Find an Al-anon meeting and go to the meeting. Al-anon is for the families of substance abusers. It helps you to learn how to deal with them and their behaviors.
The only other thing you can do is to contact Social Services and see what it would take to do an intervention. Usually you need 3 family members to sign them in to a mental facility or ward at a hospital. You don't say how old he is but alcohol not only destroys the liver , but also the heart muscle and the kidneys. If you truly love your FIL get him some help.
As far as the cat goes I have cats and they are lovely creatures and love to be clean.
I completely disagree...you can absolutely make the decision to NOT go to these things. This is obviously not healthy for your children and they have not business being around this crap. Make a stand and don't go. If they ask, then tell them why. Don't allow the guilt trips or crying....just say NO.
I would not go , especially with children. The whole things sounds chaotic. If your husbands parents are alcoholics, and he, himself is one, I would definetly be concerned for your children, and how much of an influence that will be on them. You all might benefit from some counseling, AA and Al-Anon meetings.
Why would you bring your children around drunks??? Your entire family needs help.
You mention they've ruined your children's parties....well why would you have alcohol if you know that's how they act?!? I don't get it. Your husband might not be like his dad but you said he's an alcoholic too what horrible examples for your children :(
First off, I am thinking, and hoping, that you have a much better example of the FIL being inappropriate other than the cat...if that is the only issue (and I am sure it is not) then you are totally overreacting.
You said your husband is also an alcoholic...you did not say recovering so am guessing he is just a functioning alcoholic...he should probably get some help because it is not good for your kids to see their dad drunk all the time either....just because he is not what you would say is obnoxious it does change his behavior and reactions.
As far as you "have" to go to the inlaws and that you "don't have a choice" well honestly we all have choices in life you are just choosing what you feel is the easier choice in going.
If you feel that you "have" to go then why not make it a first thing in the morning type event...go over for brunch and then you can leave as soon as everyone breaks out the alcohol and hopefully your husband will still be sober also. You already know that anything you do in the afternoon is going to be a drunkfest so just change the time that you go...get there for breakfast...9 or so and leave by 12 or 1. Obligatory visit has been accomplished and no one has had time to get completely trashed....and hopefully your husband is still sober enough to drive home.
You need to remeber that you ALWAYS have choices in the situation, you just need to be active in those choices.
Just a side note: I have alcoholics in my family also so I do have some experience in what I am saying.
Always go with a plan. If IL's are drinking you know to make up an excuse to leave, eg. another committtment, a game, etc. If they are not drinking then you know things will be more manageable. But always go in with a "ditch plan" or a "key word" that tells you enough is enough. I know it is hard being around in laws like that but you have 2 choices do not go over there at all or have a plan to control the time you stay and maybe even the place.
My MIL was an alcoholic, her whole family was (many have passed away ~ including her). My MIL was even in rehab when my hubby was little, but it didn't work. She was also a chain smoker (my FIL literally burried her w/ a pack of cigarettes & a mini bottle of alcohol). When she came to our house she was not allowed to smoke inside, she had to go to the garage or outside (our rule is NO smoking in the house/cars). I was not about to make non-smokers suffer, especially our children. She got pneumonia once & blamed ME (not my hubby) for not letting her smoke in the house. I told her if she didn't smoke, it wouldn't be an issue. She also used to get upset b/c we wouldn't have alcohol at b-day parties for our children. Like your FIL, she would say weird things to me. It probably didn't help that I married her favorite (she made that very clear to me and her other children). I would let my MIL know what I thought & she eventually stopped coming over. I felt bad for my kids b/c they didn't see their grandma much, but I'd rather have that, than see their grandma drunk ALL the time. We'd go over on holidays or other times when there'd be a lot of people, so the kids would play else where. It's a catch 22 ~ do you want your children to remember their grandparents as crazy drunks or to just not see them much? We ended up w/ our kids, not seeing their grandma much (my FIL would come for b-day parties & come out 1X/week, so they saw him a lot, & still do), it's sad, but that's how it was. Good luck.
Definitely not alone. My FIL drinks and does/says inappropriate things also. I actually did not go over there for 6 months because he told me one time that I would be a beautiful woman if my boobs were bigger. How creepy/gross/inappropriate is that? My husband is also an alcoholic who doesn't act the same as his father when he is drinking. I understand what you are saying. It does get irritating that I always have to be the driver/responsible/babysitter for everyone (because someone has to do it). My MIL doesn't drink at all because she has had to be my FIL's babysitter her entire marriage. She is an amazing grandmother so I take my kids over to their house for her. We try to go only early in the afternoon. We are fortunately that they never have big get-togethers. We don't invite them to the big birthday parties. We have separate ones for them since they are uncomfortable around groups of people anyway. (which I totally believe is linked to the drinking. My MIL doesn't want to be embarassed so she doesn't go or take my FIL anywhere.) Sorry I don't have much advice, but I do know what you are feeling. I just don't understand how people don't see themselves as inappropriate. I have mentioned it to my FIL a few times and he will play the "I am on medication so I don't remember" card. Why is that my problem? I can control my own behavior. Why can't you? Like I said, sorry I don't have much advice. I can just join your bandwagon.
Well you are all right about not going. I know thiis. My inlaws are night and day when drinking. They have ruined a few of our kids parties because of it…not causing scenes just irritating the other guests. The kids never notice since they are running around palying in the way back of the yard. The thing is my husband is an alcoholic. He doesn’t act like his parents thogh. They act like they are 21 again. My husband was raised by two drunks. It’s normal for him,he gets irritated too but if we don’t show up we get harrassing phone calls for months everytime he gets trashed. My MIL would just cry but not really bring it up. I am telling my husband that yesterday was the last straw for me. I was totally uncomfortable(so was he so I hope this will work). Next time we know he is that loaded I am not going and since my husband drinks too the kids aren’t going since there will be no one to drive them home and they are not staying the night. He won’t go if I don’t I don’t believe. He gets more annoyed than me(couldn’t even eat yeasterday and the food is always amazing). I am praying it won’t start too big of a fight because I am tired of fighting about drinking.
Oh an d BTW I don’t let my kids touch dogs I don’t know so I am surly not going let them touch a cat that took up residence in there garage because it got hurt. I have seen some mean cats that were totally unprovovoked. Sorry cat lovers I am not an animalperson I have a dog I can;t stand but cats are my least favorite. I meant no offense.