Kindergarten or Redshirt?

My son will turn five in late August and I am really struggling with this decision. Academically, I believe, he is on target. He knows all his letters, sounds, starting to recognize words, counts to 20, forms many letters & numbers etc. The area that worries me is his social & emotional development. He is very shy, but I feel that's his personality and probably won't change much in a year. He is emotionally young, but follows directions well and can sit and listen attentively for extended periods. He is registered for 1/2 day kindergarten right now and I just don't see that much difference between pre-k and kindergarten. Advice please!

I've spoken with his preschool teacher's who feel he would probably do fine, but agree he is behind emotionally & socially. The kindergarten teacher at his prospective school and principal both encouraged me to hold him back. Unfortunately, he has heard my reservations about kindergarten and is nervous about attending. I think if I were more positive about it, then he would be too.

My older son has a June birthday and started on time. He did have a bit of a rough start, but is now thriving and at the top of his class in all areas.

My son is turning 5 in Oct. He starts in Sept. sounds like your son is ready.

Do not put him, he is too young. Boys especially need the maturity time. Whenever you talk to someone who put their kid in school at an early age has regretted it. There's no reason to push kids the way we do now a days. They have their whole lives to be adults, let him be a kid for another year. It will be better for him to be one of the older ones in his class instead of the youngest.

Kindergarten.

Go to www.wrightslaw.com, scroll down the left and click on "Retention" and you will see that holding kids back is a bad thing.

If he is academically on target, you don't have to worry so much about what he could loose if he has a learning problem, but you do have to worry about what will happen to him when he is in High School.

Kids who are older than most of their classmates are more likely to use drugs, drop out, and have contact with the juvinile justice system. THAT is the data you need to think long and hard about before you hold him back. He is old enough, and he is ready, they set cut offs for a reason, don't second guess them. Send him.

Martha

Edit: I meet people every single year in my line of work who not only regret holding thier child back, they are DEVISTATED when they learn that they cause their child such a terrible life long problem. As an educational advocate for special needs kids, I usually meet Mom and Dad when the child is between 14 an 16. Usually, a boy, who was held back because he was needed to "mature." Mom and Dad noticed some speech issues, but were told that they would get better all by themselves. This young man usually starts having trouble in 1st grade with reading, and Mom and Dad say something about it being a problem, and they are told he is not too far behind his peers, who all happen to be one year younger than he is, but the school just wont take that into consideration.

He struggles, through second and third grade, gets a little extra help which the teacher says is sucessful, and they would see it if he only tried a little harder.

He fails the state reading assessment in 3rd grade. They discuss holding him back again, and his parents agree. The next year, when he fails the reading assessment again, it is not quite as bad, so they promote him and give him some extra help, which means that they cut back on what he is learning, and he really only learns half of what every other kid does that year. By this point it really does not matter much what they do, his window of opportuniy to learn reading without great difficulty has long closed. (by age 9) He continues to struggle, and it is all because he is not motivated.

Fast forward to getting his learners permit for driving, he can't sign his name, and he struggled to read the exam on his own, and it took three trys to pass it. His grades have been C's and D's, still a "motivation" issue, because he spends as much time in the principals office as he does the classroom. When the school suggests to this boy that he consider "vocational" training, his parents panic, and call me after the school refuses to test him to see if he is dyslexic (always the condition that is most palitable to parents at first glance.) I cannot tell you how often I see this boy and his parents. Once tested, he has an obvious processing issue and had he just gone to Kindergarten on time, would have been a glaring gap between his level and his same aged peers, and motivation would never have been questioned. By this point, he is reading at a 3.5 year level or worse, he has very little knowledge of science, history, or language at all. His math skills are higher, because he hangs in with that until they hit word problems, and then his "motivation" causes him to fail in that too. His IQ is usually quite good, 110 to 120, but he is now in the fight of his life to learn all that he has missed. It seldom happens at all.

The idea that no child is harmed by being held back is HUGE bunk. It happens all the time.

My daughter is turning 5 next month, and is graduating from Kindergarten! I felt like she was "immature," however in talking with her teacher, the teacher told me that she is just as mature as any other child in Kinder this year... so, we're moving on to first grade. I should add that I did not start out the year intending to put her in Kinder. She came in knowing how to add, subtract and read, so the pre-K teacher moved her up in the first few weeks. I was very concerned about it, but she has been fine! Then I spent the next 6 months thinking I'd have her repeat Kinder, but now it looks like she'd be bored doing that, so... onward and upward! =)

Honestly, I think this latest trend to hold kids (especially boys) back in Kindergarten is really weird. It seems like people are unable to cut the apron strings, or maybe they don't have faith in their kids' abilities, or...? I think any child who is able to sit still, listen to the teacher, follow directions, and comprehend the alphabet and numbers really ought to be in Kindergarten. If it's a resounding failure (not likely!), then he can repeat the year! No big deal. But why sell him short just because other people don't believe in their own kids' abilities? It seems like your son is as ready as he's going to get. Put him in and see what happens! =)

Start him. Our son's birthday is August 29th and we started him WAY back then. So he was really just 4 for a couple of weeks of kindergarten.

He did just fine and is now a college sophomore. I think the only "issue" we had was when all of his friends started driving, sometimes a whole year before he could.

I am in the same situation as you. My son is also ready academically, he can even write his own name. But, socially, I don't feel he is ready. I have a friend with an older son that was in the same position. She did not hold him back. She said that she didn't notice a problem until around 3rd grade, then he started to struggle. We also had a meeting with the preschool, kindergarten teacher, speech therapist, etc. They put it this way "they have never had a parent regret holding back, but they have had some (not all) parents regret not holding them back". We made the decision to redshirt.

Does your son want to go? Is he excited to go? If he is and you think he's ready, then send him. But if he doesn't seem excited and you are unsure don't send him. If its 1/2 day I'm sure he'll be fine...

He sounds ready to me. I also agree with Alana, does he want to go, is he excited about going? Holding boys back, just because they are boys does not give them much credit. Children are individuals..

Treat your son as such..

My son turned 5 in September of 08. He went to kindergarten and did fine. Academically he was fine, but a little socially immature. His teacher and I thought he had trouble relating to the other kids in the class, but he was never worried about it and was happy with his friends and his class. He did tend to gravitate towards the "bad" kids and was a bit of a follower- but that could just be his personality. At the end of the year he was exactly in the same position as ever other child in the class and his teacher recommended he go on the first grade.

This year we moved to a new state and when I went to register him for 1st grade they would not accept his "transcripts" because they required that he be 6 before the start of school (which he would not turn 6 until a month later) or transferring from a public school. He attended a private kindergarten. SO rather than put up a big fight I just sent him to Kindergarten again.

He has done great this year. Last year I felt like he was getting by, but not learning as much. This year, he grasps all concepts- reads perfectly and is very social with his classmates. He is one of the older children in the class and feels like more of a leader than a follower. He likes being older and has a chance to be more friendly because he is academically ahead.

I really had no choice...but I would have been very comfortable with him going on to first grade rather than repeating kindergarten. I think you should send him to kindergarten.

Also my best friend was born in November...she started school a year behind me, though she could has been in my grade. She has always related more with the grade above and always felt like she should have been in my grade. (and resented her mom for holding her back )

This is just my opinion, as I'm not in education and my son is not kindergarten age yet, but I think too many kids are being held back these days. If he is academically ready and can follow directions and sit still when he's supposed to, I think he's going to be fine. You can always have him repeat kindergarten if necessary, but I think you should give him the chance.

Spend the next three months getting excited about it, and that will help him get excited too. Work extra hard over the summer to set up playdates and provide him with as many social opportunities as possible. If his preschool teacher says he is ready, she knows him better than the teacher and principal at the new school.

Karen
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao

Both my boys have fall birthdays, they were not allowed to begin K until the following year when they were almost 6. It was the best thing for them. Even though they were socially ready and academically ready it was better for them to have one more year at home (or in pre-school). There is so much pressure academically giving them a little extra time is a good thing. Boys are wired so much differently than girls and the school system especially at an early age seems to think that normal boy behavior is ADHD or ADD and suggest medicating to keep them in their seats. (not all of course I am using a very broad brush here, but I have witnessed with teachers who have large classes). Take the extra time to give your son the heads up. In regards to holding kids back and them getting into drugs etc. I'll have to research that myself, that may be holding them back after they begin school (flunking them) maybe because they started too early and needed the extra time. My boys are teenagers and are doing fine, no drugs, gangs, run in's with the police, not even detention.

Not speaking from personal experience - but I've known several parents who have redshirted their child. None of them regret the decision - they figure by waiting a year the child will be more successful - more leadership material.

Also another comment is that come middle school - they will physically mature on the same schedule as their other friends.

As an educator and a mom of four boys, all I can say is please, please, please hold your son back. Kindergarten today is like first grade was 20 years ago. A lot (not just academically, but socially) is expected of our kindergarteners today. The fact that you have some reservations is reason enough to hold him back in my book. You won't regret it. Since you are starting him in 1/2 day, you could always have him repeat, but once you're in "the system", it can be a difficult battle to get teachers and principals to agree to holding a student back.

I have three boys, and all three will be the youngest in their class (June,July and Aug. babies). My oldest is now in 4th grade, and in the advanced learning program in school. For 1st and 2nd grade he struggled a little with being emotionally and socially behind the others, but after sitting down with my husband and I, the teachers were VERY understanding and worked with him. Last year he started growing in leaps and bounds and this year he's emotionally and socially acting like the rest of his 4th grade class.

My middle son will start kindergarten this year and I'm very excited about it. His birthday is in August, but he's very ready for school. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road, but you just have to be ready for them.

In my opinion, and personal experience, I don't think a child who is academically ready should be held back. I myself was born in October and graduated at 17 (even starting college before I turned 18), and my husband is the same way.

I wish you all the best!

Hi!

We have just gone through this with our oldest son and I have to tell you that we 110% REGRET not holding him back. It will be the best thing you do for him. My son was academically ready also but emotionally/maturity/socially - that isn't something you can teach. You will be surprised what one year does for your child. My son is just completing the 1st grade now and we intend to hold him back in the 1st/2nd split (but on the 1st side of things so he doesn't know).

I just wish there was somebody there to tell us not to start him as a young 5 year old. It's only one more year and he will be ready before you know it.

I wish I had listened to my gut, and my son's Kindergarten teacher! We are now in a situation where we are opting to repeat second grade, because he us emotionally immature. It is a struggle everyday with him. If you are feeling this way now, do not ignore it! Every one of my sons teacher recommended retention, but we ignored them, and asked him what he wanted. I wish I had waited to put him in Kindergarten, since i knew he was not ready. Kids do not know what is best for them, and one moe year to get ready could make the future so much easier for both of you!

I have the exact same issue. My son is 3, and in the 95% for height and weight, already knows his letters, sounds, and counts to 100 - very academically ready. But, we have decided to put him through 2 years of pre-k and then start him in full-day kindergarten. For us, the first year of pre-k will be 3 days a week at a rec center, then he will go to the neighborhood school's pre-k program for a year, that way he is "moving up" each year. I have a 12 year old with an October birthday. I tried and tried to start him early - he was soooo ready for school, but the schools wouldn't let me. He is now in the accelerated program and scores in the 99% on standarized tests. It has been frustrating dealing with him never being at the neighborhood school, so I thought I would be completely ready to start my 3 yo on time. Then I started talking with my son's friends and their parents. One has a boy that is on the young side in his class, and another has a boy that started late with an August birthday. The young child and his family wished they had not moved him up. The child that is old in his class (and also quite intelligent) loves being older and so do his parents. Then I talked with my own son, and he is glad that I didn't start him early. One other thing to consider is that it gives them an advantage in sports too - a year makes a big difference. You have to do what is right for you and your son, but I really think that starting boys later than earlier is better.

I had a similar situation with my son, who is now 22. Academically he was in the top 1% of his age group, but socially, he was immature. We chose to enroll him in the private kindergarten run by his preschool, and if he matured socially, he would go on to first grade. Otherwise, he would do another year of kindergarten at the public school. He ended up doing 2 years of kindergarten, and it worked out great for him. He was way ahead of the majority of his classmates academically, but he never felt bored. The best part, though, was that he went from being a follower to being a leader. With all the bad choices kids can make in middle and high school, the extra maturity and self confidence will go a long way in helping him make good decisions.

I wouldn't hold him back. I am a preschool teacher and a lot of what he will get in Kindergarten is academics, following directions and emotional and social development. The only reason that I say not to hold him back is that he will be bored in kindergarten the following year if he ends up being academically ahead of everyone else. That is just my opinion as I don't know your son myself.