I am sorry but it sounds like whiney middle school stuff going on here what I hear is "Moooom, Sandra came to play with me and she likes Sally better and they are not inviting me to play with them too!" Sorry, but if you get something out of being friends with Sandra then continue the friendship, but by not inviting her you are just trying to make her feel the same way as you and eventually everyone else will see it for what it is and stop attending as well.
Frankly, Rhonda, I'm a little peeved that I haven't been invited to any of your 'Girls Night Out'.
Who is this 'Sandra' and what does she mean to you.?!
Psh.
(Lol, I guess I made my point, right? Since when do YOU, of all people, get wrapped up in silly stuff like this?)
;)
Friends find each other naturally and they hang out because they WANT to, not because they SHOULD. Sounds like you expect people to include you just because you invited them to a party (and yes, that does sound childish.)
Spend time with people who like you and forget about the rest. It's the same thing I tell my 12 year old when she feels bad about not being included/invited to something.
I can understand your hurt at not being invited, but it sounds like Sandra wanted to expand her social network and you provided the perfect opportunity. That's sort of what happens when you bring your different groups of friends together, right? All different people who are connected through friends get to meet each other. I don't think I'd be mad at Sandra, and I'd continue to invite her to things. She obviously gets along with everyone... and it's not like you "own" your friends anyway. Instead, I think I'd mention to Sandra that you heard that she and the other ladies are getting together and that you'd like to join them for the shopping trips and stuff. Sandra may think you're too busy or wouldn't be interested because that's not stuff you currently do with her.
I have a best friend "Q" who had this other friend "K" I was jealous of. She'd rave about K and I felt slighted somehow. I knew it was immature, but it was what I felt.
Q finally got us together...and now I am a bit closer to K than Q is. I didn't steal her friend. They still get together as they like. Q and I are still best friends too.
We can also get together - all 3 of us - but I don't feel obligated to always do that. K and I have interests that Q does not share. Q and I have insterests that K does does not share. And all of us are crazy busy, so coordinating 3 schedules is near impossible. We all get that. And I feel silly for my initial jealousy.
Now we are 3 people that are mutual friends - and I see now why Q raved about K. And now I get to have them both as friends! How awesome is that?
So me? I wouldn't say anything. I'd be glad my friend were friends and know that would enrich our gatherings together. I'd deal with my feelings - knowing that maybe they weren't fair - and enjoy my friends.
As to my story: Q and I are quite close - she'd tell me if she felt I'd done something wrong. And I am grateful to her for adding K to my life.
You don't "own" people. If they enjoy eachothers company, they don't have to invite you simply because you happened to be the common factor. You can feel whatever you feel... jealousy, anger, hurt, etc but you don't have the right to make them feel guilty for making new friends.
If I met someone at a friend's party and hit it off as friends, I would not feel obligated in any way to include the hostess if we went on an adventure together. I would thank that person for inviting me to her home and mention how much I enjoyed ____ and that I am so glad I got a chance to meet her. If the hostess then stopped inviting me over b/c I was "stealing" her friends... well, probably not a good friend to have in the first place!
Yes, I have met friends through other friends before and no, I have not been then excluded from their lives because we had lunch without the "hostess". I have also had friends meet at my home/party and go on to enjoy things together. My BIL met a dear friend of ours at our house (while living with us) and they all love hiking. We don't. They go hiking together and don't invite us. On the flip side, we golf with them and don't include my BIL. Different interests... different pairings.
So... since Sandra has made new friends independently of you who just happen to also be your friends, you're going to stop inviting her to group events in your home? She has every right to go out with friends, mutual or not, and not include you in every event. It's part of normal adult interaction and you don't have to include the person who originally introduced you even if you met in the host's home.
I don't understand why it's so complicated or why your feelings are so hurt. Not when your personal idea about social rules are not actual social rules for other people.
You could also try talking to Sandra. "I've noticed since we both started going to the town GNO events that we've stopped hanging out together quite so much. I miss that. I'd like to try to plan some one-on-one friend time with you soon. What do you think?"
Really you are jealous are you in middle school? Grow up! You like both of the friends so what if they are also friends. Doesn't mean they like you any less or have any less room in their lives for you. Does not diminish you in the least. If anything they probably like you more for brining a new friend to their life.
Grow up!!!!!!!
You are being a contol freak and an emotional abuser. You can not tell your friends who they can be friends with, or control their get togethers. With an attitude like yours I can understand why they would exclude you from outings.
Damn some people can be harsh but I've seen you say you like that... But IMO, it depends how many of these outings that exclude you there are. One or two with one friend does seem ok and I'm really sensitive. Maybe Sandra needs to make some new friends... Maybe she doesn't want to be too reliant on you. That would be understandable. I think it depends if you see her really trying to pull these friends from you over time though. I made a friend through a neighbor and have always been really conscious of making sure she doesn't feel like you do. But at one point, our schedules really did work better so maybe she did feel like you do even though there was no attempt to purposely shut her out. Over time, we all made sure to do 3-way things etc. So I really think it depends on more details and what this Sandra is like. She may be the childish one trying to steal friends or it may all work out. I'd give it more time or more details.
Apparently from prev posters, no you don't have a right, but i'll tell you what, i would be pretty hurt. I guess i do just feel an obligation to the hostess. I value loylaty alot, and i'm guessing, Sanda has done or said things in the past that color how you see this situatiion.
just my 2 cents i doubt talking to her about it will help.