil,I would simply say,"I apprecaite your concern as her grandmother but tell her in so many words to but out.You have already explained to her that she was propotionate.and explain to her that shes hurting your feelings by not respecting you....I would take her with you to your daughters next dr. visit and discuss the issue with her dr.that way your mil will having nothing to say after that....good luck.
Hi,
I have four children, and they were all very chunky babies. They were also big newborns (one was over 10 pounds!), which is strange because I am small, and my husband is "average" sized. Anyway, they all remained chunky through babyhood (my youngest is almost 9 months old, and weighs 22 pounds). We get sooo tired of the many comments, from family, friends and total strangers, about the babies' sizes. I was especially sensitive to it with my oldest, because I was so "new" at everything!
Anyway, my three girls, especially my oldest (now ages 6,4, and 2) are downright skinny. So, when people make comments about the baby now, we just smile and point at his older sisters and remind them that they were all big, and are quite thin now. I would suggest that when your MIL makes comments, you just remind her that the pediatrician has told you that she is perfect. Once she gets walking, in a few months, all the baby fat will melt off. So, you most likely won't have to listen to the comments much longer! And, if you have any future kids, you can point out how well your oldest child slimmed down!
I do think that these big babies have potential to become overweight if you aren't careful about their eating habits, as they get older. I watch my girls very carefully, and offer fruits and veggies instead of junk food. Consequently, they're doing great!
I'm sure your daughter is just perfect, and I wish you all the best with her!
first i would say that your daughter is yours and what you doing is fine or the dr would tell you. Have her go with you to the next apoint ment. This way she can ask and ? and hear the dr has to say. Also let her dr know your mil will be attending so they are not over welmed. Good luck with everything.
have mil issues also. Keep me posted
Hi Amy,
Oh goodness, good ol' Mother-In-Laws!!! I swear they just want to drive us batty! :)
I would suggest taking her to one of your daughters appts. with you so that way she can hear directly from her doctor that she is just perfect! Both of my girls were always big, not so much at birth, but gained quickly and I loved it. They were both heathly, they just loved their food and as soon as they started getting mobile, it came right off over time. I am sure the same will happen for you precious little one as well. I wouldn't worry to much about what your MIL says, although it can be annoying and I am sure you are feeling it, just try to brush it off. YOU know everything is just fine with your little girl so just keep doing what you are doing and try to brush off the comments your MIL has to say. Or like I said before, take her to an appt. so she can see for herself...the one year appt. could be a good one, you could make it seem like she should go because it's the big "1" year check up. Best of luck, Jamie
Hi Amy,
Just tell her to shut up ;) Just kidding kinda...My ML meddled as well and the best you can do with that one is to say oh, and walk away and try as hard as you can to ignore her. reassure her that youve checked with the pedi. Mine used to want to force the newborns to drink lots of water...yeah, no water for newborns, things have changed in 30 years, but they dont get it cuz "none of my children have ever died from drinking water" so i got in the habit of looking at her blankly and saying oh and walking away because no matter what I said she would argue even if I told her what the doc said. so i said alot of oh and at the very least amused myself:) Bringing my ML to the pedi wouldve made me insane so that was out of the question, basically nothing i did was right and my having 8 yrs experience before having my second child was not quite enough experience.....i guess i got lucky when they up and moved away. Best of luck and trust your own instinct.
Caryl
My son was in the same percentiles as a baby. I would recommend being really straightforward with your MIL. Tell her you appreciate her concern, so you asked the pedi about it and he is fine with her weight. I would also tell her that while her comments may come from the best intentions, they are hurtful. Depending on your relationship, this may be a difficult conversation, but trust me, this won't be the only issue you have with her. Putting down limits early will help you prevent a lifetime of comments and questioning. I would just be clear that you both have the baby's best interest at heart, that you appreciate her raising a question that is important, but that this one is settled and she is fine. GOOD LUCK!
I'm not sure I have any advice that will help you much, other than to say I had the exact same problem! It bothered me so much too. My mil was bad, but my fil was worse. He would constantly let comments slip along the lines of "It just isn't healthy for a baby to be THAT big." Every time I would say that it is perfectly healthy, the pedi says he is doing great, he is perfectly proportional, etc. My in-laws are both runners and I always felt like it was jabs at my weight (I have always been slightly overweight but not bad) as well as my parenting. I would go home after being with them and cry it out with my hubby. Not sure what did the trick but the comments eventually stopped and I am sure they can see now what a wonderful, happy, healthy four year old he is.
My main concern was that he is very smart and doesn't miss a beat so I didn't want him to hear things and internalize them as he got older. Self-esteem is a very fragile thing and constantly being hit with weight comments is not good for a child of any age. We are going away with them in a couple weeks and we are dealing with a couple behavior things right now, I have decided the line I will use if they make any comments in front of him is "If you have issues with my parenting, please take it up with me privately but don't involve my children. You know those little ears don't miss a thing!"
By the way, do you have nieces and nephews? If so, that probably isn't helping. I find my children are constantly compared to the other "much more perfect" grandchildren.
Sorry but what a witch!!! I too have a large baby. She's 7 months and is close to 20 pounds. She has the most beautiful chipmunk cheeks ever!
If I were you, I would respond back with the truth.. Aren't we lucky that she is healthy and isn't underweight???? I would give her this response everytime she started in. Say it while stressing the lucky and look at her to respond.
Lastly,if she continues, just tell her to knock it off. Something along the lines of "She's healthy and perfect in my eyes and in her doctor's, so please stop making those comments cause it hurts and I don't want to hear it anymore".
She has to stop cause if your child has her baby fat as she gets older, she'll make those comments to her and totally ruin her confidence and you know how us women are easily offended with body issues!
Try not to worry! My daughter is 6 months and weighs 21.4 lbs. and is 28 in. She's over the 97th percentile for weight and height. I'd rather have a chubby baby than worry that she wasn't healthy or getting enough to eat. Your MIL needs to back off!!! I would just calmly say that you have checked with her pedi and that she is perfectly healthy. I would say that it makes you feel uncomfortable when she keeps commenting on your daughter's size. Maybe if you call her out (in a respectful way) she will stop with both the overt and passive aggressive comments!
This brings tears to my eyes! You need to nip this in the bud NOW b/f your daughter even starts to have an inkling that her grandmother feels this way. I agree with many others, respectfully ask her to please refrain from sharing her comments (both the overt & sneaky) telling her that they're very hurtful and more importantly simply NOT true. Assure her that your daughter is healthy & well, and that if she has an MD at the end of her name, maybe you'd consider her opinion. That kind of commentary from a grandparent can have very severe effects (I speak from experience). Your daughter's health & well being are at stake if you don't say something. If it doesn't stop pronto, just tell your MIL that you're not going to subject your daughter or yourself to her cruel, insensitive & ingnorant words, so you'll just have to stop visiting.