I know someone who can't have a conversation with ANYONE without in some way bragging, talking herself up or relaying annoyingly personal information that implies that she is smarter/better/richer than everyone. She is about my age (late 40's) but of course likes to tell everyone how she looks 25 years younger than that (in her opinion). She likes to tell the story about how she actually had to move to a different neighborhood because all the whistling and cat calls when she would lie by her pool (visible from the street) just got old....well that, and it being only a 3600 sq foot house, it was a bit too small for the 3 of them.
Her son is a genius, perfect in every way and a singing prodigy (thanks to his $2000 per month voice lessons), but if anyone else brags on their child's intelligence, she jumps down their throat saying that they are exaggerating. Oh, and her son, who is extremely good looking as well, complains that she embarrasses him by the way she dresses because she wants to look like the hot mom around his school, but she knows that he is just jealous because she is stealing all the attention away from him.
She is constantly bragging about her self-made success with her company that grosses over 3 MILLION dollars a year (are you impressed yet?) and telling everyone how her husband only wears custom made clothing and how she saved a bundle on her new $1800 dress. Of course, everyone in her family ONLY drives high end BMW's. It just goes on and on and on.
No, I am not "friends" with this person...just acquaintances thank goodness. And, no, I am not "jealous"...I just prefer to keep my "accomplishments" out of every single conversation. I'm just seriously wondering...do people like this have super low self-esteem or are they truly just completely full of themselves and have no idea how bad it makes them look to brag this way all the time? People talk about her constantly! What is your opinion?
I agree with Angela S. Sounds very narcissistic. I have to wonder how truthful she is being also. People like that tend to exaggerate a lot in order to make themselves sound better than everyone else. Very sad and very off putting. Avoid avoid avoid, is my advice. She will never really know what true happiness is it sounds like and that is what is sad.
I think it's extremely annoying and I think they can be both low self-esteem and too full of themselves - depends on the day! I'm really not that sure but I try as much as possible to keep a wedge between me and these people......I tend to find many of them are the clingy type which makes me feel the low self-esteem is more a part of their FABULOUS personality.
My opinion is I wouldn't personalize her behavior too much or listen to her , let alone what others have to say.. Truly, if a person always has to be the center of attention and leave no room for others to shine, then eventually people catch on.. Without her even knowing it, her behavior pushes people away.. it's really kinda sad if you think about it. Granted, I am not saying pity the woman but I am saying, just don't waste too much of your energy on her.. I have known many people as such, including some family members and I just listen yet at the same time, much of what they say goes in one ear and out the other..... If I know I am going to see the person, I prepare myself to not become offended to what might come out of their mouth. in fact, I view them as a character .. which makes their behavior easier to handle..
As someone who has dealt with this, I'll be providing the immature answer to this! I do think that ultimately this is someone who is at best insecure and needs constant attention. You will never change her and will only get frustrated trying to better the situation, and you certainly don't want to compete.
Sadly, my brother and his wife are the ones who do this in our family. Their lives are perfect- perfect daughter, perfect home (or at least better than ours!! :-), etc. In this scenario, I do sometimes get upset because if I throw in anything to talk about my daughter, I feel like I am competing and just don't feel good about it later. So my husband and I have taken to doing the following. We do our best to not bring up obvious igniting questions- "how is X doing in school", and when they bring up things to brag about or outdo us, we just smile, nod and try to move on quickly. When we are by ourselves, yes, we make fun. "boy I sure hope that Xs school can keep pace with her, I wonder if they'll have to contract NASA to design her homework since she is so far superior", etc. Not mature, not proud, but we laugh and feel better.
Bottom line, you can't make her stop. You shouldn't want to compete (sounds like you don't). Trying to take her down a peg will just ramp up her efforts. I will say that if something is hurtful, you could say "I don't know if you realize this, but it is hurtful when it sounds like you are putting down x,y,z". Then you've stuck up for yourself, that's the best you can hope for. Custom clothing for hubby- but not from Italy? Oooohh, for shame. Maybe she'll explain this when she's on the cover of Forbes? :-)
That is a good question. she could truly have a narcissistic personality disorder. Sounds like she has a lot of the symptoms: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm
but, if not, she must really have low self esteem. Maybe things aren't as great at home as she claims and she wants to make herself feel better. Hope you don't have to associate with her too often!
Ahhh, this is one of my best friends, exactly.
I'm able to overlook all of it, because underneath it, she really is a great friend to me.
That said, I don't "feed the beast".
Everything she brags about, I take her down a peg immediately.
Her: "I got my new Lincoln Navigator yesterday, and I'm good friends with the dealership owner, so he got it for me totally loaded."
Me: "Good for you. I could care less about the kind of cars that people drive, I can't ever see which is which. Hope you like it."
Her: "Such and such totally has a crush on me!"
Me: "Wow, does he know that you're actually 35 and married?"
That way I get my bit in, and it shuts her up at the same time. :)
Wait. She's in her late 40's and looks 25 years younger? So she thinks she looks like she's 22? Her plastic surgeon must LOVE her!
LOL!
Okay all snide comments aside, just avoid all discussion of her. Become suddenly preoccupied when people talk of her. If someone asks why, simply smile and say "All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others." (Cyril Connelly)
Both >>>> add Annoying to the list.
If this were a sitcom or movie, there would be a big teary ending where she admitted that secretly she's the one who should be jealous because you have everything all figured out. Then she'd admit that her husband is cheating on her or gay, the kids dont respect her, and they have filed bankruptcy. You two would hug, roll credits. But in real life, some people are just materialistic. They get thier self worth from winning and from nice things and want everyone to take notice.
It could be either one. Or it could be that she doesn't necessarily realize the extreme nature of her comments. Sounds unbelievable, but I have experienced it with others. Example: Girl lives in the shadows of older siblings whom others perceive as better in some way, but she lives with them, so she knows different. She grows up learning that if she doesn't toot her own horn, nobody's gonna toot it for her. She's been taught that if she wants to be noticed at all for what she brings to the table, then she's got to make sure that you know what she's bringing to the table. As an adult, when she hears of others' accomplishments, it reminds her of hers, and she's compelled to recite her own resume just so you know that she, too, brings relevance. Not to brag, just to contribute. In her conscious mind, she's just adding to the conversation. She might have no clue that she is turning people off. When people are put off by her--since no one ever gently tells her why--she can only assume that it must be because they are uncomfortable with her success.
My opinion--not a dig on you--is to treat her with graciousness. We all have our "stuff". If it provides you with a little comic relief and doesn't take anything away from you, give her two or three minutes to sing her own praises. Then, take two or three minutes to sing your own praises. If she interrupts, gently say, "No, wait, I'm not finished. I, like you, have had this experience." In addition to the purposes that I noted earlier, it also serves as a notification/reminder to try to see something from another's perspective, for each of you.
I am a firm believer in life lessons and no coincidences. I think that we draw to ourselves from within ourselves. The fact that she bugs you indicates that you've got something to learn and teach here. Pray about it (whatever that means to you and your faith), and learn how you should approach this situation. Accept her for who she is and what she can bring. The only person you can change is yourself. (Not that you are wrong, but you can update your response to her.)
She sounds like my mom when she was younger (and she is still like this today at age 67). This woman sounds like she has self esteem issues (but does not acknowledge it or self analyze at all) AND she is a narcissist. My mom loves to tell stories about herself and be the center or attention. Or have the story that trumps all overs in a conversation....it is all about her. She also used to be really into her looks and believed she looked better than all the other women around her. In her mind she thinks she is the "life of the party" going on and on like this and that all the other people around her just love her stories and her accomplishments. And people who just meet her for the first time do love her and think she is interesting. But once people get to know her over time they see that she dominates conversations or turns it all back to herself. They start hearing the same stories over and over. My mom always wonders why she has no good friends in life. Anyway, that is my take on this woman you know. It's sad really. What I have read is people like this need to be built up by others. They NEED it bc of their underlying low self esteem. It just gets too annoying though. I have come to realize I can never change my mom. I just try to enjoy the good things about her...but any time she comes to visit I feel like I am gritting my teeth half the time.
It doesnt sound like she would have a lot of friends being like that, maybe that is why she talks herself/son up to royalty level?? But i agree, probably a combo of the 2- thinking she is fabulous and needs to sound impressive hoping it would make people like her more??
just nod and say "uh huh" as she talks lol...
hhhhmmmm...you can't be talking about me!!! :) I don't live in TN!!! Damn and I don't own a company that grosses over $3M a year!!! I DID have a friend like this - I helped make her company in its first year of business...and she screwed me over...oh well....she has to look in the mirror every day and face herself and know she screwed people she called friends...
Okay - in all seriousness - it's probably a little of both...she needs to puff herself up because she has no self-esteem but on the other hand she is proud of the accomplishments of her son and business....
About the moving? That's probably a load of crap and felt the need to move for another reason but needed to hype it up for either her own self-esteem or just because she NEEDS to feel better than everyone else...there are people like that - who need to prove to themselves that they are better than the unwashed masses....it's sad....and no, they have no idea that people are rolling their eyes or dreading to hear what they have to say when they open their mouths.
I would stop hanging out with her...distance yourself as best you can and if she asks why - you can tell her the truth...I'm tired of your keeping up with the Jones' and trying to one-up everyone - it's a true drag on people and I've chosen not to deal with it...
To me it sounds like she is a bit insecure and showy (surpassing the Jones and then some). I tend to do the same thing when I feel insecure or trying to impress of course I rarely try to impress and nowhere near what this acqaintance has (maybe by the time I retire I would have made what she made in a year). A close friend pointed out what was happening so something I try hard to work on.
I would avoid joining in on any talking behind her back. Only a good friend she apporach her and let her know how her talking makes them feel of course might be that her good friends all talk the same way. If she ever is talking to you the first time you hear something try to take the high road and say "good for you/son" and then the second plus times she tells you something make a note "that is great, you mentioned that the last time we talked" lastly if she repeats it more I would say "can we talk about something else, you have mentioned all of this numrous times already."
Some people just think their life looks better when they embellish it a bit! Seriously, she sounds like a laughingstock and I would SMILE in amusement at her!
It is sad, really. She could be a severe narcissist who because of feelings of inadequacy feels the need to constantly brag. Instead of making friends, she drives people away which perpetuates those feelings that she isn't good enough. Thus, the bragging continues. Look up narcissistic personality disorder.
It is frustating to be around people who always want to one-up everyone! I worked with someone like that. :(